Green River (907 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.34 on 78 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-19 03:00:05 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
Joe walked into the doctor's office at ten forty-five in the morning. He couldn't believe he actually had to make an appointment to get someone to look at what he feared was life threatening. As he approached the little window with what looked to be the troll from the Billy Goats Gruff, he surveyed the small waiting room and its occupants."Excuse me, sir..." Joe started.
"Ma'am," interrupted the troll like figure.
"No, I am a man," Joe replied.
"I am a woman, thank you very much," replied the receptionist.
"My apologies, I just..."
"You just came in here to insult a little old woman trying to make a living, is that it? Is that what you came in here for?"
"What? I just wanted to let you know I was here for my appointment," Joe said, getting a bit flustered over what should have been a quick and simple check in.
"Oh, are you the eleven o'clock with the burning urine?"
"Hey, you aren't supposed to be reading the files of patients. Isn't that against doctor/patient confidentiality thing or something?"
By now the patients in the waiting room focused all the attention on the verbal exchanges Joe and the receptionist were having.
"I can't block what I hear, Mr. McCarthy," the man-woman responded.
"Well, for your information..." Joe paused, trying to make out the name on the receptionists tag, "Grizelda, it doesn't burn when I take a piss, it's just not the normal color."
Now the patients in the room leaned a bit forward in their constricting chairs to catch every word that was being spoken.
"Mr. McCarthy, I'll have to ask you to refrain from using such language, especially in front of the children."
"What language? Piss? If these kids are old enough not to be seeing a pediatrician, they probably all know damn well about piss."
"I think you should take your seat now, Mr. McCarthy, the doctor will be with you momentarily."
Joe gave one last look at the receptionist and spun on his heel to face the rest of the room. He looked around, trying to decide where to take his seat. To his left, he saw a woman with a pile of tissues on her lap. Next to her was a mother that was reading some book about a swarthy hunk of man that had come to take a normal woman, just like her, out of a life of despondency and wisks her away to a land of passionate love making and back rubs. The only problem with this lady was that her son was three feet in front of her with his hand down the back of his pants, no doubt picking at the rash developing in his unwiped ass.
After Joe decided that the left side of the room wasn't they way to go, he looked towards the right. The only occupant of that side was an old man with a scraggly beard and what appeared to be two lazy eyes.
When Joe approached the chameleon eyed old man, he looked closely to see if the man was looking at him, or if he was trying to see the inside of his own head. Joe dismissed the man and his creepy eyes as he sat down and sifted through the crappy selection of reading material. "Bass Fisherman" and "UFO Biannually," graced the table next to him. He resigned himself to a few minutes of counting the boogers smeared on the arm rest by past visitors and wondered if he should cancel his appointment and have himself checked out by the bum by the Denny's dumpster, which would have been a more sanitary surrounding.
"So it burns when you pee?" The old man sitting near Joe suddenly asked.
"No." Joe replied.
"I thought I heard you say it did."
"That was the receptionist, and no, it doesn't burn. Could you keep your voice down?"
"My pee burned back in nineteen fifty-eight. It was the Korean War, you see. I was young and horny like the dickens. I got myself a real good lookin' chink, if you get my drift."
"So you bought a hooker and you got the clap, big deal."
"She was no hooker, sonny, she was my one and only. We been together ever since, and once I month, when I can't stand to pee anymore, I come here and get me some of that medication."
"Wait, you mean to tell me that she still has the clap? From the Korean War?"
"Yessir, I do."
"Why don't you bring her in here to get that crap out of there?"
"Whaddya mean?"
Joe just looked at the man incredulously, trying to determine which eye he should focus his distaste on.
"Joe McCarthy?" A nurse suddenly asked.
"Yes?"
"Follow me please," the nurse said as she held the door to the examining room hallway open.
Joe got up and walked to the door. He gave one look back just in time to see the kid that had had his hands down his pants picking off the petrified boogers from the arm rest on Joe's seat. That made Joe wretch a little and swear that he would never have kids.
