...Before a Fall (593 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.95 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Nick <nickuhlig.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-17 10:17:57 EDT
"Don't do it."
This was the first sentence that came out of my mouth when my father told me he was leaving my mother. A command. I was not about to let this happen without resistance.
Unfortuntely it did happen, mostly because I had been in the dark about it for the greater part of a year. I hd been overseas, and my parents had figured that it would be best to wait until after I finished what was to be the greatest year of my life before deflating me with the bad news.
My father moved out only a few days after we drove back home from Toronto. He got a nice townhouse only a block away and seems ot be doing OK. I have to go there every morning to pick up the van so I can drop him off at work before driving out of the city for my job. I've stayed the weekend, had dinner a few times, and generally don't feel bad about this very much.
But that doesn't change one feeling that will never go away. Disappointment.
People write about their parents' divorces and say that it affected them for the rest of their life, made them depressed, etc. I'm too old and embittered by the world to feel depressed or deeply affected, but the disappointment in my parents for allowing this to happen will never ebb or subside.
Most of my friends have split parents. Two houses, two phone numbers, two addresses, two step-parents, even. I haven't known them for their entire life--I only met most of my friends in high school. Thus, I could hardly have noticed a change in their lives when this happened. Because my parents had been married for over 20 years without letting any of their problems slip into my radar made me proud, because I assumed that since I hadn't heard of them, there were no serious problems.
I thought my parents were a cut above the rest. WHat's the statistic now...30% of all marriages in North America end in divorce? 50%? Whatever. In any case, it seems more and more rare for parents to stay together, and I was proud of mine for doing that. But when my father told me that he and my mom were splitting, the feeling was like that when you run a race, but quit because you're behind. You know you shouldn't, that it's not fair to you or anyone supporting you, but you do it anyway, and dash the hopes of all who so trusted you. This time, I was on the receiving end.
It may not scar them for life, but it makes them trust you that much less, and in matters of family, trust is a cornerstone of every matter. I still love and like my parents, but I trust them that much less, and now I see a giant inkblot on the manuscript of our family history, where there should be...well not necessarily perfect rules lines of calligraphy, but at least clean and legible printing.
So no, this isn't going to force me onto medication, it's not going to make me lose sleep, it's not going to make me hate the world or my parents, but for once I feel that roles have been switched.
I am being forced to look at my parents as they might have looked at me if I quit when I fell a little behind in a race, and now I understand more than ever the truth of the proverb "pride comes before a fall".
Only this time, it wasn't me who did the falling.
User Reviews
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-18 09:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves a hell of a lot more reviews. You can post like a trollop or stick a pair of underpants on your head and get most heated. Wake up to yourself, Uber.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-18 08:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting. I can't relate, however.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-18 06:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... now i feel crap. Sign of a good post i guess.......
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-18 06:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope my ex-wife reads this.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-07-18 05:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a fuckin quality post. My parents split in almost identical fashion, me coming back from overseas & all.
Submitted by Captain_Cool (user info) at 2005-07-18 03:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry to hear that.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-17 19:20:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Andrewd (user info) at 2005-07-17 18:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn, i hope my parents never divorce
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-17 13:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could have written this and not much would change, except the writing would be worse.
+10
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-07-17 13:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well written.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-17 12:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Divorce sux ass and i hope I never have to go through it. My parents have been married 25years and I'm not sure how I would react if they got a divorce.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2005-07-17 10:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't mean that all divorces are the same, but knowning a fair number of the details from this one, I'd say that in this "race", quitting didn't make the most sense.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-17 10:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck me, did I give something this thought-provoking only a +1?
+2 to correct the error because I'm still thinking about this.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-17 10:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Divorce is difficult. I don't necessarily agree with the "quitting the race because you're behind" thing, though. I'm not so sure things are that simple.
As an example, my wife's parents hate each other. Oftentimes they can't even be in the same room. They also have a son, who is still living with them (he's 18), and they make his life hell because they're both horrible to him and one another. Misery loveth company.
Point is, they're still married. They're not still trying to have a go at it, though. They're married simply because neither of them knows what they would do if they split. Sad, no?
There's no point in still running the race when both of your legs are broken.