The Ubersite Picture Show: Act IV & Finale (914 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: Ubersite_Picture_Show ubermusical
Rating: 2 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2005-07-19 08:10:51 EDT
Act I: http://www.ubersite.com/m/70687
Act II: http://www.ubersite.com/m/70762
Act III: http://www.ubersite.com/m/70966
-------------------------------------------------------
~ ACT IV ~
MUNKEYPANTS: What's happening here? Where's Rad? Where's anybody? Oh, Rad.
Rad, my darling, how could I have done this to you? Oh, if only
we hadn't made this journey... if only the car hadn't broken
down... oh, if only we were amongst friends... Or sane persons, Oh
Rad, what have they done with him... <sees Rad with Fat Tony> Oh, Rad,
Oh Rad-How could you?
<hears noise in lab, lifts blanket to find Polyamorous_AJ, wounded and hiding>
MUNKEYPANTS: Oh, but you're hurt...Did they do this to you? Here, I'll give
you a positive ranking... baby there...
SWAMP DONKEY: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind...Vehement or excited
mental state. It is also a powerful and irrational master...and
from what Pentameter and Circe eagerly viewed on their television
monitor there seemed little doubt that Munkeypants was, indeed, ... its
slave when creating posts.
PENTAMETER AND CIRCE: Tell us about it, Munkey. <laughing>
PLUS-A PLUS-A PLUS-A TWO ME
MUNKEYPANTS: I was feeling done in, couldn't win
I'd only ever ranked before.
CIRCE: You mean she's...
PENTAMETER: Uh huh.
MUNKEYPANTS: I thought there's no use writing
Of my tales exciting
It only leads to trouble
And some fighting.
Now all I want to know is how to post.
I'll even show a bad camwhore.
PENTAMETER AND CIRCE: Whore, whore, whore
MUNKEYPANTS: I'll post with no resistance
But I just need assistance
I need some ranks to help me
Post with persistence.
Plus-a plus-a plus-a two me
Why don't you review me?
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Rank me up tonight.
Then if my rating grows for my prose,
I'll rank you up and rub you down.
PENTAMETER AND CIRCE: Down, down, down.
MUNKEYPANTS: And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction
We'll post for UberMadness without retraction.
Plus-a plus-a plus-a two me
Why don't you review me?
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Rank me up tonight.
CIRCE: Plus-a plus-a plus-a two me
PENTAMETER: Why don't you review me?
CIRCE: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,
PENTAMETER: Rank me up tonight.
MUNKEYPANTS: Oh, plus-a plus-a plus-a two me, why don't you review me?!?
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, rank me up tonight.
POLYAMOROUS_AJ: Rank me up tonight
RAD: Rank me up tonight?
FAT TONY: Rank me up tonight.
PENTAMETER: Rank me up tonight.
BART BART: Rank me up tonight.
CIRCE: Rank me up tonight.
POLYAMOROUS_AJ: Rank me up tonight!
MUNKEYPANTS: Rank me up tonight.
BART BART: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!
FAT TONY: How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching!
BART BART: I was only away for a minute...master
FAT TONY: Well, see if you can find him on the Uberboard!
BART BART: Master, master...we have a visitor.
RAD: Hey, Shlongy! ...Dr. Herbert J. Shlongy.
BART BART: You know this sick fuck...person?
RAD: I most certainly do! He happens to be an old friend of mine.
FAT TONY: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here with
a purpose.
RAD: I told you, my modem broke down. I was telling the truth.
FAT TONY: I know what you told me...but this Dr. Herbert J. Shlongy, his name is
not unknown to me.
RAD: He was a researcher of primate nocturnal activities.
FAT TONY: And now he works for your kind, doesn't he, Rad? He's
attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call
Concerned Older Caring Krackas! Isn't that right, Rad?
RAD: He might be...I don't know.
BART BART: The intruder is lurking on Uber, master.
FAT TONY: He'll probably be on...a shit post. Shall we inquire of him in
person? <activates electromagnetic system that grabs Shlongy's cock
and pulls him into their room>
RAD: Great Shlongy!
DR. SHLONGY: Fat Tony, we meet at last.
RAD: Dr. Shlongy!
DR. SHLONGY: Rad! What are you doing here?
FAT TONY: Don't play games, Dr. Shlongy. You know perfectly well what Rad
Flavors is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not? That
he and his female should check the website for you. Well,
unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I am
adaptable, Dr. Shlongy; I know Rad is.
DR. SHLONGY: I can assure you that Rad's presence here comes as a complete
surprise to me. I came here to find Habeeb.
RAD: Habeeb! I've seen him!
FAT TONY: <glares at Rad> Habeeb! What do you know of Habeeb, Dr. Shlongy?
DR. SHLONGY: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see, Habeeb
happens to be my alter.
RAD: Dr. Shlongy!
MUNKEYPANTS: Ah!
DR. SHLONGY: Munkeypants!
MUNKEYPANTS: Dr. Shlongy!
RAD: Munkeypants!
MUNKEYPANTS: Rad!
FAT TONY: Polyamorous_AJ!
DR. SHLONGY: Munkeypants!
MUNKEYPANTS: Dr. Shlongy!
RAD: Munkeypants!
MUNKEYPANTS: Rad!
FAT TONY: Polyamorous_AJ!
DR. SHLONGY: Munkeypants!
MUNKEYPANTS: Dr. Shlongy!
RAD: Munkeypants!
MUNKEYPANTS: Rad!
FAT TONY: Polyamorous_AJ!
FAT TONY: Listen...I made you...and I can ban you just as easily.
PENTAMETER: Master, your shitpost is prepared!
FAT TONY: Excellent. Under the circumstances, the NSFW disclaimer is to be optional.
SWAMP DONKEY: Ranking has always played a vital role in Uber's rituals. The bashing
of the n00b, the rating of the condemned user, and now, this
post. However friendly it might appear, you can be sure that there
was to be very little...agreement on ranking.
FAT TONY: A toast... to absent friends...
ALL: To absent friends.
FAT TONY: And Polyamorous_AJ. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy
Birthday dear Polyamorous_AJ... Shall we?
DR. SHLONGY: We came here to discuss Habeeb.
CIRCE: Habeeb?!
FAT TONY: That's a rather dead subject. Another ranking, anyone?
CIRCE: Excuse me...
DR. SHLONGY: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I
imagined...alters!
POLYAMOROUS_AJ: Ugh?!
RAD & MUNKEYPANTS: Doctor Shlongy!
FAT TONY: Go on, Dr. Shlongy. Or should I say Apollo? Or Method?!
RAD: Just what exactly are you implying?
DR. SHLONGY: It's all right!
RAD: But Dr. Shlongy!
SHLONGY: That's all right, Rad!!
HABEEB
SHLONGY: From the day he logged on
He was trouble.
He was the thorn
In Bart Bart's side.
He tried in vain...
SWAMP DONKEY: ...but he never caused him nothing but shame.
SHLONGY: He drew peeners left and right.
From the day he logged on
All he drew
Were peeners engorged
And a fusion sun.
Posting his junk...
SWAMP DONKEY: He was a Paint lovin' cheap little punk!
SHLONGY: Ladies, Shlongy wants a ride!
ALL: 'Beeb drew the wieners, big and yellow peeners
He knew he shouldn't, but he did.
But when he drew them engorged on a photoshop forged
FAT TONY: What a guy!
MUNKEYPANTS: Made Bart cry.
SHLONGY: And got banned.
CIRCE: Everybody shoved him.
He made me try to love him.
I said, hey, do it my way;
Just post your shit on Thursday!
But he kept on posting drawings every day.
SHLONGY: But he must have then drawn
Something wrong,
Making him warn
Me in a note that reads...
ALL: What's it say? What's it say?
HABEEB'S VOICE: I'm out of my head.
Oh, hurry, or I may be banned.
Please give some +2 rankings to the 'Beeb!
ALL: 'Beeb drew the wieners, big and yellow peeners
He knew he shouldn't, but he did.
But when he drew them engorged on a photoshop forged
FAT TONY: What a guy!
