Constantly Waiting (1510 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: -0 on 108 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-24 22:10:02 EDT
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Entry 1
Jeong Namyong lived in a small, traditional Korean house, on the outskirts of Dongducheon City. His house was modest and non-descript.He wanted it that way, so as to be as unobtrusive as possible. The only thing that stood out was the large garage in the back of his property, which was stoutly padlocked.
He never had any cause to go inside it, not until today. A few moments ago, his cell phone burbled, and as he answered it, a strangely familiar voice had said to him, "The weather on Mount Taegu is beautiful this time of year" and hung up.
That was the code signal, the signal that he had been constantly waiting for these past 11 years. Now it was time to serve the Dear Leader, and the Fatherland!
With grim determination, he purposefully strode towards the garage, and to the instrument of destruction that he would soon unleash upon the Americans and their South Korean stooge lackies.
-------------
"Fuck you, Bo; you can shove it up your ass!"
Cpl. Jeff Bailey was tired of taking Bo's needling, although he was a pretty good sport about it. He and Bo pulled guard duty often at the West Gate of Camp Casey, and one soon had to learn how to get along with your squadmates, especially when you're trapped in a little white pillbox all day long.
Camp Casey was home to the 2nd Infantry, outside of Dongducheon City. Corporal Bailey was part of the 127th Signals Battalion, a unit designed to alert the rest of UN and American forces of North Korean attack. The 2nd Infantry was the 'tip of the spear', only 15 miles from the DMZ, and the northernmost of all American bases. Camp Casey was about to get a little more interesting today...
"C'mon Jeff, are you sure she wasn't a he? Not that there's anything wrong with that," Bo guffawed. "Those drinky girls will stop at nothing to get your ducats, and she's not gonna let a little thing like having a penis get in the way of making some money, you know?"
Bo and Jeff had been at the IF Club last weekend, in the ville, and as a result of their antics, the place ended up on the base's blacklist.
Well that, and all the prostitutes that were openly vending their wares in the back rooms. The MP had to drag them out of there that night, whacked out of their gourds on soju. They were lucky they didn't get placed on report.
"Listen, Bo, I got to check out the goods, they were all real, man. Not like that fake shriveled -up whore you had your paws all over that night, what, she was like 60 or what?"
"Hey man, I like 'em a little mature - they know more tricks you know, fuckee suckee, wh.."
Jeff interrupted his comrade's reverie with a chopping motion of his hand. As he looked out the front window of the guard booth, he saw a speeding Bongo truck heading towards them at a great rate of speed. As the hairs stood up on the back of his neck, he reached over for his M-16 and switched the safety off...
-----------
Colonel Paek Soon-Bok of the Army of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea looked at the Stalinist-era black telephone on the corner of his desk that was ringing. It was that phone - the phone that never rang.
He had come to ignore it over time, just like all the other privations that he and his men had to endure. As long as his loyalty to the Dear Leader was unquestioned, he could remain in relative peace at this quiet post.
Being commander of the 22nd Special Weapons Brigade had its privileges, his was a very small unit, and he got to know his men pretty well. Given the nature of his unit, they had little training to do. Col. Paek often mused to himself, "There is no way to train for the job we do, all we can do is wait constantly and vigilantly for the day we will serve the Fatherland!"
That ringing phone was an indication that that day had come. Steeling himself, he picked up the massive ebony handset, and listened to the disembodied voice that emanated from within.
"Yes? Yes, General. The unit is to be activated at once? I will begin the preparations immediately. You will activate the device from your location? It will be ready in 30 minutes. Yes, General, our day HAS come - we will be victorious in our defense of the Fatherland!"
Hanging up the phone, Colonel Paek reached behind him and pulled the lever that activated the klaxon. He was amazed that this day had come, and a little apprehensive - had the engineers performed their jobs correctly? The Fatherland was counting on him and his men to do their duty. Colonel Paek jumped up, and rushed toward his station, so that he could get a better view. This was going to be quite spectacular after all, and the Americans were in for a series of nasty surprises.
