I Love Lucy (465 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.75 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Captain_Lurk (View user info) at 2005-07-23 02:02:08 EDT
Okay, so my posts to date have been shite, I haven't really got your attention yet. WTF, I'm Captain Lurk. Don't expect me to shine just yet. It's gonna take some time, mofos. I can't lurk AND write at the same time very effectively. One thing I DO know, of so Uber peoples, is that you all have some very interesting shite to write about, and I commend you for taking the time from your employers or boring oh so fucking boring lives to write to us here in...wherever the fuck we are...it's just data, right? How cool is this? I'm just typing on this computer yet communicating with you and I have no clue who or where all of you are? Isn't this like totally awesome?! OMG I AM SO FNG HPY N GR8 U2?
So, a little about me. I'm a writer. WTF I'm writing, aren't I? Yeah. Hell, yeah. I'm a writer. As far as you know. A Professional Writer. "Mom. I met this great guy on the Internet, and he's a professional writer!" You may find that most male carbon life forms find self actualization lies with their 'title' in life. You are what your business card says you are. FT, I'm over it. Not me. I'm Superman. I'm Spiderman. I'm Super Fly. I'm a writer. ;-)
So, a little about me. Stop it. You can talk about yourself later. I've been married for 12 years, I think...I...stopped counting when I stopped caring...but it's over. I'm divorcing my wife, as cold as that may sound. If you bothered reading the previous posts, those sucky posts which provided no introduction, no background of any sort, but give you a brief ambiguous understanding of my oh so interesting life, you'd know. Well, WTF, don't read them now. It wasn't interesting then, it ain't gonna help you now.
So, I've been seeing this new girl since like foevar and I think she's pretty cool. Her name's not Lucy. You gotta read more to get the title of my post. So, anyway, I get a lot of really cool tingly feelings when I'm with her, and it ain't because she's touching me. Maybe it's because I'm touching myself. Anyhoo, to make a long story short, to make a short story longer, which I am doing right now as I type unnecessarily blah blah blah...we get along very well, and let me tell you something after 12 years of a loveless lifeless marriage, I'm drawn to find something, someone, I can connect with. Socrates - "My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher."
So, the 'girlfriend' ask me to make a top ten list of things I want in a relationship. How cool is that. That's very cool project for someone as analytical as me. But, howevar, we also are talking at the same tine about my status as a divorcing father and how that should effect the quality and timeliness of our relationship...so now I'm tasked with not only defining what I want out of our relationship, but when I can achieve it. This is a big project. Bigger than the Sears Tower. Trump Center. This is gonna be fun.
So, I'm writing the top ten list and I feel pretty good about it. Helps me understand what I want in a relationship. How cool is that. Fortunately for the both of us, we're both on the same page. I can tell you that like...8 out of the 12 criteria, of I forgot to tell you I couldn't decide on a top ten so I have a top 12and I think we're at 8 of the 12 and I'll let you know how things progress but for now you'll have to wait to see the list and provide your constructive criticism and your OWN fucking list when I'm done talking but it's my turn now so WTF sit down and be quiet.
So, I wrote the list and you can see that in a minute. BUT, the real reason for my post...I saw something tonight that made me determine more of what I DON'T want in a relationship. My marriage of 12 years has a pretty long list too, but this was just too ironic and I simple had to tell someone.
"WWWWWWWWWWhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, RICKY!!!!" was the cry I heard from the overpriced SUV next to me at the stoplight. She was mad. She was probably a little drunk too. A lot drunk. "Look at me! Look at me!" This is what caught my attention. An overpriced SUV, the girl wanting love and affection, the guy burying his face in his hands. Confused, wondering what the fuck he did to make her so angry, wanting to escape. This is what I don't want. But you see it all the time, time after time, relationships gone bad. Why do people stay in relationships that have turned bad? Why can't we move on? Why did it take me 12 years though a bad relationship to finally admit that the relationship was never that good in the first place?
So, anyway, here's the list. Read it and think about it. Tell me what I should add, move, remove...tell me what would be on YOUR list. This is a great exercise for single people. Fat, depressed, or drugged people too. I present to you, my top 12 list of what I want in a relationship:
1. Talk to me. Share with me your warmest, most open, and most honest thoughts.
2. Reveal to me by your actions your kindness, compassion, generosity, thoughtfulness, respect, and your appreciation for not only me, but for all mankind. Nature too.
3. Validate your high level of sophistication and intelligence by engaging in stimulating and challenging conversations with me. But also tease me with your playful, fun, and creative nature. Surprise me...spoil me once in a while. Make it exciting to be with you.
4. Avoid arguments. Our disagreements should always produce rational, logical discussions, that which generate constructive, practical, amicable solutions. No yelling.
5. Know your true self and teach me who you are. Share with me your values, needs, wants, ideas, dreams, and goals. Be your true self, and make your own decisions.
6. Grow to know my true self, and accept me unconditionally. Respect my strongly held personal and spiritual beliefs. Provide me with autonomy, individuality, and the freedom to live my life according to my own standards. Ask me questions, yet trust my integrity.
7. Help me improve on my weaknesses with total emotional support and guidance. Recommend areas for personal improvement openly, calmly, and with tact.
8. Allow me to feel complete with you. Grow to become my soul mate, and make me whole. Make silence with you comfortable. Help me find my inner peace.
9. Enhance me - treat my friends and family as you treat me. Make my friends jealous and my family proud that you are a part of my life.
10. Be loyal and committed to our relationship with both enthusiasm, and patience. Show me your commitment by being soft, affectionate, touching, feeling, giving.
11. Prove your physical love to me by kissing and embracing me daily, being romantic frequently, being intimate repeatedly, being intensely passionate, and once in a blue moon, when you're up to it - seduce me; and when you can tell I need it - submit to me.
12. Allow me the opportunity to do the same - everything above - for you.
Well then, I'm outta beer...and outta here. I hope you like my post, and if you didn't, then just go away don't go away mad. If you felt something inside as I wrote to you please respond with a nice +2 and tell me to keep writing. My fate is in your hands.
Here's a picture of my girlfriend. I'm such as jackass for posting her picture on the Internet.
User Reviews
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-07-24 03:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.all-nude-celebrities-free.com/celebrity/l/lucille-ball-nude/lucille-ball-nude-1.jpg
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-07-23 21:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow this was long, and hard to read because it was all over the place. also, your list is crap.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-23 14:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love -2's.
Submitted by BlindMelon (user info) at 2005-07-23 02:15:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The one on the left is cute.