Before the Heat Burned it Away (1002 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.59 on 83 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-25 09:00:03 EDT
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Entry 1
"Heartbreaker" I shouted to the open air of the living room.It felt a little unjust to make such an accusation against the small aloe plant but its so-called leaves taunted me with their superior attitude. "Why did you insist on coming between us you photosynthesising piece of shit?"
She'd gone and left me again, this time I'm pretty sure she was serious; the right hook to the temple as she left the house gave it away.
Thinking back to the argument it seemed so stupid. But then she was stupid, and she knew it- that's why she hated me so much. It's because I'm smarter than she is. I realised that I was again shouting at the defenceless shrub and tried to regain my composure.
"I don't need her anyway" I said pacing back and forth striking my finger in the air. The Aloe plant looked on helplessly as I made sudden spasmodic jerks and purposefully kicked the sofa rather than the coffee table so as not to hurt my shin. That didn't satisfy my irritation and made me feel less of a man so I spun and kicked the table anyway.
"Arrgggghhhh" I screamed limping about and eventually flopping to the ground.
The very manly and impressive crane kick to the table worked it's painful magic and after I'd finished tearing the curtains down with my teeth I began to simmer down.
"Strange how the smallest of things can often have the greatest of consequences" I pondered; maybe it wasn't just the plant that made her leave, I chuckled at the pun and then continued to feel sorry for myself; I suppose there could have been more to it. What though? I couldn't for the life of me think at what point in our life together I had been wrong about anything, I was always right and she hated that. It's not my fault I'm always right is it?
Take last week for example. She said, "Why can't you be more like your brother?" and so I said "Why are you not as good in bed as your sister?" If the miserable bitch can't take a joke after all these years then when will she be able to take a joke? Besides, that unfortunate business with her sister was years ago.
I sat cross legged on the empty floor and surveyed my surroundings... TV? Gone, Corner glass cabinet? Gone, stupid flowery girly wallpaper? Check!
My bachelor pad was a little incomplete but I'd never thought she'd dare leave me; after all she's so ugly. She'll be back; as far as I'm concerned she hasn't really gone. Yeah, that's it- I'll go round her mothers later and act like nothing's happened, it always works for the dog after he's pee'd on the carpet.
I had a read through her diary earlier on. She called me a "controlling bullying nonsense speaking worthless sack of shit". What I think she meant was "strong, organised, forward thinking, verbose and superior" but her grammar always was a little off.
She liked to think she was better than me; she said before she left that I reminded her of "a little boy running around with his mums bed sheet around his shoulders pretending to be Superman". It was about that time that I told Louis to fuck off.
She did 'fuck off' unfortunately... turns out her name's Rachel too- but I'll be damned if I'm giving up my superhero fixation for her if she won't give up her pre-occupation with shoes for me.
God damn it she knew how to whine, "Not good enough" this, "Hypocritical jerk" that, "what kind of a fucking anniversary present is an Aloe plant?" the other.
Well this whole sordid situation's not likely to be my fault is it? I've never been wrong before and I'm not wrong now. That little botanist's nightmare sat laughing on my living room floor is to blame and I'll see this fiasco does not go unpunished.
"She's not coming back this time is she Ally? That's right, I've named you so torturing you will be so much more pleasurable" I said to the plant "Ally O Vera. You have been a naughty girl haven't you?" I spoke rummaging menacingly through my pockets for a suitable device for her disposal.
I sat watching the little plants leaves curl up, hissing and popping. I watched as the symbol of our relationship crumpled into a small pile of squidgy green mulch before the heat burned it away.
...
Then I realised I was going to need to replace the living room carpet. Stupid plant.
- VS -
Entry 2
Late afternoon light streamed through the open windows, setting a thousand motes to dancing over the dusty wooden floor. Jack Ballard slumped back in the creaky chair, boots propped on his battered desk. His head nodded into his chest, and his lined and knobby hands were loosely intertwined over his small pouch of a gut. He dreamed.The dreams came more frequently the older he got, so they came pretty much every day now. Most of the time he dreamed of his childhood, of his mother. Of the stories she used to tell him about the time before the fire.
<*>
"Tell me about the airplanes again, mom?"
They were in the back lot, his mother hanging the hand-washed laundry on the line. Jack was out there to "help" but was generally just getting underfoot.
"Just a sec, Jackie," she muttered around a clothespin, "I'm almost done."