-------------
Jeong Namyong concentrated on keeping the Bongo truck under the speed limit, at least for now. After checking and re-checking the wires leading to the back of the truck, he was prepared to through with his mission. The average-looking barrels on the back of his flatbed truck were not out of place in this mountainous farming area, ammonium nitrate was common enough. What was uncommon were the bricks of Czech-made Semtex plastic explosive that were molded around the barrels. A very large amount of plastic explosives, couple with the fertilizer, should make for a lot of dead Americans, Namyong thought to himself.
He ran over the plan in his mind for the thousandth time. The West Gate of Camp Casey was lightly guarded this time of day, all he had to do was to accelerate through the gate, proceed straight for 300 yards, and then directly into the barracks that would appear before him. It being just after chow-time, the building would soon be full of the dead and dying. And that was only the beginning, although it would indeed be the end for Namyong.
He was fine with it; all he wanted to do was to serve the Fatherland, and the Dear Leader. There would be a lot more dying in the days to come, in any regard. He felt a little better at knowing he was the master of his own destiny, at least. As he saw the West Gate come up before him, he depressed the accelerator to the floor...
----------------
"What the fuck is that guy doing?"
Bo had seen the green truck as well now, gunning for the front gate. He picked up his rifle as well, and held it unsurely.
"Jeff, what do we do now, man?"
Corporal Bailey had a bad feeling about this. Few people came by this gate at this time of day, and he just had a chilling thought that some bad shit was gonna go down today.
Jeff stepped out of the booth, with his rifle ready. As the truck bore down on him, he waved with his free hand, "Stop, STOP, ANJANG you crazy fucker!"
As the truck blew past him, Jeff saw the blank, determined look on the man's face and realized with horror that this truck had no intention of stopping - well, he would fix that!
Steadying himself, Jeff toggled the switch on his M-16 to FULL-AUTO and began to fire.
He wasn't quite prepared for what happened next, however. One of his bullets had coincidently hit the timer on the plastic explosive, which caused it to detonate. The force of the blast knocked Jeff down to the pavement, and as Bo ran over to help him up, he began to hear sirens erupt all over the camp.
---------------
Colonel Paek was at his final post, overlooking the weapon. 'Such a peaceful thing," he pondered, "The men will sure miss fishing here."
Paek received the radio signal from his engineers that they had armed the weapon and had moved away from the base to a position of safety.
Colonel Paek personally closed the knife switch, completing the circuit that originated in Pyongyang, and immediately, the signal was received by the weapon.
He gazed in wonderment at the moving wall below him. The engineers had done their work well, and as the concentrated explosions at the base of the weapon cleared away tons of rock and debris, a great roaring sound as that of a steam locomotive began to fill the air.
Sighing to himself, the Colonel began to wonder where he would now get a reliable source of protein for he and his men.
------------- --
"Jeff, JEFF, are you OK man??"
"Yeah Bo, I'm cool, get off me, man!" Jeff struggled to his feet. As he listened to the alarm bells going off all over the camp, he wondered how they were able to sound the alarm so quickly, it only just all happened a few seconds ago.
"Holy shit Jeff, look at that fucker burn!! How are they gonna put it out?"
"I don't know, Bo, I guess the fire brigade will have its hands full handling this one, I guess tha...."
Bo interrupted Jeff by soundlessly pointing behind him, and as Jeff turned, he heard the most curious sound coming from far away, like the roar of a crowd at a ball game, except that what he saw was not a game, but a surging, towering wall of water coming from the head of the Sook Valley.
Dropping his gun in shock, Jeff now knew how the fire was going to be put out.
- VS -
Entry 2
"I'd like to thank the academy, and all of you who came out to support me during one of the happiest days of my life."The crowd emitted a few stifled laughs and a round of applause. You could tell that Randy had already started the celebration earlier that afternoon. His usual stern demeanor had been replaced with a glowing smile and a sense of ease that he rarely portrayed.
