Face First (1764 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.53 on 140 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-18 15:00:03 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
USAMRIID BIOPS LAB 2CLASSIFIED - EYES ONLY
APR 14 2017
BEGIN RECORDING
"Ok, is the light on? Good, we're recording. I don't know if I should call these lab notes, or an apology, or what. I don't even know who is ever going to hear this. I just feel...I just want to say why we did what we did, and we really didn't mean for it to get out of hand, we really didn't!
Ok, my name is Theo Donnell, and I am...was...a senior researcher here at Fort Detrick in Maryland. Our project here was called Project Dermal. We, um, we were doing weapons research; now yes, the official position of the United States government is that we stopped all offensive bioweapons research in 1969, but that's not really true. We had friends at the CDC get us some orthopox samples - variola, monkeypox, and smallpox. We had dismissed plague and mycotoxins, because we felt that orthopoxes differ from existing DNA viruses by replicating in the cytoplasm, producing eosinophilic inclusion bodies and generally assisting vector transmission at a more even rate.
We were like demi-gods, playing with dangerous toys. We never considered ourselves to be Icarus - we thought working for the United States Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases was the ultimate rush, creating powerful bugs was just a game for us!
In retrospect, I can see how arrogant that attitude was, and we really never thought the government would do what it did...no one ever thought they would do what they did.
I knew those guys from the Agency were gonna be trouble, but they knew their stuff, and they sure had Director Clarke wrapped around their finger, so I guess we couldn't have done anything about it anyways. They told us they wanted an aerosolized orthopox, with an LD50 of 5-10 mg/kg. It had to be light, and small, with an average size of 200 microns. The trick was, they wanted a prodrome of about 14 days rather than the usual 2 or 3 days of say, chickenpox. This would give the bug plenty of time to spread, and to be further transmitted, before the subject would even know he had been infected. The overall incubation period was to be about 22 days, but by that time the subject should have been terminally incapacitated by massive edema.
Well, we had state-of-the-art equipment, and some of the best minds in the business. We were going to make the baddest bug in the history of the world!
I, um *cough*, I knew Sanjay was gonna cause trouble - he had gotten ahold of the human genome studies, and began to tinker with recombinant RNA and the small pox as a base, and sure as shit that fucker did it. He really did it. He created humanpox.
It wasn't just him, I know, I know, we all helped. God, we were so proud of ourselves. The primary testing went perfectly, the lesions showed up; face first, right on schedule, 14 days from infection date.
When we told the Agency boys of our success, they couldn't believe it. They were beside themselves with joy. They ordered up thousand of gallons of the stuff, as much as the entire facility could produce!
The first sign of trouble came about a month later. A white van pulled up to the loading dock, and hauled out some kind of airline container, with pressure tanks all over it. They wheeled it into Clean Lab 'A', our biggest secure lab. We donned protective suits and opened the container.
I couldn't believe what I saw - it was a man, in the advanced stages of humanpox infection. Large horizontal lesions covered his face, and went all down his body. Many were oozing, and I could tell that he was a walking viral load transmitter. The Agency boys said he was some prisoner, who 'volunteered' for this test in the hopes of lessening his sentence. I remember Sanjay and I looking at each other, we had never even thought to make a cure...who would possibly unleash such a bug?
The Director ordered us to formulate a cure right way, so we did. Or at least, we thought we did. We replicated Sabin's process rather quickly, and came up with what should have worked. We injected the patient with the maximum dose, and he actually began to respond somewhat favorably. Unfortunately, he died of massive pulmonary edema before he had completely healed of the disease.
Shaken by this turn of events, we told the Agency men that we needed to make up a vaccine, just in case, and they readily agreed.
And that was six months ago.
When I heard about the sickness in Mecca, during the Hajj, I just took it as some kind of flu that goes around. Over a million people make the pilgrimage every year, I figured there's always gonna be some kind of head cold going around.
But when I saw the news reports, and they showed the pictures, I instantly knew what those mad sonsabitches did.
