I'm not wearing panties (4597 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: work
Rating: 1.95 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2005-07-11 23:01:23 EDT
It all started innocently enough. After my shower I put on underwear and a bra, then pants and a top. Then deodorant, hair stuff, makeup and finally, shoes.
I had a cup of coffee and smoked 18578 cigarettes on the way to work.
When I arrived, I quickly took a seat next to Dan and Dan. The Dans are my training buddies, we have all sorts of fun. We do fun things like make fun of the people who ask a lot of questions, come up with random vulgar sayings.
For some reason it's fun to say things like "eat shit" and "shove those papers up your asshole" to each other. I think most of the fun comes out of having other people overhear us.
Corinne: "Dan, pass me that pen"
Dan: "Shove that pen up your asshole, Corinne"
Dan: "Why is this class going on for so LONG today?"
Other Dan: "Why don't you drink a big glass of shut the fuck up, you fucking whiney bastard?"
Dan: "Corinne, what is 70% of $200,000?"
Corinne: "Eat Shit"
Dan: "That insult does not fit the situation, you dirty whore"
Corinne: "Fuck off"
Dan: "Much Better"
The gay Dan went and bought us all a few cans of Red Bull today while the tall Dan and I were out having a cigarette. The three of us clambered into the training room, cans in hand, smiles on our faces.
The trainer broke the big group up into four smaller groups. There was much chair-shuffling and bag moving, so as to gather up and plan skits.
Don't ask me why the fuck we have to plan skits. It's retarded.
Tall Dan stood up to enact a scene for gay Dan and I. It was quite animated and amusing, and due to a bit of a Red Bull high, gay Dan and I were quite giggly. Other members of our group were still sliding their chairs around, trying to form a circle.
Everyone else started planning out the skit, while gay Dan and I listened to the end of tall Dans story. Matt decided that there must be a judge in this skit. He started stacking up chairs in order to form a "bench" for said judge. He pulled tall Dans chair away in order to make the bench VERY high.
Tall Dan finished his story with a furry of arm failaling and belly laughs, and promptly went to take his seat...
The seat that was pulled away to top off the Judges Bench.
Dan slowly squatted down, so slowly that I was SURE he realized his chair was no longer behind him. I was smiling, waiting for some marvelous save, "ha ha guys! I'm not that stupid!!", etc...
But no. He fell, in slow-mo, on his ass.
Gay Dan and I start laughing hysterically, laughter that is induced by Red Bull, Mornings, and Someone Elses Misery.
That's when I peed my pants a little.
My laughter abruptly stopped, worry washed over my face and I walked out of the room. Everyone was busy laughing (and taking care of) Dan, so nobody noticed my departure. When I arrived in the bathroom I was relieved to see that I hadn't even peed a significant amount... but still... I did pee my pants. At work.
As I stood in the bathroom stall, looking down at my underwear, I weighed out my options. There was no "real" amounts of pee... I couldn't even see any. But I still knew what I had done... and I couldn't very well traipse around the office all day, knowing I peed my pants, and knowing I did nothing to remedy the situation.
I considered stuffing some toilet paper in my underwear, but that just didn't make sense.
Taking my underwear off seemed to be the obvious solution. I quickly de-pantsed and de-underweared, and then re-pantsed.
As I stood there with my pink panties dangling from between my finger and thumb, I realized I had another small problem. Where to put them?
I looked at my purse. No.
The "feminine product" despenser? Full.
Just as I decided to simply wrap them in paper towels and dispose of them in the trash, someone else walked in. I couldn't risk carrying my underwear out in public!
The toilet? Why not? They are industrial toilets. They sound like jet engines when I flush them, so surely they can wisk away a pair of underwear, right?
Wrong.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-09-25 20:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I piss my pants daily, but I never thought to write about it.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-09-24 22:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
silly goose
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-07-12 22:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<engorge>
that is all.
Do I smell B@W...?
Nah, just urine. I have an idea. <runs away>
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-07-12 22:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2
Now I'll read it.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-12 13:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beeee-autiful
<flush>
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-12 12:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:20:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
you passed up the perfect Ebay item...maybe next time.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this last night but for some reason I didn't rate it.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you passed up the perfect Ebay item...maybe next time.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-07-12 10:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:26:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:09:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know what happened, I hurried out of the bathroom before anyone else came in. My only saving grace is that 2000 people work there, so it could have been ANYONES underwear in the toilet.
Right?
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Until they perform a DNA analysis on the epithelial cells from your labia. What? It's kind of like a mouth.
============================
Someone's been watching too much CSI.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-12 09:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
okay, continue....
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-12 08:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-12 08:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha - good one..
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-12 08:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
What?
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-12 07:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So I'm assuming you started bring a few extra pair to work each day......just in case?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-12 07:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Really?
What's that smell?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-12 07:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really thought "I just peed myself" or "I peed myself laughing" was just an expression.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-12 06:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just pee'd a little.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-12 06:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never knew that actually happened. I mean I've heard stories, everyone's heard stories, but that mostly involves children. You know, you'd go to a freinds house and the creepy uncle would be embarassing the neice by telling about how she wet herself on his knee when he tickled her up age 5 sort of thing. You learn something new everyday.
+2 for educational value.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-07-12 05:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahaha!
Excellent story!
I would have been nailed though - my mom puts my name in my Peter Pan underwear :(
Shamone!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-12 05:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean 'post'. Rate the title, not the 'post'.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-12 04:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rate the title, not the poster..
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-12 04:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The post is great, but I'm rating the title.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-07-12 04:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:09:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know what happened, I hurried out of the bathroom before anyone else came in. My only saving grace is that 2000 people work there, so it could have been ANYONES underwear in the toilet.
Right?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
True. But then again, not even published it on the internet. Wouldn't it be great if it turned out one of your colleagues was a casual reader?
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-12 03:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jinhenkim (user info) at 2005-07-12 02:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not wearing panties either
Submitted by Or_ (user info) at 2005-07-12 02:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har! It clogged.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-07-12 02:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am.
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls.
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world,
except for Lola. Lo lo lo Lola.
++
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-12 02:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*chuck em in the cistern*
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-12 01:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-12 01:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:31:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. Now how come no pic of you without your panties?
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/62482
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...breathe...HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-12 01:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:11:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Rad, I do that a lot. I like to leave my stories with open endings... because it's fairly obvious what happened, and I feel like I'm talking down to my audience if I state the obvious.
---
I do that too.
here is my next post in its entirety.
--
I went to the bar the other day.
Fear.
--
How was that?
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-12 01:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lerdy miss Nugget with no panties <shiver> hubba hubba gawd i hope theres beer in the fridge.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-07-12 00:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for no panties. Sorry, just a fetish of mine.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-07-12 00:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<ejaculates>
Thanks Apollo!
Submitted by Pr0j3ct (user info) at 2005-07-12 00:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story and way to bring in the crowd...
panties in the title, at least a few hundred hits
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-12 00:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're quite the catch.
So are the panties. The toilet couldn't let them go, apparently.
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god, I laughed out loud and peed in my pants...at work...no I didn't, but it was a close call, great story.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm wearing panties on my head.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hillarious...nice job
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. Now how come no pic of you without your panties?
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/62482
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertaining.
I never wear drawers in the summer. I have a perpetual yeast infection. - This was way to much info.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:09:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know what happened, I hurried out of the bathroom before anyone else came in. My only saving grace is that 2000 people work there, so it could have been ANYONES underwear in the toilet.
Right?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Until they perform a DNA analysis on the epithelial cells from your labia. What? It's kind of like a mouth.
Just for your info Corinne, I never wear drawers in the summer. I have a perpetual yeast infection.
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. Now how come no pic of you without your panties?
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tee hee hee.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have panties wadded up and stuffed in my pants to give me a bulge.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am wearing panties.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy's wearing panties.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rad, I do that a lot. I like to leave my stories with open endings... because it's fairly obvious what happened, and I feel like I'm talking down to my audience if I state the obvious.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
panty flusher
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh look you just finished it in your reviews.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blame the gay Dan.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont know what happened, I hurried out of the bathroom before anyone else came in. My only saving grace is that 2000 people work there, so it could have been ANYONES underwear in the toilet.
Right?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So what happened?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Neither am I.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for comic value.
-1 for no pics of your pusser.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH NOOOOOOO!!!
You are soooo not going to live that down at work!
Sympathy in advance.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-11 23:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So i take it you flooded the joint?