"Honestly, I just wanted to say that all of you mean the world to me. I never, ever, thought that this day would come. I'm not very good at this stuff as you all know, so uh, let's keep the alcohol flowing and make sure to enjoy ourselves shall we?"
Everyone cheered and raised their glasses into the air. In a way it was surreal. Randy didn't even have a girlfriend until he was 24 years old, and that only lasted for three weeks before she cheated on him with a 54-year old lounge singer from Germany. After that fiasco, he focused on becoming a firefighter; which left little time to go out and try to meet women at the local pub. He was thirty-three when he met Nicolette, an Italian woman that loved a full glass of Merlot and lots of drama. She was one of the first women that had ever approached him, and a fitness instructor to boot, which instantly piqued his interest. She had attitude and tons of it, which balanced him and his timid nature. You can tell from the way that they looked at each other that there's an undying love that most think is lost in this day and age.
His parents couldn't stop crying. They were so happy for their son. This day was inevitable; he was just too good of a person at heart to be ignored. She was everything that he had been waiting for, and now he could finally erase all those years of being alone from his mind.
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The day was winding down, and the reception was almost over. People were making the rounds and talking to new family members, encouraged by the champagne and curiosity. Laughter was constant, and had become louder as time progressed. The comfort level was very high between everyone, until an impromptu toast turned the cheerful event into a very uneasy situation....
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*****Ding Ding Ding*****
Randy's brother Alex was so drunk it took him a few attempts just to stand up. His face was red from a few shots of Grey Goose vodka, and his eyes glistened from the steady flow of wine that was readily available.
"Everyone I got something to say, something to say here. Let me speak my peace, if you will, to this knuckle-headed brother of mine for a second alright people? Bear with me here...."
Randy cringed with fear; he knew that Alex was liable to say just about anything when he had been drinking.
"First off, like to say I thank all the Communists, and everyone that supports the Toronto Raptors on this happy, happy day for England...."
The room went completely silent. Alex had a sense of humor that tended to bewilder people, but that was his sick way of getting what he wanted. He loved the awkward silences, the feeling of being able to twist reality into whatever he wished it to be...
"Got to say, my brother, you finally did it. You got me so incredibly wasted that I'm serious man, seriously I feel like I could touch both hands of god!"
Randy attempted to ease the situation, unintentionally fueling the fire...
"Sorry everyone, just ignore Alex. My brother tends to speak before he thinks. Maybe he'll go away if we pretend we can't hear him." Nervous laughter came out in bursts from the attendees.
Alex became enraged. "There it is, that's what our family is about. Just ignore the problem and it will go away, let's not talk about the situation and rectify it. You're a basket full of crazy man, in your own little ways. Hey Nicolette, hope you like getting punched in the stomach a lot. He's smart; he's not going to punch you in the face. I would punch you in the face though. Maybe that's because I know about you and your pompous ass friends who think that they-"
"You need to stop talking and sit down." Randy stated calmly. "You're not going to ruin this one, Alex. You always try to make life into your own little movie starring yourself as the jackass. This is not the day to try and be controversial, alright? This isn't just for me, this is for Nicolette as well, and I'll be damned if you try and take that away from us. Understood?"
Alex knew by his brother's tone that he was serious, and was ready for a physical confrontation if needed. That's not the way he wanted to operate; violence is for those of the more simplistic nature in his opinion. He knew that timing was everything, and if he waited a little bit to push the buttons again they would produce far greater results...
15 minutes had passed, and everyone had begun to finally delve back into normal conversation. You could tell the overall mood was still distracted by what had just transpired. Nicolette tried to get Alex to eat so he would sober up, but he was belligerent and refused to listen to any advice. As Nicolette made her way back to her new husband, Alex erected himself once again and banged on his empty glass.
*****DING DING DING*****
"Okay people, take it easy. This one is from the heart, I swear. I want to be sincere for just one second if I can alright?"
"Oh god, here we go..." Randy moaned.