The Hajj takes about two weeks to complete, so from the vector infection point, at the Ka'aba, all through the 2 weeks of the pilgrimage, people were in constant contact, infecting themselves over and over again. By the end of the Hajj, it was too late. Many people had already gone back to Iran, Egypt, Jordan - the entire Middle East was a hotbed of infection
And then the dying started.
After the first couple of days, President Santorum declared that the United States would help its Arab brethren, and ordered the CDC to come up with a 'cure'.
Of course, we already had tons of vaccine already pre-made, so the powers that be must have figured: wait for another week or so, decimate the Middle Eastern population, then 'save' what was left of the Arabs, and earn their eternal gratitude.
Brilliant plan on paper, yes?
And then the vaccine didn't work.
Apparently, Sanjay did his work too well, the recombinant humanpox somehow changed itself during transmission from human to human, something we could not have tested for at the time.
Isolated outbreaks of humanpox began to crop up in Europe, Africa, and Asia. Russia closed its borders and shot down any airplanes attempting to enter the country. China tried as well, but Shanghai and Shenzhen were quickly infected, and then things just broke down over there.
Fortress America tried to hold on, we were feverishly working on a REAL cure, but it was too late for us. Some people figured out that America was really behind all of this, and began to smuggle infected humanpox victims into our country. Houston, Dallas, Los Angeles, Detroit, they were first to go. Like turning a switch, whole cities synchronized their infections, and society plain stopped working.
We haven't heard any radio or television broadcasts out of DC for a week now. We're sealed off in here, but we don't have a lot of food and water stocked up. I don't know how much longer we can hold on. A lot of the other staff drifted away, to be with their families. No one has come back.
But we're still here, we still working on a cure! We'll find it somehow. We'll fix it. Oh God...
END RECORDING
- VS -
Entry 2
Turner jumped as his radio crackled to life; the small flashlight strapped to his shoulder casting irregular shadows down the squalid, labyrinthine corridor."Go ahead, Two," turner mutely replied.
The two teams had been on radio silence for over six hours; after the disappearance of Bravo Team, Turner didn't want to take any chances. In denial at first, Turner now had no doubt that he and his squad were being hunted.
"Sorry to break silence sir," whispered the static reply, "But we've come out of the hallway. There's a room, though I can't tell how big exactly."
"Copy that Two. Hold position and await further instructions. Turner out."
Turner turned toward the remaining member of his team. He looked exhausted, covered in the beige dust that canvassed the ancient stone floor. From his facial expression, he didn't imagine he looked much better.
"Alright Pollack, we're going to regroup with Bravo and get the hell out of here. Stay on my Six; weapons free."
He nodded in understanding.
-------------
"So Mr. Turner, are you and your team interested in our offer?"
Turner stared coolly at the obese man sitting at the ornate oak desk; the most recent in a long line of wealthy men that represented even wealthier men. He was the liaison between the money, and the mercs. Though he hated the term, the English language had yet to invent a better one. Turner and his team had moved into the private sector after retiring from the military; soldiers for hire. Throughout his career, he had struggled to maintain a code of honor. It was never easy; but with less money coming in, it was becoming increasingly difficult. The job presented to him now seemed to be straightforward, but he never fully trusted anyone he worked for.
"I'll have to get back with you. I need to talk to my team first, you understand."
"Of course, and I know I don't need to re-instill the sense of urgency this job requires."
"Not at all, you'll have your answer by this afternoon."
------------
Turner and Pollack stalked silently through the twisting hallway. They had been walking for what seemed like hours, and not making much progress. Several times, they had crossed over their own footprints in the soft dust on the ground. He didn't say anything to his team, but he also knew he didn't have to.
"Sir?" Pollack whispered from behind him, "How are we going to find Bravo? This place is impossible to navigate."
Turner silenced him with a wave of his hand and kept moving. His frustration was growing with each passing minute, cursing to himself whenever he saw their footsteps on the ground. They came upon an intersection and Turner signaled to stop. He had come across their trail again; but this time, there were a new set of tracks.
