Take the Low Road (1680 hits)
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Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-24 20:20:03 EDT
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Entry 1
The tongue left a warm trail of saliva on Sandra's face as it slid from under the left side of her chin, and up to her temple. As the offending appendage lifted from her skin, and the mouth pulled away, a final hot breath escaped and wafted past her ear, where it caused the fake gold hoop to shiver for an instant. The humid vapor then traveled down her face, to the point where her rapid breathing caused it to be pulled in through her nostrils, revealing the acrid nature of its stench. The foul smell caused Sandra to recoil. In doing so, her eyes lifted and caused her to catch an unwanted glimpse of her captors face.The eyes were most terrible part of the nightmarish visage that she saw. They reminded her of a cat, in how the pupil was elongated on a vertical axis. But unlike a cat, the iris of these eyes was blood red, and surrounded by a murky yellow that covered the remaining eyeball's tissue.
The face that held the eyes further revolted Sandra. It was a mottled pink like the underbelly flesh of a pregnant boar and blotched with pockets of open sores, one of which was filled with a colony of feasting maggots.
She closed her eyes quickly, fearing that another look would cause her loose the contents of her stomach.
Sandra was sweating now, even though she was sitting and deathly cold. She would have loved to have risen and ran, but the nylon rope that bound her wrists and ankles to the metal chair kept her well restrained. All she could do was hope. Hope that somehow this was a dream. Hope that a knight in shining armor would come to her rescue.
This was the real world though, Sandra thought to herself, or at least that was what she had believed only a few hours ago.
*****
Sandra had never been happier. Luke was a fantastic man. They had been dating for almost 6 months, and whenever she was with him, she felt as if she was on top of the world. When Luke had asked her if she had any plans for the coming long weekend, she was excited to be able to say no. When Luke had then proposed the idea of a road trip to Franklin Falls and a couple of nights at a cozy B&B, it had taken her a whole of two seconds to say yes.
As the work week wound its way down, Sandra had found it harder and harder to focus on her job. Instead, she constantly found herself thinking about the coming trip. Her mind wandered from what the falls would be like, to the room at the B&B, and even to which piece of lingerie she would bring to spring on Luke after they had retired for the evening.
When Friday afternoon finally rolled around, Sandra was practically bouncing off the walls in anticipation. When she left for the day, she was in such a hurry that she didn't even bother to say goodbye to her co-workers, a habit which she was usually emphatic about completing.
Upon arriving home, she found Luke already waiting for her, with his navy blue Explorer parked in front of her apartment's door. Sandra gave him a big kiss on the lips, ran up the stairs to grab her bag, and was back down and sitting in the passenger seat of Luke's truck within minutes. As Luke turned the key and put the truck into drive, Sandra gave a squeal of delight in tune with the roar of the engine.
The large American made SUV made its way first onto the secondary highway, and then onto the interstate to the music of Guns & Roses blaring from the in dash CD player. Sandra found herself bobbing her head along to the music, and laughing along with Luke as the large buildings melted first into suburban houses, and then into farmsteads while the patented Slash guitar echoed throughout the vehicle.
Before Sandra even realized how long they had been driving, the second of the double album greatest hits was over, and urban sprawl had been replaced by a lush deciduous forest. The sun had also lowered in the sky, and although it was still visible above the tall oak and birch trees, a shadow was now being cast over most of the road.
As Sandra began to ask Luke for the third time about the name of the B&B (having twice been thwarted with responses of "It's a surprise"), he interrupted her with a gesture towards an oncoming road sign.
"Take a look at that!" He said optimistically "The sign says that there's a scenic road that starts in half a mile. Do you want to take it?"
Sandra considered for a moment, and although her usually dominant cautious side told her that they'd get lost, the boyish look of excitement in Luke's eyes got the better of her.
"Sure, let's go!" she stated, and followed with "It'll be an adventure!"
Luke then looked over at her, having picked up the hesitation before her answer. "Are you sure?" he questioned.
"Absolutely" Sandra smiled reassuringly, and then in an attempt to further prove her desire to take the road began to sing the only verse she knew of Bonnie Lamond's classic ballad, Scottish accent and all "Ye'll take the high road, and I'll take the low road, and I'll be in Scotland afore thee."
To this Luke smiled, and as the exit approached, slowed the speed of his truck. When the exit was right upon them, he cranked the wheel of his Explorer, and the large vehicle plowed onto the sharply curving off ramp, and into woods via a two lane paved path.
*****
Two hours later, Sandra found herself running through the thick of the North American wilderness. She had no direction and no plan. She was operating solely on a survival instinct that told her to run.
Her heart was hammering in her chest, partially due to blood that was not rocketing through her system as her arteries tried desperately to get oxygen to the pumping muscles. The other reason behind the screaming in her chest was the terror that had filled her entire being.
And so she ran.
Sandra ran like she had when she was a child, and the exhilaration of the wind whipping past her ears kept her legs churning. Except now, her adrenaline was being supplied by the fear of death, as opposed to the excitement of a child.
Slowly, as the ache in her muscles grew, she began to slow. Her legs were burning, and could no longer continue their fevered pace. Little by little, her quadriceps slowed, until she was moving at barely more than a walk. Finally, she halted completely and tried to catch her breath. As she breathed in the cool crisp air, she looked around and took in her surroundings.
It was dusk, and the already minimal light was rapidly disappearing. She could see no more than twenty feet in any direction, not that it mattered, as every direction looked the same.
Her head fell, and tears splashed onto her hands as she brought them up to her face. She then began to sob; quietly though, as her survival instinct would not allow her to make too much noise.