"Let him give it a shot..." Nicolette quipped. "I think your brother just wants you to let him say what he really feels for once. Go ahead Alex, get it out honey."
"Yeah, whatever. Anyways, I just want to give you guys some words of advice, that's all."
Once again, the crowd grew stiff, anxiously anticipating a possible meltdown in the making...
" Randy, my brother and best friend, you know what it's like to be in my shoes better than anyone. Constantly holding yourself back from making any sort of emotional attachment, waiting for that perfect woman to come along and make your life complete. I can't believe that we actually believed in that bullshit for so long, thinking that there's an actual soul mate for each of us out there."
Randy buried his face into his hands. He knew that this was only going to go from bad to worse....
Alex continued. "It might sound like I'm bitter because I'm still alone, still depressed to the point of drinking myself into a daze just to pass the time while my brother has convinced himself he's found true love, but that's not it. I don't need a woman. No sir, because that isn't my destiny."
The crowd was buzzing with gossip. Was this some sort of practical joke? Was Alex actually serious about what he's saying?
"My parents never wanted me to know that I was adopted. They hid the truth for as long as they could to keep everything normal. They knew that one day, I would find out what my true purpose in life is. Two weeks ago, I came across this information from a Dr. Gibbons, the man who told me the answer as to why I'm so different, why I could never connect with most human beings."
Randy was dumbfounded. How could he not have known? Everyone always commented on how much Alex looked like his father, how they even had the same body language. He looked at his parents expecting looks of befuddled amusement, only to find them slowly cradling each other, fearfully looking into each other's eyes.
"At first I was scared, then humiliated that I could believe in such lies for so long. I don't blame them, though. They held back my true potential because they were afraid, afraid of what would happen when I found out I'm blessed. I'll be able to make a difference in this world. You want to see what I'm talking about, don't you? Oh, I can show you alright, I'll show you all right now!"
Before anyone could even process what was being said, Alex began to slowly transform...
You see, Dr. Gibbons had other pertinent information as well regarding Alex's past, and unwittingly told him about his unique ability to reform his genes into a structural pattern similar to that of a bear. With practice and weeks of training, Alex had honed his techniques, and could control the morphing with ease. He swore that he would only use his newly attained power for good, but that was before he was drunk and hell-bent on getting attention
Now that Alex was an angry and very intoxicated bear, he began to snap tables in half and scare the living shit out of anyone who was stupid enough to stick around. Randy watched in horror as his brother proceeded to demolish his hopes, his dreams, and close to $90,000 worth of various objects just by stumbling around in a drunken haze.
Randy was in an absolute panic. In less than a moments notice, his world had been turned completely upside-down. He was sure that Nicolette would leave him, and the he would have to wait once again for something that might never come. He kept trying to talk to his brother, to get him to stop, but Alex couldn't understand. He turned into a bear, after all. Aren't they like parrots? Where they uh, they can only mimic words or something like that?
As Alex continued his rampage, local police officers arrived on the scene after numerous calls coming from the area about a noise disturbance. Upon viewing the situation, the officers thought that Alex was just a wild Virginian grizzly bear with full intent to kill. None of the guys had ever dealt with a large, live bear before, and their "fight or flight" instincts quickly took over. Alex was shot twenty-two times in the chest, twice in the left knee without question.
His body slowly transformed back to normal; the blood slowly drained from his body onto the floor.
"Randy, could I have some quick words with you before I die my amigo? Come closer so I can whisper and be all dramatic, okay?"
Emotionally torn apart, Randy slowly made his way to his dying brother. Even through all of the events that occurred, he still loved him at the core. He deserved to say his final peace just as any person so close to death would.
"Randy, dude, don't look so down on yourself. You know that this is how I do things, man, it's my fault. Now there's cake everywhere and I got shot more than ten times if I had to guess. I guess what I'm trying to say is...."
Alex pulled his brother closer...
