it's really fun writing a DRUNK POST. niggaz. (637 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.29 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chinaski (View user info) at 2005-07-07 02:01:39 EDT
Sometimes all it takes it one chance occurance to set off that turbulent ride into stardom. Such was the occassion five seconds ago when I stumbled drunkenly into my bedroom and picked up my small 1920's Washburn parlor nylon-string acoustic guitar.
"Uggnnhnn, nigga!" I slurred, grabbing at my guitar with all the finesse I employ when manhandling the testicles of bouncers who won't let me in da club. The neck didn't snap. And thus I began playing, or should I say plying the angels with the sweet, miraculous tones which issued forth my my blessed (that's bless-ed, as in mr. ed) fingers.
Reflecting back on that tender moment, I think to myself, 'JESUS! What tripe!' For I'm reading over what I've just written; not reflecting on the shockingly good guitar palavering I just enjoyed. And yes, it is tripe. Sweet, juicy tripe, the finest of meats.
At this point I'd like to stray a little from my usual post and include everyone's absolute favorite thing- an AIM transcript! So read on, you lily-waisted sissies.
gDoGgEs Q: hola
Daveboi23: how the shit was the wilderness
gDoGgEs Q: so fucking sweet it's absolutely fucking recockulous
gDoGgEs Q: and i just proved it to myself by picking up my guitar for the first time in 2 weeks and sounding like a goddamn bard
Darvebo23: hahaha
Delbow23: recockulous
Devo23: that's tight
gDoGgEs Q: yeah i had so much fun
gDoGgEs Q: we should go backpacking sometime, you lily-waisted sissy
Dbizzle23: nice little graduation partay
Dbiza23: haha, yeah we should
gDoGgEs Q: you could use a little wilderness in your veins
Dbitch23: sheeit
Ddad:now you all high and mightay
gDoGgEs Q: oh yeah, i know, "you wuz bo'ne with wilderness in yo bones"
Darby: damn nigga, never thoguht i'd see the day
gDoGgEs Q: well shit, i'm on my 3rd beer and after a week of forced sobreity and hard hikin', a man can get pretty high up on his tipsy ride befo he knows what become o' he senses
gDoGgEs Q: gnome chomsky?
gDoGgEs Q: gnome sayin?
Dobo23: hahahahaha
Deao23: nigga gimme whatever beer you be drinkin
gDoGgEs Q: haha, this is the sweet homebrew of a nigga who done plunked himself down in bear cuntry for a week
gDoGgEs Q: it can only be sampled by the swerviest of negroes
Devc23: nigga you livin the sweet life
DAeo23: that's what i'm talkin bout
gDoGgEs Q: shit, i wonder if I should post this conversation on ubersite, changing our aim names
gDoGgEs Q: sure,w hy the fuck not
Doo23: perhaps not nigga
Dil3: where the privacy at
Deer3: what's the world cumming to
gDoGgEs Q: i dunno
gDoGgEs Q: i'd change your sn to daveboi23
And there you have it; I dilligently changed every instance of my imaginary aim friend's sn to "daveboi23". Brilliant.
But Jesus Help me, things quickly took a turn for the worse:
Dar23: i got some more gay shit if you want
gDoGgEs Q: uh oh, are you getting Eminem's year 2000 album "E" on me?
Dero23: no no
doobie: are you ready for this shit?
gDoGgEs Q: i believe so
gDoGgEs Q: ok now I am
Dabo23: nice
Deoo23: actually it's kind of a downer
Devy23: maybe i'll tell you some other time
Deeo23: who you chilllin with?
gDoGgEs Q: my beer
gDoGgEs Q: no, tell me now
gDoGgEs Q: are you gay?
Dabo23: no no
Dero23: don't be a cunt
gDoGgEs Q: goddamn, tell me what it is
Deio23: my gay boss who was gonna hook me up with this beautiful job
Dlbo23: he went and offered me money for sexual favors
Can you fucking b'lieve that? I harangued and harangued, and as far as I can tell, he's not just fucking with us. His gay boss, who was gonna hook him up with this beautiful job, actually did go and offer him money for sexual favors. Shall we fish for more juicy details, Uberslore? I think we shall...
gDoGgEs Q: so what favors did your boss want, and how much bank did he offer you?
gDoGgEs Q: if it was a 100 dollars for head, you'd be stupid to pass that up
Debo23: haha
Dero23: he offered a grand to suck my dick
Deeo23: fuckin freaky bast
Dero23: i don't knwo whatchoo talkin about me gettin no sex
Deeo23: this nigga be pimp
So there you have it. Offered a grand for to have his dick sucked. Amazing.
Anyway, by this point I've had an hour-long phone conversation interlude and I'm quite tired. You would be too, backpacking as savagely as I've been. And these 3 beers have gotten me quite tipsy. Read: completely exhausted. Goodnight, sweet friends. May your dreams be full of flavorful tripe snacks and sexual innuendo.
P.S. Shlongy is a slore
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-07-09 09:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know what really makes a great story? A point.
Here, you left this on my last post. You can be having it back, nigga.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-07-09 02:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are the crappiest writer on the internet. Please quit.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-09 00:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gDoGgEs Q: and i just proved it to myself by picking up my guitar for the first time in 2 weeks and sounding like a goddamn bard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you said bard you fucking AD&D loser.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-07-08 23:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Worst drunk post I didn't read, ever.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-08 23:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
recockulous is one of my favorite words.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-07-07 03:26:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Um, I b'lieve it's "harung."
I'm joking. BUT! I think it's pretty strange that I just read baking lady's recipe for baked alaska, which includes merangue. What are the odds!?! Plus, harangue is one of my favorite words. (6th grade vocabulary- Mrs. Morgan).
Man, now my synesthesia is all messed up. :(
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-07 02:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus you can be funny sometimes.