Finally, she raised her head.
Her eyes open, just in time to see a dark fist crash into the centre of her face.
All went dark.
*****
The creature let out a moan of pleasure, at which Sandra shuttered. She would have given anything not to have the thought form in her mind, but the idea that whatever was holding her captive had enjoyed its taste still entered her thoughts. She wished she had a free hand to rub the pungent saliva from her cheek.
Sandra kept her head down, in order to avoid having to see that face of the thing again. As she stared at the floor, the green claws sticking out through the torn fabric of a pair of Nike's came into the right side of her field of vision. The creature was circling to her front.
Sandra tried to force herself to keep her head and eyes down, but as if drawn by a magnet, her gaze began to rise. First, her eyes fell onto the cargo pants that the creature wore. Through the rips, she could see more of the sickeningly pink flesh, and the occasional pus dripping sore.
Further, her eyes moved up the body in front of her. Past the waist of the beast they continued, and onto the crimson shirt that covered its torso. It was only when her stare fell upon and recognized the crocodile emblem on the article of the clothing that her mind started to put things together.
"You..." she whispered in a trembling voice "You killed Luke."
The creature hissed at the accusation and began to approach her.
Using all of the courage she could muster, Sandra lifter her head, and brought her eyes up to meet those of the foul being.
"You're wearing his favorite shirt... you twisted fuck..." she spat out.
At this, the thing lunged forward bringing its dreadful face to within inches of hers. It took a deep breath, and exhaled a steaming breath of putrid vapor. It then smiled, to reveal a row of black razor like teeth.
Then, the beast offered in a phlegm laden voice "The sign says that there's a scenic road that starts in half a mile."
As the words reached her ears, and the horror sunk in, Sandra's eyes opened to the size of saucers in disbelief. As response, the creature advanced further in a one fluid hop, so that it was now straddling Sandra where she sat.
"You're not the first that I've brought to my humble abode, nor will you be the last. You all love the blond hair, the sensitivity, the country boy attitude... You make it sooooo easy."
A tear came to Sandra's eye as her mind raced over the things she we never get to do. The wedding she would never have. The children she would never raise.
She stared up at the thing in front of her, a world of emotions spinning in her head.
The mouth slowly opened wide, and a hideous chuckle escaped from it. Then teeth came slashing down.
- VS -
Entry 2
Eden Gardens Apartments, Floor 7Habitation Zone 3, Atlanta Conurbation
May 29th, 2067
10:56 am
Tim Dyson looked out of the window of his apartment over the finely manicured communal garden, paying considerably less attention to it then he was to his ghostly reflection in the glass. His appearance was rather more important right now than the state of a patch of ground he barely ever looked at, and either way, his face was the more attractive of the two sights on offer.
He always liked to give the right impression when meeting people for the first time - it could create all kinds of advantages if you were in control of the situation. This particular meeting would be like any other new hook-up, so it was a reassuringly expensive-looking Armanté suit underneath his leather greatcoat, as opposed to his more normal attire of close fitting shirt and leather trousers. One final check in the makeshift mirror which, for no particular reason, he had chosen over the real one in the same room confirmed his hair to be in immaculate condition, hiding the main tools of his trade behind his ears, themselves holding more interesting novelties. The pair of black mirror-finish shades he never took off completed the cover up, so even on fairly close inspection by your average Joe walking down the street, it was impossible to notice the several hundred thousand credits worth of cybernetic implants that made both his job a viability and his head typically the most valuable item in whatever location he was in at the time. Other runners took a more simple (and hey, more cheap) attitude to life - shoot straight, punch hard, and everything would be okay - and as far as he was concerned, they were welcome to it. After all, why stay grounded and brawl when you can get wired and drop bombs from on high?
Satisfied with the effect, and concealing a pair of immaculately serviced flechette pistols in their tailored positions in the greatcoat, he left the apartment and descended the stairs to the lobby, shunning the attentions of the polite yet exceptionally slow elevator. Nodding to the security guard on his way out of the building, he took his customary glance around to make sure there was nothing out of the ordinary in the area, flicking his vision between normal and thermographic as much out of habit as anything else. Perfectly normal as usual, but still, he thought as he fired up his Westwind - sleeker than any Ferrari and considerably quicker off the mark - it was best to always make certain. He checked his watch and smiled - twenty-five minutes to make a forty-minute journey. Fashionable lateness beckoned as he pulled out of the drive and headed for downtown.
As he negotiated Atlanta's late-morning traffic, he resisted the urge to hook himself up to the onboard computer and check the online news services, instead concentrating on who he was due to meet. He knew Scarlet would be there - five foot nine of abject sex appeal in a red dress, with a body that could melt steel at fifty yards and, surprisingly, the ability to fire all kinds of heavy assault weaponry as well as any ex-military he had ever worked with. The contact was new to him, though vaguely known to her as someone worth working for. The third member of the team was unknown to both of them and assumed to be one of the contact's regulars. The thought crossed his mind that he should have done some more research on his new colleagues, and was just as quickly dismissed as he finally got a stretch of open road and gunned the engine like it deserved it.
***
423rd Street
Habitation/Border District 16
11:41am
The meeting was in one of the rather less impressive areas of town - the kind of place that security wagons patrolled maybe once every two hours or so, and not somewhere in which he would normally like to be seen. Unfortunately, when business called, it rarely did so from salubrious locations or smart receptionists. Given the extreme wealth and secretive nature of the people he dealt with - and not forgetting the crass illegality of what he did - sometimes working for the high rollers necessitated taking the low road.
