Toilets Over Miami (1148 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.87 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (View user info) at 2005-07-21 11:17:25 EDT
Ahh, Miami. The sandy beaches, the sunny skies, the raging nightlife, the hotel fitness center handicapped bathrooms. What a glorious place to visit.
In my first trip to Miami this year back in May, I was visiting my friend's little brother who lived in Ft. Lauderdale. In usual 1.21GW form, I was pimping like a mother fucker, and by the second day of the trip I decided I'd rather live there than in NY if I had the chance. On a Sunday, the hottest chick I've ever seen in my life was staring me down on South Beach. She was a Latino goddess, a perfect twenty four year old body, a face like a celebrity. I kid you not. I approached her. She dug me. I got digits and an email addy. I flew home.
I'd be lying if I said she wasn't a major factor in my decision to plan another trip back down to Miami. But I'll be honest. I never even thought I had a chance. I figured she was just humoring me that day on the beach in May. She really does look like a model.
So I called her when I got down there last Thursday. We made plans for Saturday night. She talked to some friends at a club called the Pawn Shop, and got me and my friends on the guest list. This club was awesome, unlike any I've ever seen in New York. The DJ played everything, rock, house, hip-hop, mash-ups, 70's funk, disco, you name it. It worked. The atmosphere was unparalleled.
My friends and I got there just after midnight. The Latino Goddess shows up after 2AM. This girl is a straight party girl. She's dancing on couches in VIP, shaking her ass, and every dude in the club is drooling. Every single guy. She was easily the hottest thing there, and there were some hot chicks at this place.
Around 4AM, my crew decides they want to leave. No way in hell was I leaving this chick. I bid them farewell, and I closed out the club dancing with my Latino Goddess until 5:30AM.
Hanging out with Latinos in Miami in one hell of an experience. First of all, they love to drink. Secondly, they all can dance, and they all dance quite well. Third, when they leave the clubs they go outside into the city streets and sing Juan Tanamera (the way they spell it) and other Latin songs. Fourth, well, let me just explain this in a few paragraphs.
The Latino Goddess asks me if I wanted a ride back to the hotel, which I gladly accept. In her friend's car on the way back, she informs me that she needs to pee and would like to use my hotel room. When we arrive at my hotel room, she sees all my drunk friends passed out all over the place, so she claims she has "stage fright" and needs to use another bathroom. We hop in the elevator in search of another bathroom, and that's when it happened.
This girl straight attacks me. She starts kissing me and tearing my clothes off. There was an animalistic attraction between us just waiting to boil over. I hit the button for floor seven, where the hotel Fitness Center was. It was the closest possible place I could think of. We bust in there, and she slams me up against the treadmill, and begins unbuttoning my pants. I pull off her top, revealing the most beautiful pair of breasts I've ever seen in my life. It's now 6:30AM, and we realize that our escapade might get interrupted lest we find a more private locale. We made it halfway to the bathroom, in the alcove, where I found it necessary to pull off her tight fitting jeans.
You guys like nice pussies? Well, I love 'em. I've seen the best of the best, some in person, some in magazines, some in pornos, some on the internet. I tell you right now, this girl had the nicest vage I've ever seen in my life. Period.
So she drags me into the bathroom, where she throws her leg up on the handicap bar, inviting me to chow down. And chow down I did, but she just couldn't take it anymore. She pulls me up, grabs my cock and just shoves it in her perfect pussy. The Gigawatts is a hardcore dude, but I tell you this thing felt so good I could've burst in a matter of seconds. I glanced over at the toilet, dropped the seat cover, and lifted her over to it.
The mechanics of the move didn't quite work the way I had planned, so there was a cock slip-out. I guess my Latino Goddess wanted the full Gigawatt experience, so she dropped to the floor and sucked my cock right there while I was sitting on the bowl! She hopped back up, sat back down, and we fucked for twenty minutes. She came twice, I pulled out and blasted all over my favorite pair of jeans.
