Deeper (818 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: -0.02 on 86 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-19 10:10:07 EDT
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Entry 1
Thinking aloud he declared the machine 'not fit for testing'. He paced back and forth in the bland yet brightly lit surrounding laboratory. "Not fit for testing" he repeated, running his hands nervously through his bushy, receding grey locks.He was stereotypical, he always knew that and it had bothered him for most of his career. Everyone emulated his or her hero in some way and he just didn't know how else to look. His aging face was too old to pull off the shaven head look, and the moustache just happened to suit. That was his story and he was sticking to it; who cared if he looked like Einstein anyway?
Today was a step too bold. Today was the day that financing were to demand the last 5 years experimental research show some sign of fruition. But it just wasn't ready, was it?
They'd soon find out because Patrick had been called to the Lab and he was going to be trying the 'deeper project' first hand.
Patrick was a young man. He'd never enjoyed science at school but joining 'deeper' simply to evade being conscripted to 'nam had made him see the world of science in a whole new light. It was exciting now; something that school had failed to demonstrate. He headed for the lab with a spring in his step knowing that today Professor Harris would have to juice 'it' up or lose his job.
After an all too long anticipatory taxi ride Patrick finally slumped in Harris' office and thumbed through the endless paperwork laid out in front of him, his excitement turned rapidly to boredom as he realised, once again he was not going to sit in the heavily guarded room, at least not without a tiresome de-briefing. Harris nervously rambled on about the consequences and the moral quandary of what they were doing. Patrick pondered the hilarity of Harris' gesticulating moustache as he desperately tried not to fall asleep.
"Even if the machine doesn't fry your brain and we do discover the truth about this war where will that get us? Killed probably. What if they keep sending you back to unearth more sordid truths? I could become a scapegoat..." Harris' face grew redder by the second. Patrick was more interested in this simple observation than any of the words leaving the old man's mouth.
"What if our research is somehow leaked during this investigation? The implications of unlocking the dormant parts of your brain and wiring them up to a historical database whilst simultaneously performing hideously disfiguring surgery on your testicles is not just dangerous, it's immoral!"
"Performing hideously disfiguring surgery on my what???" Exclaimed Patrick with sudden interest.
"Glad to see you're listening for a change Patrick" chuckled the Professor.
Patrick eased back in his chair visually irritated by Harris' jape.
"Listen I'm bored of worrying about it" Patrick said, realising that until his testicles had been brought into the equation he hadn't worried about it at all. "Lets just plug me in and get on with it, I've been de-briefed to death; me and my balls want wiring up to your gizmo and sending back to figure out what the deal is with this little ruckus..."
"Sending back", it sounded so 'quantum leap' for something that was really just a visual representation of the past. It was just watching a rather violent completely accurate history channel through a virtual reality helmet. He had been chosen because the task required a soldier, if killed whilst in 'deeper sleep' you were as good as vegetated.
"Excellent idea" said a familiar voice shattering Patrick's line of thought. Patrick had failed to notice the astute gentleman standing in the corner. "Lets make sure we get some good strong cables wired up to this absent minded little pricks testicle's and shock the living shit out of him, this whole escapade is completely preposterous; If I had my way you'd both be locked up, but seeing as I am reluctantly overseeing lieutenant Patrick I'm going to make sure both of you see this joke through to its untimely conclusion"
Captain Price was not a pleasant man, nor was he particularly friendly. He was however decidedly tall and unusually pointy.
"Yes sir, sorry sir!" barked Patrick standing quickly to attention.
"You have no jurisdiction over me, and I for one will not be pushed around by the likes of you!" said Harris in his best authoritarian tones.
Price shrugged off Harris' defiance and walked to the centre of the room "I think the shareholders might have something to say about that". Price thrust a fist full of paperwork into Harris' gut- slightly winding him.
"Wire him up!"
As they wandered through to the chamber Harris solemnly waved away the security guards. Patrick couldn't help but finally feel a pang of nerves on his approach to the large concrete room.
It was a cold and tall straight edged construct with a dark leather chair in the centre and cables dangling from the ceiling. It looked like a torture chamber crossed with a hospital.
He knew little of the procedure involved in connecting him to the database; all he knew was what he was about to do something truly historical and by the looks of the leather restraints quite a lot of thrashing about. Professor Harris had finished connecting the cables and with his back turned was filling a syringe with an orange coloured liquid.
"Looks like we're finally going to delve a little deeper" Whispered Captain Price whilst fanning Patrick with the paperwork from the shareholders, "Just not in the way you expected" he continued menacingly
Professor Harris turned to face Patrick with sadness in his eyes. "I'm sorry Patrick, I'm so sorry".
Patrick struggled against his restraints trying to scream through the bitter taste of the leather gag in his mouth. Harris jabbed the needle hard into Patrick's arm and pressed the plunger. Patrick felt his consciousness slipping away as he pondered- how much deeper they were planning to send him?...
- VS -
Entry 2
I like porn.I also like sex.
While deciding what to write for this title, my mind would drift to sex without me even noticing it. I tried not to write anything about sex. Maybe I could beat it.
Didn't work. Every damn time I sat down to figure something out, it was sex. I mean, with a title like "Deeper", how could your mind not drift towards thoughts of some girl getting drilled. Then I got to thinking- porn is pretty neat.... then I just decided to look at porn for a while.
A couple hours later, I got to thinking again- most porn out there is geared towards men. I mean you have big chested women, most often playing with themselves or with another woman, all the while some sweaty, hairy, balding man is trying to get himself off. The last time I tried to look for porn that was geared towards women, all I found was some shirtless guys in their underpants. And let me tell you, a ripped chest and a bulge is certainly not all it takes... it helps, but I need a little more.
So I went searching.
