Zero Tolerance (246 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Belle (View user info) at 2005-07-26 09:45:33 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
I don't think I can do this anymore.
No.
I don't want to do this anymore... I'm tired.
I feel like I've been fighting this for so long, and it's just getting really bloody boring now... and I know I'm going to lose so what's the point?
[Hi nurse, yes... I'm okay thanks.]
It's been three years, and I think I did pretty well... I don't really care what anyone else thinks - I think I did okay and that's all there is to it.
I just want to sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep... oh man, that sounds so good now. Sleep.
Such a sexy word.
[Yes, yes... good day for it I s'pose]
I never thought that I'd find sleep sexy - but hey, you never know what life is gonna deal ya, eh?
I haven't had a decent nights sleep for four months. And it's gotten worse since I came into this shit hole. Every time I manage to drift off some do-gooder comes and fluffs my pillow, or offers me a cup of tea.
[No thank you - could I have a coffee?]
Man, I fucking hate tea... why do they never offer coffee?
I don't know - maybe if they offered coffee, we'd all find out how good it is for you and we could all go home. Coffee could be the cure! Fucking know it all, know-nothings... have they tried that? Tried coffee as a fix?
Sorry - am I being negative?
I am sick and tired of everyone thinking that I shouldn't be fucked off with being here. Why the hell can't I?
What right does anyone else have to tell me how to feel?
[No coffee? Just tea? Um, then, no... no thanks.]
I eat and drink when and what they tell me, I piss where they tell me, I watch the TV that they let me, and I'm naked when they decide, so why the fuck can't my moods be my own?
It's not like I have that many pleasures left and I quite like being an asshole.
Apparently, though, I have do be upbeat and optimistic. Yay! I'm dying! Woo! I feel sorry for you fuckers left behind, because *I* am going to heaven... (I think!) Yeah!
Easier said than done, I can tell you.
[Is that the menu today? Oh, I didn't realise it was Tuesday. Chicken Tuesday - yes, very funny].
She says that every fucking week... She must forget that I'm not dead yet and I heard it before - thirteen times to be precise. Chirpy bitch.
It's alright for them, they're not the ones sitting there waiting for the meds to stop working... they're not the ones waiting for the next wave of shooting, searing pain. They're not the ones sitting here listening to Mr Gruffnit (or whatever his name is) in the next bed cry like a baby because he's too scared to close his eyes...
I will be nice and upbeat when I get a private room and I don't have to be reminded that this is the dead end ward, the ward where they stick us sickies that have no hope of survival.
Ha ha! We're Team No Hope! Go Team No Hope! Woo!
[We're Team No Hope - You can be Captain Gruffnit... Gruffnit? You still with us? Good lad. Sorry nurse, what was that?]
You know what - fuck them.
Fuck all of them - I'm the one sitting here, and I'm the one who'll say if I'm alright to be negative.
[Chicken casserole then please.]
I'll be as miserable and sarcastic as I god damn well please, it's not like they can hurt me.
What are they going to do? Take away what little dignity I've got left?
HA! They stood me up naked in front of Gruffnit's daughters while they changed my blood and shit soaked bed clothes, back when I could still stand up. I stood there staring at those girls because I knew they'd look away.
I stood there with my cock out, and they had to look away... that was a new one on me, not like the good old days.
I used to be handsome - quite a hit with the ladies. Decent physique, big blue eyes - drove the chicks crazy... I've still got the eyes, they look even bigger now my cheeks have sunk.
[Nurse? Could you change the channel on the TV please? I don't want to watch an extreme makeover... Could we watch.... ? Nurse?]
Ahhh FUCK!
You EVIL bitch. Evil, evil WHORE!
Why the fuck am I watching some fat bitch have her image changed by medical science? Is she trying to wind me up?
I CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING PLACE!
If I had the energy I'd kill myself now rather than sit here a moment longer.
Bastards.
I don't know what's worse - knowing full well that that my body is busy building up a resistance to the medication and sooner or later it will stop working, or listening to that stupid bubbly bitch going on about how nice a day it is, whilst she ignores anything I say or ask her to do.
[Yes, I'm sure I don't want a salad... Chicken casserole will be fine... Oh, is it? I'd still like the casserole thanks. I'm sick woman, not fucking confused! I don't care if its 150 degrees out - I want the fu... - Sorry nurse. I didn't mean to swear].
Yes I did.
Why the hell would I care if it were sunny outside? I haven't been
outside for thirteen weeks.
Fuck it. Fuck her. Fuck all of them.
[No - No MORE TEA. JESUS. Could you turn the...]
I just don't have the energy to deal with this - you know?
I know what's coming... and apparently, making jokes that my body is retarded and building up resistance to the wrong thing is not the appropriate thing to do right about now.
I wish they'd given me a set of rules when I walked in.
1) You can be sad, but you can't be miserable and/or sarcastic.
2) Making jokes about dying is inappropriate, unless they're lovely jokes about meeting God.
3) Flirting with nurses is frowned upon, they are allowed to flirt with you but not you with them. (Like I've got the energy! If she sat on my face I probably wouldn't notice and I think I'd faint if I got a hard on. I need all my blood in my brain to keep it working).
4) You may shit yourself, but it is not ok to continually ask for the bed to be changed. Once is enough, even if you have to wait three hours for someone to get a nurse who can't refuse to do it.
Good eh? Wish you were me?
...Oh... that's not good.
[Nurse... nurse... I think I need some help! Nurse! Help me... please...]
Fuck, that's twenty minutes now - the medication is getting weaker and
weaker - it was thirty last time. I never realised it would be this
quick....
[Thanks... yes... I... I... it's getting worse. Sorry... I... yes...
that... that's... better...]
Trippy shit that stuff.
I had a strange looking doctor come and see me a few days ago. Told me all about it - my tolerance levels this, thresholds or other that. It's all to do with the liver apparently. Eventually my liver will have zero tolerance to the morphine, it will pass right through me.
I never much liked liver.
They've promised me that when I can't stand the pain anymore, when all the strength has gone, and I can take it no more, they'll help me...
How am I supposed to know what that even means? I'd have thought that when you experience that much pain and you couldn't take it you die anyway.
[No... honestly, I really don't like tea...]
I don't know if I want to do this. I wanted someone to be here with me.
I don't want that nurse - I can't fucking stand her. I don't want my last minutes to be with an ugly woman. That would just be wrong...
Can't stand this place, can't stand her, can't stand the pain... hey, that sounds good that... I wonder if I've got time to write a song. I used to write songs.
I hope I get a cup of coffee just before they 'help me' - that'd be nice.
But, knowing my luck, it'll be the first time they'll do something on time and I won't get a chance to drink it.
It will be nice to get some sleep though... oh, sexy sleep... sleeping with the fishies...
User Reviews
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-10-30 05:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment