Want to see me naked? Spider-cam is NOT the way to go. (2620 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.59 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by krissi (View user info) at 2005-07-11 10:09:22 EDT
Dear Spiders,
I have been repeatedly finding you in my shower or near my computer recently, and frankly, the shit must stop.
I think I've been rather nice lately, by making your deaths quick and painful. However, you are quickly getting on my last nerve. Last night, when you crawled on my arm, it was definitely unappreciated. I hope that you cried and suffered through large quantities of spider-pain as I flicked you a foot and a half into my wall. I hope you died when you fell to my floor or in my heater (that was most unfortunately not on at the time).
I would also kindly appreciate if you would stop freaking me out. If you were to cease said freaking out, I wouldn't feel as obliged to kill you. The whole heart-skipping-a-beat thing should be reserved for other things, like heartaches or new romances to terrific looking studs such as MyNameIsTim.
I don't even want to contemplate what you were doing in my shower, because checking me out naked is something I'd prefer to reserve for less creepy insects. Actually, I can't think of any un-creepy insects, so we'll save the whole seeing me naked thing to specimens of the human variety. Either way, it was gross and I will not stand for it. If you're looking to set up a nice fly-trap web, I'm going to have to recommend somewhere not near me. Because I have a predilection for fly genocide as well.
And don't forget that my shower comes equipped with a high-pressure hand-held shower head and I'm not afraid to use it. I used to be nice about the drowning, but if these unruly appearances in my shower do not cease, I will be forced to have the shower beat down pulsated angry waves of water. My shower is not a sold out arena show and I am most definitely not your number one fan.
My computer time and shower time are always subsequently cut short due to your inappropriate behavior. It is truly unwelcome and I would like for you to discontinue this conduct - effective immediately. Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Full of hatred,
Krissi
User Reviews
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2005-08-26 02:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Jimmy_Esquire (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:11:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for the... disturbing story Berty. I ... never want to shower in my shower again. I have a younger sibling who shares it with me. *shudder*
Jimmy_Esquire & c1ndy... what does 'Call Brass' mean?
Thanks for defending my weight, MyNameIsTim. :)
I feel so awkward commenting on my own post and rating it.
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Brass being the po-po-po-police officer in CSI.
Every time someone needs some real work done they say, "Call Brass." or "I'll call Brass.".
I cant decide if I'd like to secks Sara Sidal(sp?) or punch her face in.
Anyway, did you call Brass?
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-07-13 13:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
For a Jersy slut...
;-)
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-07-12 10:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skeet.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-11 20:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-11 20:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you need to face your fears, and i have a spiderman outfit, so we should work something out.
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-07-11 20:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post. All except for this part "...terrific looking studs such as MyNameIsTim." That part sucked.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-11 19:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-11 19:27:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
Naked insect killing women in showers. Hmmmmm this could have potential. Anyone have Steven Speilbergs number?
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hahaha that made me laugh more then anything! good post though, I hate fucking spiders
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-11 19:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Naked insect killing women in showers. Hmmmmm this could have potential. Anyone have Steven Speilbergs number?
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-07-11 16:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-07-11 16:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed my ass off.
Wimp.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-11 15:23:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:11:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
And don't forget that my shower comes equipped with a high-pressure hand-held shower head and I'm not afraid to use it"""
I bet you aren't.
NOW just write about THAT for a +2kakke!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-07-11 15:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:09:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay. I promise to never again rate one of my own posts. Cross my heart hope to die.. the whole needle in my eye bit.
Yea, I may be a pansy... but I'm a girl. A girly girl at that. And I really hate bugs.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
Pansy.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-11 15:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate that I have to kill them. I hate that they make me kill them because I
hate killing things.
Spiders make me hate!
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2005-07-11 14:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Spiders are terrorists.
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:55:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:30:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
She likes fat guys, eh?
Doesn't bode well for HER total gross poundage, I imagine.
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worry not dr schlongnuts...i am well over twice her body weight.
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TWICE? Tiiimmmyyyy....