MUNKEYPANTS: Made Bart cry.
SHLONGY: And got banned.
ALL: 'Beeb drew the wieners, big and yellow peeners
He knew he shouldn't, but he did.
But when he drew them engorged on a photoshop forged
FAT TONY: What a guy!
MUNKEYPANTS: Made Bart cry.
SHLONGY: And got banned.
<Fat Tony reveals Habeeb's permanent banning; as everyone recoils in horror, AJ runs to Munkeypants>
FAT TONY: Polyamorous_AJ! How could you?
WISE UP
FAT TONY: I'll tell you once; I won't take a chance.
You'd better wise up, Munkeypants.
Your stupid posts put me in a trance.
You'd better wise up, Munkeypants.
I've laid the seed; it should be all you need.
You're as sensual as a pencil, wanna see me in a g-string?
Gonna minus two ya till you show me your things
Ya gonna cry? I'll make ya dance
You better wise up, Munkeypants.
My alter user will minus two ya.
MUNKEYPANTS: My rank! I can't save my rank!
SHLONGY: My post! My God, I can't submit my post!
RAD: It's as if we're banned from the site!
FAT TONY: You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!
MUNKEYPANTS: We're trapped!
FAT TONY: It's something you'll get used to.
An Uber banning can be nice.
SHLONGY: You won't find these non-alters quite the easy mark you imagine. This
banning...it is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-
physio-molecular temporary restrictive posting device?
RAD: You mean...
SHLONGY: Yes, Rad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for
quite some time. But it seems our friend here has found a means of
perfecting it. A device which is capable of temporarily preventing
users from posting on Ubersite for a limited time period, and who knows,
perhaps even on the Internet...itself!
MUNKEYPANTS: You mean he's going to ban us from Uber?
FAT TONY: Uber, n00ber, Munkey!
You better wise up, Munkeypants.
You better wise up, lift your thighs up,
You better wise up
SWAMP DONKEY: And then she cried out...
MUNKEYPANTS: BARRRRRRRRRT!!!!!
FAT TONY: Don't get hot and flustered!
Feed me cheese with mustard.
RAD: You're on Uber, but you better not try to bone me, Fat Tony. <Fat Tony temporarily bans Rad>
SHLONGY: You're on Uber, but you'd better not try to bone me, Fat Tony. <Fat Tony temporarily bans Shlongy>
MUNKEYPANTS: You're on Uber -- <Fat Tony temporarily bans Munkeypants>
CIRCE: My God! I can't stand any more of this! First you spurn me for
Habeeb, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Polyamorous_AJ!
You rank people up and then you get them banned again...I loved
your posts..do you hear me? I loved them! And what did it get me? Yeah,
I'll tell you: a big nothing. You're like a sponge. You take, take,
take, and drain others of their creative writing. Yeah, well, I've
had enough. You're gonna choose between me and Polyamorous_AJ, so named
because he's an androgynous alter. <Fat Tony temporarily bans Circe>
FAT TONY: It's not easy posting on Uber... even smiling makes my face
ache... and my creations turn on me...Polyamorous_AJ's behaving just the way
that Habeeb did. Do you think I made a mistake, posting as his alter?
PENTAMETER: Ahhhh! I grow veary of this world! When shall we log off of
Ubersite, huh?
FAT TONY: Pentameter, I am indeed grateful to both you and your alter Bart
Bart. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall
not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood takes me,
I can be quite generous with +2's.
PENTAMETER: I ask for nothing...nothing.
FAT TONY: And you shall receive zeroes...in abundance! Come, we are ready for
UberMadness!
SWAMP DONKEY: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had
decided that Rad and Munkeypants should keep that appointment with their
friend, Dr. Herbert J. Shlongy. But it was to be in a situation which
none of them would have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours
after announcing their engagement, Rad and Munkeypants had both tasted
Fat Tony's cock. This in itself was proof that their host was a
man of little morals...and a little wiener. What further
indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the
UberMadness that is spoken of? On a dormant server? In the middle of the
night? What diabolical plan had been shaped by Fat Tony's crazed
imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it
was clear that this was to be no picnic.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
~ FINALE ~
UBERMADNESS
A. NO SHITTY POSTS
CIRCE: It was great when it all began.