He parked the Westwind in a spot that just dared anyone to try stealing it, checked his hair and shades for one final time in the rear-view, and stepped out, activating the safety features as the door swung quietly shut. The meeting point was a couple of hundred metres away, but he didn't want to risk being seen by the contact before he was good and ready, so he proceeded on foot, his expensive shoes clicking on the sidewalk.
Rounding a slight bend in the road, he came in sight of his target - a railway bridge that was both low and badly lit enough that it practically had a sign outside it saying "Business in progress - find another underpass." Flicking through his vision modes to thermographic again and zooming in slightly showed up the individuals under it in sharp enough definition to distinguish forms - four people describing a vague triangle. At one corner was a woman with long hair - that would be Scarlet. At another, a rather larger man looking surprisingly like him, and at the other, two men that were almost comical in their size difference. One was short and slight, the other built like a small tank - the contact and his bodyguard.
His curiosity satisfied, he allowed himself to come into full view round the bend, letting his vision slowly return to normal as he approached the bridge. No one was saying anything - they were plainly waiting for him to arrive before getting started.
Nice to be wanted, he thought.
"What kept you?"
Scarlet was her usual reserved self, leaning nonchalantly against the wall of the bridge, red dress setting off deep copper hair and boots, and exposing just the right amount of skin to drive aforementioned average Joe crazy. Fuck, she was hot, but - unfortunately - this was no time to be enjoying the scenery.
"Traffic," he replied without a hint of sincerity. She knew his personal preference for freeform punctuality and hated it - which was one of the reasons he did it.
"Whatever," sneered the contact, a scrawny looking corporate drone in his early forties wearing a suit slightly too large for him. "You were given a time and you were late. You want to work with me? Next time be-"
"Shut up," came Dyson's interruption, snapping his head round from Scarlet to the contact. "You want to work with the best, you adhere to their schedules, and between you and me," he leaned in slightly, casting a disdainful glance at the surroundings, "the best clearly isn't you."
Scarlet snorted and rolled her eyes. The contact's bodyguard paid slightly more attention to him, gently flexing muscles that simply couldn't be natural. His entire body was a mass of fibrous power that only came from extensive surgical upgrades and bone lacing. He could probably punch through a brick wall with only minimal damage to the first few layers of his skin, and while he looked like he wanted to demonstrate such a talent on Dyson's head, the contact himself had flinched slightly at his words and immediately raised a hand to call his hulk off. The bodyguard relaxed, though the gaze of intention never left its target.
Throughout the exchange, the other man at the meeting had remained silent, and almost annoyingly, Dyson thought, continued to do so now.
"Now we have that out of the way, maybe can get started." He flashed his most winning smile for a brief moment - he was unimpressed with the show of force and wanted the contact to know it. The drone looked slightly hurt for a moment, then snapped out of it and started again in the same sneering tone.
"Before we do, I'd like you both to meet Ro." He indicated the quite man in the corner, who moved for the first time, looking Scarlet up and down and glancing briefly in Dyson's direction. "He will be joining you on the operation."
"Really?" enquired Dyson with mock interest. "I thought he was the hatstand."
The man referred to as Ro glanced a little more closely at him, as expressionless as Dyson on a good day. He returned the look just as impassively, taking the time to appraise the new member of the team. He was slightly shorter and less pale than Dyson, but with an impressively naturally muscled physique that spoke of long periods of meditation and practice in the martial arts, even though it was mostly hidden by a similar black leather greatcoat to his own. He'd worked with physical adepts before, but never one who styled themselves in this manner. Ro looked very much like a better-developed version of him, with the slight exceptions of being perfectly bald, and having two wires coming out of his shades, disappearing into the coat (to keep their edge, adepts shunned all cyberware - the shades, whatever their features, were being powered from a pack in his coat somewhere). They stood staring at each other for a moment. Scarlet looked from one to the other, rolled her eyes again and sighed.
"Aaanyway...getting back to the task in hand," piped up the contact, fast realising that he was losing control of the situation and was now resigned to trying to get words in edgeways past the respective egos in front of him, "we'd like you to go after some information for us."
The three of them seemed to stop their showboating almost simultaneously with the mention of business, and all eyes turned to the contact. He looked quite pleased.
"In the dock sprawl there is a warehouse being rented for office space by a fledgling security company called Zenesec."
It was typical for small or new companies to use converted single storey warehouses as offices rather than rent space in the central business district. It may be rather less secure, but they were less than a fraction of cost to maintain. Great, he thought - more opportunities to get his hands dirty.
"Who's the parent corp?" asked Scarlet.
"Globetech, by tenuous link."
Fronting. Where better to hide mid-level research that takes up too much space in the corporate mainframe than at a barely related company in a quiet area in the docks? People would break in and steal material possessions on a regular basis, but no one would bother looking through the computer systems. Unless they knew what to look for.
"They are using the anonymity to secure store some of Globetech's recent biotech research - nothing too huge, but a substantial amount. My associates would like to buy a copy off you."
Dyson raised his eyebrow slightly.
"Do you have anything remotely more substantial than that? 'Some recent biotech research?' I don't pan for gold."
"You won't be panning for anything," replied the contact derisively. "The computer system is off-net, so we'll need insertion. You'll provide overwatch for these two." He indicated Scarlet and Ro, and chucked a palmtop in Dyson's direction. He caught it and immediately threw it to Scarlet, looking to catch her off balance. She didn't move, save for her right arm that reached out and snatched the small computer from the air. Fuck, why did everything that girl do have to be so damned hot?
The contact looked slightly surprised at the computer juggling, then shrugged slightly and carried on in his annoying sneer.
