Mammograms: Invented by Angry Men or Sadistic Women? (1053 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.92 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ducky (View user info) at 2005-07-08 05:03:38 EDT
Sitting here. Waiting for the time when the blonde lady with the crisp jacket and the plastic smile will call me in. Her voice is the sound I think silk would make (were silk able to speak). I am impatient- there is never anything substantial to read in these places. Learn to decorate pots with string. Learn how to lose all the cellulite on your thighs in only 15 days. Buy this cream. Bake this soufflé. I will not comply with the orders barked from these glossy pages. I will rebel. After all, its only paper.
---Leave! What the fuck are we doing here? Its crap and you know it! Just get up slowly, and move towards the door. You can do it. Go! Please?
The woman with the plastic smile calls my name. I follow. She smells like toothpaste and disinfectant, and I find some measure of comfort in that. Once I have been placed into a smaller room, I am given instructions and I am told to wait. To wait. In the room filled with shiny metal things. In this sterile florescent cell. I wait. Alone. With my thoughts.
---What the fuck did we ever do to you? We've been good- you owe us. You are NOTHING without us! Believe you me, if you do this, we'll rebel. That's right sister. You watch yourself.
Eventually I am called into yet another room. Here, the shiny metal things are larger- more daunting. Step up. You can do it. Be strong. I try to override my fear. I hold myself with an air of self-confidence. I would have fooled you too if you hadn't noticed my hands shaking.
---That's it! Apparently we have no say in the matter. Fine. Don't think you won't pay for this though. We'll sag. We'll grow weird little hairs...and we'll let the hairs get ingrown! We'll secrete gross stuff and refuse to be fondled. We'll be extra sensitive during that time of the month....bitch, are you listening???
The machine engages.
---Hey, this is cold. Wait. What the? What are you doing??? Eeeeep. Can't...breath...please...sto-.....
It takes hold of me. Pushing, squeezing, prodding. Fuck 'minor discomfort'. I feel violated. My personal space invaded. Squeezing harder and harder. My tear ducts are leaking. Damn things. How dare they betray me at a time like this? Capillaries popping.
---AAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
It's almost over now. Thank God. I'd like to know who takes credit for these vile beasts? Inventors like credit don't they? But this? Who? Who is responsible? Silence all around. A room filled with people, hands deep in pockets, heads looking towards the ground. No eye-contact- it wasn't me.
If the shoe were on the other foot, things wouldn't be this way would they? You'd have sensors and light rays. You'd detect without intrusion. Complementary coffee afterwards, and a pat on the back. You fucking trooper you. Well not me. A slight fucking pinch? You fucking liar! You may as well have ripped the damn things off. From now on, I'll stick to self-examination. Feeling myself up in the shower might not be as precise, but at least there's no bruising involved.
User Reviews
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-07-27 04:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I remember why I am glad to be male.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-07-08 17:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably the same guy who made the high heel.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-08 16:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<cringes>
Never done one. Hope I never do.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-07-08 12:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Some times its hard to be a woman
Giving all your love to just one ....
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-08 11:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, now turn your head
<inserts finger>
now cough
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-08 09:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm aroused.
Thats wrong isn't it?
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-08 07:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel for you. ...except you're probably so sore nobody should be feeling you for sometime.
my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer at 26, so me and my sisters started mammograms at age 20. I bruise insanely easy. I walk out of those places with the mother of all bruises on my boobs
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-08 06:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-08 06:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So let me get this straight: this machine squeezes your melons and looks for abnormalities? My mind is full of all sorts of S&M imagery right now.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-07-08 06:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-08 05:45:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, but would you prefer a Mastectomy if something went wasn't caught early enough?
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GAAAAH! The M word. No. Definitely not. I'm just saying I think there needs to be a better system.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-08 05:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, but would you prefer a Mastectomy if something went wasn't caught early enough?
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-07-08 05:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-07-08 05:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's hard being a woman.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-08 05:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
two words:
Buddy Method.