Ahkmed learns to drive (613 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.5 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Geodescent (View user info) at 2005-07-13 11:12:25 EDT
So I'm driving to work this morning like I always do: windows down, car pushing 50 uphill on a 35mph street...you know, normal driving. I get on the highway and this car moves from center lane to the right lane in front of me. No big deal, right? Wrong. Immediately, they stomp on their brakes because there's a slight hump in the highway before the Beltline exit.
It is at this point that I realize I'm going to be screaming my head off within 5 minutes. This guy exits Beltline too and starts slowing down. We'll call him Ahkmed. Ahkmed is traveling the highway like a soccer mom with 7 fragile rugrats in the back of an oversized gas guzzling van that blocks your view of the green light until she finally decided to go and you realize the light is now red.
Now I've been tailgating Ahkmed ever since he slowed down for the hump because I don't slow down for anything. The exit ramp divides into those 3 lanes, and for some insane reason, the middle lane is 10 cars deeper than the left lane, which is where I need to be. But wait! So does Ahkmed!
Fortunately for me and my already irritable state, (combined with no a/c and the dire need to have air constantly rushing into the car to cool me off) the line is so long that Ahkmed isn't sure what to do. So he stops. He doesn't even try. All you have to do Ahkmed, is roll the wheel to the left and cross the shoulder line! That's alllll you have to do! I almost took to the dirt to pass his retard ass.
But the light turned green so I thought maybe he would get the hint. After all, that 7-car empty space surely must be filled or we might miss the green light. Heh heh. We miss the green light. This is how long Ahkmed took to get to the fucking intersection. Just as he looks into his rear-view mirror, he gets a nice visage of me throwing both hands into the air while screaming obscenities. I know he saw me because he looked into his side mirror to get a better look and he looked confused and nervous.
So during the turn I steal center lane and sit right next to Ahkmed. When that light turns green, I floor it as God himself intended man to do and get in front of Ahkmed. Mission complete. Thanks a lot Ahkmed, you cost me 5 valuable minutes of goofing off before manning in. My day is ruined.
The moral of the story is this: if you're going to come to this country or worse, Dallas, you learn to drive. Don't you dare come here with your defensive driving, because one of us is going to murder you on the highway.
User Reviews
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-07-27 20:43:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear Mother Fucking Newbie
Write better shit or die.
Love,
AlahAckbar
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-13 13:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70556
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-13 13:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for wasting gas
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-07-13 13:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Racism shouldn't be brought into the realm of bad driving. People from all car-driving races are bad drivers, especially in L.A.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-13 11:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
your post made gas eep out of my asshole.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-13 11:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You win the prize!
Submitted by egadz (user info) at 2005-07-13 11:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+2 for being a reckless driver.
Oh wait.
-4 for being a reckless driver.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-07-13 11:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...
no, wait, this was shit.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-13 11:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You need to calm down man, it's not a race track it's a road. And you shouldn't tailgate, it's dangerous.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-13 11:21:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh.
BUt at least it had paragraphs...