The Frozen Ocean (1220 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.37 on 76 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-26 09:20:02 EDT
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Entry 1
Once upon a time, a young peasant girl was walking on the beach, collecting shells to make a necklace. As she strolled along the shore, feeling the wet sand squish between her toes, she came across a boy crying in the sand."What's wrong?" she asked.
The boy was startled by her words and tried to leap to his feet. He stumbled immediately and fell back into the sand.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to frighten you."
"I-It's okay," he replied. "I-I g-guess I'm just not used to people."
The boy continued to sob as she pressed him for an explanation. The boy explained that he was really a dolphin. Earlier that day he had mistakenly taken a magical plant belonging to the Mer-King. The plant he had taken was used by Mermaids to turn themselves into humans, and it had done the same to him.
When the Mer-King found out what had happened, he was furious. He'd long suspected the dolphins of taking these magical plants. With his suspicions finally confirmed, the Mer-King demanded that the dolphin-boy make him a gift while in his human form, or else he would freeze the part of the ocean where the dolphins lived. You see, the King knew that since he'd never had any hands or feet, he wouldn't know how to use them. The boy would be sure to die at the edge of the ocean, and the King would have an excuse to get rid of the dolphins forever.
The little girl wiped the boy's tears from his eyes and took his clumsy hands in hers.
"Calm down," she said softly, "I'll help you."
The girl laid her seashells out on the beach between them and took two lengths of string from the pocket of her tattered dress. One shell at a time she showed the boy how to use his hands to tie the knots and make the necklace to save himself and his family.
When they were finished the boy thanked her. The girl smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek. Although the boy feared for his family, the King had given him plenty of time to make the gift, and neither of them wanted to part. They laid the necklaces on a rock for safe keeping, and walked by the water until late into the night. The girl helped the dolphin-boy along, and he picked up walking quite quickly. By the end of the night, he was hardly stumbling at all.
They both fell completely in love by the end of the night, and sat by the water talking and kissing in the moonlight. As they stood up to say their goodbyes, it was the boy's turn to wipe away the peasant girl's tears.
"Thank you," he said, "I shall never forget you."
"And I'll never forget you either." she sobbed.
The boy grabbed the necklaces from the rock and gave his to the peasant girl.
"Here, keep this to remember me by, just in case."
They kissed once more, and the boy jumped back into the water. Almost instantly he was transformed into a dolphin and swam off into the distance. The girl stood on the beach watching until she could no longer see him, then turned and headed back home.
When the dolphin got back to the King and offered him the necklace, his face turned red with anger. He knew instantly that the necklace had been made by someone else's hands. The king laughed as he waved his trident and the dolphin was thrown back to his family. With a second wave of the trident, the ocean froze solid for miles around them.
The next day the girl rushed to finish her chores and ran to the beach as fast as her feet would carry her. When she saw the frozen water she was heartbroken. She felt the weight of the necklace around her neck and realized what had happened. She ran out onto the frozen ocean and slipped, slicing her knees on the jagged ice. The cuts stung her as she picked herself up, but she knew that she had to carry on. Each step she took tore into her feet. What seemed like an eternity later, she was at the edge of the ice.
"Mer-King!" she screamed. "I have your necklace! Please, set the dolphins free!" She waited, but no reply came. Again she screamed, "Mer-King! Please, I have your necklace!," but it seemed it was pointless.
She sat on the edge of the ice, her feet had gone numb from the cold. She was almost ready to give up when something stirred in the water. The Mer-King rose from the water and towered over her.
"How dare you ask anything of me!" he bellowed, "Just who do you think you are?"
"Please," she begged, "I meant no harm. You see, I helped the little dolphin-boy to make this necklace," she dangled the necklace in her hand, "and it seems that he brought you mine instead."
"Hmm," the King replied, "I see."
The King looked down at the little peasant girl and saw the blood on her feet and knees. The King, in all his anger and pride and arrogance, felt humbled.
"In return for this remarkable gesture," he said, "I will set the dolphins free. I shall also grant you one wish, but choose wisely, you only get one."
The girl pondered the situation, and thought of the boy on the beach, and how wonderful she felt when she was with him. But she couldn't leave her family to live in the ocean as a dolphin, and she knew that she couldn't wish the boy away from his.