"Ok, mom." Jack went to the back porch and waited, playing desultorily with the pair of carved wooden revolvers he always wore, until she joined him.
They sat side by side on the porch steps and he leaned into her, looking up expectantly. She smiled down at her boy, pushed a strand of mousy brown hair behind her ear.
"A long time ago, when I was just a little girl about as old as you are now..."
Jack sighed contentedly, lost in the rhythms of a story he had heard many times before. People flying in the sky, of all things! And there was more, of course. Other stories she told him, of people traveling at unbelievable speeds over the ground in autocars, tella-fones, computers, tee-vee, and something his mom always got a little sad when she remembered: ice cream.
"Oh, I wish you could've had some, Jackie boy," she would say. But Jack, he loved hearing about the airplanes best. He liked her to tell him the story as she was now, on the back porch steps, so he could look up into the sky and imagine what it would be like to fly among those white puffy clouds in what his daddy called the old clear blue.
As always, when she finished telling him about the airplanes, he asked her, "What happened mom? Why don't we fly anymore?" Now the story became a ritual. Jack always asked, and she always replied the same rote way. But for some reason, he never got tired of hearing the recitation.
"Well, son, people down here on earth just got too full of themselves. We got so proud of our techno'gy, of our so-called power and achievements, that God decided to take those things away from us."
"And what did God do then, mom?"
"He set us to rights, Jackie."
"How did He set us to rights, mom?"
"Honey, God destroyed all of our precious techno'gy, anything that worked off of 'lecktricity."
"And how did He do it, mom?"
"He sent His holy fire, reaching down from the sun to stroke the earth and burn all our sins away."
<*>
Jack started awake at the sound of heavy boot heels clomping quickly up the outside steps.
The door pushed open, and Greg Turner came in. He was the sort of man whose name people just automatically put a "big" in front of when referring to him, with a rain barrel chest and trencher board hands roughened from outdoor work. He was a pleasant man; a good man to know in these days. He was one of Jack's volunteers who manned the town wall a few shifts a week.
"Sheriff, we got us some folks coming out of the woods," he said, holding up the ancient Zeiss binoculars that hung around his meaty neck.
"What is it, Greg?"
Jack Ballard was good at reading people. It was part of what made him a good sheriff. Greg was uneasy about something.
"Something ain't right about these, Sheriff.
At least twice a week people would come out of the woods on the narrow path leading to the town gates, seeking shelter, looking for work, or just passing through. Most were well-intentioned, or at least harmless. But sometimes wolves came out of the woods. And wolves had to be dealt with.
If Greg's hackles were raised, that was good enough for Jack. He swung his feet off the desk, retrieving his gun belt from his chairback and buckling it quickly. It was a drop leg black nylon rig, and in it nestled Jack's dependable friend, named by Jack after the barely readable engraving on the slide - Mr. Browning.
He nodded at the weapons locker on the wall, and Greg helped himself to a rifle and a box of shells. As they walked out the door, he grabbed his coat. It was a slightly chill day, and the coat was knee length, concealing the holster.
As they walked quickly down the street to the gate set into the town wall, Jack was reminded, as always, of his mother. There were so many things of the old world still in evidence today: streetlamps lined the road and some tella-fone poles still stood, though the wires that used to string them together in his mother's time had long since fallen. When he saw these things, he missed her more than ever, even though he was himself approaching the age at which she died.
Then he found himself climbing the wooden stairs to the wall, a concrete affair topped with wooden stakes some town old timers said dated to the very first years after God burned the world away. Hearing the clopping of hooves, he pushed the memories aside as he reached the top of the wall overlooking the broken asphalt track leading to the gate.
Two men on horseback, accompanied by another in a one-horse wagon, were just arriving. Greg was right: there was something not right with these men. Jack took a quick assessment as they approached the base of the wall. They were dirty, unshaven, and obviously road hardened. The one riding in the wagon had a scattergun propped up on the seat next to him. He couldn't see any arms on the others, but he assumed they were carrying as well. This sort always did.
"Welcome to Grantham, gentlemen," he called out as they brought their horses to a stop and looked up at him. He kept some of the usual friendliness out of his voice for this trio, and was glad of the presence of Big Greg standing next to him, who was wisely holding the rifle out of sight. He gave them a few second to appraise him and the badge he wore on the left breast of his jacket. "What is your business here?"