He followed the nurse to Examination Room 102 and hoped up onto the vinyl exam table and heard the familiar crinkle of the sanitary paper that covered it.
"Please disrobe and the doctor will be with you shortly," the nurse said and she turned back out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Joe undressed and folded his clothes neatly on the end of the table. He looked down at his crotch and wondered aloud why they kept the rooms so cold for. After waiting for several naked minutes, he looked at the small round stool under the doctor's table. He pulled out the stool and saw that it had wheels. Joe sat himself down on the stool and swiveled back and forth. He grabbed the edge of the exam table and used that leverage to spin him around and around. Joe stopped after about the fifth turn, feeling a bit peekish from all the spinning. He was more content just to push himself around the room, bumping into walls and tables.
During one of his push offs, the door to the room opened and Joe was suddenly lying on his back, naked and in the hallway staring up into three faces and a row of fluorescent lights.
When the doctor opened the door, the stool's wheels caught the edge of the carpet in the hallway from the smooth tile floor of the room and dumped its passenger out into a crowd.
Joe got up and tried to play off his little accident, brushing the embedded dirt from his flesh.
"Having fun, are we, Mr. McCarthy?" The doctor asked.
"Yes, we are," Joe shot back, a little harsher than he anticipated.
The doctor gave him a look and led him back into the room. When he closed the door, Joe heard the muffled giggles of the nurse and the receptionist, no doubt discussing his cold affected junk.
"Give me a break, its cold in here and you know it!" Joe hollered.
"Sure it is, stud," he heard the muted reply.
"Sooooo, Joseph, what seems to be the problem? It says here it burns when you pee?" The doctor inquired.
"It doesn't friggin' burn, it's just a different color." Joe answered.
"Hmm, ok, and what color is it?"
"Green."
"What kind of green are we talking here? Forrest green? Kelly green?"
"Neon green." Joe muttered.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"Ne-on green. Its like I'm pissing a green river every time I have to take a leak."
"I think you'll find it better if you leave your leaks," the doctor mused.
"Hardy friggin' har. What can you do for me?"
"Well, first I'll need a urine sample, so if you'll step into the hallway, the bathroom is the first door on your left."
The doctor handed Joe a clear plastic cup and a paper gown and left him alone.
Joe exited the room and made a left opened the first door he saw. After what he saw, he really wished he hadn't. It was the old man, bare assed naked with the blood pressure pump around his forehead and the ball pump under his arm. The man looked at Joe, or so Joe thought. Apparently neither one of his eyes had actually locked in on Joe and Joe backed out of the room slowly.
He made his way to the actual bathroom, filled his cup and began walking back to his room.
"Hey they, stud, looks like you aren't done yet," the nurse observed.
Joe looked down at the bright green spot in front of his crotch. Apparently he hadn't been totally empty after he shook the dew off and let some go when he let the gown down.
"Whatever, I'm not the one that has to handle to throw it away, toots," he responded.
He walked back into his room, set the cup on the table and waited. And he waited. After that, he waited some more. Finally, the doctor came back in and started to sit on the stool but stopped mid squat and looked at Joe, as if recalling just then that Joe had been tooling around with his hairy ass just twenty minutes before. He straightened back up and kicked the stool back.
"Alright, Mr. McCarthy, lets see what we have here."
The doctor opened the door and handed Joe's urine to the nurse behind it to do some tests.
"All the important tests can be done right here. All I have for you is a few more questions."
"Alright, whatever. How long are these tests going to take?"
"As long as it takes for you to answer these questions."
"Ok, let's get started."
"Mr. McCarthy, are you a smoker?"
"No."
"Do you imbibe alcohol?"
"Yes."
"Engage in unprotected sex?"
"Yes."
"That is very dangerous in this day and age, Mr. McCarthy."
"No shit, that's why I'm here getting a test."
"STD's don't make your urine green, Mr. McCarthy."
