Dissolved Berty (962 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.71 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2005-07-12 11:09:52 EDT
Today I really want to write a whiney rant post and for someone to call me a waaahmbulance to give me attention. So here it is.
I'm bored, I'm tired, I'm hot (smokin' in fact), I'm lonely and I'm pretty depressed. Now in times gones past I used to go and have a good moan at people, whether I knew them or not, and tell them all sorts of personal things about me, whether they cared or not. Since being at Uber I have becom very self consious of how much people hate that stuff. Of course I don't hate listening to other peoples problems because I am great/sick voyeur/the light in the dark/a prick/Danny the Champion of the World/whatever. People don't like it though.
I worry people don't like me period. I have no confidence and, quite frankly, what is a man without confidence? What is he? Nothing, that's what. waah waah waah.
why bother? what good will come from any of this? It's not hard you know Berty, just find someone, there are millions of people out there. There's that girl in the other room across the hall. SHe was looking at you earlier, when you where staring blankly at the mail slots. She probably just things your weird, or she's looking at your ear. That's probably it. Then again I am the youngest guy here. Also the least desirable, I am paid the least. She doesn't know that, maybe she thinks I'm sexy.
...
You reckon? Aye, but I bet she looks at everyone that way, she's just freindly and if you do anything you'll just make an arse of yourself. Dork. So just do what you always do and prey on drunk women in bars. I can't do that, that's ungentlemanly. Say what you like Berty your gentlemanly spirit won't keep you warm at night. True but it will mean I don't have to worry about where to put my arms.
Maybe though, maybe she feels the same way as you, stronger even. Maybe she is really lonely and when she looks at you she sees everything she's ever wanted. Maybe your hurting her, this poor girl whose only crime was to be lonely, vulnerable and to desire you. Fuck you Berty I can't be held responsible for that. Oh yeah Alex? What about Rebbecca then? How do you think she felt after you failed to love her? You could have been so good to her but you did nothing you fucking maggot. Just left her out in the cold. Do you know what's happened to her after all this time? Have you had any contact at all? No, no I havn't. Chances are she's fine though, met someone really nice and really stable whose able to love her and take her outside where she can smile and be happy. Happier than I could have made her. Or she's alone or dead after you failed her. Maybe. I hope not.
C'mon mate, it's getting late (that sort of rhymes) and you want to get all your work finished so you can get back to Air Combat, yeah? Yeah.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:22:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I hate brocolli, and yet, I AM brocolli."
Genius?
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:02:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh* do you want to talk about the feelings lurking in Berty's gooey chocolate center?
If so, please email me so that we may have the discussion in private.
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Sounds hetrosexually tasty. Look forward to the Berty Easter Egg range
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-16 05:02:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh* do you want to talk about the feelings lurking in Berty's gooey chocolate center?
If so, please email me so that we may have the discussion in private.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-16 04:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:( I'll just go to bed then.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-16 04:49:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh. Sorry.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-16 04:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Since I made this post I have endeavoured to bury these feelings deep, deep, down where they will never embarass me again.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-16 04:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This dissolved Berty is one of my favorite people on this damned site, whether he likes himself or not.
And I never knew your true identity..MWAHAH NOW I DO!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-08-31 05:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:42:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
What helps me when approaching women (because I have similar nervous issues as you do) is to just treat it like a game.
See how many girls you can say "Hi" to in a night (nothing more than that, unless they press it to be ;-) ok?). By doing that, and not worrying about the more nerve-wrecking issues like pick up lines, or acting like what you think she would like you to act, you are elliminating a lot of pressure from yourself, and in so doing, appearing confident and social.
Once you've finished just saying "Hi" to all the girls you're interested in for a couple nights out, start to work on conversation, and then flirtation, and then seduction. Work on something further each week, and I promise you won't have a problem with girls any more. It's all about breaking your comfort barrier.
Shape up lad, and try to think positively of yourself.
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see he IS helpful!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-08-15 12:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-08-09 12:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's all rather embarrasing. Maybe you're right though.
Tell you what, give me your email address and I'll show you some excerpts of stuff I wrote when I was younger.
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2005-08-02 08:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse the bluntness, but you should write about this properly.
Think of scenarios, what lead to your malaise, what you external expression of your feeling was i.e did you become cynical, sarcastic, even jovial? And juxtapose that with your internal monologue.
You may find it cathartic and it would certainly give us an insight into your psyche.
Just a suggestion, hope I am not speaking out of turn.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-08-02 02:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Mein gott, I must forget this... this... horror!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72173#1494158
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-22 08:05:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
He's a master debater.
(shit, someone had to say it).
Berty - why have you said "poor belle" what do you know that I don't?
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No reason, it just kind of rhymes or scanns or whatever the word is.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:42:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What helps me when approaching women (because I have similar nervous issues as you do) is to just treat it like a game.
See how many girls you can say "Hi" to in a night (nothing more than that, unless they press it to be ;-) ok?). By doing that, and not worrying about the more nerve-wrecking issues like pick up lines, or acting like what you think she would like you to act, you are elliminating a lot of pressure from yourself, and in so doing, appearing confident and social.
