10 out of 10 Podiatrists agree: Green M&Ms make you horny (1228 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by notyou (View user info) at 2005-07-18 13:50:06 EDT
"I make you horny, don't I?" the Green M&M said to the paperclip.
The paperclip didn't respond. The Green M&M didn't know what to make of this, so he nudged the paperclip and asked again.
"I make you horny, don't I?"
Again, there was no response from the paperclip. Normally, the Green M&M didn't even have to try. As everyone knows, anyone he comes in contact with becomes instantly horny and wants him. Of course, he had never tried to stimulate a paperclip. But how different could it be to stimulating Red M&M or a French poodle. Determined this time, Green M&M used his sexiest voice.
"I make you horny, don't I?"
Now he was just getting frustrated, never had he met something that was so immune to his chocolaty wiles. Just once in his lifetime had he ever been turned down. It was by a particularly stunning mouse pad in the dead of winter. He had approached the mouse pad and turned on his wily wiles when out of nowhere the mouse pad's lover appeared. Its lover, Microsoft Wheel Mouse Optical 1.1A USB, had attacked Green M&M with lasers and a whip-like cord. Green M&M had just barely escaped with his life, with only a small scorch mark on the base of his shell.
Green M&M was determined to not let this happen again.
A little known fact about paperclips, especially the ones with the ridges that people like to fondle because they feel weird on their fingers, is that they hibernate for 12 months out of the year. They do this because they serve no real use while they are awake. Unfortunately, if they are awakened by anything, they have terrible tempers and have a tendency to attack anything around them with their pointy edges.
Green M&M pushed the paperclip and yelled into the place where he approximated its ear should be. Now, it should be noted that he was not all that familiar with paperclip anatomy so he could have very well been screaming at his thumb which is, of course, assuming that paperclips have opposable thumbs. But since they can hold together a stack of papers, it can probably be assumed that they do.
"I MAKE YOU HORNY, DON'T I?!?!"
Just then the paperclip, awakened from its eternal slumber, sprung into the air, did a back flip and began to unravel. Green M&M had never seen anything like this and stood there in awe, still thinking that he was about to get some and admiring the paperclip's flexibility. The paperclip quickly approached the floor and its pointy end pierced Green M&M's eye. But it didn't stop there. The momentum of the spring and back flip was enough to pierce Green M&M completely through and it came out the back of Green M&M near his lumbar region.
The paperclip spun over, looked about for more intruders and fell back asleep. All was right with the world again.
User Reviews
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2005-07-18 14:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-18 14:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WhatTheHell? is back...
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-18 14:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-18 14:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<strangely aroused>
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-18 14:13:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This makes me afraid of you.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2005-07-18 14:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'...they hibernate for 12 months out of the year...'
ummm..... wait a minute.
Is that like being born 9 months premature?
ummm..... now that I think about it, I'm a dude but I give birth to thousands of these types 3 or 4 times a day.
Fuck.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-07-18 14:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Isn't the Green M&M represented as female?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-18 13:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
originality +2!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-18 13:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for originality
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-18 13:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck???
I can't give this a positive or negative rating because it's just way too out of left field. Eh...
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2005-07-18 13:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mwuah
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-18 13:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As the ranking says: Made me smile (+1)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-18 13:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eating green m&m's right now. My keyboard is turning me on...
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-07-18 13:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment