My History with the NES (1449 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.93 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <ejryu.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-20 15:05:26 EDT
It all started with the house on the river. The blue house with the long, silvery propane tank on the side, the dirt driveway and the Snake River. My mother had just moved to Pine City to begin her latest job as a teacher at the local Catholic school. I think I was a year off from starting kindergarten.
Midway through the schoolyear, one particularly brave student from the late 80's came a callin'. He wasn't the best looking. Kind of a skinny, class-failing podunk tool but whatever. He needs to get through sixth grade in Catholic school otherwise he'll never be able to drive that wrecker for a living, you know? So the obvious choice is to attempt to woo his twenty-something teacher and her two children. I'm not sure if my mom was a milf or he was just in that much danger of failing classes. I will say this, though - milfs did not exist in the late 80's and early 90's due to mullets and zubaz. At any rate, he graces our prescence with...a Nintendo. I believe it was the Mario Bros./Duckhunt cart and Zelda. Now I didn't get to play that much, but there was something mildly arousing about a plumber stomping goombas. Call me crazy.
The kid passed and I'm sure he's doing something great with his life like playing mad professor in a meth lab, fornicating with his sister or reading uber. Shortly after his first and only visit, mom started renting a Nintendo every now and then. Between the fact that I lived miles away from anyone my own age and my social ineptitude, I was set. Meet your new best friends: the 'A' and 'B' buttons. Let me take the time to point out that games are NOT a substitute for the actual relationships you form with other people....
They're an upgrade. Big time. Anyone that tells you different is either a hippie or just flat-out blows at games. If an xbox could give me a handjob, I probably wouldn't have a girlfriend. There, I said it.
Some of my fond memories of the NES:
I was riding my bike in a state park for this annual marathon the school put on. I was bitching to my mom about it because I was a lazy runt too tired to pedal. She told me, paraphrased that if I could skate it off, she'd buy me a Nintendo. Vroooooooom!
When we moved into our new house, my mother told us that we were not to eat anything on the carpet. All food to be kept inside the dining room. When the babysitter was playing Ducktales, I convinced him that it was okay to chow down on those cinnamon teddy grahms just so that I'd still be able to watch him play. I guess crumbs of an eight year old aren't hard to find. I was kicked off of the Nintendo for a few weeks. During that time, my mom decided to be a cruel bitch and rent every game under the sun. Oh I could watch every once in awhile, but I couldn't play. Amazingly enough, when my time in the penalty box ended, so did Contra, Batman and Rescue Rangers.
A few months down the road, I was confronted about spending too much time playing games. Go figure. My dad tried to be creative by overloading me. Remember that part in Matilda where the Trenchbull makes the fat kid eat all the chocolate cake? Very similiar to that. He put me in the room in the basement where the Nintendo was now kept and asked me what my favorite game was. I told him The Karate Kid, so he made me play that and only that for an entire afternoon. Nothing but crane kicks and drum punches and whatever the hell else. You know what it taught me? I kick ass at that game.
With three brothers in the house (mom with 2 boys, stepdad with 2 older boys (and a girl if it matters)), shit was bound to hit the fan. The grey and black box hit the concrete floor in the basement more than a few times. But like a timex, that sumbish kept on ticking. It got to the point where it wouldn't turn on unless you set it at an angle and jammed a bunch of 2x4 lego pieces stuck together between the cartridge and the roof of the NES. Ghetto fabulous. All we needed was some rims on that mutha.
Almost every disciplinary threat made in our house involved taking away games. Do your homework or no games. Get along with your brother or no games. Keep playing red rocket with the neighbor's dog and no games. Thankfully, the times the fun box actually got taken away were few and far between.
I was playing an NES compilation disc on my Dreamcast awhile ago and I found one of the first games I've played - Mickey Mousecapade. I gave up after about five minutes. That's friggin' tough! And it made me think not only about how far games have come since then, but about how far games have strayed from their ancestors. Now as long as it's something to look at, the content doesn't matter. Oh boy 120 FPS with voice-overs and fancy explosions? Give me Gauntlet instead. Or Legendary Wings. Or Gunsmoke.
Here's a picture of a man that couldn't move sidways while falling down. Do you think it was made that way to make it hard for the player, or because it was too hard to program? Either way, bring on the golems~
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-11-20 15:39:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Odd for this to pop up years later.