"We be just passin' through, Officer," one of the men on horseback said. He was thickset, with a brushy mane of filthy blonde hair and a tangled beard. He spoke with the authority of a leader. "We like to be boardin' our horses and havin' a hot meal an' a decent bed for the night."
Jack made a decision quickly. He had a responsibility to the two hundred sixty seven souls living in Grantham, and the men below him smelled like wolves.
"Sorry, fellows. Gate's closed for the night," he called down.
The other man on horseback hawked and spat a glob of something greasy and green at the wall below Jack's position while the man in the wagon turned to look through squinted eyes at the sun, which rode still two hands from the horizon. Blondie just stared calmly at Jack, which told him he was the most dangerous of the trio, in addition to being their chief.
"We just want to be passin' through, Officer," he repeated, trying to sound equable but unable to fully conceal the anger in his voice.
"Wish I could help you boys, but I can't open the gates for you," Jack replied, keeping his hands folded on the top of the wall. He heard the barrel of Greg's rifle scrape on the concrete as he shifted it a little closer to reach.
Still looking up at Jack, Blondie said, "Maybe we can barter, eh, Officer? Work somethin' out?"
"It's Sheriff, friend, and I'm afraid not. Best be moving on," Jack replied, letting a slight warning tone creep into his voice.
"Oh, I think we can barter, Sheriff," Blondie replied, overemphasizing Jack's title. "Lee, bring out the road bunny."
The man on the wagon stood and threw back the tarp covering the cargo area. There wasn't much back there, just a bundle of rags. Jack felt a cold of perspiration bead up on his brow.
Lee pulled the bundle of rags up, and it let out a sob, quickly stifled as Lee shook her quiet. Jack heard Greg's gasp, and seized his wrist in an oak-like grip, stilling him.
"What have you there, man?" he called, trying to sound interested and not sickened.
"Just a little thing we found for ourselves on the road about a week back, Sheriff," Blondie replied. "We've already traded use of her for shelter in one town; you and your man want to have a go at 'er? Free exchange for lettin' us inside?"
"Well, this changes things then, doesn't it?" Jack replied, smiling through the wrenching in his gut. "I'm going to come on down there and check her out. Maybe we can work something out."
As he passed by Greg and was briefly obscured from the men below, he whispered a quick order. He tried not to stumble on the way down the steps. As he opened the small door set in the gate and stepped out onto the road before the men, he realized just how much he hated the world.
And when he stopped in front of them, looking up at a wretched, dirty, prepubescent girl with the hand of the wagon-driver around her neck, he realized how much he hated God, too. What God would send a holy fire to burn away the evil of the world, and leave men like these behind?
No, God could not be counted on. Only a man's quick hand and sure aim.
Even so, they were expecting him to make a move. As he drew, they were already moving.
But he was fast. Always fast.
His first shot, from 10 feet away, took off the top of Lee's head. The wagoneer toppled back into the wagon bed, taking the girl with him and leaving a mist of red floating in the air.
Blondie and the spitter had drawn, and Blondie got off a shot from an old revolver that snapped the air over Jack's head. Jack fired back twice while moving to his right, trying to keep the slower-moving Spitter between himself and Blondie. He heard an animal scream in pain, and knew he had hit Blondie's horse.
Spitter was trying to draw a good bead on him from his shifting horse, and Jack rolled into the grass on the side of the road, coming up to his knees and squeezing off a quick shot that struck Spitter in the upper left arm, throwing him back and spinning him half out of the saddle.
Blondie's horse stumbled into the dust, and the bandit leapt from the saddle, taking cover as best he could behind the dying animal. The booming report of a rifle shot cracked out from the top of the wall, sending a shower of concrete chunks into the air near Blondie's position, forcing him to press himself even lower into the ground.
Jack sent two shots in his direction, trying to keep him pinned. Spitter had regained his balance in the saddle, and tried to wheel his horse around to flee back down the road. Another rifle blast echoed, and Spitter took a round square in the back, blowing out the front of his chest. He tumbled from the saddle like a broken child's doll.
Blondie came up from behind his horse, snarling and snapping in rage. Jack came up from the grass, somehow noticing both knees pop with age.
Jack got off three quick shots, perforating Blondie's chest and rocking him back. As the bandit fell, he fired once.
Jack felt the bullet strike him like a sledgehammer blow to the sternum and went down.