"I wish," she spoke slowly, pausing to make sure she was ready, "I wish for you to make peace with the dolphins, and please give my necklace to the dolphin-boy as a token of that peace, and so that he'll always have a way to remember me."
"As you wish. I shall free the dolphins and let them be, so long as they let us be as well. As soon as you reach the shore it will be done."
The girl made her way back to the shore, and, just as her feet touched the sand, the ice melted and the water was warm again. She sat on the beach for hours, hoping the dolphin boy would return. She came back to that same spot every day and sat, staring at the ocean, searching desperately for a glimpse of her long lost love. And, day after day, she only saw water. There was no sign of the dolphins or of the boy.
One warm and sunny day, over a year after the ocean had been frozen and then melted by the Mer-King, the girl walked to the beach as she always did. Once again she saw the water and the sky, smelled the same cool breeze that filled her mind with such sweet memories. Today, however, she saw something else in the water as well. Off in the distance she saw a group of dolphins playing and jumping in the water.
She ran to the edge of the water and jumped in head first, swimming as fast as she could out to meet them. She hadn't gotten very far when one of them broke off from the group and swam in her direction. When he was almost at her feet she noticed a strange plant in his mouth. The dolphin swallowed the plant and was instantly transformed into the boy she loved.
"How'd you-" the girl started, "I mean, what about the King? Where'd you get the plant?"
"Well, once upon a time this beautiful peasant girl gave me a necklace. The thing is, it made me miss her every time I looked at it. But it just so happens that the Mer-King loves seashell necklaces, and he was more than happy to trade it for one of his magical plants."
The two kissed as the rest of the dolphins jumped up one last time and flipped their tails, bidding their parting family member farewell. They stood there by the ocean for quite some time before they walked back to the peasant girl's farm, where they lived happily ever after.
- VS -
Entry 2
'Blood loss.' the coroner announced curtly as he squatted by the body. 'Looks like he was half-dead from dehydration already though. My guess is he didn't leave this room for a few weeks before he died." He stood and stared dispassionately at the decomposing corpse for a long time without comment, apparently unable to find adequate elaboration for the horror beneath him. "Poor Bastard." He concluded flatly."What happened to his eyes?" Detective Sergeant Harris asked, his voice was choked with revulsion.
"I'd have to get him back to the lab to be sure but from the looks of the wounds and the residue on his hands, I'd say that he tore them out himself." 20 years dealing with New York Murder victims has desensitised him to such mutilation and he continued in the same matter-of-fact tone, "Probably psychosis caused by the dehydration" he said.
"Jesus." Harris breathed, pulling is gaze away from the disfigured geriatric on the floor.
"Poor Bastard" repeated the corner.
---
~ New York Times ~
August 1st 2005
ART HOARD DISCOVERED AFTER DEATH OF LOCAL RECLUSE
The art community was set ablaze with excitement yesterday after the family of recently deceased hermit Geoffrey Hodgekinson found what they described as a 'treasure trove' of masterpieces by some of the greatest artists throughout the ages amongst his private collection. The haul, which includes 2 Caravaggio's and a Renoir previously thought to have been lost forever, has been hailed as 'beyond value' by Rupert Merryweather, an expert from New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art where the pieces are currently being held. What's got the art-world so worked up though are the as yet unconfirmed reports that a never-before-seen Da Vinci fresco is amongst the find.
Mr Merryweather, 51, commented: "All I can say is that after intense studies of a number of high resolution photographs of part of the painting, there is a very strong possibility that it is an original Da Vinci. Of course, it is impossible to confirm this until the family let us take a look at the actual canvas.".
The Hodgekinson estate has refused to comment on the origins of the work directly but released a statement advising that not a soul would set eyes on the actual painting until it's unveiling at the Museum next week 'in accordance with the late Mr Hodgekinson's wishes...'
Harris threw the paper to his desk with a frustrated grunt. Nothing about the death felt right and the case was still at the front of his mind despite explicit instructions from his captain to discontinue his investigation - the family having dismissed police almost immediately after the coroner's official report of suicide.
'What drives a man to stay in one so long room without leaving to get so much as glass of fucking water?' He asked himself for the hundredth time. Even more curious to Harris was the revelation that a painting or print of some sort had been removed from the wall directly in front of where he had been discovered, apparently by hodgekinson himself minutes before death.