"Use that to copy all of this year's files. There's plenty of space. You'll need to hack the security systems and control the cameras to leave no trace of yourselves - security should be minimal and there should be no other deckers present to get in your way."
All sounds fairly straightforward, thought Dyson, glancing over at Scarlet and managing not to take in her exposed left thigh. She looked disdainfully in his direction, but motioned a small nod through it. The address of the company was already in there, as well as the contact's comcall number, and she could handle the controls with no trouble. The cameras and associated security systems would be his job. Ro would be there as fire support and cover when Scarlet was doing her thing with the palmtop. Only one thing really remained.
"How much?"
The contact smiled. "Fifteen thousand each now, twenty-five more each upon successful delivery. Use your own kit, and leave no witnesses."
"Thirty, not twenty." He was surprised to hear Ro speak. Not that the deep voice emanating from that kind of body was unusual, but having assumed the adept was on the contact's payroll, he thought he'd already know the score. Evidently not.
The bodyguard's attention switched to him, leaving Dyson unstared at for the first time since he showed up. The contact looked undecided, and slightly ill, but eventually nodded.
"Thirty-five. Fifteen if a single byte is missing." He had to make some kind of restriction on such a quick concession, and fifteen itself was reasonable for this kind of job.
"Deal," said Ro, echoed after a brief pause by Scarlet. She turned to Dyson.
"Your call, TJ."
Far be it from me, he thought.
"Right. Timescale?"
"Thirty-six hours."
"Good. Ro - contact details?"
The big man handed him a digicard. He turned to the contact.
"Money?"
The drone produced three credsticks from his poorly fitting jacket and handed them over. A brief check confirmed the fifteen thousand agreed. Dyson addressed Scarlet and Ro.
"I'll be in touch later today," and turning back to the contact, "Sorry, are you still here?"
***
Pier 19
Dock Zone 12
11:16 pm
Dyson sat impassively on the back of Scarlet's Yamaha Rapier - as red as everything else she seemed to associate herself with - looking about him with renewed disgust at the sheer filthiness of the dockland sprawl. The fifty thousand he was picking up for this job would barely cover his dry cleaning back in civilisation. Good PR, he kept telling himself - one night's slumming to get in the contact's good books. It wasn't working particularly well.
Earlier on, back at the apartment, he had changed out of the suit into more normal clothes, rechecked that the fletchers were fully loaded, and carried out a short investigation of Zenesec's computer system from the comfort of his own office. It had been almost comically easy to turn over, allowing him to view the details on both the three cameras outside the building and the four inside, and had shown him the sealed off portion of the system that no hacking would ever get him into - no connection, no sneak.
Currently he was waiting for Scarlet and Ro to finish checking round the area for anyone watching, having already found where he was going to spend his night. The warehouse opposite was deserted, but contained what obviously used to be a squat that had been unoccupied for some time. Crucially, however, there was a large jumble of cables where the phone lines had been tapped, providing a jackpoint that was decidedly hard to trace by the authorities. He never felt bad about not being the one who went in guns blazing - after all, what he did from the warehouse across the way would dictate whether or not those who did would get out alive. Brawling on the ground and bombing from the air again - why grudge them fucking a building when he got to butt-rape the company?
Despite its outright posing factor, he tended not to bring his Westwind on missions - normally it was more sensible to be on something that could fit down narrow gaps. Moreover, rather than having his own bike, he preferred to hitch on Scarlet's - being a car man at heart and not the greatest rider in the world, he was more of a liability on a motorcycle than not - best let someone good on them drive you around.
Ro appeared from one of the alleyways off to the east corner of the Zenesec building, flicking something down in front of his face.
"All clear," came through Dyson's headware radio. With a subdermal mic directly attached to his voice box, he needed only to breathe "acknowledged" in reply before getting off the Rapier, leaving it standing next to Ro's Ducati, and heading for the deserted warehouse looking for all the world as if he owned the entire dock.
Settling down in the corner next to the makeshift jackpoint and unpacking his deck, he scanned round the inside of the derelict once again, flicking through both his low-lights and thermographs for definition. Satisfied that nothing larger than a rat was stirring, he took two cables from his coat pocket and connected the deck to the jackpoint with one. He turned it on, and plugged one of the of the ends of the other cable into it, before reaching behind his left ear and plugging the other end into a socket wired directly to his brain.
Think of the best orgasm you've ever had. Now increase its intensity by a magnitude and focus it on your head. In ten years of decking, jacking in had never lost a hint of its explosive rush to Dyson, and it never would.
His mind was instantly expanded through the deck into the infinite release of space that was the sensorial representation of the Matrix - that which the internet had become with the advent of the direct interface connection that he was currently employing. With it, he could take his icon anywhere, do anything, BE anything, by simply willing it to be so. He could access any of a billion computer systems and see their inner workings. He could tap into any of a trillion data streams and watch every digital commodity in existence in transfer. He could, and did, do these things - when he had the time. For now, however, he was busy. He buffered a single word message that would be sent through his radio to Scarlet and Ro a nanosecond after it's composition.
ONLINE
Checking his bearings, he found the Matrix representation of the Zenesec computer system fairly close by (the Matrix had a geography at least partially comparable with the real world - locations were on the x and y axes, levels of security on the z) and just above him, in the shape of a small castle. Representations of computer systems in the Matrix could be any shape whatsoever, and while this wasn't exactly a custom system, it was plainly the creation of a security chief that took pride in his work, and wanted others to as well.
Playing along as he had done earlier, he approached the main entrance of the castle, and attempted to interface with it, using the deception programs on his deck to appear as the owner of the company, no less. After a little whirring and clicking, the drawbridge opened and the computer announced "Welcome, Mr. Serringer," in a suitably androgynous voice.
Upon passing through the gatehouse, however, all pretences of old-world charm were dropped in favour of a modern utilitarian interface. Three doors labelled ARCHIVES, SECURITY and CUSTOMERS presented themselves to him, their signs glowing slightly. Selecting SECURITY, he was - with a slight pause while the system again failed utterly to see through his disguise - taken through the door and found himself in the room he had got as far as earlier, with the camera control panel and the existing yet inaccessible door to the off-net system. That not interesting him, he turned his attention to the control panel. Here were the live feeds from all seven cameras, and controls for the five maglocked doors the building contained - all wonderfully playable with for someone with his clearance.
STANDBY
He sent the heads up to Ro and Scarlet, and proceeded to lock the three exterior cameras into a perpetual loop that repeatedly fed the last ten minutes of entirely mundane footage through to the archives as real-time video. The system didn't even register an interruption.
He let himself become aware of a real world for a moment, and scanned the immediate area with his thermographs for anything different. Other than the rats having moved slightly, all was well in snail-land. He dived back into the Matrix.
As he did, he thought he caught sight of something glinting in a corner, but as soon as it was there, it was gone again. He made a brief sweep for anything unusual in the control room, coming up empty. Security programs getting the wrong end of the stick he thought, allowing his icon to shrug, and sent out the signal to his colleagues.
GO
Through the unedited video feed that he alone was now privy to, he was able to watch Ro walk towards the building, Scarlet joining him on his right hand side. When they were no more than three metres from the front door, he locked the interior cameras into the same perpetual loop as the exterior ones, and manipulated the maglock control on the door.
ALLOW ME
The door swung open without so much as a by your leave from the security guard on the desk in the small lobby, who moments before had been wondering why the words KNOCK KNOCK had appeared on his computer screen. He was even more surprised when through the door walked a large muscular man and a stunningly attractive woman who hadn't appeared to be on the exterior cameras, and an all-in-all pretty rough few seconds for him culminated with their both pulling heavy pistols and capping him in the head, entry wounds side and about a centimetre apart.
Scarlet walked round to the screens, seeing Dyson's message just as the front door swung shut.
COCKSUCKER
Even through the message buffer, her voice was dripping with contempt as she sent him her personal take on the situation. Allowing himself a virtual wry smile, he opened a door to the left of the security desk.
BLOW ME
Ro took point, Scarlet acting with unusual deference in allowing him to do so, and they proceeded out of the lobby. Dyson switched video feeds and picked them up in the main corridor.
Something poked him in the back. "What're you?" squeaked a high-pitched voice.
Leaving the cameras for a moment, he turned to find a piece of scanner ICE pointing at him and being generally interrogative. Intrusion Countermeasures Electronics were the equivalents of virus checkers in this very hands-on virtual world, and this one was trying to find out exactly what this icon that claimed to be Dick Serringer actually was. He waved a virtual hand over it and in his most persuasive tone told it "This is not the icon you are looking for," and it proceeded to start revolving slowly in the middle of the room, occasionally squeaking "Where are you?" in a slightly annoying tone. Better to evade than attack right now, he thought, but as he did, he caught the same faint twinkle in the corner of his vision that he had before. He swept again, this time for any ICE and any other deckers, once again coming up empty. His suspicion didn't dwindle this time though, and sifting through the available programs on his deck he fired up a lock-on plug-in that would help him "catch" anything hanging around him next time. With that in place, he turned his attention back to the corridor in the real world.
Given that only milliseconds had passed in real time since he had been poked, he was able to pick them up precisely where he expected them to be, just entering the corridor. Pulling up a virtual map of the building and matching it to the location, he directed them towards the off-line system room.
LEFT
A telephone icon started to flash in the bottom right hand corner of Dyson's field of vision. Looking at the information associated with it, he could tell it was coming from inside the building and was heading to an outside number. Instantly, he re-routed it to himself and picked up.
"Mr Yama?"
An old man's voice, sounding more than a little agitated. He paused. Either hang up or talk to whoever this idiot was, still in the building gone eleven at night. No option really. He had his virtual voice down-mixed into something the phone line could deal with and responded.
"Yes?"
"There are people inside! They've shot the guard, and they're heading for the storage facility! What do I do?"
What indeed, he wondered.
"The police have been notified. Where in the building are you?"
"In the sleeping quarters - I've got a gun. I can defend myself."
STOP
"I'm coming to you myself. Stay there."
He hung up, and with a moment's hesitation, directed traffic inside the building.
SCARLET LEFT DATA ROOM
RO RIGHT SINGLE TARGET
Simultaneously, doors on the left and right of the corridor swung open. Ro disappeared through the one into what appeared to be a small bedsit from which the sounds of muted gunfire were subsequently heard. He re-appeared, giving a thumbs-up to the camera just as Scarlet left the corridor for the off-line room. Switching video feeds again showed her moving quickly across the room and hooking the palmtop up to the computer. The data would take about a minute to download, giving Dyson time to prepare his parting gift to the system. Ro took up a defensive position in the room's doorway, as if daring anyone to try to get in.
He had done a semi-aware check of his real world surroundings again, had come back up was quietly compiling the code for his exit when his lock-on alarm went schizophrenic.