"Then what does?"
"Iron, anything with a high amount of blue food coloring, spinach..."
"What about asparagus?"
"Yes, asparagus especially."
"Are you kidding me?" Joe asked, almost exasperated.
"No."
"So you are telling me that if I had asparagus on Friday, I could still be pissing green on Monday?"
"It all depends on your body, Mr. McCarthy. Some people get it all out at once, others take a longer amount of time to flush everything out."
"So my green river of piss is just from vegetables?"
"Judging from your gown, I'd say it was more of a waterfall," the doctor said.
"Gah, I could have saved a visit and money if you just told me that over the phone."
"Don't worry, I'm sure your co-pay won't be that much. Here, take this," the doctor held out a business card towards Joe.
"What's this?" Joe asked.
"It's the name and number of a good urologist. Your urine pattern on your gown concerns me," the doctor answered.
Joe snatched the card out of the doctor's hand and hurriedly put his clothes back on. He couldn't believe that he wasted a morning just to find out that something he ate on Friday was giving him highlighter piss on Monday.
"Ok, Mr. McCarthy, we'll call you with the results of your test if you are in a hurry," the doctor offered.
"Yeah, whatever."
Joe walked back out to the reception desk to pay for the visit. The troll behind the counter was laughing already.
"Asparagus? You made an appointment for asparagus? I could have told you what was wrong," she said and let out a laugh that sounded like an emu being beaten with a pillow case full of cats.
"Well, then I wouldn't have had an excuse to come down here and piss in friggin' gas tank," Joe retorted.
"I saw your smock. Not with that aim you can't," the receptionist countered.
Joe had enough of this day already. He decided to let it go and just get out of the doctor's office. He jumped in his car and started the longest fifteen minute drive back home of his life. The receptionist, the nurse, the old man, and the butt picking, booger eating kid kept running through his mind. One thought pushed its way to the top among the rest:
Fucking asparagus.
- VS -
Entry 2
Greg had been to this club before. He couldn't quite put his memory on when, or for what reason, but the moment he was inside it was instantly familiar in a very fuzzy and vague way. His friends in tow, they made their way across the large dark tiles of the entryway towards the bar.*vodka - redbull*
Dave Campbell was Greg's best friend since 4th grade. A meeting of pure chance, Dave had been serving a tetherball and hit Greg in the face accidentally. Dave was always a big kid, and had carried Greg over his shoulder to the nurse's office to seek gauze and iodine treatment for his new friend. Now a landscape architect, "Camp," as his friends called him, spent his time out in the sun perfecting the exteriors of multi-million dollar houses in the rich part of town with neatly trimmed hedges and cherub frolicking fountains. In his sun-bleached hair and pink and white stripped polo shirt with a popped collar, Camp was always looking for female accompaniment.
*vodka - redbull*
Rob "Juice" Owens had always been a football player for as long as anyone could remember. People called him Juice as a joke because he played running back and drove a white Ford Bronco. That, and he was black. Rob's complexion was so dark, his eye white and teeth seemed luminescent in the dim lights of the dance club. Well, as luminescent as they could seem over that mango-orange button down with the sleeves rolled up once. Juice was really into dark rum, and he was buying next round.
*rum and coke*
Greg wiped his mouth on the back of his sleeve and casually bit into the lone ice cube left in the glass. There were a lot of good-looking girls. PCS women, the guys called them, short for Post-Collegiate-Sorostitutes. Girls with their designer outfits, only a few years out of college, and trying desperately hard to be noticed by men for their seemingly professional careers and recently purchased fake tits. Only Tiffany jewelry would touch that tanning-bed colored skin. The wanted so hard to be respected, but lusted after at the same time.
*vodka - redbull*
Wincing, Greg slammed the glass down. He must have tipped well because he could feel the slow burn of what was a strong drink ooze down his chest from the inside. He was starting to feel the beat of the music now. It always took a few drinks to loosen up a bit, but he was now enjoying the techno version of an 80s song he knew. He mouthed a few words and gave a hearty "OOOOOhhh YEAAAHHHH!" at the appropriate moment. Rob punched his arm.