The world whited out for a long moment, but he came back when he felt large, hard hands cradle his head with impossible gentleness. He looked up into the watery brown eyes of Big Greg Turner.
His chest was numb, and he couldn't seem to catch his breath.
"Hold on, Sheriff. Oh my sweet savior, hold on!" Turner mumbled, his face collapsing on itself like a wet sheet. "They've heard the shots in town; they've had to, Sheriff. They'll be coming!"
Jack struggled to get the words out, but managed, somehow. "Get the girl inside."
Greg didn't seem to understand, and Jack tried to tell him with his eyes. No more words would come, no matter how hard he tried. Finally, the words registered.
"You just hang on, Sheriff Ballard," Greg cried, "You're gonna be fine!"
Then he was gone.
Jack looked up into the sky. He faintly heard running footsteps and voices shouting out from inside the wall.
The clouds were blazing red and gold in the late afternoon sun.
He wished, one last time, he could have been alive when men soared above the earth in their gleaming metal airplanes.
Before the heat of God's fire came down and burned it all away.
Entry 1:
Bellebrown
BuckeyesTHEGAME
c1ndy
Circe
Coyote
darko
Dervel
DonkeyOnTheEdge
indoninja
intellismartness
kimmy02721
Kracka
MrSparkle847
rad1101
RyuFu
Snark
Spam
17 eligible votes (17 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
Awko
badassmofo
Bigmike
BillsSBChamps
blank_mind
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
BobLobla
CaptainThorns
CoffeeAndSmokes
comicbookguy
Davros
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonovanMD
fudgepacker
FunnyAsCancer
Hirilnara
i_walk_alone
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
Kre8rix
LadyPlural
loki
Magicaddict
Merlina
Method
mrwolf
munkeypants
Natsukau
NumLock
omnifica
Razor
rurumon
rushtawin
satchel
Slovin
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
Spuds002
stevie_says
supadupapupa
Teephphah
thecaes
thorpe
Viciousriffs
Wiggles
William_Q_Percy
youarsoghey
zakalwe
51 eligible votes (57 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-29 04:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:14:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mr. Wolf,
I really ((REALLY)) enjoyed your post. I thought it was funny as hell, and pretty creative with what was a tough title. I've had the idea for this (post solar flare EMP world) bouncing around in my head for months; the title was lucky for me.
Your stuff (which I read a bunch of before our matchup, with growing worry) is as good as anyone on Uber. In fact, it's a shame some of the people in this round will move on with shitty posts when a writer with your talent does not.
As far as voting for myself is concerned, here's the argument for that I stated in another post:
1) Of course, you must vote to view the score, so not voting is not an option. I wish it was, because I would prefer not to vote on my own matchup, just see the score.
2) If you have to vote, you should ALWAYS vote for yourself! If you think your piece is better than the other one and you deserve to win, vote for yourself! If you think the other piece is better, and you don't think you should move on, you should still vote for yourself.
3) What if you voted for the other person in order to view the score of your matchup, only to find you were behind by one vote, and ended up losing? Bollocks that, I say.
4) In prior UM's it was expected and encouraged.
That said, I apologize if voting for myself came across as bad form. Good show, mate, and I look forward to reading anything you put out in the future.
Heh, I said put out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, thanks man, I'm touched and I see your point. (point of view, not your penis)
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story, Jack!
I knew you'd be behind this one - it will be tough when you and I go against each other!
oh, and if you don't vote for yourself, you're stupid. We've had more than one tie match - if you don't think you're good enough to vote for yourself, why should anyone else vote for you...
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mr. Wolf,
I really ((REALLY)) enjoyed your post. I thought it was funny as hell, and pretty creative with what was a tough title. I've had the idea for this (post solar flare EMP world) bouncing around in my head for months; the title was lucky for me.
Your stuff (which I read a bunch of before our matchup, with growing worry) is as good as anyone on Uber. In fact, it's a shame some of the people in this round will move on with shitty posts when a writer with your talent does not.
As far as voting for myself is concerned, here's the argument for that I stated in another post:
1) Of course, you must vote to view the score, so not voting is not an option. I wish it was, because I would prefer not to vote on my own matchup, just see the score.
2) If you have to vote, you should ALWAYS vote for yourself! If you think your piece is better than the other one and you deserve to win, vote for yourself! If you think the other piece is better, and you don't think you should move on, you should still vote for yourself.