Immediately, he sent out a full strength, full depth search for anything out of the ordinary whatsoever. Damn...that search was so in depth it took literally seconds...but it did its job, the bright flash sweeping the room bringing a virtually invisible crystal octahedron into sharp relief. In the time it took Dyson to send a wry smile and sarcastic formal greeting burst in its direction, it had taken off like it owed him money in the general direction of the exit. Cursing the fact he couldn't leave the control panel, he readied his sign-off code for the video feeds, and buffered through to the real world.
RUN
Scarlet and Ro got the message at the same time as the download finished, and shared a very brief glance of dread with each other before jacking the palmtop out of the computer and charging headlong for the main door. Dyson watched them go, opening the door as they sprinted through and activating the maglock defence as it shut, dumped his sign-off into the lobby and three exterior cameras, and shot off in pursuit of the octahedron - out through the SECURITY door, and into the main gatehouse of the virtual castle.
He found the octahedron - another decker, he was sure - slowly spinning in the centre of the gatehouse, along with an angry looking purple mass that had the look of custom ICE about it. This decker obviously wanted a fight, and he wanted to use a tag-team partner.
So they must be stalling in the real world.
Allowing his icon to become a disembodied hand flipping his fellow uninvited guests off, he pulled a graceful logoff manoeuvre and vanished from the system even as the octahedron poked the purple mass in his direction.
The real word came flooding back like a bad come down. Not allowing himself the moment's rest he normally took, he jacked the deck out of the wall and took off towards the door to the sound of footsteps pounding towards it.
"Company. Aim for the bikes."
Scarlet and Ro just about managed to change direction in time to avoid the door as it slammed open and Dyson charged through. A split second later, headlights erupted from two alleyways up and two distinct engine notes filled the air. Scarlet just about got her bike started as Dyson hopped on board and the first of the other team powered out of the alleyway - large and bulky, probably the bodyguard. Ro was close behind, and got his going as Scarlet took off in pursuit of the first bike, and the second one issued from the same alley - riding paired, two fairly small people. The decker and their minder.
"Nice heads up, jackass. How about a little warning next time?" screamed Scarlet as Dyson stood up in the pinion seat and drew his fletchers. Flicking to his low-lights for better definition, he let a couple of shots off at the paired riders, and was quite surprised to see the driver grab their shoulder and come crashing off the bike. This was coupled with the equally satisfying sight of Ro's bullets embedding themselves in the back of the solo rider, sending him crashing as well. Scarlet put her bike into a slide dismount as Ro sped past intent on the lead rider and the pair picked themselves up. Dyson was ever so slightly surprised to see a young Japanese woman, and a boy of no more than fourteen. They, however, wasted no time - the woman taking up a defensive position in front of the boy, shouting something in Japanese. While Scarlet's grasp of the language was fairly good, and she was able to respond in kind, all Dyson was able to make out of the response was "half-caste crippled bitch". He supposed that was enough.
The woman's face tightened into a snarl as shots from Ro's pistol rang out, signalling the end of the bodyguard. Drawing a beautiful looking katana with lightning speed, she leapt at Scarlet, obviously figuring her to be more of a threat.
Sometimes people make heinous errors of judgement.
She was probably right that out of him and Scarlet and all things considered, she was the most dangerous by far. However, in this situation, the one that wasn't being leapt at become the most dangerous by default. The Japanese had just reached Scarlet when her face exploded in a mass of metal flechettes - messy, but terribly effective on unarmored targets.
Scarlet turned to him, her face dripping with what used to be that of the Japanese, and made a gesture that simply screamed "Look...at my dress." Dyson, however, was more interested in the one remaining member of their opposition - the decker who had managed to evade him for quite literally minutes earlier in the evening, now transfixed like a rabbit in the headlights in front of the two of them. He was a small thing, poorly dressed and undernourished, but the jackpoint in his temple bore no scarring, suggesting he'd been doing this for several years already.
A pity - he could have made a good protégé, though Dyson, as he and Scarlet raised their pistols and without so much as a twitch of resistance from their target, blew his head clear off his shoulders.
"This will take...FOREVER...to get out," lamented Scarlet, as Ro walked over after having disarmed his bulky target and raided him for anything worthwhile. She did the same for the Japanese while Dyson walked over to the now headless youth. Pausing for a moment to reflect on the notion of sending a boy to do a man's job, he bent down and picked up his victim's blood-spattered deck, cables, and associated datacubes. Without another word, the three of them mounted up and disappeared into the anonymity of the night.
At 11:53 pm, approximately seven minutes after Dyson, Scarlet and Ro had left the scene, the exterior cameras of Zenesec Plc recorded approximately five thousand garden gnomes of varying shapes and sizes taking up position outside the front door, while what appeared to be a giant teddy bear manifested itself in the lobby.
Entry 1:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
B-Nizzo
badassmofo
Bellebrown
Bigmike
BillsSBChamps
blank_mind
BuckeyesTHEGAME
c1ndy
CaptainThorns
checkyourmail
Circe
Confuzitron
crazybutsolazy
engine13
ess-arr
FunnyAsCancer
Genko
GodLovesALittleLovin
intellismartness
jack11058
JMG114
joedaddy
JulsInsane
justagirl27
kimmy02721
krissi
Lmarie22000
loki
mcd
munkeypants
Natsukau
nitty34
pen_name
polyamorousaj
potatomanjack
rad1101
RandytheHelpfulPineapple
Razor
rushtawin
RyuFu
sebcharrot
Soley_Trinity
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
stevie_says
youarsoghey
42 eligible votes (49 total) *
Entry 2:
alex.lifeson
Average_Dan
Berty
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
BobLobla
Brdn_Nkd
CoffeeAndSmokes
comicbookguy
congo
Coyote
darko
dasteve
Davros
doctorj24
dodahdave
domenad
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DonovanMD
electrictoothsyndrome
FuckTheArmy
Hirilnara
Impassive-Digressive
indigogecko
indoninja
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JonnyX
Katastrofadark
Kracka
Magicaddict
mbstateside
Merlina
Method
notyou
NumLock
omnifica
Pentameter
Phallic_Cymbals
Rope
salmonofdoubt
satchel
Saxon
Slovin
Snark
spacemanor
Spam
Spuds002
Stabkill
supadupapupa
Teephphah
thecaes
thorpe
Viciousriffs
Wiggles
William_Q_Percy
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
zakalwe
47 eligible votes (58 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-29 11:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yea, Magic, I thought you were someone else.