Submitted by ShadowFacsimile (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-11 13:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay. I promise to never again rate one of my own posts. Cross my heart hope to die.. the whole needle in my eye bit.
Yea, I may be a pansy... but I'm a girl. A girly girl at that. And I really hate bugs.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pansy.
At least your home isn't attacked by roaches every night. I feel like a WWII ace with the number of roaches I've eliminated. I've contemplated putting a small cockroach sticker on my shoe for each one I kill, but then I realized it would take too much effort and both my slippers would fill up in one night anyway.
Also, don't rate your own post. It's like Spam said... Sieg Heil!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SOW US YOUR TITS!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:11:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for the... disturbing story Berty. I ... never want to shower in my shower again. I have a younger sibling who shares it with me. *shudder*
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That's a bit wack. I was born to a poor family though so I know how it is when your living on a shoestring budget. We would run one bath and me, my sister and my mother would take it in turns to use the water and then we'd put it out on the garden. Fucking horrible now that I think about it.
Anyway I wouldn't worry about it. The chances of your younger sibling (or anyone else for that matter) being able to fit an active shower head into their rectum is quite slim. Even with lube and assistance. That sort of thing takes years of training.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
your own ratings don't count so rate zero when reviewing you own post, otherwise some nazi will -2 you for it.
post was good.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yeah krissi, rating your own post...not such a good idea mmmkay.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
less creepy inscets: ladybugs, butterflies, fireflies.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for the... disturbing story Berty. I ... never want to shower in my shower again. I have a younger sibling who shares it with me. *shudder*
Jimmy_Esquire & c1ndy... what does 'Call Brass' mean?
Thanks for defending my weight, MyNameIsTim. :)
I feel so awkward commenting on my own post and rating it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-11 12:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
worry not dr schlongnuts...i am well over twice her body weight.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*raises eyebrow* indeed?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:30:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
She likes fat guys, eh?
Doesn't bode well for HER total gross poundage, I imagine.
-------------------
worry not dr schlongnuts...i am well over twice her body weight.
Submitted by Jimmy_Esquire (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:25:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
Call Brass
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
She likes fat guys, eh?
Doesn't bode well for HER total gross poundage, I imagine.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Call Brass
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate spiders also.
I bought something similar to this a while back and it helped ALOT! http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=50365&item=3984568212&rd=1
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit title but can't deny the post made me laugh.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-11 11:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MORE COWBELL IS RIGHT!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I HATE spiders and I live in Australia..... Come to think of it, I'm pretty fucked!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:23:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm hotter than Tim...
That's mainly because I have a fever, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT...
--------
Let me guess, the only cure is MORE COWBELL?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Spiders are icky.
As a man I must say, spiders make me squeel like a little girl.
Er...I mean..shit..fuckng spiders.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cute
Submitted by stuckfix (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You shouldn't have to stand for that. This is america, damnit.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:11:33 (#)
Ranking: 1
And don't forget that my shower comes equipped with a high-pressure hand-held shower head and I'm not afraid to use it"""
I bet you aren't.
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I read a story once about a very talented porn star who could fit all sorts of things up her arse. Legend has it she was able to fit an entire baseball bat or an american football or some other piece of yankee sport paraphenalia up there. Anyway because of all the things she put up her pooper it didn't work properly so every morning she had to put the shower head up her arse in order to not shit herself, although in hindsight that may just have been something she did before she did an anal scene so as not to poo on the fella's dick.
I forget what my point was. Anyway, kids; winners don't put things up their nose!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm hotter than Tim...
That's mainly because I have a fever, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT...
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking hate bugs.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice.
way to get hits.
and namedrop :-D
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
second post and you already know how to generate hits...
good job hitwhore :)
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can you wash the one out of the plughole please? It's over the lense of m... Err...
Never mind.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And don't forget that my shower comes equipped with a high-pressure hand-held shower head and I'm not afraid to use it.
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*stops*
*thinks*
*smiles*
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O.k......let's see you naked then
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-11 10:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And don't forget that my shower comes equipped with a high-pressure hand-held shower head and I'm not afraid to use it"""
I bet you aren't.