Out of the Groove (2663 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 1.66 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bart Cilfone <uberuser.at.cilfone.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-26 04:08:49 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
"Do you hear that? That's the interference from the power source resonating in the background. Not only that, but can you hear that dull thump from the motor on every other revolution? I can. Look bud, if I wanted my music to sound like shit, I'd play it through a string and a tin can. This turntable is garbage and I want my money back right now!"
"Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't hear anything wrong with this turntable. Have you tried checking your speaker cabling for..."
"My speaker cabling is perfect. I'd like to speak to your manager."
Steve had spoken to a lot of managers over the years. The Speaker City on Spring Road won't let him near any of the other customers. The Best Buy down the street won't even let him enter the building, but Steve doesn't care because as far as he's concerned, everything they sell makes the music sound like it's being played in a submarine.
The only place he's been going lately is Michael's Premium Audio on Rush Street, but even this relationship seems to be having its share of turmoil.
"Mister Steve... how nice to see you again. What can I help you with to-"
"I want a refund on this piece of crap, Ray."
"I'll see what I can do for you. What seems to be the problem?"
"I already demonstrated the problem for Helen Keller over here."
"Steve, there's no need to resort to namecalling. Johnny, go ahead and finish stocking the cabling in section four. I'll take care of this customer."
"Ray, I've got distinguished taste in audio and audio equipment. I don't care how much they keep pushing this digital garbage, the best quality audio still comes from pressed vinyl. The turntable has one purpose and that's to extract the audio out of the groove on the vinyl. Done correctly, it's a near perfect replication of the original performance. Done with a toy like this, I may as well have the song sung back to me by a six year old."
"Now that's a bit of an exaggeration."
"Listen to this. Do you hear that? That's the interference from an irregular power source. And that? The table weight isn't distributed evenly, so it creates that thump. Hear that? Thump... thump..."
"In all honesty, no, I don't hear any thump."
"Oh come on, it's right there! Thump... thump..."
"No, Steve, I don't hear your thump! Look, I'll give you a refund this time, but I can't have you coming in here every week and returning something else. We've got a business to run here and while you may not be satisfied with our products, there are a lot of folks who are. Have you tried going to Best Buy or Speaker City?"
"Garbage."
"Ok, whatever you say. Here's your refund and remember what I said. One other thing if you don't mind my asking... how did you ever develop this ear for quality?"
Steve left the store and returned to his empty home. He set his keys on the dining room table and then continued to the audio theater in his back room.
There was still an empty place on the shelf where he'd been planning on locating the new turntable. On the shelf below that was the turntable he had been trying to replace. Fifteen years ago it was the top of the line, but while it still worked reasonably well, it's time had passed.
On the shelf next to the equipment was the audio collection.
One vinyl LP.
One vinyl LP, that's it. No CDs. No cassette tapes. Nothing other than one single copy of The Beatles' "Rubber Soul".
He powered everything up, positioned the needle on the record, and began playing track two.
"I once had a girl,
Or should I say
She once had me.
She showed me her room,
Isn't it good?"
He closed his eyes and remembered the night he met her all those years ago. In his hand, he held the note she wrote him when she left.
The song continued.
"She asked me to stay and told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair.
I sat on a rug
Biding my time,
Drinking my wine.
We talked until two,
And then she said,
'It's time for bed'."
Steve remembered thinking how this song had been written only for them. They had joked about the lyrics that first night while they were sitting on her apartment floor. They talked, they laughed, and they sang this song together.
"She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh,
I told her I didn't, and crawled off to sleep in the bath.
And when I awoke
I was alone,
This bird has flown,
So I lit a fire,
Isn't it good?"
That first night turned into a second night. The second night turned into a year and a year turned into twelve. Then twelve years turned into a note.
"Steve,
I'm sorry to write you this in a letter, but I don't have the strength to tell you in person. I can't go on living a stagnant life like this.
I want you to remember us the way we used to be, so I've left you one of my albums, one that reminds me of our happier times. Buy yourself a record player, listen to this, and remember me.
This bird has flown. You understand. I need to get out of the groove."
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-16 09:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-16 09:03:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Bart you are a funny guy
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-10-30 05:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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