I found all kinds of fun things- men in hawaiian shirts, men jacking themselves off, bare-chested studmuffins, and men kissing women... something wasn't right here. Where was the hardcore, sweaty, monkey love that I craved? Other women have to want to see that too, right? I mean I'm not that strange... am I?
I understand that normal women enjoy more romance, not just a fuck session. They are supposed to crave a story that really describes the context, the emotions... using words like "manhood" and "flowers" that leave you so confused you can't possibly stay aroused. I mean how are you supposed to get off when you're not sure if the dude is eating her out or just making himself some lunch. With all the metaphors and euphamisms, it's a wonder this can even be entertaining.
I suppose what I'm trying to get at here is that there is a serious lack of woman-oriented hardcore porn out there... we don't always want to "make love". Some of us enjoy just being fucked. Personally I wouldn't mind just getting nailed sometime.
Oh... and I dunno... Deeper
Entry 1:
Adamdidit2u
badassmofo
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
c1ndy
CaptainThorns
comicbookguy
congo
Coyote
darko
Dervel
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
ess-arr
firefly
godking
GodLovesALittleLovin
Impassive-Digressive
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
Katastrofadark
kimmy02721
Kre8rix
Lechuga
loki
Magicaddict
MANICMOTHER
Merlina
Mike00295
mrwolf
Natsukau
nitty34
notyou
potatomanjack
ProphetOne
rad1101
Ragman
RandomJose
RyuFu
salmonofdoubt
satchel
screamfeeder
sg11588
shadow
SiskelandFatboy
Slovin
Snark
Soley_Trinity
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
Stabkill
stevie_says
Stin
Teephphah
Viciousriffs
WildcatMcGee
William_Q_Percy
youarsoghey
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
56 eligible votes (62 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Bellebrown
Blitzen
Davros
Deidra
DonovanMD
indoninja
jgreening
Jogging_Monkey
justagirl27
knucklesnelson
LadyPlural
MandaPanda
mbstateside
munkeypants
sparkle_pink
Wiggles
zakalwe
15 eligible votes (18 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-22 05:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now that we all know it was me I'd like to state my opinion that some of these reviews were fucking bullshit. It's the in thing right now to rubbish any post written for Ubermadness. That is all.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2005-07-22 03:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah I'd say it's pretty obvious I didn't give a rat's ass. I'm just not one to forfeit although it usually gets me more trouble than I would have gotten with a simple no-show.
Anyhoo, you guys haven't gotten me down. The story I got into Ubermadness with (my "Fresh" post)seemed to be enjoyed, I'll take that to mean if I had had the time to come up with something half decent I would have gotten nicer reviews.
Best of luck to mrwolf in the coming rounds.
Haha, I wrote this garbage while I was at work and never expected it to get any votes. Thanks to those who did... even if it was just pity or by accident.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 sucked ass, couldn't get through all of it
#2 sucked but atleast made me laugh and I agreed with it
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blahhhhh
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm hoping I didn't miss out on something subtle, but I've heard it's more honorable to just forfeit.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-21 07:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-07-21 06:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First one by a mile.
Entry 2 is a bit meh.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O... kay.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:07:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uh huh...
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
At least writer 1 tried. But come on with the sentence structure, Electro Jr.- read the last sentence in your post again. What in the fuck were you thinking?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:26:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Vas numero uno.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Normally, I'd praise pornographically plotted posts, but no.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:02:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I only read #2
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What in the blue fuck. . . #1
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-20 02:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ProphetOne (user info) at 2005-07-20 00:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-07-20 00:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2005-07-20 00:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-07-19 23:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hahaha, i'm sure this took you like 2 seconds to write, but i was giggling at it :)
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-19 21:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i thought the same thing when i saw the title deeper.
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:11:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Urgh.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No regrets, baby!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha.
Push, push, in the bush.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mw vs B
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Horrible all around. Both are horrible. #1 less so.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jogging_Monkey (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i share thesentiment of author two, but well....
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck, #2?
Fuck. What a fucking waste.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Fuck.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:29:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
goddamnit
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I voted for the wrong post.
I am drunk.
Don't look like it will matter anyhoo.
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Both shit, but #2 was total shit, where as #1 was just kinda shit.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
couldn't help myself
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sucks donkey balls (-3)
that's what you both deserve.
#2, what, did you write that in like, 5 minutes? You suck. And hard. Fuck you for wasting my time.
#1, you need to tighten up on the punctuation, spelling, and grammar, or you're an early out in Round 2.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All I can say is that Author #2 is obviously well acquainted with the male population of Uber. Chicks talking about sex equals hits and good ratings on a normal day. I wonder how it will play in UberMadness.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not even close.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is this supposed to be a story writting contest or a best post contest?
#2 would've been a great post but it didn't even try to be a story which is a shame because if you'd have come at this at a slightly different angle it could've been.
#1 I quite like the narrative but you didn't capture the story that well I thought.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate voting for number one, because of the authors predilection to use testicles over and over. But at least they WROTE something for UM.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1 wasn't too bad, kind of slow in developing. And as for #2, it could have been defeated by a ham sandwich in this round.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read all of the second one... couldn't you have just let someone else have your place?
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry 1 was very solid and flowed well. I get what the second one was going for, but I think the idea about writing about how hard it is to make a story for your title is played out.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow. Just wow. And not the good wow. Number one had a good idea, just poorly executed, and number two should be blasted with a shotgun... from three paces... then shat upon by an elephant...wearing a tu tu. Utter trash.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to vote none.
But I want to see the comments #2 generates, and number one had this line:
'He was however decidedly tall and unusually pointy."
Unusually pointy? What the fuck does that mean?
Submitted by Ragman (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2005-07-19 10:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment