Shlongy's Favorite Spank Sites (NSFW) - With Picture! (9748 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.59 on 150 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shlongy=hasbeenidiot (View user info) at 2005-07-20 18:53:01 EDT
Well, the cat's out of the proverbial bag. I've been busted by some of the astute - and by astute, I mean "fucking UberSite losers with nothing better to do than slam poor ol' Shlongy", as a "chronic masturbator.
Well, I am, but how do THEY know? Huh? HUH???
And although this is a tough time of the year to garner those all important hits - I've been saving mine up to redeem for that Croquet Set I saw on page 62 of the Uber Hits Ultimate Rewards Catalog - I decided that I too, would "like to see MY name in print", because I'm an "old, washed up, lying, cheating, sandbagging, dipshit of an attention whore". Like jimthefiend. But that's another story for another post that I probably won't make.
Anyway, I've had a couple of beers on the golf course today - OK; 8 - and I've decided to "cum clean" - get it? - about my masturbatory habits.
Let's face it. We all do it. In fact, I think I've reached "Expert Status", according to this test I once took in Maxim. Or was it "Cosmo". Whatever. I passed it with "flying colors", although, if memory serves me correctly, the color is usually "milky white".
OK, back to my point. If I can come up with one.
I've been "spanking my bird" for about 30 years now. You'd think that once you get married, you might cut back but I've found that this is not the case at all. In fact, my weekly projected count has steadily INCREASED over the last 23 years. I think it's because every time Mrs. Shlongy says "Not tonight honey, I have;
1) a headache"
2) to wash my hair"
3) a date with the Lawn Guy"
4) no interest"
...I take it upon myslef to "take the matter into my own hands", so to speak.
Anyways, the internet sure isn't helping me stop. At least with magazines, or video tapes, the pages will eventually stick together, preventing me from "getting aroused", or the VHS tape will become boring and soft-on inducing. But the goddamn internet...new spank material every day, and with my laptop, I can now "wax my carrot" while I'm "on the go".
So, with that said, here are the three sites I'm using these days to "wine me, dine me, 69 me" and "put me in the mood", if you catch my drift.
http://www.xnxx.com/free/mature-sex-movies.php All mature broads, all the time. I'm mature, how come I never meet any of THESE broads?
http://www.mariasmovies.com/ Maria sure knows where to find the sluts. I'd probably bang Maria herself, if she'd just drop that restraining order.
http://www.fucksakes.com/ A nice mix of teens, matures, kinky, pornstars, big boobs, lesbian, anal, etc.
Sorry, no homos for you, Swampy.
Ad they're updated EVERY DAY, so I can have a brand new girlfriend - for at least 6 minutes - every single day!!!
So, what's your thoughts on THESE fine selections? Or, maybe you have your own favorite.
I'm reasonably sure that some of you - CanucksFan comes quickly to mind - actually use UBERSITE as your spank room. Different strokes for different dorky homo losers, I guess.
Anyway, your feedback - and +2's - is appreciated.
User Reviews
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-05-05 13:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
class of 82??
I graduated high school in 87
that makes you at least 9 years older than me. At least!!
And I thought I was old, I feel like a kid again.
Thanks!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-05 12:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Nope, but apparently, I helped ruin it!
Submitted by Toshi (user info) at 2008-05-05 12:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting and useful.
Did you help found uber?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-05-05 12:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I NEVER KNEW THAT THIS GEM WAS MY MOST HIT POST!
I think I'll visit one of these sites right now and celebrate.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2005-11-11 20:30:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NSFD- - - Not Safe For Dogs. . .
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-11 20:19:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with you. So, are we gonna fuck or what?
Submitted by bandphotographer (user info) at 2005-11-11 03:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot hot hot... just like you!
+2 Fairy
Submitted by yourwitness (user info) at 2005-08-09 21:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lol
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-03 20:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't really do strip clubs unless I'm with Mrs. Shlongy ( I think she's been to Mintz more than I have) - I'd rather hang at bars where I have a CHANCE (albeit slim) with the broads - but I'm usually up for a day or two in August on my way to Saratoga.
Although I am already scheduled for an Atlantic City junket Aug. 28-29.
