The Chump (262 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Envenom (View user info) at 2005-07-19 00:12:49 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
Things weren't always like this. I still have a vague recollection of a time before the blackness, when life was full of infinite possibilities. I recall the fluttering in my stomach stemming from the simplest of things - like not knowing what adventures and experiences lie in the road ahead. I distinctly remember my awe at the vastness of the universe and how infinitesimally small it made me feel in comparison. Most importantly, I remember how it felt to be young and alive and not have a care in the world.
It would be difficult to pinpoint the exact moment I stopped feeling, but it was probably somewhere around the time that I stopped believing in love. While it is true that the drugs are at least partially to blame, each time devouring another remaining fragment of my soul, it was the women that robbed me of my empathy and left me jaded.
I tried my best to do "the right thing" and be a "good guy" but each time I saw the loves of my life take advantage of my kindness and run around behind my back with the exact kind of man they openly claimed to despise. All in all it's just another of life's ironies, another component to this cruel cosmic joke that we're all apart of, cognizant of it or not. One of many of life's valuable lessons, another being that most sayings become sayings for a reason, and as they say - if you can't beat'em, join'em.
Armed with this new knowledge I set out into the world, determined to sew my royal oats and slay as many slores as time and physics would allow. I quickly found that while occasionally entertaining this lifestyle was no more fulfilling, just going through the motions so to speak, and I was left in a quandary. Was I to continue down this path of esthetic pleasures or return to the brutality of dangling your emotions and deepest feelings on the line only to have them trampled time and time again?
I wanted so badly for her to be the one. Every rational thought in my head told me otherwise, but my heart led me astray. I invested myself wholly; emotionally, financially, but like in the past came out with nothing but the lesson to not invest as deeply the next time.
Brick by brick, stone by stone I built up the wall. I wasn't what you would typically call emotionally guarded. I still spoke openly about my so-called feelings. It's just that a certain point I ceased to actually feel them. Empathy, compassion, these are things that exist only in my memory now, along with that long lost sense of wonderment that accompanied the belief that life was whatever I wanted it to be. Seemingly endless possibilities now all intersecting and winding down the same bitter path.
Time goes by and I grow bored of my isolation. In the blink of an eye I'm back out there walking the tightrope again. Teetering on the brink of emotional suicide, as I make one more desperate attempt to seek out "the one." That perfect, non-existent being who fulfills my every fantasy, responds to my every need and makes all the others pale in comparison. The seeming endlessness of this search is incredibly draining, and sometimes I think I look only so that one day I can finally stop looking.
Like I said, I don't believe in love, so then why do I do it? Why do I subject myself to such torture? A man plodding down a course even though he knows it to be futile, set in motion by some genetic impulse. Treading onward like a mindless lemming. You might call me a chump, and you might be right, but whether we choose to believe it or not we are all slaves to our hearts.
User Reviews
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-10-30 05:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment