#1 - Gone Postal (872 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.25 on 63 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Electro's Story Time (View user info) at 2005-07-20 04:27:16 EDT
"So, what do we have here?" said the detective to the police officer.
"14 dead and 5 wounded. There was a man running about the place with a shotgun just shooting and laughing all over the damn place." said the officer.
"We cornered him in a room but before we could get him, he took himself out."
"Was he an employee here?" asked the detective.
"Indeed. It seems he must have gone postal." replied the officer.
_____________________________________________________________________
We begin our story on a normal sunny day. Pretty much usual. The weather is nice,
kids are playing at the parks unattended by their parents, and Michael Jackson was found innocent...
Not even sure why I am mentioning this...
Anyways, it was a basic normal day for Geroge Farwell. He was an employee of the US Post Office and as his job, he delivered mail. George did his normal route everyday around the neighborhood and frankly, he was getting tired of it.
All of it. He was tired of having to deal with people complaining about him coming by too early or too late, and all of the handling of the mail and packages. It was just too much shit and he felt he wasn't getting payed enough. He requested for raises and/or changes to his routes but, it was all ignored and he continued his route. Then he had enough and just have a nervous breakdown. On the weekend, he visited a very nice gun shop and purchased a very very nice 12-gauge shotgun and a few boxes of shells and left the shop.
The next day, he drives up normally as he does everyday for work, except today, he is quitting, for good. After he gets out of his car, he opens his trunk and gets out his new toy and loads it, and begins his madness of terror. After he opens the door and walks in, he begins greeting people good morning and begun firing his shotgun, killing and wounding people as he strolled about.
Bill was a good friend of George, except now, he is a victim of the rampage, and was found dead on the copy machine as it was actively scanning his dead face, and many others were gunned down with mail and packages spread out all over the floor with blood on it. There were blood splatters dripping down the walls, screams from everyone as they tried to escape their death, and George himself, laughing like a mad man walking about, reloading and firing his gun.....
To this day, you can still hear his laughter and the screams of the innocent in the corridors at night...
Moral of this little story?: Don't be a mailman. You will go fucking mad.
And if you are currently a mailman, quit your job while you are still sane.
And now, I bid you all a Gooood Morning!
User Reviews
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-20 15:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHEREFORE AUT THOU ELECTRO?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-10-18 09:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
superb.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-07-21 01:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"begins his madness of terror"
HOLY SHIT
YOU WIN PULITZERS FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS FOR THAT
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:42:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
In addition, I think we should have UberElectroMadness - where we get to give Electro titles, and he has to write posts about them.
-------------------
Hahahahahaha
I have a one:
Butt Fuck Sluts Go Nuts Vol. XII
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:49:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nowhere near as entertaining as Paid in Full, but still a few gems
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Indeed. It seems he must have gone postal." replied the officer.
---------
So, can I ask everyone a question?
Can one really call it 'satire', when the author doesn't even know the meaning of the word?
In addition, I think we should have UberElectroMadness - where we get to give Electro titles, and he has to write posts about them.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:50:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
But still, you need to animate "Paid in Full" using the exact text from the story.
______________________________________________________________________________________
Yes. Indeed. I'll get started on that soon... After all, I do have a few other things to share with ubersite as well...
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-20 13:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The next day, he drives up normally as he does everyday for work, except today, he is quitting, for good.
---------------------------
Don't ever stop.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-20 13:39:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71263
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But still, you need to animate "Paid in Full" using the exact text from the story.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Then he had enough and just have a nervous breakdown."
------------
You the man, Electro.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shit Ive fallen off the fringe of uberness
what the fuck is going on here ?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Electro, you fucking idiot. People want the misprinted copies of Harry Potter because they are rare. Do you ever plan on getting along in the "grown-up world" without having someone walking behind you to pick up the shits you leave everywhere?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does "Electro's Cliched Story Time" follow directly after "Electro's Cliched Computer Game Time?"
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:05:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Was he an employee here?" asked the detective.
"Indeed. It seems he must have gone postal." replied the officer.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Needs more purple smurfs
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good times, man, good times...
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living, Newman?"
"I'm a United States postal worker."
"Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?"
"Sometimes..."
"Why is that?"
"Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's Publisher's Clearing House day!"
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why Electard old boy, I do believe this is your highest rated post EVAR?
But whom will ruin your rating???
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:35:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"he opens his trunk and gets out his new toy and loads it, and begins his madness of terror"
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Title: Why people had such low estimations of Electro that once he inadvertantly made them laugh (albeit at him) he thought he was popular... but wasn't.
WHOM CAN TOP THAT ONE
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"After he gets out of his car, he opens his trunk and gets out his new toy and loads it, and begins his madness of terror."
Goddamn.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, I read it carefully and came to this: "The Best Torment is fat?"
Wha?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo,...that reply made no sense at all...
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this current mode of torment is the best we have come up with so fat.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He was an employee of the US Post Office and as his job, he delivered mail.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm, I'll check back later...
I gotta go play Soldier of Fortune II: Double helix and save the world.....
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LIEKD TEH PURT WAN HE GETZ OUT OV HIZ CARZOR! ROFLUSEOFDOORHANDLES!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:30:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man i gotta let this one soak in too, the gems are starting to come out...
"and was found dead on the copy machine as it was actively scanning his dead face"
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I want to hear more of the mafia story.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bahahahahahahaha
doesnt quite have the charm that Paid in Full does, but as promised, +2.
Here's a title for you - "The angst of the Trojan Horse"
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to hear more of the mafia story electro.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting title...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHy sebcharrot is a sanctimonious bastard and whom killed him.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now I have to get thinking upon story #2.....
hmm.........
feel free to toss out some ideas if you want... or titles....
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
anyone who gives electro shit is a small, small person.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-20 06:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is shit.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 06:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 06:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
All Your Base. Hell Yeah.
If people are requesting me to continue... then I will indeed, continue...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If electro keeps this up, we will all have our personal "ALL YOUR BASE" machine that we can infect the rest of the Intraweb with.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for "think upon it"
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sure, why not. I'll toss you a few pity votes. I had what after all, 200? How will 25 do you?
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:40:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey _Q_? Give people what they want man.
If people want to switch their votes, they should be able to.
After all, its their call. Think upon it.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Trust me. I had alot more fun writing this than you think.....
Good Morning! *BLAM*
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
3
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eerie?
My mind's gone blank.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eery.
Plus Electro wrote it.
Submitted by Richard_Whitely (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
should have been a , after "before"
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Electro
Don't pay any attention to the two teeny tiny dicks somewhere below my comment.
Submitted by Richard_Whitely (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what the fuck is this? why are people +2'ing this? I have read your work before and some of it is definitely worthy of +2 but this? Poorly written drivel about someone going on a rampage. Everyone has considered this before you arent touching any nerves here.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:10:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh jesus christ you are the next JK Rowling.
KEPP THIS SHIT UP
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-20 05:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! THE AUTARD FELL FOR IT!!!
Electro you are either the BEST alter ever or my god boy you are just, just...
i am lost for words.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Electro:
Don't take any notice of any of these fuckers- they liked your other story because it was shit, and begged you to write another story, and now they don't like the new story because it is shit. Ahhh the fickle Uber public.
Just keep posting the cheeky animations.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
remember people. take your time and read it a few times. These things need to sink in a while.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:31:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
A bunch of knock off stories using the same M-O will tarnish the humor of the original.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"madness of terror" is great. But all in all this post is a let down. But I mean, that was a tough act to follow.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A bunch of knock off stories using the same M-O will tarnish the humor of the original.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Morning to yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-20 04:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moral of this little story?: Don't be a mailman. You will go fucking mad.
Great Electro. I will live today by your moral.