3) What if you voted for the other person in order to view the score of your matchup, only to find you were behind by one vote, and ended up losing? Bollocks that, I say.
4) In prior UM's it was expected and encouraged.
That said, I apologize if voting for myself came across as bad form. Good show, mate, and I look forward to reading anything you put out in the future.
Heh, I said put out.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:38:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-07-28 06:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stupid plant had it coming.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-28 04:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2005-07-28 03:56:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
What a constricting title.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Woohoo I'm catching up. ha ha ha. I hope you win this competition, that way I went out to the champion.
On an unrelated note I won battle of the bands on Monday so this kinda doesn't matter so much now.
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2005-07-28 03:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What a constricting title.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like I've lost this one then. Great story jack. Bit unsporting of you to vote for yourself though, suppose it wouldn't have made a great deal of difference.
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-27 07:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-27 01:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I went with #1 for the whimsical-ness...yeah, I'll go with that.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn. Both of these were very good in my opinion.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:35:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-26 07:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-26 05:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-26 02:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both of you did well with a tough title.
Kudos.
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-26 02:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-26 02:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry one felt like it could have been written by stevie, so that's why I'm voting for it.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-26 01:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
both were really good, but I liked number 2 for the apocalyptic aspects
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2, FUCKING AWESOME.
Entry 1 had some comedy to it, nothing really wrong with it...but damn, Entry 2 was so awesome I almost forgot what Entry 1 was about.
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2005-07-25 22:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-25 22:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-25 21:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice pacing and an excellent story number 2.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-07-25 21:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Worked so hard I couldn't unwind, get some money saved
Abuse my love a thousand times, however hard I tried
Heartbreaker, your time has come, can't take your evil ways
Go away heartbreaker
Submitted by rushtawin (user info) at 2005-07-25 21:16:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-25 20:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First one sucked. Didn't read second one.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-25 19:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-25 19:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good, #2, I like the solar flare EMP concept you got going there - of course, be ready for the idiots who don't get it, and -2 you for that...(bitter, who said I'm bitter?)
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:25:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment necessary
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were great. I voted for 2.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-25 17:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Number 1 made me laugh, but my vote goes to 2.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry #2 better be kicking ass and taking names because it is THE best entry in the entire competition so far, no contest, no question.
GOOD story, well-written, easy to follow, great imagery, distinctive characters, a believeable new world to consider... this had it all.
I hope that it will serves as a warning and inspiration to anyone wonder what they should do in the next round in regard to the question, 'Fuck around, or actually try?'
Fantastic, author #2. Just fucking great.
I need a Kleenex.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good shit.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just didn't enjoy #1, cant put my finger on what it was exactly but I just didn't like it.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was more like what I was expecting with this title. It was well-written, too.
#1 was a bit... random. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but it didn't do it for me here.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aloe plant for a picture of an aloe plant, or solare flare for a picture of a solar flare. To close to call at the moment.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2, all the way. Good ideas, and better writing than #1.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:29:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does anyone talk to Youarsoghey at all?
Can anyone find out if he's posting today or tomorrow?
I'd just hate to be all fidgety for the entire day, only to find out he's been done, and didn't want to post until Tuesday...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:09:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not even sure if entry 1 was related to the title. No matter, #2 was better.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a really, really hard choice. The first was funny and light and clever, and the second was a great story.
I'm voting for 1, just because the ending of 2 seemed like a bit of a cop-out... still really, really good though.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was fookin' awesome.
I'M 18 TODAY, BITCHES!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked both of these.
1) Funny as hell.
2) I love post apocalyptic short fiction.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't read these yet (or voted). I'll save that until I have time to consider them thoughtfully.
I just wanted to say that I was under the impression that *my* title was tough. Yours? Yikes.
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no contest- it's all you, number two
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:25:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DIdn't like #1 at all, sorry.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CoffeeAndSmokes (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:22:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm...really funny versus great story. tough call
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stupid plants, deliverers of oxygen. I hate them. <frownie face>
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I finished entry one, confident that I'd likely vote for it. The humor was well-done.
But entry two's post-apocalytpic setting and distinctive characters gives it the edge up on this... not to mention the sort of hanging creepiness inherhent in God coming down to end electricity. Good show, both authors.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Liked entry 1 but it had to be Entry 2 that go the vote... sorry entry 1, was a close one for me.