You People are Idiots. (1925 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.39 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-07-22 14:50:45 EDT
My wife and I recently moved from Toledo, Ohio to a small suburb just outside the city limits. By moving, we effectively separated ourselves from the scum that inhabits that town and our stress levels have dropped exponentially since that day. Honestly, the people who reside in Toledo are the most intolerant, inconsiderate, ignorant human beings I've ever come aross. They are above and beyond anything I've ever experienced, and quite frankly, I don't know how that's possible. I have encountered a good deal of slack-jawed bumpkins in my day, but nothing compares to these simpletons. They are the crème de la crème of the idiotic. To put it another way, the vast majority of Toledo residents possess the uncanny ability to drive a rational person to the brink of insanity. In the two years I lived there, I gave, on more than one occasion, serious consideration to climbing a church tower with high powered rifle in order to pick off several unsuspecting pedestrians on their way to a Starbucks to overpay for a "Grande" cup of mediocre coffee. Honestly, it's that exasperating.
First and foremost, Toledo houses the worst drivers in the nation. I'm not making this up, it's been documented that Toledo has the most run red lights and traffic accidents per capita in the entire country. One possible reason for this is that none of the traffic lights synch up, so if you hit one, you're likely going to hit them all. This results in a NASCAR-esque race from one stop light to the next in a desperate attempt to stay in constant motion. Now, if the drivers here were a little better at maintaining a steady speed or their present fucking lane, this wouldn't be so bad. People all over the nation deal with that sort of thing on a daily basis and are able to get through the day with the paint job on their car intact. This, however, is not the case in Toledo. The drivers here lack the basic skills most other people else possess, including (but not limited to) the ability to focus to the task at hand, common-fucking-sense, and a fully functional brain. It is not uncommon while driving to see a sideways baseball cap clad meathead in a 1972 Oldsmobile weaving all over the road because he's too busy looking for a cd/talking on a cell phone/masturbating to pay attention to the road. Thanks to this, he slams into the car next to him which prompts that person to stop suddenly which causes the countless idiots following to closely behind to rear each other. When all is said and done, there is an eight car pile up on a two lane road that results in a complete stoppage of all traffic in either direction. As a direct result of the lack of driving ability, you WILL see a dented car EVERY SINGLE TIME you drive through the city.
To make matters worse, thanks to all the horrible traffic, the people who own and operate motor vehicles are jaded individuals who would rather give you the finger than allow you to pass them. If you're trying to exit or enter a parking lot, well, all I can do is offer you my sympathy. I hope you brought a book, because you're going to be sitting there for a while. People will block the exit/entrance at red light and when the light is green, there are too many cars going entirely too fast for you to safely pull into traffic. When you finally muster the fortitude to cut someone off and pull out, you're met with annoyed shrieks and blaring horns from the wonderful people who take your vehicular transgression as some sort of personal insult on them and their family as if your car has a picture of their mother with your penis in her ear emblazoned across the side. If you're lucky, they'll follow you to your home and scream at you from their car, then throw an soda can at you before squealing their tires and rocketing down the road at 75 miles per hour. All the while cursing you for making them do that because, duh. It's your fault.
As if all of this isn't enough, there is a man in Toledo who was recently arrested for carrying a concealed weapon in a children's park. To make matters worse, he is protesting the charge, because it's apparently his right as an American citizen to protect himself from the hooligans on the monkey bars and teeter totters who call him "stupid head" when he walks past. According to this specimen of God, Americans should be allowed to carry handguns because "studies show you're less likely to be the victim of a violent crime if you carry a weapon."
(You don't say. I'd like to know how much more likely you are to CAUSE a violent crime if you carry a weapon.)
He goes on to claim that "Legal, armed, self-defense is a very effective crime prevention measure," and "gun control is worthless as a crime fighting tool, as it only serves to disarm the law-abiding, eliminating the most effective, proven, means of self-defense."
Riiiight. Because to me, nothing says "safe" like a total stranger pulling out a 9MM and waving it around for all to see. I want to be around that guy. Hell, since weapons apparently equal personal safety, why not just take it to the next level and require all citizens to carry around rocket launchers or grenades? I'm sure dropping a fragmentation grenade at someone's feet would be an excellent way to deter them from whatever nefarious scheme they had planned. While we're at it, how about ninja-like weapons for close-quarter combat? Or even better: LONGSWORDS. Think about it, walking down a dark alley wouldn't be quite as menacing with a razor-sharp, viking-esque longsword in your hand. I mean, it's all in the name of safety, right? Of course, those without the means to afford such armament could always go with the old-fashioned nail-through-wood style of defense. Whatever works must be done so we can live in peace, and with a little effort, everyone can be armed.
As long as it's contained to Toledo, that is. Maybe then the problems will take care of themself.
User Reviews
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-23 12:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'M AN IMPORTANT MAN! PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF ME! I... I... I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!!!
-----
I AM A DISTRICT MANAGER!!!!!!!!
How was school, honey?
Oh shut up, you drunken witch.
Submitted by Captain_Cool (user info) at 2005-07-23 00:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You do not talk to your father that way!! I am a Division Manager!! I can do 100 push-ups in twenty minutes!!