There are tons of good reads buried under years of posts.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-11-20 15:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-11-20 15:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
apparently you've managed to have this post rated yearly:
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-17 17:42:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you are obviously qualified to berate me for my lack of knowledge on the exact results of the konami code on Contra.
please forgive my ignorance master
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Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-11-18 18:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post really reminded me of something I wrote on this site a while ago.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67959
Memories!
and now me 2007-11-20 14:23:50 EST
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-17 17:42:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you are obviously qualified to berate me for my lack of knowledge on the exact results of the konami code on Contra.
please forgive my ignorance master
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-11-18 18:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post really reminded me of something I wrote on this site a while ago.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67959
Memories!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-11-18 18:19:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
friggin awesome
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2005-11-18 18:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here you go Captain Morgan.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2005-10-26 00:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SUper mario bros. 3
Submitted by chemokenny (user info) at 2005-07-22 22:04:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment Needed
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-21 01:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My NES still works to this day.
I still rock the Tecmo Bowl.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:02:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Still play my NES all the time.
Hardest, AND most time consuming game EVAR? That's easy...
Fester's Quest.
GODDAMN FESTER WITH ONLY FOUR FREAKIN' HEALTH BOXES AND A WHIP!!!
___________________________________________________________________
I agree that this game was the hardest, but do-able. I sat one day for three hours going in and out of the sewers killing rats and blobs just so I could collect blue "GUN" icons. First it was the horn with the yellow squares shooting out of it, then rapid fire squares. Then those damn looping connon ball things, the rapid fire cannon balls. The fucking boomerang looking things didn't hit shit. The finally, the cones. First it was the undulating ones that didn't hit shit while you were in tight spaces, the the Granddady of the gun, THE THREE CONE ACCROSS GAP FILLER DESTRUCTION! It killed those fucking green blob things that always split into a bajillion pieces. Those frog things got shred to pieces too.
Fuck the whip.
Blue GUNS and KEYS were what you really needed.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I still play Super Mario 3 on my old console...
It's in... well... It's in bad shape. But it works.
Sometimes.
OK, once in a blue moon after 20 minutes of haggling, 10 prayers and more than enough cussing.
And I still play Super Mario World on my SNES emulator.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Give me Gauntlet instead. Or Legendary Wings. Or Gunsmoke."
Or Zelda. Or IKari Warriors. Or Faxanadu. Or Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf. Or Metal Gear. Or Rygar. Or Bionic Commando. Or Metriod. But not Trojan. Trojan was bollocks.
Submitted by McPwn (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MaxRox
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sumbish
Submitted by hawkeynut (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"If an xbox could give me a handjob, I probably wouldn't have a girlfriend"
Me too.
I still play excitebike. The games on those 31 in 1 cartridges were good too. They were simple games but always the most entertaining.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I regarded as a good writer? NSFW (850 hits)
Category: None
Rating: -0.01 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by Darko [Authenticated] (View user info) at 2005-07-13 13:19:25
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-07-20 17:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me take the time to point out that games are NOT a substitute for the actual relationships you form with other people....
They're an upgrade.
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true so very true. I'm going to go cry now.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In a land before the creation of heaven, there would be only one...
Only a true hero could stop the onslaught of terror that ravaged the land...
Before history could even be recorded ducks ruled the Earth, and they did so with an iron fist of hate. Humans were still in the phase of idiocy and had sex with rocks. The ducks were slowly killing off any animal that did not claim them as their superiors...
One man and his four-legged friend refused to bear their tyranny any longer...
Relying on his wits and his passion to see his evil masters perish, he decided he would need a weapon...
A weapon with powers beyond his wildest dreams, the gun of duck justice as he named it. It fired pulsating waves of mind power, his pure determination for duck death. The gun was also shiny, often distracting him and causing him severe headaches. ..
But is it possible to stop them? Can you kill 10 ducks in a row and make it to the next teir of their castle?
There would be only one way to find out...
Starring Nicholas Cage as a duck and Charlton Heston as The Hunter, this movie is going to set fire to your heart and then have it's dog pick up your rotting carcass, only to toss said carcass into a river. Cheech Marin stars as Heston's love interest Benita. Needless to say that Heston is gay.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually beat Ultima.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-20 16:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still play my NES all the time.
Hardest, AND most time consuming game EVAR? That's easy...
Fester's Quest.