I'd definitely let you know.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-08-03 15:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah...K.F. is doing ok for himself. Has a fancy plane he flies, took three months off to climb a mountain and he plays golf. I'm pretty sure his bro belongs to Oak Hill and Monroe. Tough life.
Give a shout next time you're planning to blow through town (on your way to the Mintz Tourney at the Falls, I'm sure). I'd be happy to make it out to buy you a cocktail or ten.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-03 13:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I knew you knew him...Was a really good pal of mine...I talk to him maybe once a year now. Used to be MY client and his sister worked for me.
Yeah...I was back last August on the way to Niagara Falls for a golf tournament and we hit some of the new places on the strip.
In addition, I owned the corner at Richmonds for about a decade.
You probably used to see Shlongy at "Floyd's" on Thursday nights...I was the guy playing pool until 1am with the black guys...still dressed in my suit and tie from work.
Those were all my peeps.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-08-03 13:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Northside's a good call. Excellent Fra Diavlo. Fedele's Brook House is right up there too, if you don't mind drinving out to the west side.
As for the city, I remember when it was the Rolling Rock...but yeah, today it's still the Blue Room. Dark atmosphere, but always a good crowd. Not sure how long it's been since you've been back, but that whole East Ave/A-Street corner has really turned into the city's entertainment district. What was once just The Blue Room, Monty's Corner, and the Old Toad, now boats about 10 different bars. Everything from $14 martinis (in Rochester, mind you) at "SoHo"...to the cheap, glittered-up 21 year old sluts at "Barfly" to the country western fags at "Daisy Dukes" (complete with mechanical bull). It's all pretty funny really.
And Lloyd's brings back memories. The $5 all-you-can-drink beer bashes on Thursday nights aboput 10 years ago were my favorite. Although, I know I took at least 2-3 headers down those steps they used have. These days, it's a...wait for it...a dance club (The Jungle) that plays strictly 80's fare and features flavored oxygen. Yeah. Flavored oxygen.
And finally...I know the guy you're talking about. Initials K.F. Owns an agency in town. Good guy. Decent golfer. I actually work for a competitor of his.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-03 12:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SJFC...Class of 1982 here.
Mr. Dominick's ain't too bad for the Italian grub BUT...
I'd go:
Northside Inn
Vesuvio
Rocky's (lunch)
As my top 3.
Badlands- Me and my crew used to OWN Alexander Street...In fact, my best pal at the time actually OWNED the bar that was once called "Cheers" and then "The Rolling Rock"...It's had at least 7 different names but last I checked, was called the Blue Room.
We kinda ran "Lloyd's" ourselves...free reign of terror.
We may have talked about this once but I have a handful of friends that are members at Midvale...including a semi-famous mountain climber...Know who I'm talking about?
Listen to Badlands, sped.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-08-03 11:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Sped -
Shlongy may have run the city of Rochester back in the day...but I own it now. Born and raised. Got my undergrad at SU in '96, and finishing up Masters classes at SJFU now. Find the right spots, and you'll have a good time here.
For hot Italian food - you can't beat Mr. Dom's down by the lake.
For hot Italian beav - cruise the East End...East and Alexander is where it's at these days, though some will try to tell you that High Falls is where you need to be. They'd be wrong. Hit up Barfly, Coyote Joe's and then swing by Salingers and tell Denny to set you up. You won't regret it.
And to take some Italian's jing - Sneak onto Midvale CC in Fairport with your sticks and look for me. Chances are I'll be half in the bag by the time I make the turn, and it'll be easier for you to double up the press and eventually take me for a c or two.
I got more for you when you're ready...capote777.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I thought I read somewhere that you were leaving for Rochester.
Christ, I used to own that city...I know - or at least KNEW - people in every industry, bar, restaurant, sports team and golf course in Monroe County.
I'll email you sometime...after you get there and get settled and can give you advice...from the best places for Italian food (there's probably 30 Italian restaurants in Roch that make every one down here look and taste like fucking McDonalds), to the best places for Italian beave (Alexander Street, downtown).
Good luck at U of R. My bro was RIT and I was SJFC.
Hell, I can probably hook you up with an internship, when and if you need one.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-08-02 12:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why can't people realize how ghey they're being? Give the man a rest. Congratulations, you found out some information that's available in the public domain anyhow. Shlongy, I'm sure you're a good guy. I don't see why people are flinging shit at you.
