Another “I hate to sound racist” story (695 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.83 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HZRD (View user info) at 2005-07-22 18:25:14 EDT
Since my hair turns into tumbleweed instantaneously in the humid air of the south without gel, I am forced to have short hair in the summer and spike the bastard mane up. Since my hair recently reached mulle-taceuos proportions and I feel like a redneck, I wanted to get myself a hair cut after work. I looked on Yahoo! Yellow Pages, called and checked the times it was open, and went to The Touch of Glass Salon, since barber shops always seem to make my hair look like Hitler. No joke, if I had that skidmark moustache, I would look like Hitler with the haircuts these knights of the white-and-red twisty pole give me. No, you do not notice a trend in this message, shut up.
I giggled as I walked down the street thinking, "Har har, The Touch My Ass Salon." I walked past this Black gentleman with a flat-top (no shit) on a cell phone wearing a purple tanktop with tassels for sleeves and into the salon's door. There was nothing but black guys getting haircuts BY black guys. I paused and held my breath, thinking fast. I must have looked like the last scared little sodium-filled cracker on the tray next to the cheese dip: "please don't eat me! NOOOOO!" I turned right around and walked out, muttering, "Shit! I forgot my wallet."
Now I don't care if I sound racist, fuck the title. Well... don't fuck the title - I felt bad.
What made me leave? I thought back to when I lived in DC to the several times I got my hair cut at Latino establishments. The haircuts were worse than the "Hitler", they were "hey, are you going to show me your ID, kid?" short (round face + short hair = I look like 14 but I'm 23, so give that goddamn neat gin + tonic now, stupidface). I thought back to when I lived in NC to the time everyone fucking stared at the honkey walking into the barbershop. The only magazine I could read was "ESPN Magazine"; I wouldn't have felt right reading "Jet", "Black Entrepreneur Monthly", or "Boxing" (since I'm not exactly a boxing fan). I remembered how the black dude cringed and I felt scared when I told him I wanted it "faded on the sides".
Ohhhh man. Can't go back there anymore.
Dear diary, am I a racist?
Diary: "probably."
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-07-23 08:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kill whitey.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-23 07:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-22 19:03:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
1- My cell phone often wears a purple tanktop with tassels for sleeves as well, and I frequently walk into salon doors.
2- Go to a regular barber shop. Get the Hitler do. Then go BACK to the salon and scream the words "Inferior mongrel race!" What happens next will be a laff riot.
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Now that was fucking funny. Inferior mongrel race, I want to shout that at the next black person I come across but I know that I will be killed, I don't wanna shout it cause it's racist I wanna shout it cause it makes my hoo hoo tingle.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-07-23 06:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, yes you are. That's probably the reason they always give you the Hitler do.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-22 19:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1- My cell phone often wears a purple tanktop with tassels for sleeves as well, and I frequently walk into salon doors.
2- Go to a regular barber shop. Get the Hitler do. Then go BACK to the salon and scream the words "Inferior mongrel race!" What happens next will be a laff riot.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-22 18:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
besides, those black guys can't really do a mullet justice, so you're better off.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-22 18:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cornrows scare Whitey