Kasparaitis, Self-deprecation and a bit of a camwhore. (1689 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.49 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by krissi (View user info) at 2005-07-13 15:11:46 EDT
I am here to tell you today about my terrible affliction. I am horrendously pale. I will never ever tan. My skin contains little to no melanin. I'm serious. It's a problem I have, and I so realize that I should have been born a southern belle in the era around Scarlett O'Hara. I'd have been royalty back then (and that's despite the fact that I'd get to wear awesome dresses to show off my tiny waist).
Not even in my dreams do I have the ability to tan; I've tried. I've gone to a deserted island with a cute boy thinking, "Hey, I'm dreaming, I can tan here." Nope. Arms swelled to the size of an inflatable dingy covered in blisters and I died.
So, here are some of the things I've realized because of my paleness:
- I'm really just very Irish. I have red hair that goes very nicely with my skin. If it weren't for the red hair, I'd probably be as close to being an albino without actually being one. My friends at school actually would argue that I am paler than the albino kid we have on campus.
- My elementary school years were filled with being called Casper. I didn't really mind it much, I was better than that.
- Years later, I'd be watching hockey and I learned of a player by the name of Darius Kasparaitis. (Yes, that's a real last name and you may look it up if you please. He plays defense for the New York Rangers - # 6) I looked to my mom and commented that Kasparaitis sounded like a disease that a really pale person would have. After that, when I went to bars at school, I'd tell drunk people that commented on my skin that I had this disease and go into lengthy discussions... that usually ended in me telling them that it was contagious and that I hope they don't catch it. (I have no tolerance for groping stupid drunks that are complete and utter strangers.)
- My friends in high school would comment on my skin when we went down the shore by pointing out that I was easily the palest person on the beach. After a few beers or Nalgene's full of Arbor Mist, they'd comment that I was actually paler than the sand.
- My newest nickname is 'Pasty White' but I'm trying my hardest to ignore that one.
I'm really the first person to ever mock my skin. Self-deprecation rocks. I mean, if I can't laugh at myself, what can I laugh at? Nothing you say about my skin will ever hurt me. I did go through a self-tanner (tan-in-a-can) phase in middle school, but I outgrew that when I came to love my unique skin.
On that note, if you can find someone paler than me... I will be shocked. Conan O'Brien doesn't count, because I think the lights just wash him out to that level of paleness.
User Reviews
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-08-18 01:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would rather take home a so-so looking redhead at night than an awesome blond. Auto +2
Submitted by Leopold525 (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cause I'm thinking with my dick!
I'm a sucker for fair skinned redheads :)
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-07-14 21:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the hell is this?
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-07-14 21:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
S'OK, I am almost the same way, I am pale all through winter, then as soon as it is warm, BAM I am a freaking tomato, this is because I am also a redhead. Then it fades back to my pale state and so on, so I am either really white, or really red depending on the season! at least yours is constant.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-14 04:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 HAWT.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-14 04:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:19:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Pale redhead...........
*shudder*
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
*thump*
Aaaaaahhhhhh.
---
this bothered me.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-14 04:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have beautiful skin. If you didn't have such a great figure you'd be stalked by buffalo bill.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-07-13 18:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kasparitus made a huge goal to win a playoff game for the Penguins a couple years ago. Therefore, any post mentioning him gets +2.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-13 18:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
-1 for you because Kaspar will never really be thought of as a Ranger...He was an Islander, a Penguin and an Avalanche-r well before he started stinking it out in a Ranger uni.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-13 18:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think it's stupid that white people like the beach. Never ceases to amaze me.
Submitted by supersloth (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... Oh, yeah.
I love them pale redheads.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, you pale Jersey slut...
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing wrong with being pale!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mickginny's gonna like you.
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Natural redheads always get +2 from me.
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Redheads are hot.
2. The fact that you are so totally comforatble with your body (which looks damn good btw) is even hotter.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:19:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmmmmm redhead
At least you're not quite fish belly white.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"- My elementary school years were filled with being called Casper. I didn't really mind it much, I was better than that. "
=======
Once, while swimming, I was told that I looked like a dead jellyfish.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love kasparaitis, he's my favorite.