By the way, I'm starting at U of Rochester later this month. Are there any of your old haunts I should check out? Drop me an email (spedmonkey.at.gmail.com) if you like.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:00:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it's cool that your story of golfing and all checks out.
+2 for not being a loser like 95% of the people on here.
Though I'm really curious why a guy like you would spend so much time here.
Why? Isn't it fun here? At least, it's supposed to be.
I got hooked when I was off for 10 months on the poker playing 'career'...which obviously, went into the toilet. Of course, next July, we're giving a couple of events in the 2006 WSOP a spin.
Why you, or anyone didn't believe me, is beyond my genius-level comprehension. But that's part of the fun here, too.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You forgot http://www.gay.com you faggot ass bitch
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-08-02 10:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it's cool that your story of golfing and all checks out.
+2 for not being a loser like 95% of the people on here.
Though I'm really curious why a guy like you would spend so much time here.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-08-02 00:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HI JEFF
OR SHOULD I CALL YOU MR. LABEN
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-01 19:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow for all you people that hate shlongy you sure do spend alot of time on his posts. dipshits
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-01 13:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-08-01 13:40:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does Shlorty wear a hat with the word "Rancid"?
Because of the rank, rancid stink of his balding, festering, liver-spotted old man's scalp which never sees the light of day. Or more importantly, the light of flash photography.
Come on, Shlorty. You're the big man who's so proud of himself. Let's have a look-see at your stylin' hair!
Post a pic, dick-licker.
Submitted by perrinweight (user info) at 2005-08-01 12:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOSER
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-08-01 11:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
2173 hits? For what??!? there's NOTHING HERE!
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-07-31 21:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-07-31 21:16:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
Your tired "You are a homo" is boring. You're 42 or whatever and still calling everyone a homo. Grow up you fucking turd.
___
-10. PWNED.
Young people can use the expression "pwned" with an air of irony and pull it off successfully. Shlorty can lie about living on a golf course with a nine-iron up his ass and he pulls off successfully maybe once a day, before he needs Cialis to get it up again.
Shlorty, look at what just happened. Jimthefiend comes on the scene and PWNS you. His posts are covered with comments belittling and ridiculing you. Barely anyone has defended you and the defenses have been questionable ones, at that. Take a hint, you pitiful, anal-retentive loser- read some self-help books and try to grow up. MAYBE, maybe, someday you'll rise above trying to escape from your burdensome self-hate by trolling around on a random internet website.
Conversely, maybe you'll always be a stupid shit.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-07-31 21:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your tired "You are a homo" is boring. You're 42 or whatever and still calling everyone a homo. Grow up you fucking turd.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-31 20:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I did some research and found that everyone who has ever used the gayass expression "pwned" is a five-star, flaming homo.
Thanks for the "heads up", Chinaski, you ballsucker.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-07-31 19:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCKING PWWWWWNED!
____
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-07-26 22:23:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's funny 'cause you don't have any writing talent whatsoever. You really are a washed-up, never-was has-been alkie prowling around some internet website he found after his once-a-day spank left his tired, wrinkled dong exhausted and jelly-soft for the rest of the morning.
Congratulations, Shlorty. You're basically and obviously a complete moron, but unfortunately, you have absolutely no wit, charm, or hell, even intelligence to go with it. Sucks to be you, shit-eater.
And really- take it from all of us. You. Can. Not. Write.
At.
All.
At All.
Period.
(You Suck).
Submitted by scarysmile (user info) at 2005-07-31 11:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-07-29 17:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
User id: 10879
Registered on or around: 2004-08-02 17:37:55
# Messages posted: 93
# Reviews written: 13944
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 6101
# Hits: 111224
Average rating of all messages: 0.19
-------------------------------------------
You barely broke 0.00 yourself..even with all the people scared to give your posts the ratings they deserve
.
.
-2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-29 07:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about Poorbusker
User id: 8009
Registered on or around: 2004-04-27 12:21:22
# Messages posted: 14
# Reviews written: 29
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 459
# Hits: 14375
Average rating of all messages: -1.14
Who the fuck is THIS LATEST retard?
