Zero Tolerance (1188 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.28 on 85 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-26 09:50:02 EDT
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Entry 1
4:30 AMA peaceful night sky still hangs over the rural farmlands of Wilson, Wisconsin. Quiet. Serene. Tranquil. A lone farmhouse nestled in the back roads sat almost lonely on a hillside. The silence was broken by the piercing sound of Ted Narske.
"GOD DAMNIT BOY GET YER ASS OUT OF BED! IT'S TIME FOR CHORES!" He yelled as he stood in the doorway of his youngest son Tim's bedroom.
"But Daddy, I'm sick!" the boy, no more than eight cried.
"Sick? What in the hell are you cryin' about this time, boy?"
"I got the chickenpox! Mama says I'm not supposed to do any chores!"
"Chickenpox? Shit, you had those yesterday. I swear boy, you can milk anything so long as it ain't a dairy cow. Now get your butt dressed and get out to the shed. Tom's already out there doin' his chores, and if I have to tell you again it'll be with the business end of the switch, now GIT!"
Ted Narske was a hard-working man. He worked hard, he worked his boys hard. They weren't ever going to amount to anything if he didn't push them to. Especially Timothy. That boy was soft. Too much of his mother in him. Tim was going to make some woman a very happy husband someday. He wasn't cut out to be a dairy farmer, but damned if Ted wasn't going to try to make him one.
7:00 AM
Breakfast time at the Narske table.
"How'd the milking go, boys?" Linda asked.
"It went great, mom. Except Tim couldn't even finish two!" Tom smirked.
"Shutup, Tom!"
"Tim you don't talk to your brother that way," Linda scolded.
"Yeah, boy. You wouldn't have nothin' to be upset about if you didn't have such a dead-fish grip. Now drink your milk."
Tim sat in silence, glaring at his pancakes and sulking.
"Drink your milk, boy."
"I don't want it."
A hush fell over the room as Ted slammed his hand down.
"Tim!" Linda exclaimed.
"Now you listen here," Ted growled, "I work too damn hard to provide food for this family to have you treat me that way. You drink your milk."
"No. It makes me queasy. I don't like it..."
***
As the tears dried on Tim's face, he wiped the milk from his mouth with one hand and with the other massaged his swollen buttocks. Suddenly he felt a familiar rumbling. He ran as fast as he could to the bathroom and thrust his pants down, squatting onto the toilet. The reverberations of his diarrhea echoing from the toilet were heard throughout the house. He heard a high-pitched cackle as Tom yelled out, "STAAAAAMPEEEEEDE! HAHAHAHA."
Ted clambered down the stairs and knocked on the door. "You okay in there, boy? That's what good dairy milk'll do for ya. We'll cure you of that weak stomach yet."
***
Tim came back from the doctor with Linda. The familiar sight of his drying tears was seen by his father.
"Oh Jesus, Linda... what's he cryin' about now?"
Linda gave a half-admonishing, half-angry look to Ted and shooed Tim along to go up to his bedroom and read.
"Well, what is it?"
"He's lactose intolerant, Ted."
The realization would've hit Mr. Narske much harder had he known what either lactose or intolerant meant, so instead of instant horror and dismay washing over his face as one might expect, he sort of chuckled and scratched at the back of his head. "Yeah, them crazy Lactosians. Nixon should've invaded that place. But I didn't raise our boy to be no racist."
***
Tim's adolescent years in the Narske household were no better. He was clumsy, socially inept, shy, and a bit of a bookworm. Instead of football games and bonfires, Tim spent his time more productively. He sought out as much knowledge as he could, hoping to find a way to escape the Narske farm and those fucking cows.
***
Twelve years later, Tim opened up an envelope, addressed from home. It was a letter from Linda, begging him to come home for a visit. He'd received dozens of these letters since his brother's funeral. Tom Narske was one of Sheboygan County's best rodeo clowns, but even he was no match for the baddest bull on the west side of 43. When you tangoed with Ace of Pace, you were in a world of hurt. Tom Narske found that out the hard way, as the half-ton beast crushed his cervical vertebrae under its hooves. As they lowered the barrel-shaped coffin into Tom's grave, Tim watched from a distance, ready to make his quick exit. He was no good at these sorts of things, and he wouldn't be much use in consoling his father. Tom was the favorite, and Tim didn't want to remind him of that.
But this letter was different. His mother seemed almost desperate for him to come home. He tossed it in the pile with the others and forgot about it as usual. Sent her a letter telling her she was in his thoughts and he wished them both the best but he was far too busy with his new job as an actuary to come home at the moment.
Then one day Tim got a call. Something was wrong. This time Linda was not asking Tim to come home, she was demanding it. Linda said in the letter that Ted wasn't going to make it through another summer on the farm.
