The Little Engine That Sucked (827 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fiction humor
Rating: 1.64 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Serious Melvin (View user info) at 2005-07-20 03:01:07 EDT
"I think I can, I think I can!" wailed the suck-ass yellow train as it tried to make it up a slope that wasn't even steep at all.
"Shut the fuck up," bellowed a big black train named Jamal as it was boarding high quantities of female passengers.
"Traina please- that ain't coo," cried Bunyan, a train that had just pulled up behind Jamal. Bunyan used to be white, but had gathered so much dust over the years that it was difficult to tell nowadays.
"Man, get off my back. I'm tryin' to load some passengers, if you can catch my drift."
"I think I can!" yelled the yellow train as it began to lose traction and roll backwards again. "I think I ca-"
Everything stopped.
To this day, no one knows for certain what happened at that moment. Maybe it was karma, maybe it was fate, but a really hot train pulled up next to the little yellow train and smiled.
"I'm Carga," the train said, blushing.
The yellow train didn't want to say anything, but by the seals still fresh on Carga's doors, he could tell that no Cargo had ever entered them. His engine started stirring in a way he had never felt before.
Carga pulled up farther, but to the yellow train's horror, he saw that Carga's emergency exit had been ravaged, torn off almost completely.
Carga froze in embarrassment. "I was manufactured in a Catholic city," she explained, "and they do not allow any cargo to enter the main door until I have established a long-term contract with a particular shipping company.
"It must be painful to drive in reverse," muttered the little yellow train sympathetically.
"So in order to meet my shipping requirements while staying true to my manufacturers' wishes, my back door has been essentially ruined."
"But.. but why?" was the only thing the yellow train could muster.
Her eyes lit up. "Because, if I follow the rules, I will one day be taken to the most luxurious of junkyards, where the air will smell of gasoline, and cargo of all kinds will be placed into my main entrance."
"And you honestly believe that? How do you know you won't be taken to the middle of some desert and left without any tracks, passengers, cargo or gasoline?"
"I... I just believe," she whispered.
And at that, the little yellow train, too, believed. The slope looming ahead of him no longer felt insurmountable. He no longer felt the need to shout to his fellow trains that he thought he could: it wasn't necessary. The little yellow train simply knew.
"I'll see ya on the flip side," said Jamal. But by then, the little yellow train was already gone.
User Reviews
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-24 09:14:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-24 01:45:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As promised.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2005-10-09 08:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i think... this is borederline religious?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-31 05:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-31 04:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-31 04:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 for the title, -1 for non-interesting post.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-31 04:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
You should've just stopped after the first line.
Thanks for reviewing my post. I never would've read this otherwise.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-26 20:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now this....this is what I originally came to this site for.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 good post welcome to uber DIE
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaah, the pic did it for me!
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, brought back memories of my Catholic reform school.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to Uber bitch.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Werd.
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That was.. really odd. But amusing.
Welcome aboard.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-07-20 06:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
loved it, gangta train rocks!
Submitted by abaddon (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ooh... this was filled with all kinds of goodness
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to ruin a 2 streak. The guy may be a new and all, but even a newb can earn his stripes with a solid first post.
Submitted by MoneyG (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BigBad-2Train (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I tore her back door up. The bitch had it coming, thinking she was all better than me and everything.
Thats what you do to those upity bitches; fuck em up the ass and bring em down a notch or two.
WOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice goin', no foolin'.
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAAHAHAHAAA!
Awesome.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Serious.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha. This post is awesome!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rock n fuckin roll, melvin.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:09:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome first post. You should fit in well here.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome first post. You should fit in well here.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting! Welcome to Uber.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was oddly enjoyable, you fruitbat.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-07-20 03:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bizarre.