UBERPOLL - What would you write on my cast? (possibly NSFW cleavage) (1592 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.59 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sassmasterr (View user info) at 2005-07-22 10:22:41 EDT
My ankle was broken and dislocated a while ago (http://www.ubersite.com/m/69978) and I've been immobilized since then. Well, I'm just starting to try to walk without crutches, but let's not tell that to my orthopedist. This is the first time I've broken a bone and it has taken a while to adapt to life without certain things.
Things I have taken for granted:
1) Carrying things - Both arms/hands are occupied with crutches so I can't really carry anything. I have improvised with a backpack...and sometimes, if I'm really desperate, I'll put it in the front of my shirt, pull the bottom of the shirt up into my mouth, and bite down on the fabric. Pretty crafty, eh?
2) Being comfortable - After spilling a beer on my leg in a strip club(http://www.ubersite.com/m/70980), my cast hasn't fit too well. The ball/heel of my cast lost its strength...now it just bends under any amount of pressure. Also, the inner fabric lining has become loose. You know what it feels like when your sock gets wedged down into your shoe a little bit. You know, when there's just enough slack to make a fold in the part underneath your heel? That annoyance has been with me for a few days now. Any position that I try to sleep in is awful - I can only sleep on my side or stomach. Either way, my cast puts awkward pressure on my leg = lack of blood flow.
3) Hygiene - Wait. Hear me out. I have to put a bag and rubber band on my leg when I shower. I can wash my toes and about 3 inches below my knee...that's all. The rest of my leg (underneath the cast) hasn't been washed for almost 2 weeks. The problem here is that my leg muscles are shrinking (atrophy?) and there is extra space for air to flow in and out. I thought this might freshen things up, but it only spreads that nasty smell around even more. Yuck.
4) Mobility - Obviously. It seems like all of my destinations require stairs.
I'm sure there's more, but I'll stop.
During this tragedy, I have also learned to appreciate new things.
1) Pity/Sympathy - People are always opening doors for me and getting me stuff. It's great! I try not to abuse the priviledge, but I'm starting not to care anymore.
2) Imagination - I've probably had close to 150 people ask me how I broke my ankle. The first few dozen were the standard "I was playing basketball and came down on it wrong." response. After that, I started using my imagination and got creative with it. I began telling stories of a mortar round exploding inches away from my foot (over in Iraq) and I got to go home for a few months. I also like to reply with "A terrible, drunken boating accident" then I put my head down in shame and walk away. I've done a few more, but I can't remember. This worked really well at the strip club. Plenty of positive reactions.
3) Cleavage - Once again, hear me out. There are many girls at work that I would never even have a chance talking with. Now that I'm injured, they are coming out of the woodwork just to be around me! Most of them ask to read and sign the cast. The process unfolds:
* The girl leans over to read the cast.
* I look down her shirt.
* The girl looks all around, laughing (heaving chest) at each silly inscription.
* My eyes remain steadfast.
By the time they actually sign it, I have rubbed a chubby into my windpants.
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Ok. Now for my uberpoll.
If you were to walk up to me today and I asked you to sign my cast, what would you write?
Well, based on my Ubersite persona, what would you write (assuming that there is plenty of space to write)?
This is probably my favorite cleavage pic of all time (Catherine Bell, from JAG, is quite hot...and what? She wants to sign my cast?)
User Reviews
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-23 01:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-22 18:30:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Look on the bright side, the Indians could win it in 2127."
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hey man! fuck y-
<weeps openly>
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2005-07-22 22:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't write anything. I'd just draw a big dick and then a hairy asshole.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-07-22 18:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd write "Attention Ants! Go find the sugar!" with an arrow pointing to the bottom opening of the cast.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-22 18:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Look on the bright side, the Indians could win it in 2127."
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-22 17:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't write anything, I'd trace a picture of my cock on it so you could aspire to be like me.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-22 17:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How bout "If you think thats bad, you should see the guys ass i broke my foot off in NIGGA!"
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I only have one leg. Now guess what's in the cast. Wink wink."
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Who tries to fist a chick with their leg?"
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
err...official looking hospital LOGO....
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd put a medical tag on you with an official looking hospital telling doctors, "leg infected with gangrene, please amputate"
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"From here it looks like a penis, only smaller"
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"I refuse to claim responsibility for your injury, I told you that the dildo dances."
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"flacid penis"
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
brownies and/or tribe.
woot!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO DAWGS
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Did you kill your foot while kicking Photoshop to death?"
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-22 13:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Objects in my pants are smaller than they appear"
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Made in Taiwan"
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO TRIBE WOOOO!!!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"From this angle, I can see up your hospital gown"
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-22 12:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Who says that being a major league baseball player can't get you hurt"
Then have many many hot girls sign your cast. Maybe one or two will pick up on it, either way, you can stare at their boobies while they sign your cast.
Submitted by Riddy (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Whilst you read this i'm looking down your top"
or
"Nice tits"
I dont know...the second one is more subtle (well, sort of) so the dumb chicks wont get it.
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what the hell man, if i looking for buttsecks, means they want somethin , but whom wants what ,and why? I just as many elsewhere's I do also. Peener.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"If I catch you sneaking a peek down my tob i'll break your other ankle 'Misery' style"
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
f'ing ouch already.
i would write
"suck my cunt"
"stab me in the arse"
or
"bud bud"
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
its a toss-up between "what the hell man, if theyre comin at ya..." or "WHY HALLO THAR BUTTSECKS" (yes, in big fucking caps).
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would write: "Dear Davey - I hope this doesn't hinder your performance. See you later. Wink Wink Shamone. Love Michael Jackson"
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
REPOST = REREPLY
I would write.
"This cast is a result of an injury sustained to my foot after repeatedly shoving it up peoples asses for asking me how I broke the other foot 2 months ago."
What do I win?
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That girl looks a little like Katie Holmes, but nowhere near as hot.
And speaking of...here's a drunk little Katie shaking her rack for the camera:
http://www.mrdudeman.com/media_pages/katie_holmes_flashing_the_camera.php
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Sorry, big foot does not equal big peener in my case"
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:25:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel. Get well soon."
OR
"That repost was entirely unnecessary"
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i know, i figure it might be a few more hits (whoop-dee-shit)
and i was so proud of my MSpaint skillz that i had to post this pic...
well, it made sense at the time
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel. Get well soon."
OR
"That repost was entirely unnecessary"
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Draw some boobies on der'
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-22 10:14:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
'Captain Danger!'
On a side note, my buddy had a cast on his leg at about 12, now that he is an adult the other leg is still bigger, stronger looking...it's funny.