The Chump (1254 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: -0.08 on 88 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-19 11:10:05 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
Things weren't always like this. I still have a vague recollection of a time before the blackness, when life was full of infinite possibilities. I recall the fluttering in my stomach stemming from the simplest of things - like not knowing what adventures and experiences lie in the road ahead. I distinctly remember my awe at the vastness of the universe and how infinitesimally small it made me feel in comparison. Most importantly, I remember how it felt to be young and alive and not have a care in the world.It would be difficult to pinpoint the exact moment I stopped feeling, but it was probably somewhere around the time that I stopped believing in love. While it is true that the drugs are at least partially to blame, each time devouring another remaining fragment of my soul, it was the women that robbed me of my empathy and left me jaded.
I tried my best to do "the right thing" and be a "good guy" but each time I saw the loves of my life take advantage of my kindness and run around behind my back with the exact kind of man they openly claimed to despise. All in all it's just another of life's ironies, another component to this cruel cosmic joke that we're all apart of, cognizant of it or not. One of many of life's valuable lessons, another being that most sayings become sayings for a reason, and as they say - if you can't beat'em, join'em.
Armed with this new knowledge I set out into the world, determined to sew my royal oats and slay as many slores as time and physics would allow. I quickly found that while occasionally entertaining this lifestyle was no more fulfilling, just going through the motions so to speak, and I was left in a quandary. Was I to continue down this path of esthetic pleasures or return to the brutality of dangling your emotions and deepest feelings on the line only to have them trampled time and time again?
I wanted so badly for her to be the one. Every rational thought in my head told me otherwise, but my heart led me astray. I invested myself wholly; emotionally, financially, but like in the past came out with nothing but the lesson to not invest as deeply the next time.
Brick by brick, stone by stone I built up the wall. I wasn't what you would typically call emotionally guarded. I still spoke openly about my so-called feelings. It's just that a certain point I ceased to actually feel them. Empathy, compassion, these are things that exist only in my memory now, along with that long lost sense of wonderment that accompanied the belief that life was whatever I wanted it to be. Seemingly endless possibilities now all intersecting and winding down the same bitter path.
Time goes by and I grow bored of my isolation. In the blink of an eye I'm back out there walking the tightrope again. Teetering on the brink of emotional suicide, as I make one more desperate attempt to seek out "the one." That perfect, non-existent being who fulfills my every fantasy, responds to my every need and makes all the others pale in comparison. The seeming endlessness of this search is incredibly draining, and sometimes I think I look only so that one day I can finally stop looking.
Like I said, I don't believe in love, so then why do I do it? Why do I subject myself to such torture? A man plodding down a course even though he knows it to be futile, set in motion by some genetic impulse. Treading onward like a mindless lemming. You might call me a chump, and you might be right, but whether we choose to believe it or not we are all slaves to our hearts.
- VS -
Entry 2
The Chump (this is how it will appear on the post)It's all about the chump. Literally. The bite, the chew. The... mastication, if you will.
Mastication is defined as the process of chewing food in preparation for swallowing and digestion. The perfect con will prepare the mark's food so thoroughly that all he has to do is open his mouth, close his eyes, and enjoy the taste while you fleece him. A truly excellent conman can dangle his mark once he's taken the bait and convince him he enjoys it. But the bite has to be right, as does the biter. He's the second chump in the game, and probably the hardest one to handle. It's always hard to achieve perfection in a game like this: you'll never be able to blend all his food, the mark has to bite. He has to chew, tongue the food, let his palate convince him. Which is when you wind him in.
Billy Stauer smashed the side of my head with his .22 snub nose revolver. I owned the same gun, which was unfortunately back at my house, rolled snugly in a pair of boxer shorts, and not in my hand. I rolled with the blow, but lights flashed inside my eyelids. I clamped my teeth in agony, and rolled my head around, straining against the electrical cable wound tightly around my chest. Billy laughed and jabbed me in the ribs with the barrel.
"I hope you're enjoying this, ma boy!" he roared maniacally, and lunged towards me with a backhand. With the little leeway in the binding around my torso, I could easily have dodged the blow, but such an act of defiance would have risked terrible repercussions. Like he said, he was the man in control. For the moment. The slap rang out in the stone room; the sound of a slab of meat being swung at a wall. I reeled. I could feel the sting spread around my face, and realised I must be bright red. Angrily, I spat my blood onto the floor.
**********
The first time we met he had done the same thing. Lying in a darkened alleyway behind the glittering and crowded Casino Mia Casa. I offered him a cigar, and a few seconds later, a light.