I could have sworn to it. Sorry for the confusion.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-29 09:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats Magicaddict,
I thought I had written a pretty good story here, but alas, you beat me fair in square with plain better entry. Really, you deserved to win this with the exceptional story that you wrote.
I wish you the best of luck in the coming rounds.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-29 05:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way - damn good job, mate. I'd been writing almost constantly from Friday evening, and when I read yours got exceptionally pissed off because I assumed I was going to crash out regardless.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-29 05:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enough.
#1 was Potatomanjack.
#2 was me, and no, my entry was not written prior to the competition. The concept was, however, conceived beforehand.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-28 22:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whoof, closer than I thought it would be.
Reveal yourself, authors!
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-07-28 03:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-07-28 00:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-27 19:20:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 1 - GREAT depiction of the monster. You did a fantastic job of putting me in Sarah's shoes. The thing that last if for me was there was no real motivation for him to be doing this. You put all this energy into Sarah and she ends up getting killed for no apparent reason. Either make her survive at that point, or do a little more with the monster's side of the story and make it REALLY scary.
Entry 2 - I think somehow the formatting got fucked up for entry 2 in submitting this, but I won't hold that against you. Good storytelling, I thought.
Tough call, thanks!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-07-26 23:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-26 22:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry two hands down. One was good but, Damn.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:-(
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I thought these were both very good.
My impression reading the first entry was that the use of descriptive language was excellent. I was and remain in awe of the author's use of vocabulary. However, about mid-way through, the description began to feel a little heavy-handed and burdensome. That stopped when the action picked up again.
Sadly, I thought the story was a bit predictable.
Story #2 reminded me of a great many things. I found myself thinking of G.I. Joe, the Matrix, that Square-Enix game that is sort of cowboys-meet-cybernetics . . . ah, Wild Arms, and several others, but even so, I thought the mix was great. Not too reliant on any one "source" (and I'm not trying to accuse you of ripping anything off by saying that) to make it boring or predictible. I don't know, I just liked it. A lot.
I don't think the writing was as good as #1, but I liked the story better.
Sorry Author #1, but I'm a sci-fi geek at heart, and Author #2 did it better this time. If it helps, your piece could have kicked the ass of the piece of crap I submitted.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy overly long entry Batman!!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both good.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked both of these.
#1 was a little predictable so I'm gonna go for #2 even if it only stuck very loosely to the given title.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-26 08:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-26 03:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-25 20:33:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didn't read either
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-07-25 19:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit, I wish I could change my vote. I just realized what #1 reminded me of: Tales From the Crypt. I used to watch them every week on HBO, praying that there would be some gratuitous nudity. Interesting stuff for a 10-year-old to be watching...
Not quite as interesting for a post, much less an UM post. I'm a hypocrite--I said I wouldn't punish #2 for being too long, but I guess that's what I ended up doing.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AUTO MATRIX NO
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 = great writing, kind of disappointing ending
#2 = looong (though I'm not punishing for that, it's just an observation), action-packed.
Vote goes to #1...
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 Interesting though predictable
#2 way to long for my taste
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think if #1 wins, it's because #2 was long.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tough call
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1: You had me going til the end, then it seemed like you ran out of steam, or ran out of time.
2: Wow, just wow. This was really great.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:44:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't know what entry two had to do with "take the low road", but it was better writing.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What the fuck?
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a hard choice but the Sci Fi bought it for me
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FUCK THIS, I'M NOT READING ALL THAT.
Number one reminded me way too much of a shitty 'B' movie.
Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 just seemed to go on and on and on, but it was better written than Entry 1.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a nice start to round 2.
Both of these were excellent.
Kudos to both authors.
For me #2 just edged it.
-Dave
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:39:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now, with the vote out of the way, #1 kind of bothered me, because it left what I would consider to be *the* critical moment out.
So he turned off the road, and now she's running in the woods.
Why? How? etc etc etc
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2 made me feel like I'd just showered with medicinal alcohol but I didn't like entry 1.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Garden gnomes win.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tough call
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo, you two.
Entry 1 was well-written, though I got the impression that Sandra was an idiot and I don't know if that was intentional or not. I also dont' really get Luke's whole deal...he's a monster who can transform into a human, or vice versa, or what? Nice description of how gross and creepy he is...though he should get that maggot problem looked at. And this whole liason took him 6 months? That doesn't seem right. If he just wants these girls so he can eat them, and he's so good looking, then he should be after one-night stands.
Entry 2 was excellent. I got a good sense of the future world, I liked how the lead character wasn't a hero, I liked the incorporation of not-too-distant technology and the hacking aspect. It was a little long, and you should really leave an empty line after each segment of quoted dialogue. The personalities of your characters were distinct and fun.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-25 07:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-25 06:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-25 06:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-25 05:50:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both of these were excellent. A great start to Round 2.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-25 05:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lovely sci-fi piece
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-07-25 04:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for both of those, however I liked number 2 better.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-25 04:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not an easy decision.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-25 04:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One more thing...
