SPT: Razor, It Is On. It Is So Fucking On. (935 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.6 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by spedmonkey <spedmonkey.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-21 17:28:21 EDT
As you all probably don't know, unless I've been bitching about it non-stop to you for the past few days, I'm slated to go up against the UberGod, Razor, in round 2 of UberMadness. But you know what? I'm not pissed about it. No, really. I'm not. This is just an opportunity for me.
See, Razor hasn't posted anything worthwhile for a good couple months or so. Will he be out of practice? Hell yeah! Have I ever posted anything worthwhile? Ever? No, but that's OK. That just means I'll be fresh for this one. Bitches.
Look at the following endorsements and encouragement from various users I've gotten recently:
"Dude. If you can get ten votes against him, I'll be impressed." - bob
"What? You can do it. No, really... fuckit, I just can't say that without laughing." - DonkeyOnTheEdge
"There's this hot air balloon I really need to fly, but sometimes it gets really wet, so the birds swim away. I liked that a lot, but then God came down and molested Jesus for a good half-hour while talking on his cell phone to Bill Gates." - GodLovesALittleLovin
"Ugh. Well, uh, good luck. You'll need it." - JMG114
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're so fucked." - sg11588
See? Others believe in me, dammit. I'm just telling you, don't be surprised when it happens. I've got the experience in previous UMs to help me out here. Granted, this is the first time I've made it out of the first round, but hey, every little bit helps!
No, seriously, this will be an upset on a scale of David vs. Goliath. Pats vs. Rams. Rebellion vs. the Empire. Belgium vs. Germany. Wait, Belgium lost? Why wasn't I told? Fuck.
Anyway, I guess the point, Razor, is that you just shouldn't write this one down as a win quite yet. By the time I'm through with you, you'll forget what a win is. You'll go home crying to firefly, but she'll reject you for losing AN ONLINE COMPETITION WITH NO PRIZE! HAH! WHAT NOW!?
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding. Just be gentle, lube up before hand, and avoid the sandpaper comdoms.
This picture illustrates the future results of our matchup:
User Reviews
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-11 14:07:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
razor your vagina
Submitted by minimumdino (user info) at 2006-01-10 18:49:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
uberchrist
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-27 01:03:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Eternal_Dragon (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That wasn't a very nice welcome back, now was it spedmonkey? For that, enjoy not having a single pure +2 post...because I just tainted all of them! haha.
Submitted by Eternal_Dragon (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-23 00:16:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I get in on the "constructive criticism club" (OMG alliteration!!1!11) too? My post was http://www.ubersite.com/m/71102 , #2. spedmonkey.at.gmail.com. I'll be happy to return the favor to anyone.
Done and doner. Just mailed you.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-07-22 13:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sigh... everyone's going to be gunning for me all tourney. If I don't lose this round, it won't take long.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-22 08:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're so fucked." - sg11588
Brilliance!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-22 00:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love the comments hahaha
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-22 00:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you should be honored.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-22 00:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please don't tell me that Bob said the exact same thing I told you.
Goddamnit.
I'm off to kill myself.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-22 00:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You definitely said that. Don't deny it.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-21 22:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...I didn't say that did I?
I'M SUING FOR LIBEL!! Or is it Slander?
JEWTOAST!!!!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-21 21:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:31:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
FOREFIT :(
================
ENGRISH :(
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-21 21:37:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will be voting on the shittiest of both matchups for all of round 2 just to be sure I vote for you.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-21 20:15:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know how you feel. antluvdog has probably already written the post that will send me to a watery grave.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
seriously dude, razor is easy.
he gave me looky looky for 5 dolla.
(GO WITH FUNNY, ALWAYS GO WITH FUNNY - HAVE A PICTURE AS WELL. I WENT FOR SERIOUS AND DARE I SAY IT GROUNDBREAKING AND GOT TROUNCED)
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM FACING UBER HIMSELF!!!!!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I got JMG in Round 3 unless both of us fuck up severely. So I guess I feel your pain.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, my dear dude.
I already got my ass handed to me in the first round. Sorry to let you down Sphagnum, wherever the hell you are. I would say you got my vote, but that would seem crooked.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-21 19:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:52:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Good luck man, well I mean good luck to both of you but you know it's your post so um good luck to you ...I think...man I'm confused.
On another note 2 questions;
1) UM Round 1 is over correct, so we can come clean with our posts and dole out some responses to stupid remarks?
2) The unwitten one post per day rule, if I got bounced from the front page already can I post again now?
I've some things to say.
--
Shit. Go for it.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:47:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I were eligible, I'd sooooo vote for you if you just posted "SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!"
That should be the new forefit. Instead of posting forefit, just post "SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!"
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha.
Ugh. Well, uh, good luck. You'll need it.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FOREFIT :(
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I don't vote for you, it means I hate you and you're not invited to play video games at my house ever again.
Never ever.
Ever.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, that's the lungs of the unicorn, ox testicles that actually produce semen for the unicorn to breathe. Jesus christ, you sure you know anything about the majesty and lineage of the almighty horse with a horn? I won't go into the baby thing, I've had my issues with loving them and trying to fit them into every sentence that I write anymore. I just, you should see when it does a triple sidekick into a bush, I swear to god that baby is going to be the downfall of man.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Best of luck to everyone, especially those who gave me endorsements! I got a few more, too!
"liek omg lol u suk lol razors guna kill u lol" - littlemiss69
"I guarantee you win." - P33N3R
"SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!" - shitfuck
"You are going to sleep with the fishies. But whom is going to beat you? And why?" - Electro
"SHAMONE! <grabs crotch>" - MichaelJackson
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My grandmother has a great recipe for unicorn. I like dog better than unicorn, but I'm not choosey. Do giant ox testicles come from giant oxes or are they from regular sized oxes with really big balls? Babies doing karate are old hat mate, midgets doing the triple jump is simply to die for.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go ahead and badassmofo. Spedmonkey, best of luck to you.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good man, get the fucker out of here. I have over ONE THOUSAND dollars in bills trying to keep this motherfucker alive with lucky charms and a steady injection of morphine once a day. You ever tried to eat a unicorn? Their blood is made of the coldest freon, and their lungs aren't lungs at all, THEY ARE GIANT OX TESTICLES. The upside is that you win $50,000 dollars if you can eat them within the four minutes of time alloted. I heard this from a guy who knew a baby that could do karate.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Glall - I eat your fucking Unicorn.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love it when i'm sitting in my living room and a unicorn flies through my window wearing a three-piece suit made of tobacco. I lick his suit, his mane, horn's too much of a phallic symbol for me to go and lick that. I cry tears through my nipples and roll around on the floor like a cat, or some sort of large loveable beast. The unicorn gives me a flask filled with banana peppers as he tries to destroy my social life by calling all of my friends through telepathy and projecting images of me jerking off over dead bodies. Motherfucker knows I only do that to roadkill but hey, he's a fucking unicorn. I try to think of ways to fix the situation, see if I can just tell him to leave, but you know, I didn't know unicorns go comatose when they use ESP.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good luck man, well I mean good luck to both of you but you know it's your post so um good luck to you ...I think...man I'm confused.
On another note 2 questions;
1) UM Round 1 is over correct, so we can come clean with our posts and dole out some responses to stupid remarks?
2) The unwitten one post per day rule, if I got bounced from the front page already can I post again now?
I've some things to say.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got CBG so I feel your pain.
Best of luck.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Luck Sped.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You got my vote. Just tell me which horseshit story to vote for and I'm on it, Jackson.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe he'll have a bad week. It happens.
Best of luck to both of you.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-21 17:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, besides everone loves the upset