"Waddya want?" he growled reluctantly. Ten minutes ago he had been placing the largest bet of his entire life. Five minutes ago he had been facing eight men, a pair of pliers, and an electric drill. And now he was sitting propped against a dank concrete wall, wondering what the man who had pulled him out of a very short and agonising future could possibly want from him.
"Only to help, Billy" I spoke back. He seemed nonplussed.
"So what, you heard them speak my name. Nothing special. I'll ask ya again, waddya want?"
His voice was surprisingly commanding, even in his compromising position. He was obviously a man used to getting his own way, or had been. I had spent half an hour, standing at the bar, cold reading him before I decided he was the man I wanted. His thin cotton socks were covered in small bobbles, indicating that they were way past their prime. His fine velvet suit was wrinkled at the base of his back. I'd seen him get out of a taxi before he arrived. My guess was that he must have been sleeping in his car, which was obviously a lot more embarrassing to be seen in than a taxi. Billy Stauer had been well off, once, before the gambling had broken him. That much was obvious.
"My name" I began, "is Lance Gardner. Pleased to meet you"
I reached out my hand, he shook it, and I pulled him up onto his feet.
"And believe me, Billy, when I want something... I don't ask for it." I chuckled to myself and lit a cigar for myself. I gave him time to size me up. The beautiful Italian suit, the discreet blue shirt, the small platinum ring on my right hand. He seemed suitably approving of what he saw. I smiled confidently and said:
"C'mon let's get a couple of whiskies"
**********
By now the initial beating had ended. I sat wearily on the cold ground, blinking the blood out of my left eye. I did a quick mental check of my injuries. Broken right ankle; what felt like a dislocated left shoulder; a tear above my left eye; a broken nose; badly bruised ribs and possible concussion. So far so good. It could have been a lot worse. I was just glad he was aging, otherwise I may not have been able to think by this time. At around fifty, years of overindulgence and most recently, nearly a year of near starvation had rendered him weak. This, however, wasn't an entirely positive development. As soon as his fists and legs tired completely, he would have to move on to more inspired methods of torture, or just shoot me. So I talked.
"Hey man, can't we work something out!!?" I pleaded. He paused.
"What?"
"Look, we both know you're in a bit of money trouble. Well we can sort this out like men, right? I can phone some people, cancel some debts..."
"I aint interested, sonny. I can deal with my own problems. And you're one of them. You tried to rip me off, you damn son of a bitch!" He gestured madly with the gun. I shrank back against the wall.
"Of course," I reasoned diplomatically "but we could all do with a little help, right? I said I'd help you, didn't I? Well I can. I have a safety deposit box not far from here. I coul-"
"I need nothing from you, boy, and you best keep your mouth shut before I do something rash now" His fat thumb brushed against the hammer. My heart froze. I tried one last time to pay my way out.
"You can't pass this up! I have almost 2 million dollars! That money is yours, take it! All you have to do-"
The shock forced my back into the wall with tremendous force. I felt the impact on my shoulder before I realized that my ears were ringing with the gunshot. A deep pain soared through my torso, and the bite of the bullet sent me screaming. He leaned in close to my face:
"Now you know who you're dealing with, don't you?"
Rule one of conning is investigate your mark. I'd fucked up. What a fucking chump. He had been playing me. With the last of my strength I jumped forward and tore a chunk of flesh out of his neck. I fell against the floor in agony. I knew the pain would get worse, but it wasn't terminal. I just hoped someone would come across us.
Fucking chump.
Entry 1:
badassmofo
BillsSBChamps
bob
comicbookguy
darko
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
Envenom
ess-arr
Katastrofadark
knucklesnelson
Kre8rix
LadyPlural
Lechuga
Magicaddict
MANICMOTHER
Merlina
notyou
rad1101
RandomJose
RyuFu
salmonofdoubt
Slovin
Soley_Trinity
stevie_says
Stin
SullyThePirate
Viciousriffs
Wiggles
youarsoghey
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
29 eligible votes (32 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
Bellebrown
bigbabylons
BLITZKREIG_BOB
BuckeyesTHEGAME
c1ndy
CaptainThorns
Darshiscool
Davros
Deidra
Dervel
DonovanMD
Ejryuu
electrictoothsyndrome
engine13
FunnyAsCancer
gamma
Genko
godking
GodLovesALittleLovin
hornyforhugs
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
justagirl27
kimmy02721
loki
MandaPanda
mbstateside
munkeypants
Natsukau
nitty34
OnEdge
potatomanjack
satchel
sebcharrot
SiskelandFatboy
Snark
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
Stabkill
thecaes
wardy
William_Q_Percy
zakalwe
47 eligible votes (51 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-22 09:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like Envenom's better, sry I didn't read it in time to vote
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey all.
