A Work in Progress (254 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Parlor Trick (View user info) at 2005-07-19 10:55:56 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
She sat in the chair just vacated by the man in line before her, waiting.
"Finally! Took me 47 years!" He had said with exuberance as he held the door and she walked in and took the open chair, "I've been released," his words hung in the room and he was gone.
His file marked simply '4.875.990.015, Status: Complete' was quickly covered by her own marked '5.439.774.356, Status: Pending.'
The meeting began.
"So...5.439.774.356, start at the beginning and describe, in detail your role in the project progression to-date. Please focus on what you consider to be most significant in the process. Be specific, if at all possible."
5.439.774.356 shifted her weight uncomfortably in her chair. She folder her hands over a small stain on her pants, something from this morning's breakfast. She hadn't expected an accounting at this stage, or for that matter - ever.
She had been sitting in her car watching the traffic signal waiting to turn left into Peppy's Pizza already thinking about the melted cheese. Now she found herself here, strangely, sedated, slightly giddy and casually aware of someone else, someone larger in the room.
She began as expected.
"I was given to the project about 24 years ago. The day I started, I remember it was dark and I felt this sudden pressure and then....," 5.439.774.356 waved her arms expansively.
"I do not require the specifics of the actual implementation process."
"Oh, sorry, I've never done this before."
"Many times, actually, please proceed."
"Well, in the early years, I had supervisors. They oversaw things. I paid attention though and took notes. I was master of my universe and solved most of my problems with a magic eight ball or daisy petals.
"You took notes?"
"Ah...well...no...not actually 'notes notes'."
"What kind of 'notes' then?"
"OK, I didn't take notes," 5.439.774.356 furrowed her eyes at the interviewer.
"Please, proceed, keep the information accurate, if at all possible"
"Right, yes, of course," 5.439.774.356 continued.
"About 16 years into the project things became more complicated. My supervisors had delegated general operations to me, but my version of progress was different from theirs. They failed to understand the benefit of my Nirvana inspired research for example and quite unreasonably thought Geometry was relevant.
I was having regular conflict with upper management around this time. I came to work late and was resistant to documenting my time. But understand, it was a confusing creative phase that, I might add, became all the more confusing when John Vanderberg kissed me behind the school gym."
"Geometry is relevant."
"Wha?...Oh yeah, well....ah...I can see that now, I guess...but...ah..."
"Please proceed."
"OK, well, John introduced me to the concept that I could not get what I want from others unless I offered something in return."
"So you gained knowledge of the balanced interactions principal?"
"Well, ah...let's just say John and I negotiated and the deal was made. John bought me pizza and let me drive his convertible and I gave him a free pass to my A cups in exchange. But eventually John moved on to bigger things further up the alphabet so to speak. But in the years to come I became more intimate with the rewards of a well-balanced partnership, if you know what I mean?"
"Assume that I know more about what you mean than you do. Everyone seems to dwell on this particular stage. Please proceed."
"Ah, OK...well...let's see...I invested in higher learning and became Certified Nail Technician"
" 'Nail Technician' how promising"
"Yes. Are you mocking me?"
"I don't answer questions. Please proceed."
"Well honestly there's a period in there between 20 and 23 that I'm having difficulty recalling at the moment. But I remember I got a cat and learned to be content with my own company, as I don't recall dating anyone during that time. Is that bad?"
"Let's move on to your current status."
"Well I quit my job at the Gold Fingers, the boss was a bitch! I mean we failed to connect properly. Should I go into that?"
"That won't be necessary."
"OK, well I just applied for the waitress position at Peppy's Pizza, I should know by Wednesday. Rick thinks I'll look hot in the black shorts. Did I mention Rick? We've have been dating for 5 months now. He drives an Escort but once he gets his tax return he's going to by a Camero! So a lot has been going on, really."
"And, is that it?"
"I voted...twice."
"So that brings us up-to-date then?"
"Yes, I guess so."
"OK then, 5.439.774.356, this concludes the process."
--------------------
The light turned green and Angela Browning pulled into the intersection. Elsewhere an executive decision was made to terminate the funding for project 5.439.774.356.
A split second later Angela Browning met 4.875.990.015 quite by accident.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-17 18:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-10-27 10:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Horray for the elite 8!