Nicknames Stick Like......Poo to a Blanket (Vol III) (890 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ozzy <prattter1.at.yahoo.com.au> (View user info) at 2005-07-20 07:09:37 EDT
In the tradition of the two previous festering piles of dog turd in this series, (http://www.ubersite.com/m/70030, http://www.ubersite.com/m/70458 )
Ozzy Entertainment Presents.
NICKNAMES STICK LIKE...... POO TO A BLANKET III
"Even worse than the last one. What the fuck were they thinking" The Gayold Times
"I wouldn't wipe my ass with this story" Buttsecks Weekly.
Well, screw the reviews, you're gonna get it anyway Uber.
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A month or so ago, I went to a party held for one of my workmates, let's call him Jim. It was after his last day working for the company, and he wanted to say farewell to some of the people he'd gotten to know while working with us.
We headed to a friends place for a barbecue, a few pints, a laugh and a reflection on the good times. Jim was a bit of a character and an exceptional story teller, and certainly not shy. He was notorious for speaking openly about pretty much anything, and had been known to get a mouth full of foot on occasions.
There was about 30 of us sitting around 2 outdoor tables, with a stereo cranked up in the background, making us almost shout to ensure we were heard over the music.
We fed Jim 5 or 6 pints, and he'd started to get a little bit tipsy. Alright I'll be honest, Jim didn't care what he said that night- his tongue was as loose as a Mexican porn star after an orgy.
Later in the night, a group of about 6 boys from work ended up separated from the girls, and inevitably, the subject of sex came up. Jim, who incidentally has a beautiful girlfriend, felt the need to pass on some knowledge he'd acquired a few months before.
Apparently, Jim and his girlfriend liked to keep their sex life relatively spicy, and frequented some of the local adult shops here in London. Anyway, his girlfriend picked out a blue, dolphin shaped vibrator, and suggested it might be fun to experiment a little with its unusual shape. Jim described it. "It's fairly long and narrow with, like, a rounded dorsal fin, so you can stimulate the woman's g-spot." he shouted over the music.
"Nothing unusual so far." I thought.
"My girlfriend loved it!" Jim continued. "Reckons she had the most intense orgasm she's ever had."
"Yeah that's great mate." I yelled back. "But I don't think we're really that interested in how you get your girl off!"
"Yeah probably not." Jim said with a grin. "It's not about how she got there; it's all about how I got there. After she recovered from this gushing orgasm *screwed up faces from everyone that is listening*, she started, you know, going down on me. After a few minutes, she turned the vibrator on and stuck the dolphin's fin up my arse, which made me cum in about15 seconds! I got there so quick I didn't get a chance to warn her!"
By this point we are giggling, trying hard not to envision our mate wearing his "O" face with a blue dolphin vibrator stuck up his arse.
"Anyway, I let the first lot of baby batter go, and she started coughing and gagging. She shot some of my spooge out of her nose, then she sat up and copped some more to her chin. The rest went all over my stomach."
We all stood, wide eyed, dead silent, not knowing what to say to each other. Jim obviously sensed our semi shocked reaction, because he then yelled "What, haven't you ever had a girl stick a vibrator up your bum?"
Just as the fucking music stopped.
Every single person at that barbecue went silent, turning to find out who this George Michael-like deviant was, before they cracked up laughing.
Jim went bright red, embarrassed as hell that 30 of his nearest and dearest now knew of his anal antics.
It only took about a minute for his new nickname to stick.
Flipper.
User Reviews
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAHAHAHAHA!
B@W!!!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:24:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was GOOD.
-Dave
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2005-07-20 10:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:55:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
if i were lame, i'd post the flipper song right here, right now
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Noooooo! I hate that freakin song.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if i were lame, i'd post the flipper song right here, right now.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Blanket!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story, and the Paul Hogan sealed the deal.
Nicknames can be tricky beasts.
Auto-Nickname linkwhore: My post on a rather unfortunate nickname
http://www.ubersite.com/m/39616
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ouch
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-07-20 09:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheSunGod (user info) at 2005-07-20 08:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jeeeezuss...
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story Jim.
Submitted by b_badger (user info) at 2005-07-20 07:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Solid. Gold. Plus. Fucking. Two.