Buying a place? (683 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.2 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phinch (View user info) at 2003-05-05 20:00:11 EDT
anybody out there thinking about buying a condo or a home in an association: Don't do it.
When I bought my place, I couldn't afford a house, so I figured, what the fuck, I'll just get a condo. I'll get one with a garage, and I can put all my smelly loud obnoxious toys in there and have a fucking blast. I'll watch tv, eat, cook and vacuum naked and nobody will fuck with me. as long as I follow the 600 page rulebook known as CC&R's I should be fine. Well, when I bought the place, I actually read the stupid document cover to cover and retained very little. Apparently i cant wash, work on, or do any maintanance my car on the premises. and the dues are suposed to cover basic cable tv.
so on the first day there, I'm all stoked about getting free cable (the simple things amuse me) and I plug my tv into the system. I get a glorious 200 channels of static. Pisses me off. so I go to my parents house, steal their tv antenna off their roof and take it back to my place. I get home at 7, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer starts at 8, so I figure I'd better make it quick. I run a line from existing cables to my antenna on the porch. I hang the antenna upsidedown from a planter hook with bailing wire just in time for Buffy. It wasn't too pretty, but I don't care, the shit worked. besides, my neighbors have flowers and windchimes and other bullshit hanging, so wtf.
I'm taken my trash out after watching my show, and I figure, why walk, I'll ride my skateboard. the neighbor across the way informs me that skateboarding, and bicycling are not allowed on the premises, because if i fell, i could sue the homeowners association that I pay almost $300 to every month. Now if i sue them, i would technically be suing myself. and she insults me further by telling me that the drapes I bought are not allowed either. i have to get blinds. What the fuck is that?
anyways I tell her thank you for telling me this bullshit, and go on my merry way.
a few days later, I get a letter from the homeowners association stating that "there is a satallite dish not properly installed in the patio area." among other bullshit. "this dish needs to be removed immediately and any holes repaired"
first of all, its not a satallite dish.
second of all, i didn't drill the fucking holes
third of all, what about the fucking windchimes and other bullshit people hang from their balconies?
fourth of all, FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! THE HOMEOWNERS ASSN CAN KISS MY ASS!!!!
That said, I'll probably just be a stupid pussy and do what they ask.
phinch.
homeowners association's pussy-whipped gimp-boy.
User Reviews
Submitted by PlanetHigh <planethigh.at.ev1.net> at 2004-05-31 13:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's a site where people can go post about how the Homeowners Associations Suck.
www.hoasucks.com
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-08-16 23:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel your pain.
My younger brother, and sometime housemate just bought a townhouse.
He's 19, had a lot of cash to spend and wanted to stop pissing money away on rent.
How long till he moves?
We shall see.
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2003-05-05 21:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A didnt know Hasselhof was black!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2003-05-05 21:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
crash-
I figure with the way the stock market is right now, real estate is the bes place for my money.
theman-
I like your idea, but they never come knocking on my door thank God. I figure i just have to put up with the bullshit for 2 years then buy a house. what sucks is i don't have time to join the stupid board or else i would. then i could make my own fucking rules.
POS-
hiddens pic inspired me to share my desktop wallpaper with the uberzien.
Gary Coleman and David Hasselhoff are a sex goddesses and fucking rule.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-05-05 20:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the pic, you been talking to Hidden?
Another +2 for the story. Stupid mofo's. Get out while you can.
Submitted by TheMan (user info) at 2003-05-05 20:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep, I have the same problem. No matter, you knew there were rules when you bought the place. I know I did. I just didn't realize how stupid most of them were. I have to ask permission for a satellite dish, and it can only be displayed in certain places, and it can't be fastened to the building. Only my patio deck. Only thing is, my patio deck faces north, which does jack shit for my satellite reception. Hence, the reason I'm getting raped for $70 bucks a month for digital cable, with 95% of the channels, and still there is nothing on.
You're best bet is to either befriend someone on the condo association board, or get on there yourself. Membership does have it's priviledges. They just jacked my dues up here. I feel that entitles me to do whatever the fuck I want, but they seem to think otherwise. The problem is not really the rules; they were written just to be broken. The problem is your nosey neighbors. We all have them. Next time one of them steps out of line, knock 'em back in it. They don't like your drapes? Fuck 'em. I was really close to painting all my windows black. Problem solved. Then they wouldn't be able to peek into my place. Lousy perverts. Peeping Tom's. How else did the bitch know about my new can lights in all of my bedrooms? The bitch had to have used binoculars and was casing my place. Now I can't even masturbate in private without fear of the neighbors getting it on video. Not that I give a shit, but why should they cash in on my performances should they try to sell it on the 'net?
As far as vehicle maintenance, my old neighbor was a mechanic, and he was always working on cars. He never had a problem. At least not that he was worried about. Problem with this world is that everyone is too busy minding everyone else's business. Tell your nosey neighbors what I would tell them.
"You stick your nose where it doesnt' belong, and it's gonna get broken."
That usually gets the point across.
Then there was the cunt who yelled at my ex girlfriend about making sure to clean up after her dog, and the dog wasnt' even done taking a shit yet. I was so pissed, I was close to taking a dump on her lawn myself, just like Jim Carrey in 'Me,myself, and Irene'. What a bitch. Funny thing was the dog wouldn't shit anywhere else after that but on her lawn.
Oh yeah, and if they come knocking on your door for something, answer the door with a sidearm on you, holstered, of course. They won't be back to harass you. Just make sure you have a permit. The cops can't do shit about it. You're in the privacy of your own home.
Submitted by Crash3087 (user info) at 2003-05-05 20:18:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK DUDE
damn, move the fuck out of there. Burn the whole place down. Sell your pad. Just get out of that shit.
I wouldn't put up with a minute of that kind of crap.
I have yet to buy a house...I'll probably get one in Guam when i go back there.
Right now i just rent a house. I would never live in an apartment. We are fucking human beings - we shouldnt be living in a fucking little box with a paper thin wall away from other people.