I was a regular Fat Tony fan.
But it was over when he had the plan
To start creating that alter man.
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love for that gal Lojope.
No shitty posts, Ubermadness keeps me happy and sane.
POLYAMOROUS_AJ: I'm just seven hours old,
And quite the alter to behold.
But somebody should be told
That my shitposting hasn't been controlled.
Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is Professional_Peon's bust.
No shitty posts, Ubermadness keeps me happy and sane.
RAD: It's beyond me; rank me Tony!
I'll be good; you'll see.
View my post today.
What's this? Let's see,
I've ranked Circe!
What's come over me?
Wo! Let me post again.
MUNKEYPANTS: I feel released; bad rank's deceased.
My confidence has increased; just show me where to link.
The modem has great bandwidth; my rating has expanded.
It's a gas that Fat Tony's posted
While drinking Blue Moon beer
B. FANFARE/DON'T READ IT
FAT TONY: Whatever happened to AshK?
That delicate, satin-draped frame?
Gone from Uber, goodbye
How I started to cry
'cause I wanted her to give me a rank.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.
Rank the long posts with crappy content.
Submit your ratings without ever reading
And boost my average to +2 forever.
Can't you just do it? Oh, oh, oh... oh!
Don't read it, rank it.
ALL: Don't read it, rank it.
SHLONGY: Ach! We've got to get out of this trap of rating the poster instead
of the posts. I've got to be strong, and try to hang on, or else my
mind may well snap, and my posts won't be ranked... for my skills!
RAD: It's beyond me; help me Munkey!
MUNKEYPANTS: Why is Uber still here?
C. UBERSITE IS AN UNTAMED THING
FAT TONY: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my!
Ubersite is an untamed thing.
It's where I say all my manly things.
I wanna hit all the Uber girls
The ones with red, brown, and golden curls
So let the parties and the posts rock on.
We're gonna rank 'em 'till the n00bs are gone.
No shitty posts, Ubermadness keeps me happy and sane.
ALL: Ubersite is an untamed thing.
It's where we say all our crazy things.
We wanna hit all the Uber girls
The ones with red, brown, and golden curls
So let the parties and the posts rock on.
We're gonna rank 'em 'till the n00bs are gone.
No shitty posts, Ubermadness keeps us happy and sane.
Ubersite is an untamed thing.
It's where we say all our crazy things.
We wanna hit all the Uber girls
The ones with red, brown, and golden curls
So let the parties and the posts rock on.
We're gonna rank 'em 'till the n00bs are gone.
No shitty posts, Ubermadness keeps us happy and sane.
BART BART: Woah, Fat Tony, it's all over.
Your alter's too much trouble;
Your posts are too extreme.
I'm the true commander;
You now are my prisoner.
We now return to Uber.
Prepare the cancel link...
FAT TONY: Wait! I can explain!
I'D CLICK ON HOME
FAT TONY: On the day I ranked away...
ALL: Minus two...
FAT TONY: Was all I had to say...
ALL: What to do...
FAT TONY: I want to post again, and stay.
ALL: Oh, my, my...
FAT TONY: Rank, and that will mean I may.
'cause I've made, oh, good posts
When I was the most
Then to see something gross, I'd click on 'Home'.
ALL: I'd click on 'Home.'
FAT TONY: All the stories are the same...
ALL: ...reading...
FAT TONY: ...need the rankings for the fame...
ALL: ...needing...
FAT TONY: ...n00bers think it's just a game...
ALL: ...pleading...
FAT TONY: ...rank my shitpost, it's not lame.
'Cause I've made, oh, good posts
When I was the most
But for everything gross, I'd click on 'Home'.
FAT TONY & ALL: I'd click on 'Home.'
PENTAMETER: WTF I'm not listening to all of that!
BART BART: And how presumptuous of you. You see, when I said WE were to
return to Ubersite, I referred only to Pentameter and myself. I'm
sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see, you
are to to be banned forever, as this alter, anyway.
