Almost Honest (969 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.24 on 96 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-25 10:30:04 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
- VS -
Entry 2
The receptionist held the phone in one hand and waved Charles through with the other. He looked across from the front desk to the waiting area; blank white walls, with a couple of posters and cheap mass-produced chairs. They were the sort that comes in strings of five or so, with plastic armrests between each seat, the ones you often find in airports.He sat down on the end of a row, and slouched a little. It was a cheap suit anyway, just enough to get him an interview for a low-end job. Something honest; or at least almost honest.
A round clock hung on the wall, again a common, mass-produced type, like the ones in every public building. "Wow, someone's gone all out with the decor", he thought sarcastically.
On a television screen, a politician. Instantly recognisable by the demeanour; they all looked much the same these days. Even the so-called ethnic ones held that certain quality that separates 'us' from 'them', so even if they professed to be 'ordinary', they never were.
"...And I promise to improve the economy for all this country's citizens. By making big business more competitive with individual contracts, we all stand to benefit..." Some neo-conservative drivel. So close to the truth, but conveniently ignoring that the consequences were so often such that the people who were supposedly being represented were the ones to lose out.
Well, he might have thought that, if he'd been more articulate, but he'd never really stopped to think through the arguments beyond "bullshit!" which was pretty serious political development where he came from.
Around the corner came a fat woman who looked like she was walking on sunshine. As if, by some serendipity, she had met the one guy in town who "didn't care about stereotypes" and liked her "for her personality". Yeah, her double-D-cup personality. Or maybe she just found a good vibrator recently.
At any rate, she seemed pretty happy, and he hoped she was the interviewer. Cheery people seem to be better at giving you a job, and it certainly wasn't the sort of cheery that comes from a million dollar bonus for screwing people over. Charles could always see that one coming, and had actually walked out of an interview once because of it.
She took him into the interview room, offered a seat, and started asking questions, basic ones at first. She seemed like she would be pretty straightforward.
Unfortunately the interview process was not. Or rather, it was, but in a very subtly discriminating way. Questions you shouldn't be allowed to ask, like 'have you ever been associated with a terrorist', or 'do you resent highly-paid business executives', but there were too many skilled applicants as it was. You didn't get brownie points for sticking to little things like 'the law'. "That's just unpatriotic, they'll tell me", he thought.
Truth be told, it was unpatriotic, but not in a bad way. On one hand, patriotism to one's country is seen as such a good thing, but at the same time, the respect for an undeserving person who has usurped the role of father-figure was never large. Not that anyone expressed that very clearly either.
Mind you, he was almost honest about the answers he gave.
"Have you ever been publicly known as a Communist or an Anarchist?"
"No", came his prompt reply, but that was more that he wasn't actually very well known when he'd been in college. Also, it didn't count anyway, since he had, like any true anarchist, refused to identify as one. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but he couldn't explain it very well, which was why he'd dropped out of those circles.
"Are you married or in a marriage-like relationship?"
There was explanation, and then there was Sam. She had been the one trying to persuade Charles that he would be happier with a decent middle-class job, and two kids, and a house in the suburbs, and as soon as she got that she ran off with the neighbour's brother. So no, he wasn't married, just paying child support. Hell, why else did he need a job? He had been inches away from dropping out of normal life entirely and becoming a professional gambler.
"Have you ever had an addictive substance abuse problem?"
No, not substances, only poker. Apparently the rest of the questions were fairly mundane; previous experience, job references, attitudes to work, leadership qualities. They were all top-level categories for him, especially leadership; captain of the high-school football team.
Both a serious leader and perfectly capable of taking orders from the coach, and in a winning season too. Mind you, he'd had the coach fired and replaced with one who would listen to him, but they didn't have to know that.
"What do you imagine you will get out of working for us?"
Charles was glad he'd rehearsed that question. To be brief, a waffle of oily management psycho-babble flowed forth from his lips like so much scum floating down an industrial waste water channel, greasing the corporate ego without sounding too much like a suck-up.
"Okay Mr. Wilson, well you're at the top of our list so far, and quite frankly I feel like taking a four-day weekend, so I'm going to offer you the position."
"Thankyou very much ma'am, only one more thing, when would you like me to start?" Charles wanted to be clear about the basics; the rest could be sorted out later.
