"You Fat Cunts" or What I said to four girls last night before I almost knocked them out (1448 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.37 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mush (View user info) at 2005-07-20 11:01:52 EDT
It would have been easy. I would have thrown a right hook at the agressive one, cunt #1, and immediately taken out her closest friend by following with a right elbow straight towards cunt #2's chin. Cunt #3 was was between cunt #1 and #2 but farther away. I would have had to left hook cunt #4 in the face (exposing my kidneys, but worth the risk against girls with small fists) and then lunge at cunt #4 with a right haymaker. By now cunt #4 would be back on her feet because i only hit her with a jab, so I would run at her and slam her head into the side of the bank that we were next to. Cunt #2 would know better than to fuck with me any more since she was the smart one in the group, Cunts #3 and #4 would be down for the count, but I'm sure Cunt #1 would have some more for me. So to make sure she couldnt follow me or anything, I would have ran and kicked her as hard as I could in the vagina while she was still on the ground.
We had just left the bar. I was smoking a cigarette and talking to some dude about Johnnie Walker, and my buddy Casey was talking to some girl who was with her friends. I did NOTHING wrong here. These whores just started yelling at my buddy and calling him an ugly fag and a bitch because he was talking to their friend. Thing of it is: the friend was diggin Casey. She really was. The night had a Scumbag Factor of -1 (I've seen better). So I walk over to see what happens and she tears into me?
I. Don't. Think. So.
The next few seconds are vague... I kinda blacked out. I liken it to what happened to 'Frank the Tank' when he was debating the Crossfire dude. It was brilliant, and from what I'm told it went something like this:
"Don't snap your fingers at me you worthless cow. It's 1:30... shouldnt you be home alone eating a pint of Ben&Jerrys, ocassionally masturbating with the spoon while watching Ricki Lake reruns? Excuse me? Ugly? Don't get mad at us because that's what everyone who has every seen you thinks... and dont take it out on us that there are actually some intelligent people out there that have no problem letting you know that you are a worthless, fat, cow. A cow. Those people are trying to help you, but do you listen? No. You sit there with your rolls hanging out from under... what the fuck is that? Are you wearing a fucking nightie under there? Dont! In fact, dont ever try to look sexy again... 'sexy' called... it's pissed off that you're trying to be it. Yeah, you sit there with your rolls hanging out and you get mad and say how 'all that' you are. Fuck you, cunt. Take a hint from someone who knows: you came from nothing and if you dont get back to school you'll stay there."
Well to put it mildly... that didnt go over so well. There were 8 girls total. Four were already in the car. Four were near me and my buddy. My first thought was to flick the cig ashes in the closest girl's face, but that just doesnt work unless you're Jet Li. Plus that would have required running. So in a matter of .2 seconds I came up with the scenario that started this post.
Then two solitary images popped into my head: The digits next to the "$" on the offer I just signed from EMC, and the marble fireplace in my new apartment. Sorry cunt, you're not worth it
So to all the girls out there that think they can verbally abuse dudes and threaten to "knock us out" know two things:
1) eventually someone will have no problem making that wound from the ugly stick look like a beauty mark
2) you really look pitiful when you do that... have some respect for yourselves.
As the bouncer came over to usher the girls back into their car, I looked at them and just said plainly "You fat cunts." Sad how it really sums up their lives.
P.S. It's really amazing how cocky I am. "I'm not even mad. That's amazing."
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-23 09:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me chuckle. go skinny folks woot!
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-07-23 09:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
glad to hear it
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this post inspired mine by the way
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:04:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like watching fat people eat, like when I am sitting at a hockey game and I glace over and see this 400 pound women shoving an entire footlong hotdog into her gross mouth that is partially covered with her 14 chins..that is a sight to see, cause if they think nobody is watching, they will put whole amounts of food in thier mouths you never thought possible from a human being.
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And if you listen carefully, you can hear vacuum and suction sounds as well. Our Emergency Room clerk can eat a regular sized 3 Musketeers candy bar in three bites.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If it didn't tell you then you should back off, cause it will take doers to get those stuffs done in enough time. Otherwise the council will start to bring them all back to here...not there. You know what I am sayin man?
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-07-20 14:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like watching fat people eat, like when I am sitting at a hockey game and I glace over and see this 400 pound women shoving an entire footlong hotdog into her gross mouth that is partially covered with her 14 chins..that is a sight to see, cause if they think nobody is watching, they will put whole amounts of food in thier mouths you never thought possible from a human being.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-20 13:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
amen brother.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-20 12:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
way i see it, if you weigh more than me, you're in my face like a man, you're threatening me like a man...
...i'm treating you like a fucking man.
and i've said those exact words to women up in my face.
Submitted by CrazyCanuck (user info) at 2005-07-20 12:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You shold have knocked them all out. Fat chicks suck.
Frank the Tank is cool though.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-20 12:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This made me laugh.
On a related topic I once knocked a chick out cold.
< hangs head in shame >
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-07-20 12:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:34:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
You need to learn the difference between a hook, cross and a jab. If you start out with a blow by blow description of a fight, it has to make sense.
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Was I really that far off base?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never think of responses like that unless I write them down first!
+2 for quick on the spot thinking!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Forensicgirl, if you evar, I mean EVAR start being nice, I'm gonna come after you. Stay the way you are. We like you that way
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A decent little burn, but 'cunt' and 'cow' got repetitive. This post was a 0 (Worth reading) until the quote at the end. Ron Burgundy makes me smile~
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You need to learn the difference between a hook, cross and a jab. If you start out with a blow by blow description of a fight, it has to make sense.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul, if you ever want to be truly horrified, come visit me in the Midwest. In fact, my city usually is on the list of U.S.'s fattest cities report.
We're so proud!
Better yet, just come to work at the hospital with me.
I need to be nicer. ignore this
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have tried the cigg flick anyway. I share your hatred for fat attitude bearing hogs.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:17:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a people person.
I admire that and one day hope to obtain the communications skills you've so obviously mastered myself.
Fuck fat chicks anyway. "
To go on; were any of them red headed? Those are the worst.
Again, fuck fat chicks. I made the absymal error of dating a fat redhead a few years back. Well maybe fat isn't the word. "Thick" might be a more correct description. At any rate. My judgement, which is normally sound; was corrupted by the long red hair and the GINORMOUS rack she had.
The bitch sucked the life right out of me and it was only through granite-like self control that I didn't shoot her in the fucking eyeball.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Obese people should be devoided of civil rights and sent to work camps. I'm serious. I was walking downtown on acid with my roomate and as I passed by slow paced american tourists I couldn't help it...I turned around, looked at one, made a disgusted face and said: "overweight". I hope I helped him realize he was less of a human being and will change his eating and exercise habits.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a people person.
I admire that and one day hope to obtain the communications skills you've so obviously mastered myself.
Fuck fat chicks anyway.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Darth Adwain: Banned. You will be.
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you are.
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Trash.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Neato!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do an Uber search for 'Waddles'
You won't be let down. And it goes along nicely with your theme here.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-20 11:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAH! Slores.