Submitted by Poorbusker (user info) at 2005-07-29 00:42:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU SUCK AT LIFE YOU CUNT
Submitted by Danzxc (user info) at 2005-07-28 23:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck dick
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-07-28 20:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy - Shoot me an email my way. I have a favor to ask..... you don't have to use your real email address if you don't want to.
maiorano84.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-28 18:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My bike likes Ike.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PSsst...http://www.ubersite.com/m/71926
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Captain and Tenille references...
Jim Croce...
The "Zit Popper All-Star Team"...
Sending checks to "Some Doofus, Australia, USA. 14282"...
The replies on this post are fucking hysterical.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now YOU'RE speaking for UberSite?
Who the fuck are you?
You're no one, asshole. Continue licking my nuts and shut your face.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Almost forgot your rating/dick size in centimeters.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2005-07-26 22:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's funny 'cause you don't have any writing talent whatsoever. You really are a washed-up, never-was has-been alkie prowling around some internet website he found after his once-a-day spank left his tired, wrinkled dong exhausted and jelly-soft for the rest of the morning.
Congratulations, Shlorty. You're basically and obviously a complete moron, but unfortunately, you have absolutely no wit, charm, or hell, even intelligence to go with it. Sucks to be you, shit-eater.
And really- take it from all of us. You. Can. Not. Write.
At.
All.
At All.
Period.
(You Suck).
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-07-26 22:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
true
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-25 19:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I heard you made a Zit-Popper All Star team...true?
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you slay me shlongy
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-23 08:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yep, still sucks.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-23 08:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's around 17 years old...with the maturity level of a 13 year old. And the skin of a 15 year old. Girl.
Uber is sure lucky to have him.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-23 07:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure zitboy's girl is way hotter than all of our womenz.
I mean, JUST LOOK AT HIM.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-23 07:30:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shut the fuck up, Zitboy.
Talk to me when you know what the fuck you're talking about. On ANY subject.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-07-23 00:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:39:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. You DO realize that College FuckFest is "fake", though...right?
I downloaded some free CFF and caught one of my favorites, Taylor Rain, playing a "college chick"...just hanging out, after studying her Physics 200, taking it in the ass in front of 100 party goers.
---------------------------------------------------
I'm not the one who is so fucking obsessed with jerking it. You're married and still visit college porn sites?(not to mention being able to pick off a random pornstar) you dirty old man
I'm sure my girl is 100x hotter than 'ms shlongy', if there really is a ms shlongy.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-22 17:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
har har jim croce, i betcha his alter is "time in a bottle"
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-21 21:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 20:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The last thing Shlongy needs is Jim Croce there mentioning Shlongy and that buttmunch Steven Durel in the same sentence.
Please, spare me.
Submitted by Leroy_Brown (user info) at 2005-07-21 20:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for never having anything to say about anything serious/politcial.
Probably because you leave that to your 'steven Durel' character.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are almost like a modern day american Psmith.
Have you ever read any Wodehouse?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not enough of my Uber Broads gave me my customary +2's for this post.
Has Shlongy "lost his touch"???
I doubt THAT'S it.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn jonny dont tell anyone im not your alter, i can keep posting crap and blame it on you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was thinking Tony DiFranco of the DiFranco Family but I do see your point...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-21 15:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:33:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
You never disapoint shlongy, and im not just saying that because im jonnyx's alter.
________
Hey!
JonnyX does NOT believe in alters, why would I dilute my preciousssss hitsssss???
Although you are right on one thing, knuckles, jimsy has got a HUGE man-crush on Shlongy..I am talking Donny Osmond huge. Maybe even Bobby Sherman...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought that was OUR dirty little secret.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot to mention how you spank it to my Uberdirectory picture.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey...I'm not Larry Flynt, for chrissakes.
If these morons can't take 3 seconds to click on a link, then I don't want them wacking their johnson to MY porn anyway.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you had posted pictures from the sites instead of expecting people to click on links you would have gotten better ratings.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The comments alone in my posts are usually worth the price of admission.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:04:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 09:48:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's the heat?
-------------------------
Usually between your ladies tits you bought her when I rub my one eyed monster betwix them
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is definately funny!
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks shlongy, I needed some new material. Wait a min....I am supposed to -2DIE you!
See kids, porn can close the gap and bring together worlds divided. -2Die anyway
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude you are SUCH a fucking linkwhore today.