"Don't take this day away from me. This is my day, you understand motherfucker? I've been waiting for TWO FUCKING WEEKS to do this Randy, worrying over whether or not I'd be big enough to throw people around, whether the police would shoot me or just try to scare me away. You've got other days to plan this shit again, right? Death is the only release you hear me? This is what I wanted. I've been waiting for this day........waiting for my final scene..............I just hope that Aunt Becca got this on film."
Alex choked on the blood that was filling his esophagus, and then made one final attempt to transform back into a bear. He died just seconds before he could make it all the way.
The news traveled like wildfire. Reporters would call all the time wanting to know if the story about his brother being a freak was true. Randy always ignored them, said it was just a wild bear, and refused to acknowledge having a brother in the first place.
Randy still thinks about his Alex from time to time. It all made so much sense to him now. He always knew his brother wanted to live the most dramatic and momentous lifestyle possible, and in a sick, twisted way he had accomplished that goal. In the end, I think that Randy finally realized that there was an important lesson to be learned about his adopted brother and life in general...
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My Mom: Alright dude, that's enough. Enough. Don't care.
Me: Uh.....What?
My Mom: You looking for a way to force the title in the story one last time? Try "I'm constantly waiting for you to end this fucking post".
Me: I was..... just going to say that Randy realized that life is too precious to spend your time dictating to others what to do. It's important that you do something of your own accord, you know?
My Mom: Why do I even proofread your posts anymore? You don't appreciate any input that I give. It's like talking to a brick wall that's made of your father's ridiculous liberal ideologies sometimes. Just put up the stupid picture and let's go.
Me: I want to make sure that this....
My Mom: You want to go bowling or not? I will not fucking repeat myself young man!
Me: You know I love bowling with every inch of my heart...
My Mom: Then I want the dishes cleaned by foot, all of your dirty clothes need to be burned, and I also need to yell at you about how fat and lazy you are for another hour or so, okay?
Me: Next year when I turn forty-seven I swear to god I'M OUT OF HERE YOU HEAR ME WOMAN!?
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Entry 1:
Adamdidit2u
AwesomeJohnson
Axolotl
B-Nizzo
Berty
Bigmike
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
BobLobla
BuckeyesTHEGAME
checkyourmail
Circe
cnympho247
Coyote
Crystle
Davros
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
engine13
FunnyAsCancer
hollygolitely
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
Insanethemind
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
JonnyX
Kre8rix
Magicaddict
Method
Natsukau
notyou
Phallic_Cymbals
Razor
RyuFu
salmonofdoubt
satchel
Saxon
sebcharrot
spedmonkey
Stin
Teephphah
thecaes
William_Q_Percy
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
zakalwe
44 eligible votes (49 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
badassmofo
Bellebrown
blank_mind
c1ndy
CaptainThorns
CoffeeAndSmokes
comicbookguy
crazybutsolazy
darko
DonovanMD
ess-arr
GodLovesALittleLovin
Hirilnara
intellismartness
joedaddy
justagirl27
Katastrofadark
kimmy02721
Kracka
krissi
loki
Merlina
munkeypants
PeanutButterJellyTime
pen_name
Pentameter
polyamorousaj
potatomanjack
rad1101
rushtawin
Slovin
Snark
Soley_Trinity
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
stevie_says
supadupapupa
thorpe
Viciousriffs
Wiggles
youarsoghey
35 eligible votes (42 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-10 15:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-29 14:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-25 00:49:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Author #2, I think you would have done better had your mom written this post...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think I should have had my Mom read them for me!
WTF<alcohol>wasIthinking?
'Lean back' in the next round.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-28 22:36:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
JohnnyX, thanks for explaining some of the things in your post. I always like hearing what the author was thinking, and you taught me some stuff I didn't know about North Korea. Like the dam thing. That's pretty cool.
I think real details definitely HELP your post -- as long as they SEEM real. You might want to reconsider using a real life detail if it sounds ridiculous, no matter how real it actually is.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-28 15:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-25 20:48:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 is SG.