Tim hopped in his car and drove the three hours back home as fast as he could, which was, incidentally three hours. As an actuary, Tim knew that his potential for getting into accident increased tenfold for every ten miles per hour he sped. When he got there, he rushed to the door, only to see the old bastard as healthy and vibrant as ever.
His mother waved him over.
"Mom, what the hell?!"
"Welcome home, Tim. You're just in time to help your father milk the cattle."
"I thought you said Dad wasn't going to make it through the summer?"
"Oh, did I? What I meant to say was that he wasn't going to make it through the summer without your help. We've got a new batch of calves, and your father needs help weaning them off the mothers."
"That's seriously fucked, Mom."
"Watch your language, Tim. Go put on some of your brother's clothes and help your father separate them."
***
Tim emerged from the house as he fastened the overalls and cinched them tighter. Tom was always bigger than he was. Ted waved at him and called out.
"Help me get this big mama out of the pen, Tim!" He said as he coaxed a calf away from its mother. GET ON OUTTA HERE, YA BITCH!"
Tim smiled. Nice to see that some things never changed. He started to trot out toward the pen when he saw something go wrong. Ted had turned his back to the mother and left the gate unlocked. The cow charged Ted and knocked him to the ground. Tim knew that he couldn't stop a full-sized cow from its goal without help, so he ran to the shed. When he emerged, he saw his father lying motionless on the ground, the cow snorting and sniffing at the back of his head. With a roar and a yell Tim ran into the pen.
As the chainsaw sliced through the rough cow flesh, Tim felt a gratifying sense of satisfaction. This wasn't just for his father. This was for him. This was for his brother. This was for every time he had to tend to these bovine fucks and trudge through snow and shit and cold just so that he could use them for something he would never derive satisfaction from. This was the day Tim got his revenge.
Ted woke with a start and struggled to focus his eyes as he shook off the cobwebs.
"Jesus, Tim... What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked.
Tim casually wiped an amputated utter from his shoulder and smiled. "I'm lactose intolerant."
- VS -
Entry 2
I don't think I can do this anymore.No.
I don't want to do this anymore... I'm tired.
I feel like I've been fighting this for so long, and it's just getting really bloody boring now... and I know I'm going to lose so what's the point?
[Hi nurse, yes... I'm okay thanks.]
It's been three years, and I think I did pretty well... I don't really care what anyone else thinks - I think I did okay and that's all there is to it.
I just want to sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep... oh man, that sounds so good now. Sleep.
Such a sexy word.
[Yes, yes... good day for it I s'pose]
I never thought that I'd find sleep sexy - but hey, you never know what life is gonna deal ya, eh?
I haven't had a decent nights sleep for four months. And it's gotten worse since I came into this shit hole. Every time I manage to drift off some do-gooder comes and fluffs my pillow, or offers me a cup of tea.
[No thank you - could I have a coffee?]
Man, I fucking hate tea... why do they never offer coffee?
I don't know - maybe if they offered coffee, we'd all find out how good it is for you and we could all go home. Coffee could be the cure! Fucking know it all, know-nothings... have they tried that? Tried coffee as a fix?
Sorry - am I being negative?
I am sick and tired of everyone thinking that I shouldn't be fucked off with being here. Why the hell can't I?
What right does anyone else have to tell me how to feel?
[No coffee? Just tea? Um, then, no... no thanks.]
I eat and drink when and what they tell me, I piss where they tell me, I watch the TV that they let me, and I'm naked when they decide, so why the fuck can't my moods be my own?
It's not like I have that many pleasures left and I quite like being an asshole.
Apparently, though, I have do be upbeat and optimistic. Yay! I'm dying! Woo! I feel sorry for you fuckers left behind, because *I* am going to heaven... (I think!) Yeah!
Easier said than done, I can tell you.
[Is that the menu today? Oh, I didn't realise it was Tuesday. Chicken Tuesday - yes, very funny].
She says that every fucking week... She must forget that I'm not dead yet and I heard it before - thirteen times to be precise. Chirpy bitch.
It's alright for them, they're not the ones sitting there waiting for the meds to stop working... they're not the ones waiting for the next wave of shooting, searing pain. They're not the ones sitting here listening to Mr Gruffnit (or whatever his name is) in the next bed cry like a baby because he's too scared to close his eyes...
I will be nice and upbeat when I get a private room and I don't have to be reminded that this is the dead end ward, the ward where they stick us sickies that have no hope of survival.
Ha ha! We're Team No Hope! Go Team No Hope! Woo!
[We're Team No Hope - You can be Captain Gruffnit... Gruffnit? You still with us? Good lad. Sorry nurse, what was that?]
You know what - fuck them.
Fuck all of them - I'm the one sitting here, and I'm the one who'll say if I'm alright to be negative.
[Chicken casserole then please.]
I'll be as miserable and sarcastic as I god damn well please, it's not like they can hurt me.
What are they going to do? Take away what little dignity I've got left?
HA! They stood me up naked in front of Gruffnit's daughters while they changed my blood and shit soaked bed clothes, back when I could still stand up. I stood there staring at those girls because I knew they'd look away.
I stood there with my cock out, and they had to look away... that was a new one on me, not like the good old days.
I used to be handsome - quite a hit with the ladies. Decent physique, big blue eyes - drove the chicks crazy... I've still got the eyes, they look even bigger now my cheeks have sunk.
[Nurse? Could you change the channel on the TV please? I don't want to watch an extreme makeover... Could we watch.... ? Nurse?]
Ahhh FUCK!
You EVIL bitch. Evil, evil WHORE!
Why the fuck am I watching some fat bitch have her image changed by medical science? Is she trying to wind me up?
I CAN'T STAND THIS FUCKING PLACE!
If I had the energy I'd kill myself now rather than sit here a moment longer.
Bastards.
I don't know what's worse - knowing full well that that my body is busy building up a resistance to the medication and sooner or later it will stop working, or listening to that stupid bubbly bitch going on about how nice a day it is, whilst she ignores anything I say or ask her to do.
[Yes, I'm sure I don't want a salad... Chicken casserole will be fine... Oh, is it? I'd still like the casserole thanks. I'm sick woman, not fucking confused! I don't care if its 150 degrees out - I want the fu... - Sorry nurse. I didn't mean to swear].
Yes I did.
Why the hell would I care if it were sunny outside? I haven't been
outside for thirteen weeks.
Fuck it. Fuck her. Fuck all of them.
[No - No MORE TEA. JESUS. Could you turn the...]
I just don't have the energy to deal with this - you know?
I know what's coming... and apparently, making jokes that my body is retarded and building up resistance to the wrong thing is not the appropriate thing to do right about now.
I wish they'd given me a set of rules when I walked in.
1) You can be sad, but you can't be miserable and/or sarcastic.
2) Making jokes about dying is inappropriate, unless they're lovely jokes about meeting God.
3) Flirting with nurses is frowned upon, they are allowed to flirt with you but not you with them. (Like I've got the energy! If she sat on my face I probably wouldn't notice and I think I'd faint if I got a hard on. I need all my blood in my brain to keep it working).
4) You may shit yourself, but it is not ok to continually ask for the bed to be changed. Once is enough, even if you have to wait three hours for someone to get a nurse who can't refuse to do it.
Good eh? Wish you were me?
...Oh... that's not good.
[Nurse... nurse... I think I need some help! Nurse! Help me... please...]
Fuck, that's twenty minutes now - the medication is getting weaker and
weaker - it was thirty last time. I never realised it would be this
quick....
[Thanks... yes... I... I... it's getting worse. Sorry... I... yes...
that... that's... better...]
Trippy shit that stuff.
I had a strange looking doctor come and see me a few days ago. Told me all about it - my tolerance levels this, thresholds or other that. It's all to do with the liver apparently. Eventually my liver will have zero tolerance to the morphine, it will pass right through me.
I never much liked liver.
They've promised me that when I can't stand the pain anymore, when all the strength has gone, and I can take it no more, they'll help me...
How am I supposed to know what that even means? I'd have thought that when you experience that much pain and you couldn't take it you die anyway.
[No... honestly, I really don't like tea...]
I don't know if I want to do this. I wanted someone to be here with me.
I don't want that nurse - I can't fucking stand her. I don't want my last minutes to be with an ugly woman. That would just be wrong...
Can't stand this place, can't stand her, can't stand the pain... hey, that sounds good that... I wonder if I've got time to write a song. I used to write songs.
I hope I get a cup of coffee just before they 'help me' - that'd be nice.
But, knowing my luck, it'll be the first time they'll do something on time and I won't get a chance to drink it.
It will be nice to get some sleep though... oh, sexy sleep... sleeping with the fishies...