He sighed, resentful of the fact that he would probably never find out the answers
---
As he did every morning, Arthur sat alone at his kitchen table to eat breakfast and read the mail accompanied by the murmur of CNN on the small portable in the corner. He'd gone through his usual stack of invoices and statements first and now moved onto the remaining letters who's content was not discernable from their envelope's. This was to be as far into his routine as he would get today.
His sense of self-control satisfied, Arthur tore into the heavily stained envelope that had set a ripple of chaotic fear through his normally ordered thoughts as soon as he'd seen the Hodgekinson crest that adorned it. He pulled out the crumpled piece of headed paper within and stared at it in a mixture of shock and disgust for a long time before an overheard story on the news catalysed his fear further.
"...at the New York Met, where in a few hours, Da Vinci's lost masterpiece will be unveiled for experts and the general public alike to peruse. As you may have heard, the painting has been shrouded in a bizarre secrecy since it's discovery, with nobody, not even the family or the curator of the museum himself having actually laid eyes on the canvas."
The colour drained from Arthur's face and he sat in a stunned daze as the immaculate female anchor quizzed CNN's man-on-the-ground further.
"So John, if nobody's seen it before, how does the museum know what it is?"
"Well that's just it Wendy - they don't. The piece is part of a priceless collection being loaned indefinitely to the museum and former owner Geoffrey Hodgekinson left explicit instructions in his will that this particular painting is to remain unseen up until the day of it's unveiling - otherwise none of the collection is to be loaned out at all. Legend has it that the work reaches a level of beauty never before witnessed in a work of art, but at this time, the only thing we know for sure is that it a fresco titled 'The Frozen Ocean'..."
"No!" Arthur whispered, beads of perspiration breaking across his forehead. Shaking off his immobility, he leapt out of his seat and ran to the door - leaving the TV on and his breakfast half-eaten.
The grubby blood-smeared letter covered in an almost unintelligible scrawl floated down onto the floor in his wake.
I WAS WEAK.
THEY MUST NOT SHOW IT.
YOU KNOW WHY.
---
Harris didn't know art but even so, he was having difficulty curbing his excitement as he waited in the crowded museum in the agonising few minutes before the unveiling. The atmosphere was electric as the assembled sea of people all awaited the revelation of what could prove to be the most important artistic discovery in almost a century. Harris just wanted an explanation and an instinct he knew too well to ignore told him that this painting held the key to what had forced a man to remain in one room for weeks and then gouge out his own eyes, BEFORE blindly removing a canvas from the wall. What that key could possibly be eluded him.
Raised voices from the security cordon around the still covered frame snatched him from his reverie and on a whim, he barged his way through the masses to investigate the cause.
---
"You do not understand - The Frozen Ocean is not the name of the painting itself, but of The Effect it has..." Arthur was shouting at the mountainous Security Chief, "You cannot show it... you MUST not... the consequences are too dire for you too comprehend - nobody can be prepared for what happens when they see it.... It must be destroyed." He screamed
"Back off buddy" The Cheif's dismissive tone was punctuated with a sharp shove to the chest followed by a chuckle as he turned his back on him.
Arthur had worked himself into a frenzy by now and seeing the chief looking away, he seized his opportunity. Crying out, he jumped the rope cordon and drove his shoulder with a grunt into the exposed back of the security chief who stumbled and staggered to the ground. For a split second, nothing lay between Arthur and his goal and with a look of exultation he dove his hand to his inside jacket pocket and leapt across to the painting.
Two thunderous explosions rang through the gallery leaving a stunned silence in their wake that was broken only by the metallic tinkle of shell casings as they hit the marble flooring by Harris' feet.
And Arthur crumpled to the ground, a glass bottle of thinners falling from his hand and a look of profound failure on his face.
---
Back in Arthur's Kitchen, CNN continued their coverage.
"..Increasingly bizarre scenes here Wendy, as 45 minutes after The Frozen Ocean was uncovered to an excited New York Museum, the crowd still remain utterly motionless and in complete silence. I... I've never seen anything like this... It's as though everybody looking at the painting is mesmerised by it, almost to the point of hypnosis."
"Have YOU been able to view the work yet John?"
"Not yet Wendy, I was waiting for the crowd to clear a little, but as it looks like that's not going to happen, I guess I'll have to push through."