Like a gentleman, I walked her back to her friend's car in the parking garage, and kissed her goodnight. Overall, I'd say it was a pretty good night.
User Reviews
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good fiction. I especially like how you edited out the "...and then I woke up" part.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tim -
I emailed you the proof of the above incident. Sucks to hear about your headlights, them xenons are popular with the thieves. So far, my car has avoided theft, knock on wood...
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Alice Springs. The burning desert, the flash floods, the dead animals, the wombats roaming around and having sex with low growing shrubs... no place like it. I was publicly embarrassing myself in true Circe form, humping every tree in sight and screaming to baffled native Australians "Do me, you black bastards! I dare you!" By the end of a weekend I felt I'd rather live there than in the basement of my ex-husband's house, chained up like a dog and eating raw meat.
On a Sunday, the largest group of Hell's Angels I'd ever seen were staring me down in a pub in Alice Springs. No lie, there must have been, like, 80 of them. I approached them, naked and beating at my tribal-painted chest with both fists. They dug me.
I shackled myself to one of their bikes and refused to leave them alone until they'd made a woman out of me. Well, long story short, they talked to a bartender they knew and got us into the back room at a fucking awesome pub called "Shady Jack's." Jack himself thought we were so pimping cool he offered to let me suck the backed up week old beer out of the taps FOR FREE. There's nothing like knowing important people to get the fuckin' star treatment I deserve.
Hanging out with Hell's angels in Alice Springs is quite an experience. First of all, they love to drink. Secondly, they all can beat the shit out of homeless people, and they do it quite well. Third, when they leave the pubs they all go out into the streets and chant "Fresh fucking meat!" while dragging along some lucky girl by the hair. Fourth, well, just let me explain this in a few paragraphs.
Big Mean Al asked me if I'd like a trip to Paradise and I gladly accepted. He and Stinky Pete and Bazza and Shane all took turns bending me over the fuel tank of Bazza's bike and nailing me like a railroad spike. Even when they'd spat tobacco juice all up and down my back they didn't quit. These guys were hungry!
I decided I wanted to show off my mad skillz, so I demonstrated the Screaming Eagle to them and they were most appreciative. The move didn't work quite the way I had planned, because I grabbed Bazza's Tower of Power a lil too hard and snapped it like a dry twig, but it all worked out great in the end.
Like gentlemen, they let me dry out the slops bucket with Shane's oil rag. All in all, I'd say it was a pretty good three minutes.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahhaa, nice work, although may I suggest you punch her in the mouth after blowing your load next time? It always works for me, like an after dinner mint.
Submitted by dvhirt (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:58:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent.
prove it. you know my email.
by the way, fuckers stole the headlights off my G.
i gotta get one of those beeper car alarms and a sawed off baseball bat for when they come back.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-07-21 14:30:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Stabkill. This girl was too hot for AIDS.
=============================
Jesus Gig...
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This reads far too much like a blog. Maybe if it had a better ending. You should have abandoned her at IHOP the next day.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:00:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
decent story either way you pompous motherfucker....and this was hilarious:
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2005-07-21 15:39:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
All true. As a guy who has read a lot of fake Penthouse Letters (and perhaps written a few that would have been published if Bob Guccione had any eye for talent.... but that's neither here nor there...) I have a prety good eye for what's real and what's fake. No one would write a fake story involving fucking on a toilet like that. Maybe a fake S&M story about pushing some chick's head in the toilet, but not this kind of story. 100% real.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LiquidPaper, I'll definitely send you several pictures if you like. Let me know your email addy.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:06:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Show me a picture with the vixen and I'll believe it.
And the word on the street is you're a lousy lay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't care to check the validity of your story. I am just wondering if liquid paper has the same sources I do! Some women will say anything to knock a man down though. Meh who cares, I ain't sleepin with you, so fuck your performance -good or bad.
I was just gonna say...next time you hit SB, throw some chicas in a doggie bag for me. I know they are easy whores, I lived in the FLA long enough to know. The Brazilians are the worst!
+2 for giving me the Latina idea for my daily porn viewing session.