"Fag," Rob sneered.
"You dick," Greg ducked at him. They both laughed.
*Tequila shot*
*Bud Light bottle*
The group was now on the dance floor. Canned lights in the ceiling had green colored gels over them, giving the stage and DJ table an earthy look. Camp was dancing with a dark-rooted blond; her shoulder-length hair showed off a low cut dress and allowed him to nuzzle her shoulders with his lips while he gyrated with the music. Juice was doing his best Justin Timberlake impression for a group of giggly girls with tiaras on--Bachelorette party. You had to laugh at an orange-shirted black man, impersonating a skinny white guy, who tries to act black to sell records. Greg was thirsty and nudging his way through the crowd, he made his way back to the bar.
*Tequila shot*
*Bud Light bottle*
Greg could feel his heart beating as he stood over the urinal. He had to reach out in front of himself, bracing against the wall to hold himself steady. As he shook, a few drops splashed his shoes.
"Fuck," he muttered.
*whiskey - rocks *
Greg stumbled and leaned against the bar. He tried to raise his eyebrows to a few cute girls and one stopped to talk for a bit. A commercial realtor with her hair up and nicely toned arms. She was wearing a black halter top of sorts and had a few light freckles dotting her chest. Greg had offered to buy a drink for her, but it seemed like she left very suddenly.
*Tequila shot*
*Bud Light bottle*
He could feel the heat of bodies in the air as the music got more frenetic and the people sweat from the exertion. There was lots of hip grinding and roaming hands, it looked like. He picked up his drink and the napkin it was served on stuck to the bottom. It had some fancy lettering on it.
"Jealousy"
Greg was amused, remembering that was the name of the club. That was it, jealousy. That's why he remembered. There was a fountain in the VIP room that looked like a green river.
*Bud Light bottle*
Greg couldn't figure it out. Laughing and pointing, and his pants were wet. Oh, he had slipped and fallen in the river while looking at the Koi they kept in it. Greg was waving to them. Hey, Juice is back here.
*Bud Light bottle*
Girls laughing, mostly snickers and "pee-pee pants" remarks. Then it hit him, he wasn't wearing the pants, he was holding them to try and let them dry out. He was in boxers.
*Bud Light bottle*
Oops, slipped. Broken glass sucks.
*Bud Light bottle*
Mr. Stomach was not amused. Greg made it outside to recolor the valet stand as he backwards digested the last 30 minutes of liquid.
*water dips*
Greg blinked awake staring at the faucet of his bathtub. It was slowly dripping behind his head, and pooling around his scalp as it tried to escape down the drain. He couldn't tell if his boxers were damp from urinating himself, or from the bathtub. His lips were dry and crusted over—tasting like acid. His legs ached from being cramped into the tub all night, and his arms had bruises starting to purple over. Camp is trying to talk to him, but it sounds like static on channel 84. It's the water rushing behind his head; Camp turned on the faucet and is reaching for soap.
"Happy Birthday Greg."
"Thanks," he croaked, "So far, 21 sucks."
Entry 1:
a_little_more_time
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
badassmofo
Beer_bong
BibleThumper1979
Bigmike
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
c1ndy
Captain_Cool
CaptainThorns
comicbookguy
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DonovanMD
FunnyAsCancer
GodLovesALittleLovin
Impassive-Digressive
indigogecko
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
Katastrofadark
LadyPlural
MandaPanda
mbstateside
Merlina
Method
munkeypants
nitty34
notyou
Pentameter
rad1101
RyuFu
Snark
Soley_Trinity
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
stevie_says
thecaes
Viciousriffs
wardy
William_Q_Percy
yermom
43 eligible votes (48 total) *
Entry 2:
Allyson
apollo88
bigbabylons
calbearspolo
congo
Coyote
darko
Davros
Deidra
fell-8-me
Hirilnara
JonnyX
justagirl27
kimmy02721
Kre8rix
loki
Magicaddict
Natsukau
RandomJose
Slovin
Stin
swamp_donkey
youarsoghey
zakalwe
21 eligible votes (24 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-21 05:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 stuck to the title better.
