Sasquatch (599 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.82 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by disAbled (View user info) at 2005-07-22 11:27:00 EDT
Of course, child, I do not live. Of course my name is myth. But, oh, I'm the luc,y one for lacking existance. If I did breathe and walk, I'd have a lungful of your smoke and a heel full of trash. So fortunate am I, that I never must wend my way though acres of decapitated trees. I don't have to lack for fish because of the weekend woodsmen, and I never want for game to fill my belly. Oh, yes, my belly... Were I to be, I'd have to feel my stomache retch while your 'enlightened' metrosexuals glide their GoreTex, spray-on-tanned asses through my secluded meadows. I would have to bear fiberglass walking sticks, propane cookstoves, rattling RVs, and reams upon reams of litter. By the snows of the Old Mountain, I am lucky! Could you imagine how I'd hate to hear your blaring guitars and drums and voices drowning out the rushing river? And, were I to live and breathe and have being, how could I tolerate the stalkers, gawkers, reporters, and hunters that would constantly hound my heels?
So, of course, child, I do not live. You are much wiser to trust the wisdom of your self-made reality. Your stretching cities, toxic skies, and shit filled rivers bear the mark of your wisdom. Your id-devoured drinking, smokeing, slamming, and screwing finely display the completeness of your understanding. Assuredly, your metric system, instrument panel, and gigaflop fiercely encompass of of the real. You are wise, and a fool you would be to believe in me. How stupid to believe in a creature sung of for millenia by savage, barefoot siamese twins of the land. How ridiculous to trust accounts of grizzled mountain men who, in their silliness, shrugged off the education of civilization to be taught and trained by Nature herself.
Of course, child, I do not live.
User Reviews
Submitted by mbwun (user info) at 2005-07-22 17:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by disAbled (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:56:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:34:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
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I didn't. I think it was awful and trite.
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awEful compared to this? http://www.ubersite.com/m/70479
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Submitted by Fisho3 (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:56:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh children, fools ye be to not believe the grizzled mountain men who have
shrugged off this so called modern knowledge for true natural knowledge.
A knowledge that needs no proof to base its theories.
Also my dear children, I hath a conversation with Santa Claus ney more than
a fortnight ago, in where-eth he told me that I embodied the second coming
of Christ. For you see, good people, I am perfect. I embrace nature to it's
fullest, and am one with the wild. My computer was made-eth by my own
excrement and powered by my sense of pride. Everything I do helps nature,
where as everything you do only destroys it.
So go on, believe your theories and formulas and proven scientific facts...
I would rather be with my unicorns than thou sheep.
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Pure fucking eloquence.
And, sorry about the typos. I was copying from a handwritten page and didn't see them.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:46:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Scientists have proven that the sasquatch he is real
Take a look at the plaster cast of his foot, now you know he's real
Listen real close to the audio tape, not human, now you know he's real
Couldn't be a man in gorilla suit, no fuckin' way, now you know he's real
Every time I take a dump, a steamy dump, man I know he's real
Look inside my anus and you'll know Sasquatch is real!
-Tenacious D
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DAMN YOU for beating me to it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:34:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
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I didn't. I think it was awful and trite.
Submitted by Fisho3 (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh children, fools ye be to not believe the grizzled mountain men who have shrugged off this so called modern knowledge for true natural knowledge. A knowledge that needs no proof to base its theories.
Also my dear children, I hath a conversation with Santa Claus ney more than a fortnight ago, in where-eth he told me that I embodied the second coming of Christ. For you see, good people, I am perfect. I embrace nature to it's fullest, and am one with the wild. My computer was made-eth by my own excrement and powered by my sense of pride. Everything I do helps nature, where as everything you do only destroys it.
So go on, believe your theories and formulas and proven scientific facts... I would rather be with my unicorns than thou sheep.
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scientists have proven that the sasquatch he is real
Take a look at the plaster cast of his foot, now you know he's real
Listen real close to the audio tape, not human, now you know he's real
Couldn't be a man in gorilla suit, no fuckin' way, now you know he's real
Every time I take a dump, a steamy dump, man I know he's real
Look inside my anus and you'll know Sasquatch is real!
-Tenacious D
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"But, oh, I'm the luc,y one for lacking existance."
Detestable, I stopped reading after this point.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You made fun of metro sexuals.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, goddamn the campers!!
j/k
What, might I ask, provoked this?
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Super
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-07-22 11:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.