Fucking Cars (1146 hits)
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Rating: 1.46 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2005-07-14 10:29:34 EDT
When I turned 17 my parents bought me a new car.
Well, not "new"... but new to me, you know? It was an '89 Escort.
One day my friend Laurie and I skipped school, rolled a joint, and drove around town. We went to Taco Bell, and returned to my house to eat and laze around a bit. About twenty minutes after we sat down, I noticed smoke billowing into my backyard. I assumed the dryer was going, and what I was seeing was the sweet smelling dryer exaust.
A few minutes later we were surprised by a loud pouding at the front door. It was my sister and her husband.
"CORINNE!!!!! Your fucking car is on fire!!!"
Indeed, it was. My car, which was nestled between our house and the neighbors, was engulfed in flames.
This is when I went into panic mode. I started screaming, "Laurie! Call 911!!", to which she answered, "Call WHO? WHAT NUMBER?". She had no idea what was going on, but my own panic had spewed onto her, and our highness didn't help. She finally figured out how to dial 911, but had no idea why she was calling. I was running up and down the stairs looking for the fire extinguisher. My sister and her husband were doing something, I'm sure, but I have no idea what.
I finally remembered that the extinguisher was hung right near the back door. Laurie was yelling to me, "What do I SAY TO THEM???!!!" as I stepped onto the back porch, within about 10 feet of my flaming car.
I fumbled with the extinguisher, and after 18917187 minutes I figured out how to get it to work. It was no match for the firey car, obviously. My brother in law came out to the porch, screaming at me to get back inside, and he ended up having to physically PULL me away from the fire.
My sister took the phone from Laurie and told them to send fire trucks.
The town siren went off (those of you who went camping heard that siren, it's an old WWII bombing raid siren that we use to alert the voluntary fire department), the trucks came, and the fire was extinguished.
It was horrible.
So, what are the chances that this could happen to the same person, ten years later?
Pretty fucking high, apparently.
At 8:00 am I bundled up my lunch, and headed out the door. The first thing I noticed was water all over the driveway.
Weird.
Then I looked at my car.
WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK FUCK!?
Apparently my car caught on fucking fire last night. The hood was charred black, the paint was flaking off, and it stank.
Since I'm currently a veteran of fucked up situations, I didn't panic. I simply stood on the porch and stared. After about 5 minutes of staring, I turned around, unlocked the door to the house, and went back inside.
The first thing I did was call Ford. They said to call my insurance company. My insurance company said to call Ford. Ford said to call the police. The police said to call Ford.
So I called my mom, who is up north right now. She said to call Ford.
I ended up calling a towing company, and had the car towed down to the dealership.
When the towing guy showed up, all he said was, "Shit! It's a new car! Shit! Shit! How did this happen!?". For some reason I liked that he was swearing. When it arrived at the dealership they called, and the guy said, "Shit, how did that happen?".
I have no idea what happened, how it happened, and how nobody noticed it happening.
So then I have to call work, right?
"Hey, my car caught on fire, so I wont be in today."
"Can you get a rental?" I called around to get a rental, and realized I could NOT get a rental since I don't have a credit card. Then my boss asked, "Get a taxi". I called around and no taxi would come get me, since I live 30 minutes away from any taxi company.
Since I always feel like I'm a liar when I call in to work, I decided to send my boss a picture of my car, as proof that I am telling the truth. I still worry that he doesn't believe me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-28 05:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Get a rental...get a taxi...etc."? What a dickhead.
A taxi costs $10 to go 2 fucking miles down the road. What an asshole your boss is for not offering a ride or letting it go.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go fuck yourself.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two words...
BUY FORIEGN
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-21 21:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fix
or
repair
daily
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-14 22:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-07-14 21:02:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
A volunteer fire department. I assume you live in a small town.
***
Indeed, I do. I graduated with 80 people.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2005-07-14 21:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see a pattern here between Fords and catching on fire.
First the Pinto, now this? Whats next? Expeditions' tires popping for no reason?
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-07-14 21:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A volunteer fire department. I assume you live in a small town.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-07-14 20:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-14 18:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So are you trying to say that it may have been a bad idea to pour my coffee in my engine instead of antifreeze?
Damn.
I just talked to the dealership. They said, "We've never seen anything like this!". That's reassuring.
Submitted by Rico_Suave (user info) at 2005-07-14 18:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
DUURRRGGHHH UMMM GEEEEE
CARS NEED ANTIFREEZE
stupid broad
NO CARS FOR U
GO FORDS WOO!!!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-14 18:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why would you buy a new focus when you could get a nice used and imported car with an extended warranty for the same price?
i dont understand you people.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-14 18:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:34:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Enexplained fires are a matter for the courts, Canyonarooooo
***************************
Ha ha ha!!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-14 17:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cars shouldn't spontaneously catch fire. That's bad. That's a bad sign.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My first car was a '79 Volswagen Dasher. We shared the same birth year. It never caught on fire... no matter how hard I tried.
Submitted by kadunkadunk (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel your pain.
+2 for steel beasts of burden.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I appreciate you company loyalty.. but wow.. i think if i had 2 Fords catch on fire on me i'd have trouble continuing to be loyal.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
them damn cars, they burn like they're fulla gasoline er somethin...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-14 14:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The town siren went off (those of you who went camping heard that siren, it's an old WWII bombing raid siren that we use to alert the voluntary fire department), the trucks came, and the fire was extinguished.
so THAT's what that was? wow. I remember hearing those.
why should you have to pay for anything? that's a brand new car. they gave
you a faulty car and should give you another one.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-07-14 13:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I had a bad car day.