GODDAMN FESTER WITH ONLY FOUR FREAKIN' HEALTH BOXES AND A WHIP!!!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for reminding me of Super Off-Road tournaments
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never had the money for a nintendo console system. I was always over my buddies' houses playing on their NES/SNES machines. I must have spent 1/3 of my childhood playing;
Contra 1
Contra 2
Bubble Bobble
1942
Duck Hunt (with the quickdraw variation - putting the gun in your pocket and waiting a designated amount of time before you would draw and shoot)
Hogan's Alley
Mario 1
Mario 3
Micro Machines
Super Off-Road
Contra 3
Konami code makes me hard.
sweeeeeeeeet post
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:34:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to fuck up one of the only deserved +2 streaks to come around here in a while, Jay.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The hardest games I ever played were on the NES:
Mickey Mouscapade (the pirate level)
Bionic Commando (the whole fucking game)
Legendary Wings (same deal)
Milon's Secret Castle (no five year old should play this...I played it two weeks ago and had no idea what the fuck was going on)
Adventure Island (WTF, you need the reflexes of a crack addict to play this game)
Dragon Warrior (okay, not VERY hard, but time consuming as all fuck. Talk about a game that demanded level building. That and, "Thou art asleep. MAGICIAN casts Hurtmore. Thou hast taken 46 damages. Thou art still asleep." FUCK YOU.)
The NES is the reason I am bald at age 22.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:11:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start
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+2 woooooo
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to fuck up one of the only deserved +2 streaks to come around here in a while, Jay.
Submitted by ShadowFacsimile (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i use to play zelda alot!
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 KARNOV!
That, and this post absolutely ruled all life.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Unabonger-
yes to all.
from excitebike to doubling up cartriges. now I have to get out of work and go play some Video games. my SNES will have to do. Go Super Black bass!
ohhhhhh. best NES baseball game ever:
BASEBALL STARS. hands down.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a code similar to the Konami code that worked on Punch-Out...
I just don't remember it.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:11:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
*tear
*sniffle
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Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:11:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus Fucking Two
Kick Ass
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not only was this post amazing, but you also mentioned my all-time favorite fashion tragedy: Zubaz.
Best fucking pants ever.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dragon Warrior IV
Ultima
RC Pro Am
Excitebike
Final Fantasy
FUCK YEAH! I'm gonna get mine out and put away the Xbox for a while...
i think we all had those little quirks with the NES...I used to shove one game on top of the injected game so it would run. Used to blow in the games "It won't fucking hurt it, shaddap!". Used to hold the reset button in, then turn the power button on to get it to work. used to push the game in only so far so that it grinded on the plastic at the front of the game slot...worked every time. ripped the little flap-cover off in the first week I had it. I threw my controllers AT the NES so many times...durable little box, wasn't it?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another one of my all time favorites is Micro machines, almost positive that was NES not SNES, where you'd race around breakfast tables and try and force the other driver out of the screen.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YES 1942!
loved that game, it was pretty fuckin' tough for NES.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:12:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
What was that? 30 lives in Contra right?
----------------------------
It is THE konami code.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone remember commando? How about 1942? ANother question, did anyone have that stupid robot that came out initially with the nintendo. As far as I am concerned, it served no purpose!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:15:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
one of my fondest memories is of the game Galaga, It said on the box over 100 levels so our goal was to get to one hundred, of course that took time so we just got a game genie for unlimited lives and put a chair on the a-b buttons and let the levels go while we played ping pong.
We checked regularly and we picked up the controller for level 99. It was fast, furious, exciting, after beating it we wanted to see how crazy the next level would be.
It just restarted to level 1, boy were we disapointed.
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My life is now meaningless. MEANINGLESS!
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one of my fondest memories is of the game Galaga, It said on the box over 100 levels so our goal was to get to one hundred, of course that took time so we just got a game genie for unlimited lives and put a chair on the a-b buttons and let the levels go while we played ping pong.
We checked regularly and we picked up the controller for level 99. It was fast, furious, exciting, after beating it we wanted to see how crazy the next level would be.
It just restarted to level 1, boy were we disapointed.
yup pointless story.
Love my SNES to bits, played contra III the other day just for kicks.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:11:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start
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What was that? 30 lives in Contra right?
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*tear
*sniffle
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:11:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus Fucking Two
Kick Ass
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-20 15:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start