I still say that submitting shit off your harddrive instead of writing a fresh story for the prescribed title is cheating.
But, alas, I don't make the rules, do I?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-25 03:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Honestly, I can't believe the uneventful and wholly predictable thing that was entry 1 is winning here. Not that it was bad, it's just...there was no story there.
I didn't care about any of the characters at all. I could give a toss about whatever that bitch's name was...Sandra.
Halfway through I knew what was coming and was praying the author would prove me wrong.
They didn't.
It was not badly written, but much like entry 2, it was just lacking in the story department.
Neither one of these authors did shit with the title if you ask me, which you didn't, so I'll shut up now.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-25 03:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think it's any question who wrote entry 2. The only question is WHEN? How long have you been sitting on this one? Months? Years?
Clever how only one sentence in the entire thing was even remotely directed at the title. That it's an original piece is not in question. That it's an ORIGINAL piece is.
This story was just about like every other futuristic caper story I've ever seen or read. The deftness of the writing was stellar, but the story itself was uninspired and lacklustre.
If only I had such nice things to say about entry 1.
(A very grudging 'congratulations' are in order for entry 2, I suppose. You should win this matchup easily. I'll see you in the sweet 16.)
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-07-25 03:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-25 03:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-07-25 02:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rushtawin (user info) at 2005-07-25 02:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spacemanor (user info) at 2005-07-25 01:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2005-07-25 01:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-25 01:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Author #2, heavy on the William Gibson. VERY heavy.
I think you were counting on the average Uberer to be too young to pick up on that.
NO matter. I loves me some William Gibson.
Here's what JonnyX says in situations like these:
"You see, when YOU do it, it's called 'ripping off', when I do it, it's called an 'homage'..."
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2005-07-25 01:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number 2 was good, and I give bonus points for the ending not making any sense. But it would've taken something special to beat number 1.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-25 00:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-25 00:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by alex.lifeson (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hard to choose between these two but i had to go for entry 2. I want to see a continuation of one though, gimme some more of that, yeh baby.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I struggled through all the errors in number one just to get to comma happy number two, which I got halfway through before deciding on number one.
Just so you know number two, I can appreciate the effort you put into your story. I just found it too laborious of a read to get through the whole thing.
The tales were good, the writing.....well, if I have to keep going back to make sure that a paragraph or sentence made sense then its too much work for me.
Submitted by mcd (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 had it up until the ending. That was pretty shithouse.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry two was long, but it kept me hooked right up to the end. Nice work.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good matchup:
Entry 1 was about a Jew, right? That's why he was all slavering and pustulent.
Entry 2 went dangerously long for Uber attention spans and could've lost some unnecessary weight at the start. As a reader, the online bit was the most exciting part.
Both good entries, just leaning towards 2 because 1's ending was a bit trite.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked them both. one was creepy and, i felt, dealt more with the title, though I'm sure two will also do well in the voting.
my vote goes to one.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked both, but I though #2 was better written and used the title a bit better.
#2 was, I think, a little too long. I began to wonder what the climax of the story was going to be, never a good sign in short fiction.
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Lmarie22000 (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice twist
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Welcome to the farce, niggers.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't write either of these.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
for all those who are accusing entry 2 of borrowing from the film "the Matrix" should know that the style, and indeed much of the ideas, language and story are very similar to William Gibson's "Neuromancer" published 1984. not so similar as to actually be plagiarism, but it is crystal clear that the author has read that book.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, I only voted for entry 2 cause the filename in entry 1 sucked.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 2 confused me. I really hope it wasn't some shoot-off of the Keanu Reeves Matrix.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 1 wasn't as creative as it could've been, but the descriptions and flow was enough to catch my vote.
Entry 2 was typical noir, and redundant in parts. It was too damned long.
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm voting for entry 2, despite the huge similarities to William Gibson.
But what the fuck was that last sentence? Reminded me of that crazy sequence in Akira, but what did it have to do with the rest.
I suspect #1 was Snark, which would make #2....Ainkara? doesn't fit.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-24 21:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both had great detail and description.
That being said, both also had way too much of said detail and description. Entry one was inherently predictable, although it made it to where it was going in a reasonable amount of time. Entry two was wordy. If you're describing a quick and deadly high-tech heist, your language should reflect that, rather than be superfluous.
Either way, both were decent reads, and it was a bit of a tough choice.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Author #1. Good job. Could use some tweaking (kinda saw the end coming), but it was a good read. I really liked this great, visual line:
" ...a final hot breath escaped and wafted past her ear, where it caused the fake gold hoop to shiver for an instant."
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Author #2. Hmmm, don't need 3 guesses. You must shit white dwarf star material, because that is some dense story-telling, dense as in detail-o-rama, not dumb.
I would have subbed another word for 'Matrix' (some dumbass will surely bitch about that.... wait, does that make ME a dumbass?) and checked the formatting, but overall that was a good, hearty read.
--
My vote goes to #2
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry two seemed a bit disjointed to me. Just couldn't get into the flow. Not that it wasn't a cool story, but it had a few stumbling blocks.
I'm hoping I don't have to read 15 pages of entry for each of the 32 matches, though.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither of these had a particularly good premise, in my mind. Here's how I saw it:
#1: "Ludicrous premise, cliched delivery, funny demise for being ridiculously stupid."
#2: "Computer, blah, blah, blah, gnomes. WTF?"
I can't say I really liked either, but good God is this an improvement from last round.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-24 20:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha gnomes.
i cannot vote against the gnomes.