Would that I had wheels for toes. (737 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.5 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by plizzi plitters <lizzirose.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-14 15:24:57 EDT
5:30 p.m.-When the battery light came on in my 97 Saturn last night, I said "Fuck!" A lot. Then I took it to the Saturn dealer/service station. Three weeks ago this car had $1300 worth of work done to it. Ain't it always the way.
7:00 p.m.- It took me and hour and a half to get to the service station because D.C. is a Clusterfuck of cluster-fucked fuckers, and when I showed up the guy at the desk was only programmed to say two things: "Drop off your key here" and "I have no idea what that might mean."
I asked if there were anyone there who could maybe offer some troubleshooting advice, or possibly had some distilled water that I could use just in case that was the problem with the battery.
"You can drop off your key here."
I walked out and called my father, because he's a real dick if I don't tell him everything I do with regards to the car, and sometimes daddy's are magic and give decent car advice. He wasn't magic so much as a prick this time, and asked if I had been leaving things on (lights, etc.) What I should've said was "Yes, all the time. I leave my lights on at night so that all the diarrhetic crows in my development know just where to shit," but of course I didn't do that because I still have to suffer through family dinners every week. I stopped showing up high because it's too much of a buzzkill to watch blank faces go even... blanker.
9:00 p.m.- Anyway, I went to my night job, worked for a few hours, got a nasty call from Dad about how he didn't have the time to worry about this shit and that it should be in a shop right now. I told him in so many words to go fuck himself anyway, and that I'd call him the next day.
7:15 a.m.- On my way to the service station that is trustworthy and close to public transit, the car definitely died in the middle of a large intersection (known heretofore as "The Clusterfuck".) I stayed in my car for a while with the hood and trunk up so that the nice people passing through The Clusterfuck would know to go around me. At least one person every light cycle asked if I needed a phone, which was nice, or if I had called someone, which OF FUCKING COURSE I HAD. I knew it was the alternator at this point, and wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of everyone's way. I replied nicely the first fifty times to the drive-thru samaritans, until I realized that I was going to get run into by some dumb shit trying to blow through a yellow light without realizing that my car was fully immobile in the center lane. Gotta love rush hour in suburbia, and you gotta love dumbshits like me whose car dies in the worst place possible.
8:00 a.m.- So I got out and stood, like a tool, on the triangle of grass that passes for nature in Fairfax. I got stares and glares and prayed like a real Catholic that someone would just total the fuck out of my car, or that someone would run up onto my little concrete island there and just get it over with, already. Pretty much the only thing that keeps me from killing myself is that I just keep making plans for the next day. Eventually, that will change, but as it stands, I'd rather someone else do it for me. Call me lazy, call me crazy, but goddammit I'd rather be dead than another driver in this town.
8:20 a.m.- So, a cop shows up in synch with the technician (who, adorably, looked like he had just woken up, with his little undies poking up over the top of his jeans. Poor guy, I hate being such a high-maintenance <ick> girl, especially first thing in the morning. It didn't help that I wore a frilly skirt to work today. I shoulda worn my burlap sack.) I didn't have anything to hide this time, so I was nice to the cop. That's when he told me to just sit in my car. I obeyed, thinking that that was where I needed to be. In truth, the cop stood next to the sleepy technician and didn't say a damn word. The moment had passed for me to assert myself, and since this was my mess I felt I should at least watch what the guy is doing so that I'll know for next time. No such luck, princess, you just sit tight and let the guy with a gun and a dick call all the shots. Fuck.
8:30 a.m.- Dude boosts the battery, and I roll out of The Clusterfuck. He's following me and its about, oh, I don't know, a mile before the car dies again. This time, though, I was able to pull over, and he jumps it again. Then he says, "You can't drive stick, right?" I didn't get offended, I just pointed at the shifter and said, "Yeah, I can." And then, something cool happened. He drove my car, and I got to drive his. His car was a sweet black Acura, all shiny black leather and lowered with a blue dashboard etc. and he had The Doors blasting. I was happy as a clam when I pulled onto the road towards the shop (which is only ¾ of a mile away now!) until I realize that he's now stranded in the middle of the road. I took the next right, pulled around, made a left and then passed him going to opposite way (he had jumped it in the time it took me to turn around.) We eventually made it to the shop, and there it will sit until it learns to behave itself.
Frustration is mental constipation.
::Note Bene:: While I was standing on grass median, I wondered if any mechanic has ever owned a Saturn, or if my troubles would simply perpetuate the stereotype that women are stupid, therefore, drive stupid cars. The sad thing is that I do love my car, but it's sort of like loving getting punched in the tits. Masochistic.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Suck my pole...fat or not fat. Just suck it.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-15 14:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats not a touch of bitterness, is it, indigo?
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-15 09:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
missed this when it was on the front page - good stuff. I don't drive but I've had a couple of boyfriends with cars like that. On their last legs (wheels?) but still the only other woman in their life, according to them.
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-15 08:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo - sounds like somebody didn't have enough *confidence*
Ah ha ha - isn't good old FFX Co great?
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-07-14 17:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Stick around.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:14:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Great first post
-------------------------------------
There are some good posts in general at the top of the front page right now. Congrats on dishing it up nicely your first time! Have a +2 in hopes that you don't screw up.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
had almost the same thing happen to me, I think the guys got a high feeling macho over the fact that I didn't know how to fix my damn car. Welcome btw
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-14 16:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great first post
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And that's why distributorless cars suck. I had my old bronco blow the alterator and slowly the radio and headlights all died, but she kept on moving down the road
Submitted by twentyseventy (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I got stares and glares and prayed like a real Catholic that someone would just total the fuck out of my car"
made me laugh
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like the death of my Volkswagen 2 weeks ago.
After millions of hours of labor from the mechanics.. it was the fuel pump.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"but it's sort of like loving getting punched in the tits. Masochistic."
____
now THERE's a subject that will guarantee a +2kakke!
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain, I used to drive an 88' nova that had to be push started, and liked to die in only busy intersections.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:29:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
What's with all the good n00bees today?
===
indeed...
Wait a sec, am I allowed to say that yet?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-14 15:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's with all the good n00bees today?