A Trail of Smoke and Reason (962 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.3 on 78 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-26 06:20:02 EDT
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Entry 1
Just another night we spent, Dave. Another night where we sat on the beach, watching the sun go down and talking about whether the moon was made of cheese. That night was five months ago. Just another night when I crumbled a little more.You lit up another cigarette, offering me the pack. I accepted, and you lit yours then mine like the gentleman you never were. We talked about the uncommonly hot weather, the broken air conditioning in your car and whether the recent spate of groundfires were just the result of a freak warm spell or some shitty little teenagers with nothing better to do. Your money was on the sunshine, mine the kids. You told me of your visit to your mother, and how she's doing better now. I was pleased to hear it, just as I was pleased you'd bothered to see her for the first time in the four years I'd known you.
The first drag on a new smoke is always the nicest. Feeling the nicotine working its way into your bloodstream and the slight light-headedness that follows. I love that first drag, the roughness in my throat and the plume of smoke that rises chaotically from the end. Just like every snowflake is unique, every puff yields a different pattern in the air. When we first hung out you always brought me Marlboro Lights, despite the fact you knew I smoked menthols. It never changed. Somehow, menthols don't taste right anymore.
We'd been there for at least a pack and a half before you mentioned Jen. I was hoping that your obsession had ceased, but when you spoke about her it became clear that I had been hoping in vain. When you told me that you had a date, I raised my eyebrows and wished you well. What else could I do; you weren't to know how I feel about you, how I've always felt about you. So I helped you on your way, discussed the possibilities and potential disasters. You didn't know that I was screaming inside, crying out for you to stop looking at the trees and see the forest.
After you'd dropped me home, I thought back over the time we've known each other. I remembered how we'd met in the first semester of college, when you'd ceremonially dumped a whole pitcher of ale over my head. How you've still avoided apologising for that after all this time. When the frat boys had decided that they didn't want you, I'd been the person you'd called to commiserate with. It was the first time I'd been high, and you got closer to knowing me that night than you ever have since. The first girl you screwed at a house party, I remember her too. Tiffany Moores. You thought you'd made the big time with her, but she didn't listen to you. She might have shared your bed, but she didn't share your heart.
Splashing in the river in the summer vacation, picnics on the rocks. I have so many pictures from that summer, but I don't think I have a single one of you without a huge smile on your face and a cigarette burning in your hand. We talked about so much, and you finally started opening up. You told me about your father's death and the ensuing rift with your mom, about your concerns that college wasn't for you and that you didn't want to grow up, much less be anything when you did. I listened and I held you when you finally cried in the moonlight down by the old Pearson estate. It was the only time I saw the tears fall, and at that moment I knew that I loved you.
When you dropped out of school, I knew you'd be fine. And sure enough, you landed a job with just enough perks to keep you interested and just enough money to live on. The people at your office were convinced we were dating, but I knew about the string of women passing through your apartment. They were rich, poor, tall, petite, dark and pale... The only thing they had in common was that they were all beautiful. I met several, and found them to be much the same as the college girls I saw every day; vague, silly and self-absorbed. The ones who came back more than once were the once who hurt you, the rest, the ones you hurt. And every time you thought one broke your heart, I was there with the glue to patch you up and send you back out there.
I don't think you ever saw the rules to the game we were playing. Even though the field changed, the rules never did. I'd been a part of your life for too long to be considered girlfriend material, and you had your eye on bigger and better things. What could I do the break that pattern? I told you once, just came out and said it. You looked at me and laughed, ruffled my hair and told me you loved me too. We didn't speak of it again. If I'd have said anything more, you would have taken your friendship away and I'd have lost even that little which I had. So I played by the rules and kept it quiet, even though every touch of your hand, every cigarette that you gave me and every laugh that we shared pulled away a thread of my fabric. You didn't know me at all, but I knew you better than you knew yourself.
Tonight we met for the last time, although you don't know that yet. You invited me to yours and Jen's wedding, said you wanted me to be the first to know. I smiled and congratulated you, and we smoked a joint down by the sea for the sake of old times. You've moved on to the next stage of your life, and I guess I must do the same. I have a date with destiny, a carton of smokes and a plane to catch. I wish you well, but I love you too much to watch you make the life that I wanted to have with you. You'll never find me. By the time you notice I'm gone all that will be left is the trail of smoke from a thousand Marlboro Lights and the reason behind every decision you have made.
- VS -
Entry 2
Fire had emerged on Earth long before man was born, and for many years life was harmonious and uneventful. The arrival of the new, primitive species made Fire wary, but they had both soon realized their need to coexist. Without Fire, man could not survive on its own, and without man's help, Fire could not strengthen and expand. Humans used fire for essential food and warmth, while Fire fed on man's increasing technology to grow and reproduce. It was an uneasy compromise, but it suited both beings for the time.Man's awe of Fire's power, however, gradually turned into jealousy and greed. Fire, like many other things in nature, was considered by man to be too valuable and dangerous to run wild. Where Fire had once been a proud element, human beings now sought to control and restrict her. When Fire attempted to spread and breed peacefully, her movement was suppressed and her offspring were cruelly stifled at birth. Man ignored Fire's pain in their quest for supremacy and the tentative agreement of amity was no more; it became warfare.