------------
"So, what's the job Cap?" Pollack asked, "'nother slash and burn in the south?"
"Not this time," he replied, "S&R, just south of Egypt."
Turner waved for silence as a communal groan echoed through the room.
"I know I said we wouldn't be going back there, but the pay is almost too good. We haven't exactly had a bunch of offers recently."
"So...What's the job, Cap?"
"From what I understand, a small group of archeologists has gone missing in a newly discovered pyramid. It was uncovered by a sandstorm recently, and apparently they went in unprepared. Now someone is prepared to pay us a lot of money to get them out."
"Seems simple enough. What's the catch?"
"I don't know at this point. I know there's something they're not telling us, but there always is."
The team was silent for a few minutes before Whitlock spoke.
"I'm in,"
"I'm with you sir," Pollack followed.
The rest of the team murmured their consent.
---------
Turner's radio sparked Whitlock's whispered voice.
"Sir, we have movement on the far end of the room,"
The lump in Turner's throat welled up again.
"Can you identify the target?"
"Not...yet," static broke up the reply, "Moving...in"
Several seconds passed before Whitlock spoke again.
"Sir...looks...ours...uniform...think...Abrahms"
"Two, hold position." Turner hissed into his mic, "Do not advance until you see his face first."
----------
When the team entered the pyramid, they found a huge stone door that stood partially open; a series of hieroglyphs etched across the face. An old, sick draft of air wafted from beyond the entrance, causing the team to freeze in their tracks; a small series of clicks reported from each man's rifle. They were all too familiar with the smell of death, but there was something else in this breeze.
"Easy, team. We're by the book on this."
They exchanged nervous glances and tightened up on their rifles before entering the dark corridor.
----------
Bravo Team was the first to make contact.
"Sir, I think we found something. I think it's a person, but I can't really tell."
"Hold position Three, We'll be there in five."
The gunfire sounded before Turner reached Bravo Team.
"Bravo, report. What the hell is going on in there?"
"Eyes...not human...look ou..." Whitlock's frantic voice cut out.
"Three, report!"
Static
"Whitlock answer me!"
Turner raced down the corridor he had sent Bravo team down moments before. He stopped when he stepped in blood.
"What the hell's going on sir?" Pollack asked, his voice shaking.
Turner knelt in the dirt, only to find blood and shell casings.
"Johnson; recon, now!"
Rifles at the ready, the two advanced further down the tunnel. It didn't take them long to report in.
"Sir, we found a body,"
"Identify,"
"Unknown sir,"
Turner cursed to himself as he stood.
"We're on our way,"
Johnson screamed through the radio before he took two steps. They raced toward their compatriot, and stopped dead when they saw the creature chewing through his stomach.
"What the fu..." Pollack began, catching the attention of the short human like creature.
"Look at its face..."
The thing slowly stood, never taking its eyes off Turner's team. Its eyes illuminated the wall around its face; a fierce red in contrast to the bright white of the team's flashlights. Its blue-grey skin flaked off as it stepped towards them. It spoke threateningly as it advanced; it's gravely, hoarse voice making the language even more unintelligible.
Stetler stepped in front of Turner and raised his rifle. The creature stopped and cocked its head to the side. The skin on its face smoothed over, and began rippling as though it suddenly became liquid. The creature took advantage of his hesitation. Blue-grey tentacles whipped out from the creatures face, instantly piercing Stetler's body. He twitched violently randomly firing round after round as the creature's tentacles visibly coursed through his body. Stetler's body was lifted into the air; the tentacles retracting back to the creature; slowly reforming the body over its skeletal frame.
Turner fell to the ground as he fired, sending several rounds through the creatures exposed ribcage and into the wall behind it. It turned toward Turner, the red eyes glowing brightly.
"Mother fuck..."
One final round to the head and it dropped Stetler to the floor before exploding in a cloud of dust.
Turner crawled quickly to Stetler; still twitching on the ground. He stopped moving as Turner flipped him over; blood flowing slowly from his mouth and eyes. He looked around for Pollack, and found him staring in shock at the body of his dead friend.
"Pollack..."
"Pollack!" Turner shouted, "Wake up!"
Pollack looked slowly from Stetler to Turner, his eyes still glazed over.
"Did you...it..."
Turner stood and walked to Pollack.
"Get it together; we're not out of this yet,"
---------------
Turner and Pollack waited nervously for word from Whitlock. Turner's head dropped as gunfire reported from somewhere in the distance.
"Whitlock?" he whispered into the mic, "Whitlock, do you copy?"
His inquiry was met with nothing but static.
"Whitlock..." he trailed off.
Pollack whipped around as the sound of shuffling footsteps echoed through the hallway; then another, and another.
The two men stood back to back as their flashlights twitched and faded out.
"Remember; try to aim for the face first..." Turner said mutely, the sound of his voice drowned out by the footsteps' echo.
Entry 1:
Adamdidit2u
Axolotl
bigbabylons
BillsSBChamps
BLITZKREIG_BOB
BobLobla
c1ndy
Caulaincourt
Circe
corn_nugget
crazybutsolazy
darko
Davros
Deidra
doctorj24
dodahdave
Domochevsky
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DonovanMD
Frank_Grimes
FuckTheArmy
fudgepacker
gamma
HadToBeDone
Hirilnara
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
intellismartness
jack11058
JonnyX
justagirl27
kimmy02721
Kre8rix
loki
MandaPanda
MichaelJackson
MrSparkle847
mrwolf
MyNameIsTim
potatomanjack
QueenAshlee
rad1101
Ragman
RyuFu
salmonofdoubt
Sinistral
Siren
spedmonkey
Sphagnum
Sprinkles
Stabkill
steph
stevendurel
Stin
thaumaturge
tlozoot
Wiggles
WildcatMcGee
William_Q_Percy
XenoWolf
Yams
yermom
youarsoghey
51 eligible votes (63 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
apollo88
Average_Dan
badassmofo
Bigmike
bob
Brdn_Nkd
BuckeyesTHEGAME
CaptainThorns
comicbookguy
Coyote
EAZEDZT
espo
ess-arr
Exodus
Fabish
FunnyAsCancer
Gnome
Inanna
indigogecko
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
Katastrofadark
krissi
LadyPlural
Magicaddict
MANICMOTHER
Merlina
Mike00295
munkeypants
Natsukau
nitty34
notyou
OnEdge
Pentameter
RandomJose
Saxon
sg11588
Slovin
Snark
Soley_Trinity
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
stevie_says
supersloth
swamp_donkey
Teephphah
thecaes
thorpe
TigerLilly
Viciousriffs
zakalwe
47 eligible votes (54 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-24 02:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would have been cool if the 'cure' in story 1 would have turned the remaining Arabs into superhumans instead.
That would have been poetic justice. Good story.
Haven't read post 2 yet.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-21 20:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was a good battle, I've spent so much time in the past couple days just watching the score yo-yo back and forth.
I look forward to facing you again.
It's cool Jack, at least I lost to a worthy adversary.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
K - good job, man. Sorry it turned out this way.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, and the President Santorum thing?
I figured a Christian jihad would be led by him, if at all - I wanted to be scary, but apparently, it was TOO scary, because I think some people voted against me because of that!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEEEHA!
Dang, Kre8trix, this was a great battle, eh?
We had the lead change several times - there was one point where you were 10 up on me - I thought I was done.
There still may be hope for you in getting back in on a double forfeit, I only know of one battle that actually tied, and then ours was the closest matchup.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damn...Good work Jonny.
You wrote a great story. Good luck in round 2.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-07-21 01:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-21 00:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very nice.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh well.
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this one took me a while to decide.
sorry number 1
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:26:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bueno!
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
More likely = more freaky
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
both of these did ok with use of the title.
