The Hangover Satan Casted Upon Me (654 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.33 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by lisa white <lmarie22000.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-22 21:22:32 EDT
Last night, I came home from a boring night of answering repetitive phone calls with the same answer over and over...So, after the zone-out session that is my job, I go home and drink, as usual.
But my roomates were in a specially celebratory mood when I got home. I could tell this by the half naked banshee man leaning out of his window as I approached the house, screaming "Hey,let's get drunk!". I had no objection.
The banshee man is actually my friend. He owns the house that I rent a room out of. He's about to go on vacation and felt like kicking it off by killing a few brain cells before his flight.
So I walk in, throw my backpack somewhere...hopefully on top of his annoying little shedding dog. I swear, he molts more than Iago, that annoying shedding bird from "Aladdin"...he had Gilbert Godfried's voice too, to top it all off. *shudder*
Me, him, and another guy that lives in a camper in the driveway (really) killed off a half a thirty pack of Icehouse. As we started to put a hurting on the half gallon of McCormick's vodka (I know..it's fancy stuff), I started feeling quite drunk. My goal has been reached.
So, we're all sitting around the kitchen/eating area...I don't know what you call it...just a spot that everyone congregates at in our house. I'm choking down a really strong vodka n sprite. Halfway through it, I gave up. There's something about the carpet spinning that just ruins my thirst for cheap vodka.
I grabbed a cocktail glass, filled it with ice and poured some wonderful life-giving water into it.
"What the fuck? You didn't even finish your drink" my equally inebriated friend said.
"So fucking what? I'm drunk."
"Oh, come on! You pussy...DRINK IT!"
I picked up the vile drink and sipped it through a straw. Just the smell of the cheap liquor in it made my stomache turn. That's usually a good sign that I've had enough. Fuck that. I downed my ice water.
"Alright...I'm out". I stumbled down the narrow hallway leading to my wonderful room with my wonderful soft bed. I was about to pass out. I didn't mean to slam my door, but shit happens. Somehow, I managed to change my clothes. I don't really recall doing that, but shit happens. Then I had the wonderful idea to light a candle. Yay! It smells good. I picked up my cd player and placed it on my bed. Seeing as it was dark in my room, I grabbed the candle to better see the cd player.
I grabbed my headphones, turned on some muzak, and placed the candle on top of the cd player. I didn't mean to pass out, but...it happens.
Flash forward to today around 1 p.m.
I don't have to work till three, so I usually get up and do stuff...hike or whatever. But not today. As my eyes fluttered open, I just knew...this was going to be the crappiest of crappy days EVER. I tried to pull the sheets that surrounded me up...so you know...I could get out...but they stuck...to the bed cover...
Thought bubble over my head says "WTF?"
I look down and there's wax....everywhere...sticking my sheets together, sticking my wrist and bracelets to the sheets...my pillow...It looked like I had a freaky night of sex, but unfortunately, that was not the case. Now this was one of those Yankee candles, so it must've burned a while, melting 90% of it's waxy wax. Then just as it was nice and liquidy, decided to befall my wonderful soft bed and sheets. Goddamn Yankee!!
Now the wax was all over my hands, even in my hair. I almost set my hair on fire! How could I not have felt this burning hot liquid wax, and woken up? That's pretty damn scary. I think I need to lay off the booze.
All wax aside, it was 1 p.m. I had to catch the bus in exactly 55 minutes to get to work by 3. I scrambled to shower, dress, and make lunch for myself. At this time, I'm so frantic, I don't even realize the terrible turning of my stomache, or the shiny red glaze over my eyeballs..or the way I'm moving all slow and stupid, kinda like Herman Munster.
I'm seriously hungover. It hit me at the bus stop. Head spinning...stomache turning...it even made me nauseaus to smoke my cigarette...The hot sun beating down on me...I lifted my head and everything just looks kinda wavy...like a mirage. Fuck.
The bus got me to work 30 minutes early, thank god. I need to vom immediately. I slow-walked into my office building and headed right for the bathroom. "I'm not gonna puke. I'm not gonna puke"...I tried to psych myself out. I turned the lock on the stall so I could exit...then it happened. I felt it rushing up my esophagus, my mouth started watering, my knees got weak. Then BLAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG. I was bent over the toilet, my stomache muscles wrenching, my throat buringin. It was hell. A torrential waterfall of red liquid rushed from my body. I had drank cranberry juice while getting dressed, a bad idea. After the sudden empyting of my stomache, I felt super. I sipped some water from the faucet, dapped my eyes and washed the vom from one of my braids that got in the line of fire.