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-21 05:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally some humor
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hated Entry two even more than I disliked Entry one. It should be noted, however, that the author of Entry two knew the correct term for the colored bits of plastic that they put over lights to turn them colors (namely, gels). So good job there, but sadly, that was the best part of the entire entry.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-20 00:46:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1 was comical in a creepy way. Entry 2 reminded me of every single thing I hate about living in a college town.
The choice was simple.
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 because it was funny and green urine was what I thought of initially with Green River. ;)
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-20 13:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-07-20 12:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus christ on a stick these were off the suckage meter
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-20 00:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1 was comical in a creepy way. Entry 2 reminded me of every single thing I hate about living in a college town.
The choice was simple.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-19 23:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was a good comedy piece. I liked the joking dialogue between the characters...implausible, sure, but also pretty funny. Like something I'd see in an immature but amusing movie about college students being silly.
Entry 2 didn't need to introduce all those characters if the only ones who actually did anythign were Greg and Juice. Sorry, but nothing was interesting here...a dude gets drunk and hurls. The end.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-07-19 20:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-19 20:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm telling everyone right now: asparagus from Washington state is the best there is. Nothing tops it. And it is guarenteed not to make your urine green. Asparagus fuhr-evar!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmm
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dote vs cbp
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm pretty sure I know who this is.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What fags drink Bud Light?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:07:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was a nonevent.
#1 was actually really good.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Green River Killer spins? WHATTHEFUCK?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I take it all back, entry 1 is stevie_says!!!!! He likes to end his posts with "Fucking _____."
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tough call here!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not even reading entry 2.
"My pee burned back in nineteen fifty-eight. It was the Korean War, you see."
No. No it wasn't, you dumbass.
Submitted by BibleThumper1979 (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 used the title better.
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 by the slimmest margin.
Even though it only just managed to get the title in there.
-Dave
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Proofread!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The man in me will do nearly any task,
And as for compensation, theres little he would ask.
Take a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.
Storm clouds are raging all around my door,
I think to myself I might not take it any more.
Take a woman like your kind
To find the man in me.
But, oh, what a wonderful feeling
Just to know that you are near,
Sets my a heart a-reeling
From my toes up to my ears.
The man in me will hide sometimes to keep from bein seen,
But thats just because he doesn't want to turn into some machine.
Took a woman like you
To get through to the man in me.
- Bob Dylan, The Man in Me
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry #1 hands down
#2 was disjointed and had very little to do with the title.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked both of these. Tough decision.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both were good, but:
Again it seemed like the #2 was written beforehand and 'Green River' was thrown in at the last minute.
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's why I don't eat asparagus...
Well, that and it tastes like ass.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:08:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-19 07:51:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One wasn't the greatest. It was ok.
Two was worse though.
Can't we proofread, even just a little bit?
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-19 07:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-19 07:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think both authors took an original stab at this title. Refreshing.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-19 06:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-19 05:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Captain_Cool (user info) at 2005-07-19 05:16:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good stuff.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2005-07-19 04:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done, Author #2 - the running bar tab paces your story quite well.
Author #1, you started off sucking, and pegged out the SuckMeter halfway through your story - I stopped reading then.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG I KNOW WHO THIS IS.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:20:35 EDT (#)
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Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:19:30 EDT (#)
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Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:18:22 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:17:25 EDT (#)
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Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:11:45 EDT (#)
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Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither of these posts went ANYwhere...
...but #1 kinda meandered in an amusing, wistful way, as opposed to #2, which was just some dipshit drinking.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2005-07-19 03:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sha-zam