1) obviously did some research: USAMRIID, Detrick, etc; "President Santorum" sent a sick feeling into my gut, and I'm a conservative. I could see him coming up with a plan like this. Chilling story.
2) ok, not a bad idea, and not a boring read. It just didn't hold together quite as well as the first one. could have used one more proof-reading.
1 gets it for me, but by a nose. thanks for a tough choice.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-19 20:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-19 19:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And in this round of UberMadness.....
After the Pandemic vs. After the Pandemic!
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EAZEDZT (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My favorite genre.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The answer to the question of the meaning of life the universe and everything vs. the answer to the question of the meaning of life the universe and everything.
I wish my vote counted. :/
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both were ok.
I had a hard time choosing which one, but I finally decided on #2 just because it fit more with the title and it reminded me of Stargate (pyramids, hee hee).
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really enjoyed both of these, but the second one left off kind of hanging aboiut what the monster was.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were good.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-07-19 06:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My vote no longer counts: http://www.ubersite.com/m/71008
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-19 06:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both very cool, but 2 had me in suspense for so long. It would have been much better if the monster or whatever hadn't been revealed.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-19 05:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tough.
I liked both of these.
-Dave
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-19 05:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-19 05:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-19 05:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was a difficult title to work with, and Author 2 did a better job of incorporating it into his story. Both were pretty well written.
Also, "President Santorum" in Entry 1 scared me more than the incurable plague did.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2005-07-19 02:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another solid matchup. Both authors should advance.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-19 02:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
interesting story #1
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-07-19 01:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2005-07-19 00:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok look, both of these were cliched. Neither used the title directly to any great extent, though I could see an incorporation into the second one. But entry 1 was better.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-07-18 23:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-18 22:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oooohhhh! These were both good!!
The first one just didn't flow as well, to me. The narrator's 'voice' seemed not right for the tone...and the second or third paragraph just seemed like it was put there to show off some technical knowledge of biology instead of serving a real purpose. But that's just the impression I got.
Entry 2 had a better incorporation of the title, and was more gripping, more visceral. Also I thought the creature was creative. Well described.
Both of you did great!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-18 21:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yep!
I've lost my mind
among other things
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-18 21:50:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
These were both well w.....
WTF Joe! SOMEONE CUT OFF YOUR DICK?
But I need some Intraweb friends and......
YOU USE TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS YOU DICKLESS BITCH!
But Jack, Mike, Q are so nice and.......
WAA WAA WAA I WANT TO BE LIKED, I WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS!!
but..it's...not..nice..to
AWWWW LITTLE JOEY WANTS MOMMY LOVE???????
*********
#1 You screwed yourself by setting this up as a recording:
A- Who are you talking to?
B- Name names!
C- Everyone outside Knows when the bad stuff started!
D- Everyone outside knows about the Haj(the event/duration/etc)
E- You are describing 'background' the recipents of the tape, and readers should figure
out for themselves if well written
E2- ETC...the recording 'setup' constricted your story along very definitive lines that
you did not follow
#2
A- Bravo + 2 are esentially the same( 2+B) at least you didn't use 5 (XO)
B- This was close to a 'snoop and poop' with a recovery added.
C- The second you saw a member down you should have lit up the whole cave, regrouped,
called in an air strike and determine what to do after the BDA.OR.....
D- You could have buckled in the dust till whatever was there.....wasn't
#2 for lack of a critical mistake.<yawn>
******************
happy asshole?
THATS MY STUPID ARROGANT JOEDADDY!
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-18 21:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-18 21:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Exodus (user info) at 2005-07-18 21:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-18 21:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-18 21:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a difficult time with this. The first post was written in a tone that I don't think matched the situation. The second post didn't hold my interest.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-18 20:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's strange how many people are praising these entries. because they don't really deserve it.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-18 20:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
two wasn't particularly good, but at least it had two superfluous references to "face-first".
plus, the thought of President Santorum scares me.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-18 20:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both were pretty damn good, but Entry Two just had a better atmosphere. Like, I was actually *into* the story, and I don't usually like mummy type things. Neither entry really had too terribly much to do with the title, so... The better writing wons my vote. It was very close, though.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-07-18 19:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-18 19:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No comment.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-18 19:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This +2 is for #1. Well done. 2 was decent as well, but just didnt read as well.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-18 19:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:37:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:16:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:11:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
Go to the google front page, type in Santorum, then hit I'm feeling lucky.
