Poking things with forks: How to repair pretty much anything, ever. (1306 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: crap:humour
Rating: 1.84 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-09 10:02:12 EDT
The baby monitor isn't working. We figured it out when we woke up at 9.30 am and the twins, bored stiff by the relentless lack of parental supervision, had thrown all pillows, blankets, teddy bears, and pyjamas on the floor and were diligently working to remove the duct tape from around their diapers and climb out of their cribs with torn up strips of sheeting.
After making sure none of the neighbours had heard them yelling, laughing, singing, playing, and screaming "poopy poopy poop poop" for (according to the Boy, who was playing his Xbox in his room at the time but hadn't bothered to come and get us because "I figured you were busy loving each other and had decided to ignore them. I'd ignore them, if they were my babies. Were you loving each other? Because that's really gross.") half an hour and kindly called child welfare, we rather responsibly threw the baby monitor into a kitchen drawer to deal with later.
This evening, we took out the baby monitor and set about "fixing" it. Now, I have the technical proficiency of a Rottweiler on smack and my preferred method of repairing anything is to wander around the house for an hour and a half whining about how I used to know where my screwdrivers were and why did my husband have to move anything and he's ruined my life and who the fuck puts screwdrivers, a basic daily human need, into a huge toolbox in the bottom laundry cupboard anyway. My husband is marginally better, but I jeer at him so loudly whenever he dares touch the power tools that he's boycotted household maintenance until I learn some manners.
After we ran through the basic tests - Does it work if I throw it at the wall? What about if I gnaw on the microphone like this? Hey, if I hit it really hard against the palm of my hand, does that help? Where did I put my wine? - it was time.
My favorite fucking thing in the world to do. To anything at all.
Take it apart.
This is that journey.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-18 11:02:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too technical :(
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-08-04 22:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tyebud (user info) at 2005-07-12 19:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't get enough Circe
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-11 07:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"too few people understand about the leprechaun culture. They have a rich family life and a proud tradition of workmanship" +2 right there
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-11 06:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-09 15:12:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Gad damnit, we need to clone you, Circe...
One of you for every UberGuy. ""
speak for yourself porky.
goddamn I love being EVILapollo88
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-10 20:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed severale times, once for severale seconds during the feminazi paragraph.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-10 19:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe rules
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-10 05:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This wasn't up to usual Circe standard for me until the leprechauns.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-10 03:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Homer: "Easy... easy... [smashes camera]. Hm, Think I'll need a bigger drill."
I think you need to twiddle with the motherboard. No, really I just like
saying "motherboard".
Ewwwwww, loving.
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2005-07-09 22:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is great
Submitted by Ishamael (user info) at 2005-07-09 21:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by madsam31 (user info) at 2005-07-09 21:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you rock
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-09 20:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:17:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
My kid would have wired it to blow up. Just for fun.
He is the soul and centre of pure evil, that boy.
Awwww.. Little tyke takes after his mother, I see. That's so sweet!
I'm sending you a book on electronics, by the way.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-09 19:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those damned leprechauns keep letting the air out of my dates.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-07-09 18:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, you warmed my heart and buried the hatchet with that kind +2 you gave my last post, so here's a well-deserved +2 in retaliation, a thank you, a forgetting of the painful soul-searing commentary you levied against me in the past, and a suggestion that you check out Kings of Leon's new album "Aha Shake Heartbreak". ; )
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-07-09 15:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've got to tie in the rear cam flange to the skybuckle with a smoke wrench. Be careful though, you might make contact with the capacity generator and then you'll totally fry your respondance adaptor.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-07-09 15:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.. and this exchange just took it up a notch
(what the hell... who let Emeril in here?!?! BACK TO THE KITCHEN BITCH!)
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Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:16:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:14:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably was a busted whatchamajigger. That keeps the rotary girders rotarying girding.
_____________
You made that up! You did, didn't you? You just made up some makebelieve made up stuff so I'd go and look for the retired girdle things.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-09 15:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I tinker in electronics and shit, so reading about your "beer barrels" and "doohickeys" was quite a treat.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-09 15:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gad damnit, we need to clone you, Circe...
One of you for every UberGuy.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-07-09 14:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you WERE loving each other! I know, because... uh.... I just do.
Also, your book rules. Jason seems to think I'm dissatisfied with our relation ship and am going to leave him now.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's good, Rad, because people like me talk about you a lot.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never learned how to read.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:14:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably was a busted whatchamajigger. That keeps the rotary girders rotarying girding.
_____________
You made that up! You did, didn't you? You just made up some makebelieve made up stuff so I'd go and look for the retired girdle things.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Probably was a busted whatchamajigger. That keeps the rotary girders rotarying girding.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bigger the resistors are the more ohms ... er ... beer they store for the leprechauns.
Submitted by insanedoc (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funniest thing I have read in a while. Yay for you.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-09 12:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:23:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
You make me so very happy to only have 1 child.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-09 11:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Quite shit really.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-07-09 11:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i fixed a ps2 with a letherman, q-tips, a can of air and some luck.
for the record it needed more than cleaning. there were loose wires.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not on par with your usual stuff, but still worthy of a +2.
Incidentally, I do believe these blue things are capacitors. Ca-pa-ci-tor. Any five year old knows that it's the resistors that store the beer. Sheesh, women...
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You make me so very happy to only have 1 child.
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the very organized post
genius
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more rape and cannibalism.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My kid would have wired it to blow up. Just for fun.
He is the soul and centre of pure evil, that boy.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
should have got the kid to fix it for you. kids can do anything- even work videos.
Submitted by Pr0j3ct (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'd ignore them, if they were my babies."
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You must have taken your electronics classes the same place I did. I have a tendency to open shit up, fiddle around a bit and not call it the next day.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh wait, my bad, that's filthy assistant
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-09 10:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, you post alot for an alter