And this marked the beginning of the Flame Hunters.
The Flame Hunters came in different faces, shapes, colours and uniforms across the globe, but they all shared the same purpose: to destroy Fire's lineage and extinguish her children. Never had human beings been so organized in their battle, and Fire's kin was fatally doused at an alarming rate. The Flame Hunters were cleverer and braver than most of their kind, and forced Fire back with a grim determination. They risked, and often forfeited their lives towards their sworn duty. These men were Soldiers of Water, and each was carefully and specifically trained to kill her family.
It sickened her to see them pronounced as heroes, when they were nothing more than murderers in flame-retardant suits. Newscasts praised their bravery, their perseverance, their dedication to saving lives. Nothing was ever said about the other lives they aborted or ended far too short. No one ever mentioned the other, grief-stricken side of the battlefield.
Fire was no longer respected as she had once been throughout the natural world, and was feared and loathed by the entire human race. She was rarely ever thanked or praised anymore, even though her kin still provided the necessary heat humans now all took for granted. Instead, mating seasons in the dry summer fields and prairies were banned, warning bells were installed in every household, and some flames were even forced into domestication, where they were confined in small glass cases as pets to do their human's bidding.
Humans seemed to have gained the upper-hand, but the crusade was far from over. Fire refused to lay idle as her race was slaughtered, their integrity forever lost in clouds of anguished smoke. No, she had already set her plan in motion, and this time she would play mankind's game. They had shown her no mercy and she did not intend to give any in return.
For every one of her brothers and sisters that were murdered, she would render a family's life and home to thick ashes. For every one of her babies they smothered to death, she would incinerate an entire, helpless village. For every flame they drowned, she would retaliate with a hundred more, twice as fierce.
It was, in essence, a life for a life. A fair trade.
After all, even in times of war Fire could be reasonable.
Entry 1:
b_badger
badassmofo
Bigmike
BillsSBChamps
blank_mind
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
c1ndy
checkyourmail
comicbookguy
curious_observer
d_prime
Davros
dodahdave
electrictoothsyndrome
ess-arr
Fabit
FallenZer0
FunnyAsCancer
hollygolitely
i_walk_alone
jerbolp1
JMG114
JSPANGLER
kimmy02721
kissmyarse
krissi
Magicaddict
Merlina
Method
mrwolf
munkeypants
nitty34
Pentameter
RandytheHelpfulPineapple
Razor
redraven
ruthless
satchel
sebcharrot
Snark
thecaes
Viciousriffs
William_Q_Percy
Xcuses
37 eligible votes (45 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
BobLobla
CaptainThorns
corn_nugget
Coyote
darko
doctorj24
DonkeyOnTheEdge
indoninja
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
joedaddy
JonnyX
loki
MANICMOTHER
Natsukau
Phallic_Cymbals
rad1101
Slovin
spedmonkey
stevie_says
Stin
The_Yellow_Dart
thorpe
TimeCop
WildcatMcGee
zakalwe
28 eligible votes (29 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't smoke, but I love reading about people who smoke ciggarettes.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good shit, good shit.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God I wish all the titles were this constricting.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked the first one, though a little melodramatic.
Liked the second one, though a little melodramatic.
Submitted by JSPANGLER (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked the writing in 1 better. I liked twos angle though.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MEH
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-28 02:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jerbolp1 (user info) at 2005-07-28 01:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-28 00:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-27 23:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A little meh, but i'll take second for originality.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think this is the only one that spedmonkey and myself have not voted for the same piece.
We had a streak going.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was just better.
While entry 1 bored me a bit, entry 2 just never got me interested.
It just seemed like a boring perspective.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:53:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:42:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was just to real and too painful to not vote for. That was poignant stuff, powerfully written.
Both entries were well written. Nice take on the nature of fire.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Once I started reading the start of entry 2 I reckoned this would be a close call... but it wasn't, in the end. Entry One gets it by far.
Author 2: "cleverer"?????? Please.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys didn't make it easy on me at all.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 made me want to quit smoking
#2 came across as a serious attempt at something silly.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i was pretty sure i was going to vote for two after the first two paragraphs. by the end i was sure. brilliantly creative and far more entertaining than another emo-fest.
author 1, your piece was well written, but i want to be pulled into a story and entertained by it. regardless of how well written and emotionally evocative a piece is, if something doesn't HAPPEN, i can't get behind it.
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-27 04:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both of these were good.
I don't think I would have liked this title.