Monday I spent fixing my truck.
7:25 I try to start truck - battery dead
7:27 fiance's car is hooked up and ready to jump my truck
7:30 engine is running and I'm reparking her car.
Perhaps it's fixed!!!
7:32 I'm trying to pull away from the curb
7:32.5 The engine dies.
Perhaps it's the fuel filter
9:00 shiney new fuel filter installed
Perhaps it's fixed!!!
9:03 nope. its not.
10:00 ITS THE ALTERNATORZ!1!!!LOLz!
11:50 New alternator installed
Perhaps it's fixed!!!
12:00 Runs well but squeeking. don't worry that squeeky belt don't mean nuttin.
Perhaps it's fixed!!!
5:00 Belt blows on the freeway. Car dies and won't even consider starting.
5:01 I coast frantically onto the shoulder 3 lanes away.
5:05 Highway patrol stops by and says not to call AAA because he's gonna get a courtesy tow to take me off the freeway.
5:10 cop leaves
5:20 courtesy tow shows up and dissapears without stopping. WTF!11!!!BBQ?11!!
5:21 I call AAA and schedule a pickup.
5:22 cop returns asks "what happened?!?!" I told him I have no idea.
5:23 Cop radios for courtesy to come back
5:25 courtesy tow shows up
5:26 Cop leaves
5:27 courtesy tow fucking dissapears again.
5:35 AAA shows up and tows my car to a parking lot
7:00 I fix the truck again.
but now I'm happy my truck didn't spontaneously catch on fire.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-14 13:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-14 12:30:21 (#)
Ranking: 1
thats unlikely.
buy your own car.
***
Ah, to clarify... I paid for this car, but my credit was so fucked that I couldn't get one on my own.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-07-14 12:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-14 12:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry about your shitty day.
Cheer up- at least you got a day off of work out of the deal!...
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-14 12:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
thats unlikely.
buy your own car.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-07-14 12:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate cars and wish I was amish.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-14 11:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was hoping this would be a picture of two automobiles engaged in sexual congress.
Good luck with that shit. If your whole family didn't work for the company, I'd say try to find a way to sue Ford for fucking up your life for at least a few days.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-14 11:53:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You fuck in cars?
We're a match made in heaven...or hell. Whatever.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-14 11:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
3. I'm not one to get pissed off about things I can't control. At this point I'm sure I won't owe any money, insurance or warranty will surely cover expenses. I will be pissed off if I find out that it will cost me money.
----------------
It'll cost ya. Watch your insurance reach for the sky.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-14 11:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get a GMC next time. They're way better than Fords.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2005-07-14 11:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow...that sucks. Could be worse...you could have been in it when it happened.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:55:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
why the fuck would anyone work for ford?
***
Because they pay more than anyone else in the Detroit area. Neither of my parents went to college, so it was a high income job with great benifits that didn't require higher education. It's the major industry around here.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weird. One of my first cars was an 89 Escort. It was a P.O.S., but I got 150,000 miles out of it before I had to tear the transaxle out of it and replace it in my college-house's driveway. You know, it just doesn't seem like home without random large car parts randomly strewn in the front yard.
My brother has a Focus. Hmmm. I think he has full coverage insurance on it.
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
why the fuck would anyone work for ford?
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit man
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:45:49 (#)
Ranking: -1
Stupid.
This post is stupid.
1. you own a ford.
2. how many cars catch light when they're switched off (unless you've put a blanket over the engine, which you wouldn't do on a new car).
3. you don't sound that pissed off about it... and this is a new car.
4. you own a ford.
***
1. I own a ford because I live in Michigan, and my entire family works for Ford, so it makes sense to support the company that my family pulls income from. Not to mention that my parents bought this car for me, and I'm not going to look a gift-horse in the mouth
2. I do not know how many cars light on fire when they are switched off. I'm not a fucking mechanic. As I mentioned in this post, I find it crazy that this has happened to me twice.
3. I'm not one to get pissed off about things I can't control. At this point I'm sure I won't owe any money, insurance or warranty will surely cover expenses. I will be pissed off if I find out that it will cost me money.
4. See number one.
Submitted by Richard_Whitely (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was me
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ford has had to recall the Focus in the past because the way they routed the battery cables/and other wires resulted in them overheating, melting, and sometimes catching fire--often after the car was shut off and parked. I think they may have had some fuel leak problems that were resulting in fires too.
You should check into that on the web...and have an INDEPENDENT mechanic/auto shop give you an opinion, since the dealer and Ford are going to try to stonewall you.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Stupid.
This post is stupid.
1. you own a ford.
2. how many cars catch light when they're switched off (unless you've put a blanket over the engine, which you wouldn't do on a new car).
3. you don't sound that pissed off about it... and this is a new car.
4. you own a ford.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:43:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
dagenham dustbins
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
F.O.R.D.
Fix Or Repair Daily
Or they'll just burn your shit all to hell. That makes for a shitty day.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT?!
No Ferarri porn?!!!
-2, die.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah it's a 2005 focus.
And I know this isn't a beautifully written post... I'm just in a tizzy and had to share.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's attractive.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it a focus?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would stop buying Fords.
The +2 isn't for the story, but for the idiot below....
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enexplained fires are a matter for the courts, Canyonarooooo!
Submitted by NikkiSixx (user info) at 2005-07-14 10:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Next time I'll burn your house down