The Camera loses sight of John as he barges his way through the static sea of people but his commentary is still audible over the top of the shaky images caused by the camera man attempting to follow.
"As you have heard, the opening was controversially delayed this morning due to a security incident allegedly involving a man wielding a bottle of..."
an awed inhalation of breath can be heard
"....My God..."
And he falls silent.
A second later the camera breaks through to the front of the cordon and zooms into to mysterious painting, blurrily at first and then focusing in crystal quality.
And the news room falls silent.
But not before the image is transmitted to tens of millions of homes across the world.
Entry 1:
Berty
blank_mind
BobLobla
CaptainThorns
comicbookguy
electrictoothsyndrome
firefly
JMG114
joedaddy
JohnGalt
loki
Method
polyamorousaj
Snark
spedmonkey
swamp_donkey
thecaes
William_Q_Percy
18 eligible votes (18 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
badassmofo
Bellebrown
BillsSBChamps
BLITZKREIG_BOB
c1ndy
Circe
congo
CoreaPeekay
corn_nugget
Coyote
darko
Davros
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
Douglas
FunnyAsCancer
GodChicken
icarus1987
indoninja
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JonnyX
Kre8rix
krissi
Magicaddict
Muiro
munkeypants
Natsukau
nitty34
ParlorTrick
Pentameter
rad1101
redraven
satchel
Slovin
Spam
stevie_says
supadupapupa
thorpe
Viciousriffs
WildcatMcGee
zakalwe
40 eligible votes (46 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-29 05:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS: No offense taken, in fact I agree with you whole-heartedly, As Caes said, this needed polishing up in a big way - I didn't get my title until Monday afternoon, so I had to come up with this and write in one day - hence it's sketchy as fuck. A poor excuse I know. With any luck, next round I'll be able to put a decent amount of time and effort into it.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-28 23:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You both did well, but it's too bad John has to go.
I really liked your fairy tale. It was pretty impressive.
I think many people don't see the value in the simplicity of it. I thought it was brilliant. By far one of the best pieces of the competition so far.
Spam, I didn't mean to be harsh on your post. It was a good story. It only had the couple problems I mentioned, but beyond that was stellar as well. Up against anything else and I might have voted for it. I was just shocked that the vote was not at least a little closer when I first saw it. Kinda one of those 'losing faith in uber' moments. Nothing personal against your story.
You do understand what I meant about the plot hole though right? If you can avoid that kind of thing in future rounds, you should have no trouble going far.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-28 22:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bah, I wanted the fairytale to win!
I really thought that could be a real fairytale, you know? It was so good.
Spam, I thought your story was good too but it needed polishing. Thanks to both of you for a good read in this contest, which has on more than ocassion made me want to gouge my eyes out.
Not because of a hypnotic painting. Because of extreme crap.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-28 17:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats to both of you. These were two of the best stories this round. Fantastic, really.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:58:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and congrats again, just in case you didn't see it on the other comment I made.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're being too hard on yourself. I also think it's a damn shame that one of us has to lose and one of the people from that "You Might Not Know This" post gets to go on to the next round.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-28 12:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:54:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
FYI, author #2, a frescoe is painted directly into a drying plaster wall. It's "fresh," thus the name. It's never on a canvas. I'm sure I won't be the only one to harp about this.
---
Actually you were - I figured that I'd used the term mistakenly as soon as I typed it but I had neither the time nor will to verify this.
I must say, I'm pretty fucking suprised at how the voting turned out for this - I really think that mine was muddled, poorly written and generally a bit shit (I think Caes' review summed it up best).
Anyway, thanks to those who voted.
John Galt: Unlucky mate, I know it's scant consolation but I thought yours was better.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FYI, author #2, a frescoe is painted directly into a drying plaster wall. It's "fresh," thus the name. It's never on a canvas. I'm sure I won't be the only one to harp about this.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:42:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so pissed no one did an outlandish sci-fi take on this title that I just punched my own ballsack.
--
There's nothing stopping you from taking the title and doing that much with it yourself, Jack.
It must be killing you to be out of the competition this year, eh?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovecraft would be proud.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a really hard call for me.
Entry 1 was just great storytelling. Nice and wholesome, no gimmicks, no shocking twsits. I loved it. Nice work.