And how can you not like country? You're in redneckville, son.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Meh for the article
+1 because those sites do seam to deserve some closer inspection.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-21 10:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 09:48:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's the heat?
-------------------------
Usually between your ladies tits you bought her when I rub my one eyed monster betwix them
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 09:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's the heat?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-21 09:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71233
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71233
FAG!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 08:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your check is in the mail.
I sent it to:
Some Doofus
Austaralia, USA. 14282
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 08:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo and I are old friends. We agree on almost everything.
For example, we agree that he has a gargantuan head. But that's an advantage when it comes to filling up a huge hat.
He'll love this. I just gave him spank material.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 08:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had us more as the new "Captain & Tenille".
I'm the one with the penis and goofy hat.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-21 08:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On behalf of Europe I'd like to say tyhis post has my approval. Course Apollo might disagree, I know you fellows don;t see eye to eye.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-07-21 07:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy=hasbeenidiot
Nice to see that you are using my material.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-21 06:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
by the way- shlongy and jim= the new bert and ernie
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-21 06:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was going to be a +1 for the comments until this made me laugh out loud:
----
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:06:35 (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh, and I forgot. Stalker boy asked me, through Salamn The Translator, if "I had any beer".
That actually made me laugh.
----
I think it's awesome stalking. clearly a kid.
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-07-21 04:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:59:15 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:02:49 (#) = Honest Dork - I repsect that
Submitted by themuscleman (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:17:48 (#)= Sphincter Taste Tester
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:28:59 (#) = Celibate Homo
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:29:04 (#) = Friendless Internet Lifer
So, those -2's don't really even count.
-------------------------------------------
Heh.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-21 01:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEAT IS MINE!
Here's a consolation prize for trying to be good at writing.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-21 01:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry man, you lost the heat battle.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-21 00:04:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Probably was only a matter of time S man.
It's actually not that difficult, but 'it' can work both ways.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Beat you to this pic.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/11723
Almost 2 years ago.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:13:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I'm off to the rack. We'll see if this thing "improves with age" once Europe gets its' hands on it.
Thank you and G'night.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would say either 4a or 4b.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Top 5 suspects:
1) Habeeb - because of the "beer" line
2) Electro - because autistic retards can't speak so this translator thing makes sense
3) Fuckface - because he's a future Ted Kazinski
4) Swamp Donkey - because he's banned and has way too much time on his hands - and he's threatened to "get me". Oooohhhhhhh.
4b) jimthefiend - because he's a multi-millionaire internet impressario that hangs out with Bill Gates, a bunch of fat, ugly white trash whores, and the "boys down the trailer park"
5) All foreigners.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would bet you its jimthefiend.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh, and I forgot. Stalker boy asked me, through Salamn The Translator, if "I had any beer".
That actually made me laugh.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never heard of this type of phone call, but Mrs. Shlongy has had some experience with NTID - and knew what the fuck was going on.
Because I sure the fuck didn't.
I can't picture fuckface taking the time to do this kind of thing...but since he never leaves his room, I suppose it could be him...or any one of a number of you internet geekazoids.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
From: <anonym.b81e82d6-fea4-452d-922f-e990bc1fd723.at.mytrashmail.com>
To: <nolan.at.baseballwriter.net>
Subject: shlongy
Date: Wed 07/13/05 06:59 PM
Attachments
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u r bitch
******************
This email was send via the anonymous email server at www.mytrashmail.com
The sender of this email wants hide its identity and is able to receive your reply to this email.
And now, phone calls.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 23:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn your own uber stalker. My envy just went up like .0112% for you. You poor bastard.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:59:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am definitely not jealous of his job, Herb.
Ya think it's Prof?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy has a brand new, highly technologically sound stalker.
This one traced my real name, address, phone number, work email address, and is now emailing my work address under an "anonymous email account"....and has now started calling my house, and using a "computer relay operator" to "speak" with me so we can't trace the call.
This is working out just fucking great.
Who has THAT much time on their hands to do this kind of shit?
I swear to God...we just got a call from this asshole ten minutes ago. Some Indian guy was the "translator/operator".
I told the 'operator" - and he had to type this to my stalker - to "eat my balls" and to " get a life dipshit".
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:45:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would agree about posting under an alter shlongy. Unfortunate for you that the hatred for you supercedes anything you write.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:01:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...that dog has great taste in toys. I have
the exact same one.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
/\...Now that's funny.