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-07-21 16:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Show me a picture with the vixen and I'll believe it.
And the word on the street is you're a lousy lay.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2005-07-21 15:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All true. As a guy who has read a lot of fake Penthouse Letters (and perhaps written a few that would have been published if Bob Guccione had any eye for talent.... but that's neither here nor there...) I have a prety good eye for what's real and what's fake. No one would write a fake story involving fucking on a toilet like that. Maybe a fake S&M story about pushing some chick's head in the toilet, but not this kind of story. 100% real.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-21 15:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She was a Latino goddess.
------------------------------
LatinA, not LatinO. Feminine vs. Masculine. Just the rules of using Spanish-based adjectives.
Of course, you proved that the description of the chick matters as much as a vote against Bush.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-07-21 14:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-07-21 14:37:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
She's real... and for some reason praising him... Can't imagine why.
Oh and she's hot too.
I mean... I like men
------------------------------------------------
I verified the story to Ainkara, since I needed to divulge certain personal info that I don't want all of Uber to have.
Suck my balls bitches, it's a true story!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA (you so wish you were me)...
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2005-07-21 14:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She's real... and for some reason praising him... Can't imagine why.
Oh and she's hot too.
I mean... I like men
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-07-21 14:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Stabkill. This girl was too hot for AIDS.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-21 14:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.thebody.com/kaiser/2004/may26_04/latinas_hiv.html
HIV/AIDS is a growing and "frightening" problem among Latinos in the United States, particularly women, Miguel Gomez, director of the HHS Office of HIV/AIDS Policy's Leadership Campaign on AIDS, told delegates at the first-ever National Conference on Latinos and AIDS, the Philadelphia Inquirer reports.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So it looks like 2 people so far think I'm making this up. Anyone else? C'mon, tell me you think I'm making it up! I do have proof, you know.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:01:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy is the only Uberite that should be allowed to refer to himself in the third person.
At least, that's what Shlongy thinks.
______
I'm sure JonnyX would disagree with you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 13:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy is the only Uberite that should be allowed to refer to himself in the third person.
At least, that's what Shlongy thinks.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:50:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah...unabonger is disappointed about this too.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"The Pent" was a little annoyed by the use of "The Gigawatt."
All of the referring to yourself in the third person ruined this for me.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shenanigans, but entertaining.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
purple 'giners. i dig em.
Submitted by Remission (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the pawn shop. Railcars in a club is such a novel idea.
Submitted by Homebrew (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Careful dude, you don't want to have to get the cotton swab stuck up your unit.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2005-07-21 12:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How many of you think this is a fake story?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate you.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was on like Donkey Kong. Great post.
I've never been to Miami, but Kelowna BC Canada is pretty fun in the summer. It's probably as hot as Miami and the girls are all young and out-fucking-standing. They may not been cool Latino chicks, but they like to smoke pot, which makes them nice and easy. Not a bad drive from Vancouver or Seattle, if you're ever in the area.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:50:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:24:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Penthouse...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
classy
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can only imagine what you're like in person if that's the kind of place you enjoy. It's the latest and greatest trendy hotspot in downtown, only rivaled by the model bar "BED" in South Beach. But hey if you dig paying for overpriced drinks to hang around a bunch of the most shallow people on the face of the earth, then more power to you.
I got into BED because a good friend of mine was doing some advertising deal for Ugena (sp?) clothing there, so she got a few of us in. Me and her husband left after about thirty minutes and walked a few blocks to the good ol Cleavlander because everyone there only talked about money, clothes, money, real estate, money, celebrities, money, their new BMW, money and money.
I suggest the next time you come down here you check out a place called Opa, it's a greek place and is one of the most fun places you'll go. 100% authentic complete with breaking plates, dancing on tables, napkins being thrown, wondeful food, and ouzo (SP?)
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who needs porn when we've got Gigawatts?
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Penthouse...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 11:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great title. +2 for that without reading the story...yet.
Speaking of great titles, here's one now: http://www.ubersite.com/m/71286