The Orchard (329 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 0 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by intellismartness (View user info) at 2005-07-18 22:57:24 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
"Good morning sir"
"Gud mornin"
"Is this the residence of a Mr S T Bugman?"
"Yeah, thi' i' him"
"Sorry to bother you at such an early hour, but Pauline is in request of your services."
(At this point Stanley thought to himself "Pauline? I havent spoken to her since that business with the giant ape and the bees that Just. Kept. Coming. I needed some strong counselling after that encounter. However, she's a good friend, and work is work.")
"Fine, I'll be over at her greenhouse in an hour."
"She sold her greenhouse in 1995. Now she has a coconut orchard over on an island in the mid atlantic."
"And will she be providing transport to this island or do I have to swim?"
"There'll be a helicopter to the orchard leaving tomorrow at 10am"
"Cool, so I got a couple of days to prepare"
"Sir, tomorrow is in one day." (At this point Mr. Toad, Pauline's lead businessman, wondered if Mr Bugman was really this stupid)
"Um, yeah... I knew that."
"I'm pretty sure you didn't sir."
"...I'll be there at 9.30am tomorrow."
"Excellent, I shall tell Miss Daisy."
Stanley hung up the phone and started packing his heavy duty exterminators gear. Whilst he had defeated the giant ape and the swarms of bees last time, it had taken him too long for his tastes. The appointment he had made afterwards at the Icarus residence (what sort of family names a son Kid?) had had to be cancelled, and to date that was the only appointment he had ever been late for. Well, this time he was going to be ready for anything. In addition to his usual stuff, he packed a cyanide spray, a handgun, a few different machine guns and a couple of surface-to-air missile launchers. The latter were really hard to get permits for, but this is exactly the sort of job that he needed them for. Tomorrow wouldnt take him any longer than a couple of hours.
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The helicopter ride over was fairly boring at first. In Stanley's opinion the most interesting thing that had happened that day was the two eskimoes, who were hunting a bird, that he ran into earlier, and that wasn't even really worth mentioning. It was true that the helicopter pilot was a humanoid fox who claimed to have an out of body experience every time he flew, viewing the plane or whatever from outside as he flew it, but a lot of pilots thought that these days. This particular pilot had a penchant for barrel rolling though, which meant that all his equipment had fallen over the side already, and the only one he was left with was the handgun. Stanley sighed again at the thought of the paperwork that would need to be filled in with the lost weaponry.
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About half an hour later the helicopter landed on the island. Stanley hopped out and was confronted with the biggest coconuts that he had ever seen, but there was no Pauline or anyone else to be seen. He turned around to ask Mr Toad or the humanoid fox about this, but the helicopter had already taken off, leaving behind no trace it was there in the first place. To top things off he heard a lot of noise coming from the centre of the island. Sighing again (he had been doing that a lot lately, but Pauline's missions always warranted it), he loaded his pistol and prepared for the worst.
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Joe Smith turned off the console at this point. Long opening introductory sequences were tolerable in plot heavy games, but that was grammatically horrible, most people wouldn't understand the references, and all the game was was a basic 1st person shooter. Damned insomnia. He hadn't been able to sleep in days now, what with the stress in his new job. Whilst he probably didn't want to admit it, he must be having a mid-life crisis. I mean, who changed jobs from a chartered accountant to a psychiatrist on their 40th birthday? And what sort of psychiatrist would he be if he couldn't handle the stress of the job after a month? And why was he suddenly thinking of sentences that began with And... It was such an unusual situation for him that he almost burst out laughing.
Recently he had been trying to play bad video games to get around these new feelings, but Donkey Kong III 2: The Orchard was the worst one yet. This one deserved to go back to the store, and he'd do so tomorrow. Now, what else was there to do around here?
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"Ooo, make it so he falls asleep just as he rings his girlfriend in Australia."
"I can't do that, the game doesn't work like that."
"Why did you call him Joe Smith anyway? That's such a boring name"
"Lay off, I'd run out of interesting names by this point, stupid multiple Sims and their ack of an interesting name generator."
"Can we actually see the video game he was playing?"
"Nah, but I've heard that you can in one of the new expansion packs."
"Anyway, come on, the movie will start soon."
"Ok, ok, just let me save the progress first."
"Hurry up will you."
"Yeah yeah."
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-01 18:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
crap.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-10-29 09:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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