They were both terrible, but the second one at least had a funny picture.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SG = GLALL
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-28 14:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, JONNYX. Godammit, that'll teach me to write some crazy-ass ending when you're wasted. Should have just finished it. Oh well, no biggie.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-28 14:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good luck in the next round, Johnny.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:06:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, since voting is over, I can finally comment on my post. (Geez, not having the Random Joe function is a bitch!)
I wrote #1.
I think this was one of the more obvious match-ups in this round - I knew GLALL was going to be GLALL, so I went the other way and wrote a hard story, figuring he'd go off the deep end.
I apologize for the formatting, it was giving me fits! I have no idea why it got all fucked up, but it did cause me to miss some small errors while spell-checking, and I apologize for that.
For those of you that didn't get it, the 'secret weapon' was a dam. I had assumed that it would be TOTALLY OBVIOUS, but again, Uber never ceases to amaze me. See the picture? It's a DAM.
This story is set in Korea, not Vietnam. North Korea is ALWAYS referred to as the 'Fatherland', by the North Korean military and leadership.
In addition, this is a true story - true in that North Korea really does have special dams that they have built, full of explosives, and when they decide to invade South Korea they will explode those dams to drown as many people as they can before their armies rush in.
All the details are factually correct - I wonder, did that hurt me that I used real names and places? I thought it would help, and I know some of you have been to Korea, so you knew what I was referring to, but I wonder about some of the others...
Lastly, I find it interesting that everyone who voted, voted down party lines - people who tend to like weird, touchy-feely stuff voted for GLALL's post, while people who like harder, sci-fi/military stuff voted for me. I know I got some votes from people who NEVER would have voted for me if my name were attached to this post.
Thanks all for your votes, and thanks GLALL for staying true to form and keeping it real!
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-28 01:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2: thanks, I feel much more abstract now.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-27 19:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-27 17:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmm.... I don't know what to say about either of these.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was grood (yes, grood).
Entry 2 reminded me of Wile E. Coyote running, running, running with full confidence, getting within inches of snatching that fucking roadrunner--before suddenly realizing there was no more ground under him.......
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't . . . I just don't know.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-26 08:29:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-26 04:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-26 03:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 just for the bit at the end with the Mom
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-25 22:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-25 20:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 is SG.
They were both terrible, but the second one at least had a funny picture.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I DON'T NEED TO FUCKING EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU OR ANYBODY
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the last line made me laugh
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:45:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was just to weird not to vote for.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
goddamnit...
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EASY VOTE FOR #1. I would love it as a series.
#2, have you heard of Antidote Bear? Yeah, ON UBERSITE. That, and the whole Mom conversation?? WTF?
Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:43:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"One of his bullets had coincidently hit the timer on the plastic explosive"
I like #1 but this line got to me, why is it a coincidence that he hit the timer?
Just seemed like an extra word.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work author 1.
#2 was interesting then went stupid.
-Dave
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2's ending ruined it for me.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
meh
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was actually pretty into Number 2, but then... The the whatever it is you want to call it happened...
And I totally lost interest.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As I finished up #1, I thought that #2 would have to be pretty terrible for me to want to vote for #1. And so it was.
Entry 1: the mindset of your antagonists wasn't done very well. The whole 'serving the fatherland' thing felt very odd to me. And when the colonel was talking on the phone, I hated that he was repeating the instructions that he was hearing in the form of a question. "You want the weapon prepared today? You say you're going to fire it from your end?" No one talks like that, LEAST of all military personell on a mission.
Entry 2: What just happened?? The groom's brother got drunk and turned into a bear? Your story wasn't horribly written, but holy Jesus that's a silly concept and poorly executed. You go along all serious and then it turns into a joke; it was very disorienting. Oh, and that segment at the end? I don't know how other people feel, but I personally dislike any writing-about-writing vignettes that make their way into the stories.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 - You obviously have done your research or spent some time in Korea so kudos for that. The story seemed anti climatic. I was lead to believe there was going to be this big war, surrounded by some super weapon which turned out to be a Bongo truck full of explosives?