Once you've finished just saying "Hi" to all the girls you're interested in for a couple nights out, start to work on conversation, and then flirtation, and then seduction. Work on something further each week, and I promise you won't have a problem with girls any more. It's all about breaking your comfort barrier.
Shape up lad, and try to think positively of yourself.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-22 09:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody oath....
Good post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-22 09:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I loathe whiners.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2005-07-22 09:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya buddy.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-07-22 08:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww. I read this a while ago and didn't rate it, but it was enjoyable so here you go.
Dork:)
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-22 08:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's a master debater.
(shit, someone had to say it).
Berty - why have you said "poor belle" what do you know that I don't?
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-07-14 00:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I argued with you extensively on my last post sometime in May. I'm sorry I lashed out at first instead of debating. Thanks for being a good debator.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-13 10:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-13 06:48:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
stopped being gay now?
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Yep, thank you for indulging my little lapse in decorum.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-13 06:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stopped being gay now?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-13 06:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lock On, Berty?? It's is teh RoXOr!!! Go and give her one for your country, if Lee Bowyer can get laid...
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-13 06:05:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DJ is right, but you know that.
You're an interesting, intelligent, insightful young man. Get on with getting on... and make sure you have some fun along the way.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-12 16:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't sweat it. People are nicer than you think.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-12 14:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:59:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit!
I was going to say if you see thier eyes gloss over while you're delving into a pit of minutia just lick thier face and start humping thier leg, that'll lighten shit up right fast.
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Awesome.
Hey bert, don't sweat it too much. Like DJ Said, let go of the self-analysis every now and then and just live.
I have a similar problem in that I can't seem to hold conversation with/introduce myself to people I don't know. I think I'm a fairly interesting person, but when it comes to actually talking to some one else, I freeze.
Then again I've never tried the lick/leg hump.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-12 12:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty needs a hug.
Do you answer to "Lexie Bear", just wondering since you and my dog have the same name and all.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-12 12:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Considering the self-pitying, whiny, pile of gash I'm rather overwellmed. It's good to hear such nice things from the people I admire.
Thanks you guys.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-12 12:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you get older you realize how silly some of your insecurities might be.
Or not.
I did.
In the overall scheme of things you realize that wondering why is just a waste of time.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-12 12:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And yes, I do carry on an internal dialouge between two people called Berty and Alex. Keeps me objective.
____
It also keeps you insane! Keep up the good work! Stiff upper lip, eh wot?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damnit!
I was going to say if you see thier eyes gloss over while you're delving into a pit of minutia just lick thier face and start humping thier leg, that'll lighten shit up right fast.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you can learn to switch off the analytical nature every so often, especially when meeting new people, you'd probably find that people would find you a lot more approachable and easy to talk too.
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Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1) No good can come from staying in every evening drinking wine with your house mates. You have a mobile now, give us a ring and we'll come over at the weekend or for a night in the pub or something. I don't mind driving if we all take turns.
2) Make a move... Ask her out. Rejection is something everybody needs experience of, or they become arrogant and deluded. Best to learn how to get over it now than in 20 years when it's all too damn late.
3) Get a desk fan. You have no idea how fucking amazing they are.
4) In my humble opinion, you're one of the most deep thinking people I know. Your insight into politics, current affairs, and other important issues is astounding. However, I think that some people can be a little intimidated by it. I've known you for over a decade, and i'm still shocked sometimes by the insight you offer, and to some it may be that they simply don't understand; After all, it's human nature to fear that which you don't understand. Take John's friend Geniene(sic); She said that she did like you, and thought you were a nice guy, but you delved too deep into the issues in the conversations for her to be able to follow.
If you can learn to switch off the analytical nature every so often, especially when meeting new people, you'd probably find that people would find you a lot more approachable and easy to talk too.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Try not to get too wrapped up in your own head because it'll eventually drive you batty (look at me).
here is a funny pic for you and Alex.
http://www.webwonks.org/Hobbies/Art/images/contemporary/FlyingButtMonkey.jpg
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awe, Berty and your cute little insecurities *slaps you on the ass.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at Shlongy's picture. You'll be so happy you're not him, things will have to get better.
Trust me on this. I saw it work on a gay Jewish black crippled woman.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:19:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Get drunk and beat something up. You'll feel better.
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:18:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
listen dude, chin up.
seriously, from what I have read here on uber you are an amusing guy.
cheer up.
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That's shockingly kind from both of you. Thank you.
It's just the heat and the workload, I'll feel right as rain come autumn.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get drunk and beat something up. You'll feel better.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
listen dude, chin up.
seriously, from what I have read here on uber you are an amusing guy.
cheer up.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if it's any consolation, i don't like you either.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I should have left this for SPT
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-12 11:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is a kind of experiment in writing, intended to bring me closer to actually creating a work of fiction, it's been awhile so I'm a little out of practice. Hence posts like this.
And yes, I do carry on an internal dialouge between two people called Berty and Alex. Keeps me objective.