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-07-22 17:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:01:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny. As much as Detroit sucks hairy monkey nuts, the people here STILL talk about Toledo as being shittier.
I think that proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you're right about Toledo. I have a cousin that lost a leg in an accident in Detroit. Got hit by a guy who swerved into the wrong lane while he was talking on a cell phone and flipping through his CD wallet. Of course, he was driving an SUV, so he walked away without a scratch. My cousin's 99 Stratus was totaled (I'M AN IMPORTANT MAN! PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF ME! I... I... I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!!!), and he wasn't allowed to leve the hospital for 2 months, and still has to attend classes to learn how to walk again with his new leg. The fact that Toledo sucks more than that scares the shit out of me. Thanks for letting me know to stay the fuck away from Ohio as long as I can help it.
Hooray for anyone who gets the Stratus reference!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-07-22 17:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People underestimate the pure evil that is Ohio...
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-22 17:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your still in ohio, that being said.................
GO BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Most of those little humans in the park spend their time shooting and killing things on their satanic colleco-visions. You can't trust them as short as you wouldn't throw them. For fuck's sake some of them don't even have teeth!! Out in public, running around on steel planks, swinging from trees, screaming and hollering at the top of their lungs, eating their own buggers, eating their friend's buggers, peeing and defecating on themselves.... It's depraved insanity!!!
I don't blame the guy for bringing a gun with him to the park, I just wonder why he'd put himself in hostile territory willingly.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:01:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny. As much as Detroit sucks hairy monkey nuts, the people here STILL talk about Toledo as being shittier.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"as if your car has a picture of their mother with your penis in her ear emblazoned across the side."
Laughed, auto +2
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and heres the other!
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You get two of these --------------> +2 for a NASCAR reference!
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha - ever been to D.C.? Sounds eerily similar.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
As though they don't know that.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:25:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah, not Perrysburg. Holland.
I talked about the move here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/69503
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you don't masturbate while driving? i do.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't toledo burn to the ground a week or two ago? Oh...that was just the grain silos.
That freeway was closed for awhile, but who cares? That freeway has an accident on it nearly every day... you're right. Toledo sucks!
I hope you didn't move to Perrysberg...that place is full of snobs & frauds.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Your driving observations...meh
People are now trying to pack too much 'stuff', into their own lifes, in the short amount
of time we all have 'here'.
That being said, these type of individuals only have the ability to see past the emblem on
the hood of their car and no further.
Your opinion on weapons?
I would like to see all the individuals; who are not licenced to carry them, who feel the need
for protection, (other than their hands/feet or mind), and for whatever reason.....start
carrying knifes.
With a knife, at least, you can use your thumb to minimize the damage you inflict on the
other person.
With a gun, these youngsters (and others) can't do that.
Besides, you pull a knife on me?
You're going to the coroner
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:19:02 (#)
Ranking: -1
"studies show you're less likely to be the victim of a violent crime if you carry a weapon."
~~~~
The studies have actually been done, and tho it is controversial--one fact we all need to accept is that guns will never go away. If you make it illegal to have a gun, it becomes black market.
The ideology that gun control to completely ban civilian usage of weapons will never happen. Guns will always be here.
When youre in the city and you want to commit a crime, like steal that woman's purse, if any Joe on the street could have a weapon on them, wouldn't you think twice? That's why in studies where it was legal to carry a concealed weapon--if you are a registered gun owner--the street crime rates have dropped dramatically.
This is the truth.
---------
This isn't the Wild West. Sherriff Bart and Wyatt Earp are not walking through that door.
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"studies show you're less likely to be the victim of a violent crime if you carry a weapon."
~~~~
The studies have actually been done, and tho it is controversial--one fact we all need to accept is that guns will never go away. If you make it illegal to have a gun, it becomes black market.
The ideology that gun control to completely ban civilian usage of weapons will never happen. Guns will always be here.
When youre in the city and you want to commit a crime, like steal that woman's purse, if any Joe on the street could have a weapon on them, wouldn't you think twice? That's why in studies where it was legal to carry a concealed weapon--if you are a registered gun owner--the street crime rates have dropped dramatically.
This is the truth.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:16:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First and foremost, Toledo houses the worst drivers in the nation. I'm not making this up, it's been documented that Toledo has the most run red lights and traffic accidents per capita in the entire country
----------------------------
that's cause they are all in a hurry to get the fuck out of dodge.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
T-minus 2 months before I leave the miserable state of Ohio.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Moving FROM Toledo to ANYWHERE is an auto +2...now to read
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you still seem pretty stressed sorrell
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-22 15:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Toledo sucks monkey taint
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Criminey. Traffic here in NYC is awful, but it's due to straight up congestion. And assholes.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why were the two mathmaticians so tired?
because they were up all night math debating.
.....
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really can't argue with you too much.
Never been to Toledo, but have spent mucho time in Columbus, and those fucktards are dipshits.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"suburb"
i'm sure it's soo much better.
hell, some lady just got raped in her sylvania house by a thug released from jail a few days before just the other day...
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2005-07-22 14:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
toledo, ohio?
that where i live........