SHLONGY: Great heavens! Fat Tony's an alter!
BART BART: Yes, Dr. Shlongy. An alter of Sassmaster, capable of emitting a stream of pure shit.
RAD: You mean...you're going to ban him? What's his crime?
SHLONGY: You saw what became of Habeeb. Society must be protected.
BART BART: Exactly, Dr. Shlongy. And now, Fat Tony, your time has come.
Say goodbye to all of this, and hello... to oblivion!
<Bart Bart bans Fat Tony, Polyamorous_AJ tries to get him unbanned, but Bart Bart bans AJ as well>
RAD: Good God!
MUNKEYPANTS: Oh! You banned both of them!
PENTAMETER: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.
BART BART: They didn't like me! They never liked ME!
SHLONGY: You did right.
BART BART: A decision had to be made.
SHLONGY: You're O.K. by me. More attention for the Shlong!
BART BART: Dr. Shlongy, I'm sorry about Fat Tony getting your alter banned.
SHLONGY: Habeeb? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.
BART BART: You should leave now, Dr. Shlongy, while it is still possible. We
are about to prepare the entire website for UberMadness, in the true
spirit of Ubersite. Go... Now! Our noble mission is
completed, my most beautiful alter, and soon we shall return to
the n00b-drenched pages of our beloved site.
PENTAMETER: Ah, sweet Ubersite, forum of night. To rank and post once more
until the dawning light... To take that - link to the right...
BOTH: HAH!!
BART BART: But it's the peener post...
UBERITES: That drives you insane!
PENTAMETER: And our world...will view the NSFW link...again!
SWAMP DONKEY: And posting at this Uber place
Some users, bored at work, called the human race...
Wasting time, and wasting space,
And ranking.
ALL: Ranking.
UBER FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE - REPRISE
FILTHYASSISTANT: Uber Fiction
Shit Post Feature.
Fat Tony made and
Lost his alter.
Darkness has conquered
Rad and Munkey.
UrbaneMischief still likes 'em chunky.
Wo, oh, oh, oh.
At the late night, shit post feature,
Uber show.
I want to go, oh, oh, oh.
To the late night, shit post feature,
Uber show.
=======================================================
Author's Comments: Glad everyone liked this mini-series so much. If you didn't get the obvious intended sarcasm pointed towards the use of alters on Uber...go back and re-read it! :-)
In parting, here's the closest thing I could find of a camwhore of Fat Tony dressed as Frank-N-Furter. :-p
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-10 16:11:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I forgot how hilarious this mess was...is...whatever.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-08-01 16:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha! fat tony is apparently my bitch!
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-07-26 22:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't been online in like three days, and the first thing I did when I got here was look for this post. Kickass series, dude.
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loooved this series!
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The be-all and end-all of awesome!
God, this rules!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:13:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
This series was like snorting several lines of pure, uncut, Grade A Awesome.
==============================================================================
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
There were lots of gold comments throughout this series. Thanks, all!
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This series was like snorting several lines of pure, uncut, Grade A Awesome.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold. plusa plusa plusa 2 me... with pleasure!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant
Submitted by TragicKingdom (user info) at 2005-07-19 19:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:58:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus-a plus-a plus-a two me
Why don't you review me?
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Rank me up tonight
I think I peed myself a little
AHAHAHAHAHAHA...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I WHIPPED OUT MY PEENER WHEN SHLONGY APPEARED ON THE SCREEN!
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:58:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus-a plus-a plus-a two me
Why don't you review me?
Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me
Rank me up tonight
I think I peed myself a little.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You did an awesome job with this.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:32:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
I JUST THREW TOAST AT MY COMPUTER
_______________________________________________
I THOUGH I WAS THE ONLY ONE. I THREW RICE AT THE WEDDING SCENE!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:27:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you, sir, are a genius
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-19 09:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I JUST THREW TOAST AT MY COMPUTER
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't mind the jesus idiot, he's mad we laugh at him.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by axisofjesus (user info) at 2005-07-19 08:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you stink