I sat at my little cubicle, started everything up as usual...chugged some water...Maybe I'll make it..I can do it...My mouth started watering again. I choked it down, forced the nausea to subside. I hadn't even been there for 3 mintues, shit! I'm not gonna make it! Before I could even clock in, I rushed out the door, back to the bathroom down the hall. BLAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGG...water..I puked...water. I'm going to die of thirst!, I thought. I hate those hangovers that are so bad you can't even hold down water. That's the worst. I can just imagine Lucifer, laughing at me, rubbing his hands together, saying "Haha! Look, she can't even drink water without barfing!"
My head started pounding. Tears were pouring down my red face. I wiped myselfup again and headed back to my desk. Staring longingly at my ice cold water bottle, I pushed it away. Fuck. I'm so thirsy, you can't even imagine. I couldn't focus. I couldn't think. Dizziness set in...I tried to read off my bulletin board, but all the numbers were blurry and swimming around as if they were floating on a wave. This sucks.
About an hour later, I felt better. I hadn't drank anything. I felt somewhat sane again. So I picked up my water bottle, and sucked a small amount into my dry throat...Ahhhh...I drank again. I took a big, hearty chug. That's better...I felt great!
Ten minutes later:
*gggrrrrbbbblllll* My tummy was about to violently reject that damn water. I suddenly felt weak. My mouth was watering again. "I gotta go to the bathroom" I said to my co-worker who was eyeing me suspiciously. I calmly walked down the hall again, back into the same puked-up toilet stall. I wimpered like a little lost puppy. I hate this fucking shit. I could feel it gripping my stomach, moving up my throat again. B-b-b-b-b-bBLAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. A second forceful waterfall (literally) erupted from my mouth. By this time, my stomache muscles were so racked with pain, I could barely breath. I let myself dry heave, just to get it all out. I washed up AGAIN, and headed back.
Now I'm here...I haven't puked again. I drank half the water bottle...So I guess it's over. Like BAM, it's gone. But if I move too fast or shift my weight in my chair, I feel nausea again...So I'm trying to be as still as possible. I'm still gonna wait a while until I actually eat solid food. I don't want to jinx myself. But damn....I'm not drinking tonight.
User Reviews
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-29 17:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And what hapened next?
this...http://www.ubersite.com/m/78002
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-23 11:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your stock has just gone through the roof in my book
My kinda girl!
Just imagine if we worked together?
Jesus...
re: http://www.ubersite.com/m/75893
I have the earlier part of the same day in
a draft at the moment - Its coming and its not pretty!
I really hope you'll check it out when it eventually gets posted
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-08-10 21:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You've wasted 5 minutes of my life and I want them back.
Never
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-10 20:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
We've all gotten drunk.
We've all "vommed(?)"
I kept reading this post hoping for some sort of point or purpose. A punchline even.
All I got was an inane plot, poor spelling and the continuous feeling I was about to read the word "LOL".
You've wasted 5 minutes of my life and I want them back.
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-08-10 19:31:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um....the Hangover Satan "Cast" Upon Me.
Submitted by spamtrap50 (user info) at 2005-08-10 18:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sucks
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-23 11:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Okay.
I'll be the only honest person here.
Your writing is horrible. I can only imagine you hold dialogue like you write, and it makes me want to kill my puppies.
That, and Satan had nothing to do with your hangover.
It was all you, baby.
You stupid, stupid, party fun time girl.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-23 10:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So thats how you spell vomiting.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2005-07-23 00:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Welcome to my world! That was entertaining, and your writing style is charming.
When I'm in that situation, I try to drink a lot of water before and after. In the morning, when you're too queasy to even keep water down, bread or saltine crackers usually do the trick. They absorb excess stomach acid. If you smoke pot, do so. It might sound like the last thing you'd want to do at that point, but believe me, it'll settle your stomach. What's why people use it medicinally.
Submitted by Nefarious (user info) at 2005-07-22 22:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yesterday I had a similar experience, except that I woke up to the BAM BAM BAM of my flatmate pounding on my door. "Whaggenfug?" I said, "FUGGOV!" . Undettered, the flatmate said "the real estate agent is inspecting this place in an hour, so get up". So I promptly turned into a huge green monster and shouted "AAARGH! HULK SMASH!", scaring the neighbours with my morning rage, before I was lulled by the kryptonite-esque powers of my morning cup of tea. Damn hangovers.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-07-22 21:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Best quit while you're ahead;
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70589
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-22 21:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lush
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-07-22 21:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look what Satan casted upon me!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/71469