#2 - Original story, I liked it.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-25 08:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-25 07:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They were both pretty good. I'm going to have to give my vote too number one for trying something like that.
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-25 07:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Weird, weird for ubersite weird.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-25 07:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-25 06:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-25 05:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-25 05:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hrmm
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-25 04:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not voting for entry 2 just because it had Bungle in it, OK?
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-07-25 03:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-25 03:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didnt particularily like either of these.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-25 02:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My vote is with entry 1, i felt 2 needed some more explanantion or perhaps background. It was good stuff but left me wanting.
Submitted by rushtawin (user info) at 2005-07-25 01:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2005-07-25 01:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The ending was unnecessary on number 2, but I suppose it added some comic relief, although a lot of people will hate you for it.
But really, you did a damned site better with the title than number 1.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-25 01:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-25 00:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Author #2, I think you would have done better had your mom written this post...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-07-25 00:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by cnympho247 (user info) at 2005-07-25 00:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-25 00:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:53:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:24:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
thought process:
a post about camp casey! takes me back to my days
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Reminded me about Camp Radcliff and some sappers we had once or twice.
Maybe that's why I, didn't like it.
?
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know it's unfair,
but I'm going with the older(chronologically) author.
By about 2........years.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God, number two was unbelievably bad.
Number one was hard to read.
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAR HAR KOREAN WAR
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
by no means did you dissapoint, in fact you pointed with that revelation.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:03:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:47:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a feeling this is DonovanMD vs. Stevie_says.
Not me. Sorry to...disappoint
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
1- Meh. Didn't really see how the title tied in. At least not clearly.
2- Holy shit, that was fucked up. Seriously. Get help.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:47:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a feeling this is DonovanMD vs. Stevie_says.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a feeling this is DonovanMD vs. Stevie_says.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now know who this is. Good work, pal.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither seemed to have much to do with the title, but who cares? The title was pure ass.
Author #1 - Wonky formatting. Bad. Excellent story. Good. I just hope the readers can get past the whole Korea setting.
Nice one.
Author #2. - Canadian. Bad. Sound effects. Double bad. Referencing uber. Triple bad. DING DING DING!!! You're out!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Brit gets it.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Before I even read these I'm gonna step in and offer my condolences to the writers stuck with this godawful title.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2, I just want you to know I appreciated your post. Fuck the rest.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is round 2, right?
Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Good to see the general quality of Madness posts hasn't changed.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's so much I can say... but I only have so much room.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
big bag of suckage.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one was a nice, light, actiony jaunt that was pretty easy to read.
Entry two was a big smelly bowl of double yoo tee eff.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In glancing at these two for starters there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to get into Entry 1 that easily because Viatnamese names are a bitch to pronounce and/or read in my head.
Also with that picture, #2 was definitely written by a Brit.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thought process:
-hmmm, sweet! a post about camp casey! takes me back to my days in the 513th MI based out of Yongsan.
-Wait, there's no Taegu mountain. Maybe he or she means Dobongsan?
-Hm, that post ended way too abruptly.
-I sure liked post one because it reminded me of Korea, but if two is pretty good, it's going to get my vote because of the way post one ended (although it's hard to write anything "short" about a DPRK invasion of the ROK.
-hmmm...two is starting off ok.
-what the fuck is antidote bear doing in this post?
-ouch, that ending is rough
-why bring your mom into it?
vote for 1
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I was prepared to stick with entry 2 until that stupid piece at the end. Entry 1 may have sucked, but at least it was an honest entry. Even Rainbow didn't sway me here.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, #1, you need to learn to fucking proofread. Jesus Christ on a bicycle, that pissed me off.
#2. What the fuck? Sometimes random is good. But it helps to make sure it's actually funny. You still might have gotten my vote if not for that shit at the end.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I expected much better from this round. Seriously, what the hell.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-24 22:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I related to 2 better. Not to mention the filename.