I can see you're quite an accommodating woman.
/\...And that's great!
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A reserve pair...or A PAIR
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should have posted this as one of my 4 alters.
It would have a +1.58 going, as we speak.
TigerLily- I'll tell you later, in secret, what goes on there. Let's just say that you better bring a reserve pair of panties with you.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whom gave this porno to Shlongy, and why?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YAY PORNO!
...more better they get it from whom?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There there, sweetie. No sense getting your panties in a twist.
Just tell a couple lies about the broads you banged at the casino and everything will be all better.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hadley - you stupid fucking homo.
This really isn't about MY spank habits, you ignorant shitball.
It's really about YOURS.
Goddamn idiots...
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:12:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
TigerLily, you come with me to the "special room".
----
Ooohhhh the 'special room'...and what happens in
the 'special room?' ;)
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't say that I'm signed up in the Shlongy fan club just yet...but I am looking over the application.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No one cares about your spank habits.
Every takes an active interest in this post, though: http://www.ubersite.com/m/70812
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here come the fans....Come on in...take off your clothes...and have a spank. I mean, have a seat.
TigerLily, you come with me to the "special room".
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-07-20 22:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...that dog has great taste in toys. I have
the exact same one.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've only been on Uber for but a few mere months but I must say, this is the best Shlongy material I have evar witnessed. I think I like the drunk Shlongy. I'm sending beer to your house once a week. I have to keep it flowin'
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not yet, Hadley.
After tomorrow is fine with me.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Highly worthwhile reading. Let's let this one die, mmmkay?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet that dog with the dildo in his mouth gave him a boner. And now he resents you for posting it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ya think, Knuckles?
He's WTH, without the humor. And without the whole "bathing" thing. And without the "job".
He's just another white trash asshole...we've seen them come and go around here forever...well, at least since August 2, 2004.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:20:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy's Favorite Spank Sites
Shlongy Hears a Who
Swamp Donkey Gets The Girl
Shlongy's Top 10 Random Things He Likes (SFW to improve the hit quotient)
Shlongy's Latest - Name That Uberite Quiz!
Shlongy's Favorite Sluts - Vol. 1
Who Needs Shlongy's Last Six Votes?
Thats helluva good last few posts there buddy.
I wouldnt be bitching about the quality of MINE if I were you sweety.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think jimbo has a crush on you shlongy
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:15:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:08:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
It's a crap post. You're a crap writer. You suck and no one cares about your fucking masturbatory procilivities.
Also this DID give me the final touch I needed for tommorrows post.
TOMORROW'S POST?
Why start "playing by the unwritten rules" now, you fucking jock snffer, internet loser. Post your third today. You've been logged in for 17 hours now.
And with what YOU'VE contibuted so far, you have NO RIGHT to say a word about ANYTHING anyone else writes, you fucking arrogant, pedo dipshit.
What day are you "coming to take care of me", asshole? I didn't enter it into my Blackberry. And I need the laugh.
PS. I hope tomorrow's post has a picture of "you and your gun", you big, bad tough guy.
Oh, and now I feel bad that I wasted that line on themuscleman...Thanks for the review.
Submitted by themuscleman (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:10:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha sphincter taste tester. That's a funny one. I guess I jumped the gun on that -2.
hey, here's a picture dedicated to you from my old account http://stuff.ubersite.com/111783665724527927/1/shlongyrockswithhiscockout.jpg
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's a crap post. You're a crap writer. You suck and no one cares about your fucking masturbatory procilivities.
Also this DID give me the final touch I needed for tommorrows post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jimsy, I appreciate the hits. Uber survives and thrives because of no-life losers like you.
But if you would be honest for just once, you'd give Shlongy his much dserved +2 for this...and drum up the support this post so richly deserves.
So, in closing, "thanks".
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 21:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Does this one count you jizz swilling bitch?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:02:49 (#) = Honest Dork - I repsect that
Submitted by themuscleman (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:17:48 (#)= Sphincter Taste Tester
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:28:59 (#) = Celibate Homo
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:29:04 (#) = Friendless Internet Lifer
So, those -2's don't really even count.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
www.madthumbs.com
www.amateurcurves.com
www.callkelly.com
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
which im not
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You never disapoint shlongy, and im not just saying that because im jonnyx's alter.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey dude.