-Dave
Submitted by curious_observer (user info) at 2005-07-27 02:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fire'sonbitches!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-26 22:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I shouldnt vote on this.
I didn't like number one because of the perspective.
I didn't like number two because it was really fluffy and... I don't know.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-26 18:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 You lost me at the smoke-snowflake comparison.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really liked entry one, it actually reminds me of something I've written... entry two was more original, but somewhat bland. This was a tough call.
Submitted by FallenZer0 (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf is with all the Tool esque titles?
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:58:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Much better than the first entry, in my opinion.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number 2, that rocked.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:38:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack: The title was taken from the song 'Third Eye' by Tool. Those are the lyrics. Fucking awesome song.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 - *groan*
#2 - Fire?? An organism?!
?!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good job to the both of you.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Third Eye
Dreaming of that face again. It's bright and blue and shimmering. Grinning wide and comforting me with it's three warm and wild eyes. On my back and tumbling down that hole and back again rising upand wiping the webs and the dew from my withered eye. In Out In Out In Out A child's rhyme stuck in my head. It said that life is but a dream. I've spent so many years in question to find I've known this all along. "So good to see you. I've missed you so much. So glad it's over. I've missed you so much. Came out to watch you play. Why are you running?" Shrouding all the ground around me. Is this holy crow above me. Black as holes within a memory and blue as our new second sun. I stick my hand into his shadow to pull the pieces from the sand. Which I attempt to reassemble to see just who I might have been. I do not recognize the vessel, but the eyes seem so familiar. Like phosphorescent desert buttons singing one familiar song... "So good to see you. I've missed you so much. So glad it's over. I've missed you so much. Came out to watch you play. Why are you running away?" Prying open my third eye. So good to see you once again. I thought that you were hiding. And you thought that I had run away. Chasing the tail of dogma. I opened my eye and there we were. So good to see you once again I thought that you were hiding from me. And you thought that I had run away. Chasing a trail of smoke and reason. Prying open my third eye.
==
What the cunt?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 has been done... and done... and done...
My vote goes to #2. Not the greatest piece in the contest, but congrats for trying something really different.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Flipping coin...now.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:44:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Tough choice between two completely different styles. But, my sympathies to both authors for coping with what is a truly execrable title.
-----------------
I beg to differ. This title was fucking awesome! In fact, most of the time I see someone say a title was shit, I have fucking LOVED it. I would have KILLED for a title like this!
I think it takes more of a right-brained approach to make something of it. Everything doesn't have to be taken so literally all the time. Noone seems to be able to take much 'artistic liberty' with anything, and instead, we're all too concerned with whether or not the idiots of uber will get it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was kinda clever.
Entry 1 was nice. It took me a minute to get into it, but the ending left me with a sense of bitter-sweet warmth and reverie.
All this being said, I can't say I cared what either of you did with the title. Maybe that's just because I know where it came from and the connotation it's always held for me...
Third Eye
Dreaming of that face again. It's bright and blue and shimmering. Grinning wide and comforting me with it's three warm and wild eyes. On my back and tumbling down that hole and back again rising upand wiping the webs and the dew from my withered eye. In Out In Out In Out A child's rhyme stuck in my head. It said that life is but a dream. I've spent so many years in question to find I've known this all along. "So good to see you. I've missed you so much. So glad it's over. I've missed you so much. Came out to watch you play. Why are you running?" Shrouding all the ground around me. Is this holy crow above me. Black as holes within a memory and blue as our new second sun. I stick my hand into his shadow to pull the pieces from the sand. Which I attempt to reassemble to see just who I might have been. I do not recognize the vessel, but the eyes seem so familiar. Like phosphorescent desert buttons singing one familiar song... "So good to see you. I've missed you so much. So glad it's over. I've missed you so much. Came out to watch you play. Why are you running away?" Prying open my third eye. So good to see you once again. I thought that you were hiding. And you thought that I had run away. Chasing the tail of dogma. I opened my eye and there we were. So good to see you once again I thought that you were hiding from me. And you thought that I had run away. Chasing a trail of smoke and reason. Prying open my third eye.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better use of the title, I think.
I'm not sure I liked the way number two ended.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not a big fan of either.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Number two, although I like the idea, it seemed rushed. Gets my vote anyway.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:26:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coinflip for crap.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was a tough call. Entry one resonated on a personal level and carried great detail, but entry two had an original point of view. Good work, both authors.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-26 08:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-26 08:32:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 you had such a good idea, it just needed more time to develop
Submitted by hollygolitely (user info) at 2005-07-26 08:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by b_badger (user info) at 2005-07-26 08:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 ... All mushy and mmmmm. soft pink things. Auto +2 for smoking
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2005-07-26 07:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-26 07:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-07-26 07:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number one was lots of fun to read!
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tough choice between two completely different styles. But, my sympathies to both authors for coping with what is a truly execrable title.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-26 06:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to strangle author 2