Entry 1:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
Axolotl
badassmofo
Barlow
blank_mind
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
BobLobla
c1ndy
CaptainThorns
checkyourmail
comicbookguy
CoreaPeekay
Coyote
doctorj24
dodahdave
DonkeyOnTheEdge
ess-arr
firefly
gamma
gascs
GodChicken
jack11058
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
krissi
loki
Magicaddict
Method
nitty34
NOWorNEVER
ParlorTrick
Pentameter
Razor
redraven
sebcharrot
Slovin
Snark
spedmonkey
Stin
SullyThePirate
Viciousriffs
youarsoghey
zakalwe
41 eligible votes (46 total) *
Entry 2:
apollo88
Arthur_Dent
AshyLarry
Bellebrown
Berty
BillsSBChamps
congo
corn_nugget
darko
Davros
indoninja
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
Katastrofadark
kimmy02721
kissmyarse
kwame_johnson
munkeypants
Natsukau
polyamorousaj
Professional_Peon
rad1101
satchel
SPECIALk
stevie_says
supadupapupa
thecaes
thorpe
tlovess
Tom
William_Q_Percy
YELLOW-MAN
28 eligible votes (32 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-03 05:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zero Bootfuck
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-08-03 05:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't... :)
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-29 19:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bellebrown, you got robbed!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those were both funny... the last line of #2 nearly got my vote.
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
moo
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-28 02:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-28 01:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Barlow (user info) at 2005-07-27 21:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For some reason, calling sleep 'sexy' really rubbed me the wrong way.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-27 21:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was tipping author 2's way, but I am tired of the electro references in serious posts.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm. I thought entry 2 used the title to better effect, but it seemed a bit unfocused and I absolutely HATED the use of the 'sleep with the fishies' line at the end. That ruined it for me.
I liked the story telling style of #1, although I felt that it altered its tone halfway through. Perhaps this was intentional...
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-07-27 19:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-27 17:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlovess (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2 struck a cord with me. I know what those places are like. I know if I were in one, I'd be the same way.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 fucking owned.
YREAAAAAAGH!! IM LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh fest
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2005-07-27 06:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-27 05:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 confused me with the Ted,Tim,Tom thing. Also the story seemed thrown together.
#2 was well written but almost lost the vote by the use of the "fishies" at the end.
But I did like the tone so #2 gets it.
-Dave
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-07-27 04:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-27 03:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-27 01:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they were both good, but I liked the desperation in number 2...
could have done without the fishies though
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2005-07-27 01:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Difficult choice. Ulitmately, I went with the cows over the fishies.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:09:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 for sure. Though it was a little...I don't know what the word is...scattered? It was a pretty depressing and realistic-sounding view at a terminal patient. A chilling portrayal of a terrible fate.
Entry 1...meh. Went for humour but didn't hit the mark for me, though the end bit with the chainsaw was pretty funny. The dad was too mean to be funny and too silly to be scary.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-26 23:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one was funny and well written.
Entry two, do you actually think like that? Come's off very fake, like your trying to be a tv program instead of a voice in a head.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kill dem cows
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought these were both good. I liked the style of the second a bit more. Too much dialogue in the first.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:07:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow #2
18 times, must be a 'fucking' record.
No vote for you.
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Author #1 apparently has bovine issues...
Author #2 just typed (random) words
in the hope
perhaps (SOMEONE) might be fooled into thinking...it...was..a...story.
Alas, poor Limey, you mistake (I want coffee,not tea) random gib-
berish for plot structure.
A common. misconception. amongst. Limey, male, posters!
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:43:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-26 15:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Ha ha! We're Team No Hope! Go Team No Hope! Woo!"
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've done my part.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both ended badly.
Although the stereotypes in entry 1 were dumb, "GET ON OUTTA HERE" is definitely right here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/71671#1479143
So just for that, it's #1.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I suspect many of us are developing zero tolerance for stuff like this.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, and it's 'udder,' you fucking moron.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tails = #2.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:35:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry, but both of these sucked a nut.
Long build-up to a bad joke in both cases.
Coin toss time.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:13:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"sleeping with the fishies"????
ENTRY ONE IT IS
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a tough decision. Good job to the both of you!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NOWorNEVER (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SLEEP WITH THE FISHIES IS GHEY
FUCK YOU AUTHOR 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Number one cracked me up.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2005-07-26 11:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait what?
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tough choice, #2 would have definitely benefited from the ability to use italics though.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe they were trying to (lose)
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry #2 fuck you for using a lame ass bandwagon line at the end. If you can't write a story that can stand on its own without trying to garner votes from the bandwagon, you deserve to lose.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kissmyarse (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:11:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
another "sleeping with the fishies" is this shenanigans? (got to use the uber lingo?!)
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:06:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:04:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tim casually wiped an amputated utter from his shoulder and smiled. "I'm lactose intolerant."
=========================
That was about fourteen kinds of awesome. I know because I counted.
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
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Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-26 10:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 blew.
Hard.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OH christ...
Couldn't you both just forfeit?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:59:13 EDT (#)
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:57:41 EDT (#)
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Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No comment.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:56:32 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:53:39 EDT (#)
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Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-26 09:51:05 EDT (#)
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