Your mutts chewing on your prostate pleaser.
That CAN'T be sanitary.
But I bet it ends up in your bunghole tonight anyway...
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm mature
_______
I doubt it.
Submitted by themuscleman (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I swear to god, do you ever get tired of being a pretentious moron with nothing to show except a bunch of overused lines whose only source of self-esteem is his constant (futile) attempts at putting others down? Go choke on a cock.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-20 20:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:32:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have stayed with it...it actually got better, believe it or not.
But then again, I've seen your picture.
You should stick to beating off, because the last thing this world needs is offspring of yours that looks like you in any way, Snark.
The more I think about it, you really don't have a choice in the whole "beating off" thing, if you care to ejaculate at any time in your life anyway, now, do you?
========================
I just find women as ugly as me. It's really quite simple.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The "-2 fags" are getting an early start this evening.
I'm going to go for a swim and a couple of beers...we'll see if anyone actually reads this hilarious, satirical masterpiece when I get back in an hour or so.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:14:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
"...and I've decided to "cum clean" - get it? - about my masturbatory habits."
Pretty much lost interest right there.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:51:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Every time I click a Shlongy post I have to check if its really him.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"because I'm an "old, washed up, lying, cheating, sandbagging, dipshit of an attention whore". Like jimthefiend. "
honorable mention woo hoo
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am nothing if not brutally honest and totally objective, Jimseythefag.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PS. You DO realize that College FuckFest is "fake", though...right?
I downloaded some free CFF and caught one of my favorites, Taylor Rain, playing a "college chick"...just hanging out, after studying her Physics 200, taking it in the ass in front of 100 party goers.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:38:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:36:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
This is actually a funny and well written post,"
Nice review. Why don't you just +2 yourself and get it over with.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I worry about what they find on MY memory/hard drive when I'm dead and gone, too.
Won't be pretty.
Well, except for the 800 hockey fights I have stashed away.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is actually a funny and well written post, CanucksFag, but it's about a subject matter that you know nothing about. But you will need to know about it because trust me, unless you can scrape together $50 or so, you won't be having any sex with anyone, short of paying for it, anytime soon.
So I understand your frustration. Maybe you can have your mommy read it and explain it to you, Virg.
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yay! New spankerama sites! I prefer downloading & burning stuff for keeps, usually what other people have made available from MILFHunter, ideepthroat, CollegeFuckFest, Cumfiesta, and anything with Jenna Haze in it. I'm up to about 45 CDs full...I really need to weed through it, keep the really good stuff, and get rid of the rest. I can't wait until my tragic death when my family finds my porn stash--ought to be good material for the eulogy.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
GO BUY SOME CLEARASIL
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're on fire lately.
fucking wanker
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have stayed with it...it actually got better, believe it or not.
But then again, I've seen your picture.
You should stick to beating off, because the last thing this world needs is offspring of yours that looks like you in any way, Snark.
The more I think about it, you really don't have a choice in the whole "beating off" thing, if you care to ejaculate at any time in your life anyway, now, do you?
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"...and I've decided to "cum clean" - get it? - about my masturbatory habits."
Pretty much lost interest right there.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:11:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I gotta walk the greyhounds...light a fire under this, cockknob, will ya?
Have one of those sluts read it to you...I guarantee you'll chuckle.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:11:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The inability, of the majority, of Uberites to simply get laid astounds me.
Well.......maybe not Donovan
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now I'll just camp out for two hours.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should read it, asshole...You'd like this one.
Have someone read it to you, dicklicker.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hello I didnt even read this post but I cant's stand you so:
-2.
That sucks doesn't it?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
but milf sounds better.
milf makes me think of a hot 26 year old mother with a toddler
mature makes me think of like...a 40 year old.
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer Shareaza myself.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Bob- You missed it. I'm a huge fan - OK, a regular-sized fan - of MILF's only we "experts" call them "Mature". Get it?
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH NOES GAYDAR
I AINT NO FAG, YO
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-20 19:01:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im suprised shlongy doesnt like milfs.
considering im banging yours.
oh snap.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-20 18:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Porn is usually a big hit around here. Or at least, will act as a "homo detector". So it's all good.