"If you sign the contract in the next three minutes, you can have the next shift and I'll be on my way. You know how to do your job, you're familiar with the software, and the contract is industry standard."
He picked up the pen and signed it, eager to catch a seemingly good job.
She was almost honest; the contract had a 3-month lock-in, health benefits, legal representation and waivers, all industry standard, except for one thing - instead of twenty an hour, he was getting minimum wage.
Entry 1:
badassmofo
Banga3386
Berty
Bigmike
blank_mind
bob
BobLobla
BuckeyesTHEGAME
c1ndy
comicbookguy
Coyote
darko
Davros
Death_Metal_Dude
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonovanMD
engine13
Falconer
FunnyAsCancer
gamma
i_walk_alone
indigogecko
intellismartness
jack11058
jgreening
JMG114
JonnyX
JSPANGLER
Kre8rix
Laurags
Lynne
Magicaddict
MANICMOTHER
Merlina
Method
munkeypants
NumLock
OnEdge
potatomanjack
rad1101
RandytheHelpfulPineapple
rushtawin
RyuFu
salmonofdoubt
satchel
Saxon
Slovin
Snark
spedmonkey
Spuds002
Stin
supadupapupa
thaumaturge
thecaes
ThineJericho
Viciousriffs
William_Q_Percy
zakalwe
53 eligible votes (59 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
Bellebrown
BillsSBChamps
BLITZKREIG_BOB
CaptainThorns
corn_nugget
DarthFaded
DonkeyOnTheEdge
FuckTheArmy
Hirilnara
indoninja
Jack_McCallum
joedaddy
justagirl27
kimmy02721
LadyPlural
loki
Natsukau
rurumon
sg11588
SpikeGoddess
stevie_says
thorpe
Wiggles
24 eligible votes (25 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't like either of these. What was the point? To either of them?
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2005-07-28 04:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As much as I didn't want to go with something that used italics, I have to admit, it was better.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-28 01:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im voting for two just because number one was so full of corn I almost passed out.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
both very good.
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-27 07:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<barf>
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-07-26 23:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this title is the same as a really fruity megadeth song
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:07:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn man, drawing Circe is harsh.
Circe, your story made me cry.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1, I like how you attached a JPEG so you could use font styles to differentiate between the letter and the narration. It was a touching story, but I thought it went a little overboard when you said she read the letter every day for 30 years. That sounded silly to me. Also, I hated the name "Chester" and the letter was written somewhat oddly...a little anachronistic, but I guess you adressed that early in your post.
Entry 2, you seemed to be dodging bullets on this one. Instead of your character saying something clever and witty in his interview, you wrote that he said something clever and witty. It would have been more engaging if the guy actually talked rather than just being described. Also, the punchline didn't really do it for me. There was no one to care about in this story. Though the writing wasn't bad.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-26 08:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The image-post was very creative, but the contents were too sappy for my tastes.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-07-26 07:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-26 07:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-26 05:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-07-26 03:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Also damn you both for putting "Almost Honest" by Megadeth in my head without mentioning the song.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-07-26 03:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh oh OOOOH! Entry one was so good but went a little predictable at the end, with the exception for the very last line.
Entry two sounded like the detailed start of a much longer story, nice jab at the end though.
Banga
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-26 03:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-26 02:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No you're Not
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-26 02:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
to be honest, I didn't like either of them too too much, but number one tickled me a little more
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-26 02:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Laurags (user info) at 2005-07-26 01:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-07-26 01:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would personally like to apologise for entry two; it is not my best work. However, it was that or a round two forfeit.
I am now going to go puke up my guts. And no, I have not been drinking at all this week.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ThineJericho (user info) at 2005-07-26 00:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2005-07-25 22:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-25 21:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rushtawin (user info) at 2005-07-25 21:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-25 21:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number one, your format screwed up the reading of number two. Shame on you. I still think yours was the better submission though.
I hate that format.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-07-25 20:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Two was so bad I had to vote for it.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-25 19:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both well written and easy to read and identify with but entry one was a touching story. I even shed a tear <sigh>
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-25 19:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to rate.
Author 1 - Chester? Seriously. Chester? Well written, must've been painstaking to write that.