Well, first off, thanks Envenom for posting what I thought was a better post than mine. Ironically, the emotional way in which it was written was a style which 'seduces' me easily. Thanks also to everyone who voted for me, even if you thought it was shite. Honestly, I do believe it was shit compared to what I know I can achieve. There are plenty of excuses I could use, but frankly I think I just didn't manage my time properly, and as a result, I had to race to finish the post.
For whoever asked, the reason the end is incomprehensible is purely because I wrote the last 200 odd words in about 3 minutes. I had a plan set out in which I described the con in its entirety, but I had absolutely no time to implement it; hence the shitty ending.
Also, youarsoghey, I hurriedly pressed Ctrl+A, Ctrl+C and then pasted it into the submission box, which is why I failed to delete the title "this is how it will appear in the post".
Again, promises that I will try harder next time,
thanks again,
-seb
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congrats to seb for handing me my ass. I thought about this title long and hard but had nothing, so I thought "what makes me feel like a chump?" The answer to that was easy - women - because I allow them to. Because of this, I chose to write in first person narrative and from a more personal perspective - it bombed. Sorry for the overly sappy post, and Percy, you're right, but what can I say? When you have nothing you have to fall back on what you know. It wasn't meant to be trite, it was honest and from the heart, and I meant every word - well, with one exception. It was the acid the stole my empathy, not the women. Ha! And no Jack, it wasn't a "story." As far as the use of "slore" I thought about that, but I like the alliteration of "slaying slores."
I applaud seb's incredibly creative post. Thanks to those that voted for me, even if it was as the lesser of two evils or because it had a picture. :)
- E
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-21 09:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-21 09:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-21 01:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ugh...
The least worst.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-21 01:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ummmm...well...
Entry 1 was more of a dissertation and didn't really interest me. It was written well enough, but the subject matter was just 'meh.'
Entry 2 did some things right, and could have been very good had it been fleshed out more. But there are a lot of questions left unanswered that left me unsatisfied as a reader. Also I have no idea what happens at the end. Did the narrator tear the guy's throat out or is he going to get shot dead? Should have been a little more clear there. Also I think I would have liked the story better if it had concentrated more on the con and less on the beating.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, the agony...
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't like Entry one, but Entry two completely lost me. Maybe I'm just retarded, I don't know...
Submitted by OnEdge (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-20 13:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-20 13:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-20 13:10:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-20 12:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 had a picture!
Submitted by RandomJose (user info) at 2005-07-20 12:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Author 1 - The subject matter in your entry has been done to death, my friend.
Author 2 - Yours was good, but I found it pretty difficult to understand the point of why these two were in the situation in the first place. They're con men trying to con each other? I dunno... confusing but it didn't kill you in my eyes.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bah, freaky weird fire-ish picture wins.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No comment.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was trying to vote for Entry 3, the good coherent post, but ummmmm, it disappeared.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Idiot:
"The Chump (this is how it will appear on the post)"
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 06:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-20 06:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-07-20 02:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, definitely number one.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-07-20 02:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gotta go with number one, although both kind of sucked.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-07-20 01:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2005-07-19 23:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-19 20:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-19 20:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
another hard choice
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-19 19:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-07-19 19:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking terrible.
Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-19 19:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-19 19:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
.t00w
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-19 18:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-19 17:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 What a short story should be like. Much better than most of the other efforts I've read.
#1 not a bad effort but it was rather short and you didn't engage my intrest.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"The Chump (this is how it will appear on the post)"
Auto #1
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-19 16:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Do I have to vote to see the comments?
Fine.
Author #1, for fuck's sake, throwing words like "slore" into what appears to be a normal story can REALLY fuck up your audience's head. These are not meant to be normal Uber posts, but STORIES!!
We all remember stories, right?
Author #2, I'm not sure that was in English.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unless I missed it, I don't think #1 was a story.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-19 15:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both were good.
#2 edged it out in the entertainment department, and was written in a slightly more interesting voice for me.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just.
-Dave
Submitted by bigbabylons (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry #1
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didnt know
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by hornyforhugs (user info) at 2005-07-19 13:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shite
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:49:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 did a great job of incorporating the title, so you get the nod - you chump.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
After reading one, I thought I was going to vote for two. Then I read two and voted for one.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-19 12:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh... #2 by a pube
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Darshiscool (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
they both sucked
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-19 11:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Because it isn't #1.