------
HAHAHAHA!
----------------
AAAAAAWWWWWWWW MMMMAAAAAHHHHHHH GGGGGGAAAAAAWWWWWDDDDDD!!!!
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haha, Dan Savage RULES! Now THAT is an advice column!
Submitted by Inanna (user info) at 2005-07-18 19:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I actually liked both of these.
President Santorum. HAHAHA. Wait, no, that's not funny. Dear God, NO!
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<sighs>
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
both well written.
second one actually had something to do with the title though
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-18 18:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One was kinda like a Pandemic post I did, now that I think about it.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:40:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both good stories... but 2 had a flawless delivery. A couple of really good authors here...
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I'll say it again. A very tough decision. A job well done to both of you, this match-up should've happened in a later round.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! I thought both of these were really well done and entertaining. Thanks! Now to decide on who to vote for...
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
both good.
1 was like a previous UM post.
kinda weird.
gotta go 2
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FunnyAsCancer (2:15:07 PM): fuck, both entries were awesome
FunnyAsCancer (2:15:10 PM): this is gonna be tough
stonedcapitalist (2:15:37 PM): so far #1 is pretty close to a previous UM post
FunnyAsCancer (2:17:53 PM): fuck it, i'm flipping a coin
stonedcapitalist (2:17:59 PM): haha
stonedcapitalist (2:18:38 PM): why does #2 use the name Turner?
FunnyAsCancer (2:18:39 PM): heads -1, tails - 2. here goes...
FunnyAsCancer (2:18:41 PM): dunno
FunnyAsCancer (2:18:50 PM): 2 it is
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-18 17:18:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This hurts.
IT HURTS!
After a ton of lame entries, or decent stuff facing off against fluff, now I get a double serving of MEAT & POTATOES and I have to CHOOSE?
To both Authors I say thanks for some great reads. Honestly. I HATE to have to chose between you and sincerely wish you were up against lesser opponents because I think both of you have more fun tales to tell.
Author #1. Great details and good pacing over an extended time frame. This reminds me of a story from UMII, having to do with nukes or EMPs or something like that.
And as you know, I am partial to tales where the human race is decimated by a viral pandemic.
Author #2. Fast pacing and dialogue that was solid and CURT. These guys aren't gonna spew out soliliques (sp?) and I like the short blurbs of dialogue. Your story had a shitload of familiar elements, and that could count against you but...
There's just a little more 'yeah' factor in #2. I can't say what it is. It wins by a hair.
Again, I wish both of you could advance beyond this round.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These were both tasty. Even though #1 takes a bit of their plot from Mission Impossible 2, I loved every word of it, so it got my vote. #2 - more alien creatures? Now where have I seen this before...? Oh, everywhere. Good writing, still.
Submitted by XenoWolf (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:34:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
As I was reading #2 I was thinking "Alien vs. Predator" which made me want to punch the author in the face.
#1 just held my interest better
=====
Totally
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahaha
"Then the dying started."
Good laugh.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
both good
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Too many damn cliches
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
These were both really good, but 1 was better.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best matchup of the round. I normally get annoyed when people refer to science fiction as a substitute for good writing and a decent plot, but this wasn't the case in either of these. Well written on both (Slight advantage to #1 there), great plots (another advantage to #1), and awesome styles (Although I think #2 did it rather poorly, I love writing in time-lapse segments. The only trouble is that you have to make it seamless and make sense at the same time. Try using punctuating statements or only switch over to "the past" when an important revelation needs to occur. It seems like you were just doing it for the effect, when it really needs to be done for substance. Something in the past needs to have been important to the future of the story to look back on instead of just write an exposition about it).