Entry 2 has a great interpretation on the title. I try to reward creativity in this contest, and you definitely had that going for you. Too bad that entry 1 had just a bit more in my mind. Good job, none the less.
Nothing technical irked me, it just came down to a personal preference.
Thanks, both of you.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool pic, too.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-28 01:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-07-27 22:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:51:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-07-27 17:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both kicked ass.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to vote for #1. It was a tale of happiness and rainbows.
Entry #2 has the most beautiful picture I have ever seen.
I really did stare it it for 5 minutes.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
entry 2 is eerily similar to a short story i once read about people using computer generated pictures to kill a million people. something about the patterns generated caused the mind to seize up, and some terrorist showed one of the posters on live tv. i don't do the tale justice here.
i'm going to assume you haven't read that story and give you the vote.
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have liked entry 1 better if the girl drowned at the end. Well written though.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-27 07:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One didn't do anything for me.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-27 04:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not too shabby at all.
-Dave
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-27 03:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-07-27 02:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-27 02:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weren't disney writers banned from this site?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
More reasons I didn't vote for 2: the beginning part was sloppy and the whole thing with the cop wondering about the case was really superfluous.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 had a wonderful picture and a cool ending.
I liked Entry 1 more. It was a cute little fairytale story.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-26 23:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked the originality of number two. It wasn't written all that well (dialogue was lacking- people don't REALLY talk like that, a few points where I got confused or stopped short due mostly to oddly structured sentences).
I dislike fantasy or fables, so no. one couldn't hold my interest. It may have been written better, but... it wasn't enjoyable for me to read.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 gets it for doing something other than a typical UM post.
Badass. This type of entry deserves to make Sweet 16 at least.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:50:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:37:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry one is the closest thing to a masterpiece that I think I've so far seen in this competition. Its author is clearly a student of mythology. Entry two, also, is haunting and very well done.
These are more like the stories I'd expect from later rounds. Good work, both of you.
---------------------
I cannot BELIEVE this vote! This is a travesty!
Chin up author 1, JMG and I are right. Your story is pretty much a masterpiece, and, in my opinion, belongs right up there with Grimm's and Anderson's fairy tales.
This is my favorite entry of the competition so far, I think.
Simply brilliant.
You should be proud of yourself for having written it.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awwwwwww Entry 1 was excellent. I am a HUGE fan of fairy tales. Always have been. This one is very cute. This is the second best fairy tale I've ever read on this site. The first being Circe's fairy tale from last year's UM. Good job.
Entry 2 was a little predictable. Good, but lacked a little something. I think the way you covered the plot hole of how the man, if he was hypnotized, removed the print from the wall, by gouging out his own eyes doesn't hold water. If he gouged out his eyes, how did he break his hypnosis long enough to do it, and then once it was broken, why didn't he save himself instead of gougin out his eyes?
I think you should have had him sitting by candlelight when he went hypnotized and the room got torched or something, and then he was burned alive. That would have served the dual purpose of concealing the plot hole while not tipping off the ending.
Not bad though, overall. But entry 1 got my vote.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:40:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:29:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stared too long and saw a combination of goatse, tubgirl, and lemonparty. Impressive.
Submitted by Muiro (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I could see it coming from "clawed his eyes out himself" and "art hoard".
Knowing what the punch was made it less enjoyable, but it was still better than the average-style fairytale.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Post #1 was brought to you by Sea World®, a division of the Anheuser-Busch® Entertainment Division.
I did rather like the premise of #2 - the setup was a little splotchy, though.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As much as I love a happy-ending story (a definite dearth here on Uber), #2 had a more original idea.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:18:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tough choice
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so pissed no one did an outlandish sci-fi take on this title that I just punched my own ballsack.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice try, Author #1. Just didn't do it for me. Ballsy to go for a fable, though.
#2 didn't have a great impact, but I can see what they were working toward.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuckin' creepy...
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:03:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:36:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For some reason I just really liked #1.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:51:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry one is the closest thing to a masterpiece that I think I've so far seen in this competition. Its author is clearly a student of mythology. Entry two, also, is haunting and very well done.
These are more like the stories I'd expect from later rounds. Good work, both of you.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read something like #1 in I wanna say second grade.
It's not bad, but MAN...
As for #2, I just like the pic...
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was truly hard to chose
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 didn't make much sense
Submitted by Douglas (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my eyes hurt
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment