A Piece of Advice (1047 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Goose <goosehkr at hotmail dot com> (View user info) at 2005-07-12 10:42:52 EDT
I've managed to prove, over the years, that I should not be trusted to make decisions. A number of things have seemed like a good thing at the time, although in hindsight, I would have been better of letting a rabid weasel loose in my pants. I've collected a number of scars this way, and despite the old adage "Chicks dig scars" (thanks Dad), it turns out you have to have a good story to go along with them, not "I let my buddy hold a lit cigarette against my arm for $20".
I feel that my somewhat stooped learning curve can serve as an example to others, and I've managed to keep a number of my friends from making the same mistakes that I have (for example, holding lit fireworks in your hand tends to be a bad idea). There is one piece of advice that I would like to share with everyone, however, so that they can avoid the same hell I found myself in not too long ago: Don't date strippers. And, if you're going to date a stripper, for the love of God, don't let her move in with you.
It all started because of my friend Laura, who was roommates at school with one of the girls who worked as a bartender at a local strip joint. We would all go down there, cause we could drink for free, and, you know, for the boobs. Since we spend so much time there, and weren't the creepy breathing-hard guys, we got to know all of the girls who worked there, and my first mistake was joining their tuesday night poker game.
I say it was a mistake because it was held at Cindi (with an "i")'s house, and one time I had too much to drink to drive home, so I wound up staying at her place much later than I normally did. As it turns out, after the game when most of the group would take off, the girls would break out the blow and X and start doing karaoke. As it turns out, when hot naked girls offer you coke and ecstacy, its amazingly difficult to turn down, and as I've said before, I don't make the best decisions. After that, everything just sort of came together (no pun intended). (Well, slightly intended).
Anyway, her cocaine addiction led to her being evicted, and, being the nice guy and idiot that I am, offered to let her move in with me. Oops. Really, the fact that she was being kicked out of her home because she couldn't pay rent because of a drug habit should have been a sign, but what can I say? She was a dirty little freak, and I'm, you know, a guy, so it seemed like it would work out pretty well. It sort of did, right up until her brother moved in the week before my office Christmas party.
The thing about my office is that my boss is extremely conservative, and he already didn't like me because, on a number of occasions, I had come in to work smelling like whiskey. However, he was cheating on his wife with his secretary (how cliched), which I found out after I slept with her, and damn, if you ever want to cause an uncomfortable workplace situation, find out that you and your boss are both boning the same girl.
So, Cindi's brother Teddy is now sleeping on my couch. Well, not really sleeping - most of the time he's doing lines of coke off of my coffee table or freebasing something and watching Gene Hackman movies all night, but whatever. Right after he move's in, I've got an office Christmas party to go to, and I think a small part of my brain I never used before starts to kick in - the self-preservation response. I realized that it might not be a good idea to bring my stripper girlfriend to my conservative office party where my ex who is dating the boss without his wife knowing will be. However, one thing that Teddy was any good at was betting the mail, and he managed to use the invitation to the party to cut lines with, so Cindy found out about the party, and begged that I take her.
To Be Continued...(tomorrow)
Oh, I did a google image search for "ugly stripper" and this was the second result. I don't know why I am as disturbed by this as I am.
User Reviews
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-15 11:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Part three is up now too - http://www.ubersite.com/m/70771
Enjoy
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-07-14 17:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. You're dumb.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-07-14 17:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got drunk and let 4 guys hold a cigarette to my forarm... for free. Chicks don't dig that.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, MAVERICK HAD TO TAKE ON THOSE MIGS ALL ALONE!
WTF?
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-13 22:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this and I didn't get around to rating it.
PS. Thanks for saying my first post was good enough to enter into the first-post-a-palooza. :)
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-13 18:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-13 09:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Part II is up - http://www.ubersite.com/m/70557 .
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-07-12 21:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I demand to know what happens next.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-12 17:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for strippers and blow. From the divot to the dome!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-12 16:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love strippers!! And now, I will link whore http://www.ubersite.com/m/70506
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-12 16:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, you have one person in the fan club. Jeanneee that is...
I will read on
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-12 13:02:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, thank you. I think thats actually the best compliment I've ever had on uber.
Oh, and I agree...
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-12 12:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This needs more hits/reviews.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, no peanut butter, unfortunately. Tomorrow is only going to be how things went wrong - I could do an entire post on the wierd shit this girl was into, and summarily the wierd shit she got me to do.
GGG, baby.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can't wait for Part II
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-12 10:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty solid.
15 hooker peanutbutter gangbang coming up int he second half?
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-07-12 10:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heres a vice for you.
http://www.ison-distribution.com/ison/image/complete/2dr-benchvice.jpg
Bwahahahahahahaha!