Overall advantage goes to #1, although I really wanted to give it to #2. Neither of you should feel bad if you lose.
Submitted by Sprinkles (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's my entry for this title:
I'd like to have a whore face first on my cock.
The End.
+2 +2 +2
SWAMP DONKEY WINS UBERMADNESS!!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My vote goes to Cliche #2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by stevendurel (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:51:31 (#)
Ranking: -1
I really didn't like either.
-----------
Not everyone can have their grandpa open up a publishing company for our own little novels.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-18 16:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, #1 was interesting, and I liked that the author got a lot of the scientific details bang on (although I think you meant 5-10ug/kg as the LD50... 5mg/kg is a shit-load of virus). It felt a little like a rehashed ATP post, but I like those, so... Also, I liked the concept of mass infection at a massive gathering like Mecca (also, president Santorum? *smirk*).
So #1 gets my vote.
I liked #2. It was detailed and written with suspense, but I HATED the fact that it simply cut off in mid stream. That was not cool. It wasn't like a fadeout, or 'tune in next time' or anything like that, it just stopped. I'm all for walking away from a story when you've gotten the main message across, but I don't think author #2 did that. Had author #2 bothered to finish the story, it likely would have gotten my vote.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Expand Entry 1; I like this kind of writing.
Submitted by stevendurel (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I really didn't like either.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
#1 should read:
22 days later
#2 should read:
The Mummy 3: Juniors Revenge
That being said, #2 fucking blew ass as well as being an uncreative, uninspired piece of shit...
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:46:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both really good, but I couldn't follow 2 properly - sorry
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
everyone dies. the ends.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:16:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:11:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
Go to the google front page, type in Santorum, then hit I'm feeling lucky.
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HAHAHAHA!
----------------
AAAAAAWWWWWWWW MMMMAAAAAHHHHHHH GGGGGGAAAAAAWWWWWDDDDDD!!!!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:34:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As I was reading #2 I was thinking "Alien vs. Predator" which made me want to punch the author in the face.
#1 just held my interest better
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've already bought Entry 2 on DVD.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, this was the first one that I didn't have to pick the lesser of two evils. Pretty good for first round action. I like the whole voice recorded thing #1 had and #2 had that oh so trendy militaristic feel the block buster movies have nowadays.
Submitted by supersloth (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. Finally 2 entries that didn't suck my ass. These were fucking great. A very hard choice.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and for the record, even though I voted for #1, it could have gone without the political polarizations.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
as far as the title goes, neither one of these does a very good job incorporating it in the story.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:11:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
Go to the google front page, type in Santorum, then hit I'm feeling lucky.
------
HAHAHAHA!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't much like either one, actually.
First one reminded me of the movie 'Outbreak.'
#2 gets the vote only because it seemed #1 took a pre-written story and tried like hell to incorporate the term 'face first' into it.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was actually close. Both were pretty darn good entries, but also a little cliched.
I had to go with entry 1 because of the cool Islam idea.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These aren't mine. Mine still isn't posted yet.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think I would have really liked entry 1 if there weren't so many technical words and stuff that I didn't understand.
Remember that not everyone knows what you do when you're writing.
Submitted by OnEdge (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aha, meaty stuff!
The 'Aliens2' theme with zombies is cool, but I have to vote for Author #1, who apparently is going for the Jack McCallum Kill All Of Humanity trophy...
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty good matchup. This should be close.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a tough one.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Go to the google front page, type in Santorum, then hit I'm feeling lucky.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These were both incredibly good. Very close call.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And I'm talking about his "fucking alien cats" line.
I'm not outing anyone, or outing myself, or anything like that, so AJ shouldn't get his buts in a gourd over it.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YOu just had to work that in, didn't you Stevie?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Head and shoulders, #2 is better
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Frank_Grimes (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both slightly cliched, #2 not quite as much.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking alien cats