Author 2 - The twist was kinda lame.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-25 19:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Now I understand how someone here\/ read 4 stories in 1 minute.
No vote
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:49:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack - how can you say you can't vote on this yet, don't you have to vote to even comment?
--
You can comment your ass off, you just can't read any until you register a vote.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-07-25 18:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm giving it to #1 just because it took serious balls to post your story in a pic. If for whatever reason the pic hadn't gone through, and you submitted a blank entry...damn. Don't even wanna think about it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh dear, apparently, Author #2 pressed the submit button too early, and posted his story only half-finished! WQP, Razor, is there any way we can help this poor lad?
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
More interesting
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting twist on the title in #1, and while not terribly original, posting the whole thing as an image just to use the italics is appealing to a big perverse streak I'm indulging in at the moment. Plus, the level of writing talent was higher.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-25 16:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I'm torn. I can't really in good conscience give either a good rating.
Entry 1 was classic Steele: a woman sipping wine, thinking of a former romancer, reading his letter professing his love, and thinking of what could have been. It's too cliche, and it didn't hold my attention despite its thought process being better than entry 2's.
Entry 2 didn't really do anything. It got side tracked in spots, because the insights of the main character didn't move it forward. The ending seemed like it was made first and then the story was fit around it. Even so, the ending wasn't that great: A down and out, poker playing, working stiff gets bested by a fat chick and works for $5.15 an hour. It didn't have the punch that a surprise ending could have had with this title.
Entry 1 gets my vote despite its unoriginality.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I VOTED FOR NUMBER TWO BECAUSE ENTRY ONE TRIED TO GET MY VOTE BY USING A CATCH PHRASE THAT IS LONG FUCKING WORN OUT, and they formatted like a little bitch
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JSPANGLER (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-25 15:02:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you can still rate posts as normal without voting. But you dont get to see the comments when you do.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both a bit...bleugh I felt.
Submitted by Lynne (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uh, okay.
I don't think there's any competition here.
I seem to remember someone inquiring a while ago about implementing italics on Uber, but I can't for the life of me recall who that was...
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:49:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack - how can you say you can't vote on this yet, don't you have to vote to even comment?
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT!
WHAT THE FUCK!
I WAITED ALL THAT TIME FOR THIS?
THAT'S IT? THAT'S THE PAYOFF?
Fuck this. #2 may not be the best constructed piece but at least it delivered something.
#2 get ths vote.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...still loading, #1, you fuck...
And I'm at work. This ain't no fucking dialup.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't vote on either one right now.
#1 is STILL loading... so it better be good.
#2 was so poorly written that the first paragraph nearly did me in. Jesus, hate to be a cunt, but spend some time reading some mainstrean fiction, will ya? Your words flow in a very klunky manner and ideas are hard to follow. Don't get so caught up in trying to be a master wordsmith. A suggestion. Just write like you would if telling the story to your best buddy and see how that goes.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
because the person wanted to use italics. Razor made a post about them.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I vote for the picture.
What? The whole post was a picture? Hrm. Well, it looked better than anything in #2.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why was No. 1 an image?
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-25 14:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number one was good, But whome wrote it and why?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant #2.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-25 13:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 just wasn't very interesting. So the guy used to be an anarchist and now he just got a shitty job? Whoop-de-whoop.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
thought i normally wouldn't vote for a sentimental tissue fest like number 1 (and almost didn't because of the incredibly annoying filename) it WAS better written.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Clever... probably going to be hell on the dialup users though.
Submitted by OnEdge (user info) at 2005-07-25 12:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These were both good.
-Dave
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oy, anyone else notice that the round 2 submissions aren't going to the two links in the upper left corner?
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-25 11:03:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting way to include italics. Entry one hit very close to home, and despite its passive action, it squeaks by with my vote.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
While tricking people into shitty jobs for shitty pay is funny, the letter was goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood even if it was cliche.
But what is it about untold cancer? This is the second post with that as part of the theme...
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MAN, IT IS FUCKING DUSTY IN HERE
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I couldn't get past all the "She, she, she, the,the, she" in the first one, although it was a decent idea to make up for Ubers lackings of italics.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-25 10:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh. Nothing original and gripping in either entry.