I love you too
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a thing for redheads...so you'll always get +2's from me!
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I live in one of the largest Irish neighborhoods in the U.S., and I've seen worse.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm thinking that a red thong would like good with that outfit
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-13 16:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If only Habeeb were here...
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I always wear the Banana Boat Baby Magic sunblock...I think it's 50 SPF?
I'm Italian and I burn...don't ask me how or why. All I know is that I'm super pale...and I love it.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i happen to think paler skin is beautiful. perhaps not albino pale, but your skin tone is gorgeous. and the red hair most certainly caps it off nicely.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enough. Meanwhile, I guess we'll monitor your writing skillz and go from there. My skills suck since I don't read much and I don't think you can be a good writer if you are not a good reader. I also like milky white breasts, but that's just a random thought running around in my head right now.
I need to go home
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:42:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:36:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Have we seen the best of you, or are you saving that for later with a camwhore money, err face shot
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I'll show another picture at another time. This pic was more to show how pale I am.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Have we seen the best of you, or are you saving that for later with a camwhore money, err face shot
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:27:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2kakke!!!!!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
- Years later, I'd be watching hockey and I learned of a player by the name of Darius Kasparaitis. (Yes, that's a real last name and you may look it up if you please. He plays defense for the New York Rangers - # 6) I looked to my mom and commented that Kasparaitis sounded like a disease that a really pale person would have. After that, when I went to bars at school, I'd tell drunk people that commented on my skin that I had this disease and go into lengthy discussions... that usually ended in me telling them that it was contagious and that I hope they don't catch it. (I have no tolerance for groping stupid drunks that are complete and utter strangers.)
-----
BWAHAHAHA!
Growing up, me and my friends hated Kasparaitis. We take hockey pretty seriously here in Canada, so we singled out the guy for his brutal hockey "skills". I don't want to get too into why we think he sucks, but we also noticed that his name sounds like a disease so if we ever played against someone who sucked really bad, we said they had Kasparaitis.
Thanks for digging up a fond memory.
Redheads are hot.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My g/f would probably tie you for 'paleness', she is also a readhead. WOOHOO FIRE CROTCH, anyways, she thinks about going out in the sun and gets a burn, it is pretty funny.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2kakke!!!!!
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, another random thing I *MEANT* to include in this post was that:
Well, you know how moths are attracted to light? Yea. Once a moth landed on my leg when I was wearing shorts around my house.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
anything NY Rangers = auto -2
hot redhead = auto +2
because i'm nice = +2
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, too, have the genetic predisposition of tanning like an Irishman (because I'm, you know, a mick). I have discovered that in deep winter, I actually become glow-in-the-dark white. At night, you could actually read just from the shine off of my ass.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:18:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
I've lost weight since this picture, and with a corset, my waist would be awesomely tiny.
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sounds like a new camwhore is in order...
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I too am Irish, but I can tan. I appreciate some good ol'
fashioned red hair. Rock that shit. Or Póg Mo Thóin.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pale redhead...........
*shudder*
*squick*
*squick*
*squick*
*thump*
Aaaaaahhhhhh.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS! LETS'S GO RANGERS!
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've lost weight since this picture, and with a corset, my waist would be awesomely tiny.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:15:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
You are whiter than the screen I'm typing this on, and you don't have a "tiny" waist.
Unless this is opposite day, and I didn't get the memo
=======================
Don't you know anything? If it is opposite day you *don't* get the memo. God, I think we all learned that in..like..3rd grade.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I look black compared to you.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Redhead!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I'm strangely attracted to redheads.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You also have a really bad taste in bathings suits. There, I said it.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:15:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha. yes, I can go outside. I'm wearing SPF 45, and this picture was taken around 5 pm or so ... so the sun isn't as bad then.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sorry Donkey, beat me too it
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are whiter than the screen I'm typing this on, and you don't have a "tiny" waist.
Unless this is opposite day, and I didn't get the memo
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haven't read yet but you need like SPF 2000
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha! you have red hair and pale skin! ha!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Coppertone SPF 3,ooo for your ass. Should you even be outside?