SPT- Why NOW do I get these fucking alergies??!!?? (605 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 2 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Insomniac (View user info) at 2005-07-07 09:18:40 EDT
What the hell? I didn't have any allergies all year long, and NOW I get them. The morning I'm supposed to be going to an all day music festival to see the best band to ever walk the Earth, Weezer, I get the fucking sniffles of doom. I feel like my head is imploding on itself, and in the process, the pressure is pushing everything that's inside out through my nose. I don't even have any Kleenex, and I feel bad constantly asking the lady next to me to borrow some, so I went into the bathroom, and got some of the sandpaper that masquerades for toilet paper in this hell hole, and taught my nose how my asshole feels everyday around 10:30am. Let me tell you, my nose and my ass will be getting along much better from here on out, I can guarantee you that. Let me share with you a conversation they just had together:
Nose: "Holy shit, ass, this really hurts! How do you put up with this every day?!?"
Ass: "Don't get me started, nose, at least that stuff coming out of you is liquid and runny. You should try throwing some peanuts in there some time"
Yeah, that was pretty much it. My nose shut up after that, but you could feel the respect and reverence emanating from it. Or was that a booger? But I digress.
Did you ever notice how the worst things happen to you on the worst possible days? Like the allergies, on the one day of my life I get to witness my idols in action on the stage at a sunny outdoor concert. Or the fact that I totally could have kissed that girl if not for the giant cold sore on my lip, caused by too much working, drinking, and not sleeping this past weekend. Also, now I have a cold sore AND fucking allergies. So if I blow my nose, and happen to hit my lip, not only do I tear my nose to shit with the substandard toilet paper, but I tear my lip to shit as well. I was trying to drink my coffee a minute ago, and the skin on my lip got stuck to it, and tore a little piece off, so the one thing that could probably make me happy this morning, my coffee, also makes me miserable. Fuck.
Also, my roommate moved out, and took the damn toaster, but me, being the jackass and forgetful noob that I am at 6am, woke up all happy because I thought I was having a frickin' Eggo before work. I guess even that one small luxury was just too much for today though, because I'm now reduced to eating out of the 5 day old bag of dry cereal that the crazy cat-headed lady next to me gave me because she thinks I'm too skinny and if I'd just snack on a mixture of Golden Grahams and Cinnamon Toast Crunch all day I would gain some "meat on my bones". It's a good thing I like both of those cereals. Mixing them together = a whole bag of awesomeness. Too bad I don't have any fucking MILK! Shit.
Oh Uber, I know this day can only get better. I hope so anyway. I think if it gets any worse, Ill probably need an amputation or two.
Fucking Weezer, man. Yeah!
User Reviews
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-07 22:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh oh oh I look just like Buddy Holly
Oh oh you're my Mary Tyler Moore
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, Buddy Holly came up in my random playlist just before I clicked on the link for this post
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
=\/\/=
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-07-07 16:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was a kid my dad was going to surprise me by taking me to a truck and tractor pull that I had been hounding him about for weeks. Of course, that day I came down with a stomach virus. Tractor pulls... KENTUCKY FUCKIN' ROCKS!!!
w00t.
Submitted by skeezy (user info) at 2005-07-07 10:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My allergies are acting up as well. F that. Weezer rocks!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-07 10:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its not a shit post if its good.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-07 10:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Don't get me started, nose, at least that stuff coming out of you is liquid and runny. You should try throwing some peanuts in there some time"
Gross.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-07-07 09:23:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great band.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-07-07 09:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did they rip that logo off from Van Halen on purpose?
+2 allergies! woo!