How To Be A Teenager (1997 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.82 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Laura (View user info) at 2005-07-10 10:20:17 EDT
Apollo, don't give me -2s for my email address. Give me -2s because I suck at writing.
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This is a guide for how to be a teenager, because I got a positive score on my last guide.
What to look like:
Hair: If you're male, grow your hair to your butt. If you're female, chop off all your hair.
Be sure to color it something wonky, but not blonde. Blondes are evil. You can dye your hair
black. Teenagers like the brooding look. Try to make your hair cover one eye.
Eyes: Wear glasses. Either that, or contact lenses that make your eyes something you'd expect to
see on a professional wrestler. Make sure your eyebrows are bushy and scowling. Perhaps get a
unibrow so you can master the minority look. Teenagers like to be British, so you can emulate
Oasis. Make sure you cake on the eyeliner. Especially if you're a boy.
Rest of head: Be really pale. If you're tan, then rub vaseline on yourself. There should be an
abnormal piercing somewhere. The eye brow is really awesome. A nice golden stud in your left
nostril can help put together a look.
Neck: Slap on a few fake hickeys, and then "try" to cover them with your hair. This will make you
look like a whore, but that's what you're going for.
Body: Make yourself fat. A poochy belly is always nice. You can be dramatic when people make fun
of you.
Clothing: Hot Topic.
Accessories: Spencor's Gifts. Try a pentagram. A really big one. Fake tattoos will make you look
like a sissy. Better get a few.
Notes: If you're on the Internet, take lots of pictures of your face looking depressed and post
them on Xanga. Journals are a must. Maybe be an Internet whore for free. When picking out a name,
be sure to include something along the lines of "soul" and "angst." Refrain from words like "cheer,"
"happy," and "princess." You don't want to look like a cute, fluffy, pink, innocent, twelves years
old girl, do you? Of course not. In profiles, mention matches, coffee, and The DaVinci Code.
Reveal as much about yourself as you possibly can. Make sure people can find you and rape you. That
will make you different, and get you on the news, where you can be an attention whore.
Some possible camera angles for your profile pictures can be:
A close-up of your scarred arm. Maybe use your eye liner to pencil in a few more marks for good measure.
A close-up of your face looking depressed. Makes sure you have the flash on high. Perhaps some
tear stain eye liner marks on your cheeks will help. Make sure you stay up late and drink something
with caffeine so your eyes will be bloodshot. You'll look like a druggie.
A shot of your bedroom - the wall with all your books and your Satanic altar. Perhaps have a copy
of a classic like "The Iliad" put on display - unintentionally, of course.
A photo of you with your family. Make sure you're scowling at your parents. You can't look happy,
can you? What self-respecting teen would like their parents?
Well those are some tips for being a teenager. I didn't mention the obvious ones like picking an
obtuse view on religion and politics, because I assume you all know that.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-01-17 19:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This sucks. Heartagrams... first time I saw one I asked the guy why his pentagram had a butt on it...
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-01-17 19:33:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hello is there anybody in there?
Submitted by ryan5012 (user info) at 2006-01-17 19:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
LAWLZ
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-17 19:04:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Apollo, don't give me -2s for my email address. Give me -2s because I suck at writing. ""
okay
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-08-17 09:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's rare, RARE that I do this, but I'm actually saying a seven-thousand year old Tibetan chant that will *hopefully* remotely explode your head. I only had to do this one other time. That's how much I hate you, you worthless fucking alter.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-11 18:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No. Definitely not.
Not funny, not entertaining, not true.
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-07-11 18:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Apollo, don't give me -2s for my email address. Give me -2s because I suck at writing.
Okay, she should get a point there.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-11 17:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
we never did acertain your favourite object that you insert into your bajiner...was it the brick?
Submitted by jinhenkim (user info) at 2005-07-11 08:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no, no, no.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-11 07:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Teenager's suck appearently. That's what I learned from reading this. I'm glad I was a teenager long time ago
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-10 23:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was shitty and boring.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-07-10 21:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
are you not exposed to many teenagers?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-10 20:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the hell kind of teenagers have you been hanging around?
EMO?? A HAH AH HAH HA
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-10 19:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm conflicted. I want to leave a nasty reply, but I think it might be illegal since you're young.
So why don't you come back, in say six years when you're 18, and I'll leave a reply about a Cleveland Steamer and The Ostrich.
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-07-10 18:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh I love a good pigeon-holing.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2005-07-10 14:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a perfectly healthy teenager (technically...) and I don't do/wear/follow/eat/sodomize any of those things...
I'm also a dinosaur.
Submitted by Pr0j3ct (user info) at 2005-07-10 14:33:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not all teenagers are like that.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-10 14:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We already know how to be teenagers because we've been there. Apparently, you're still there, because this seems to be a big revelation for you.
Submitted by Alaskanite (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking kids.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought it was pretty funny.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Im not apollo
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:18:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:08:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I heard this about 10 years ago.
I would be dead now if I had.
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I wish you would have, too.
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Unfortunately, in order for that to have been possible, you would have had to have written it when you were 3 years old.
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You're implying that she didn't?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:08:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I heard this about 10 years ago.
I would be dead now if I had.
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I wish you would have, too.
--------
Unfortunately, in order for that to have been possible, you would have had to have written it when you were 3 years old.
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I heard this about 10 years ago.
I would be dead now if I had.
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I wish you would have, too.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish I heard this about 10 years ago.
I would be dead now if I had.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-07-10 12:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heartagram: http://www.oneposter.com/UserData/Poster/Poster_14197.jpg
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:59:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll give you a plus 1 if you show me your fanny.
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you know what sucks? Love metal
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
k
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HIM are one of the worst bands of all time, no joke. Absolutely shit.
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-07-10 11:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't pay enough attention to know symbols.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-07-10 10:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You're sixteen and you don't know what a heartagram is?
Damn, I'm twice your age and cooler than you.
Just kidding........no, really, I am.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-07-10 10:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.heartagram.com/
Submitted by TheGirlWithoutATitle (user info) at 2005-07-10 10:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whats your yahoo Id?
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I don't have one.
P.S. What's a heartagram?
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-07-10 10:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pentagrams are sooooo 80's....
get a heartagram.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-10 10:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmm.... I don't think teenagers need a lot of help with this stuff.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-10 10:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Make sure people can find you and rape you"
Whats your yahoo Id?
I like the be a whore for free thing too.