Broken Alibi (1128 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.42 on 78 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2005-07-26 12:00:02 EDT
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Entry 1
Anapra, Mexico1:58AM Central Daylight Time
----------------------------
Maria Gonzalez carefully examined every candle at the memorial stand to make sure that none were failing, as was her way. Her thick silvery hair glowed golden in the flickering candlelight as she shuffled arthritically towards her small office. As the light spilled out of the office doorway into the void of the main church, undulating over pews and rolling across the dusty stone floor, a shadow shifted from one recess, flitted silently across the stream of light, and sank once more into the darkness. Maria turned and gave a cursory glance around. Nothing. Shrugging, she placed more papers into her case and clicked the rusty catch closed. She turned to walk out the door and strode straight into a man's chest. She stumbled backwards in shock.
"¿Quiénes son usted? ¿Por qué está usted aquí?" she whispered fiercely, forgetting to speak in English. The man had made no sound when he'd walked in. He answered.
"Estoy aquí hacer mi trabajo. Usted va a morir." I am here to do my job. You are going to die. It was no threat; it was simply a fact, told without emotion. He spoke in a deep, quiet voice. The low vibrato in his voice seemed to resonate within her body, and she felt herself relaxing. In this calmer state she observed the man, who was still standing in the same spot. He was easily six feet tall, with broad shoulders and short-cropped hair. He was dressed head to toe in black: tee shirt, trousers, shoes... and gloves.
But it was his eyes that captured her. His bottomless cerulean eyes held her gaze unwaveringly, held open in an unreadable expression. Staring deep into his eyes, she knew he had not lied, and that she was going to die. She only wished that she could have been sent off with a prayer.
The tall man took a step towards her, and pressed a hand on her shoulder. She sank to her knees and bowed her head, any ideas of struggling having dissipated entirely. She knelt there for what seemed like an eternity, until finally he broke the silence and, speaking slowly in Latin, gave the last rites.
When he was finished he broke her neck expertly, and lowered her to the ground.
His watch began to beep. He silenced it and walked out of the church just in time to make some other appointments.
2 Months Later
Glasgow, Scotland
9:12PM Greenwich Mean Time
--------------------------
He sat on a stool at the bar, slumped over and examining his beer. He took a swig and shook the hair out of his eyes. As required by the job, he had adopted the appearance of a faded rock enthusiast, which fitted in perfectly with the pub's usual custom. He sported a wig of long, matted black hair and had let stubble take its hold of his jaw. He wore an old torn The Who tee shirt under a tight denim jacket, and ragged jeans to match. He had even applied his usual perfectionism in choosing suitable trainers to complete the ensemble.
He pushed the empty bottle towards the barman and, in a perfect Glaswegian accent, asked for another one. Burping quietly, he swivelled in his seat and took an expansive glance around the bar. He noted that his mark had finished his pint and was picking his jacket up and moving towards the door. He nodded to himself in a falsely drunken manner and turned back to the bar. He took care in paying the exact money, as any true alcoholic learns to do, and walked unsteadily out of the door into the freezing air.
Once outside, he tracked his mark's movement to another pub across the road, the Miller's Inn. He smiled, for the target was following his usual Friday night trail, so he walked into a bar 2 doors down. He found the bathroom, locked the door, and swung his flimsy bag off his shoulders and onto the counter. Carefully, he unpacked a shaving kit, a crisply folded suit, various paraphernalia... and a silenced Glock 28.
Twenty minutes later, he walked out of the bar, clean shaved, dressed in a very dark blue suit with a sober grey tie and shined black shoes. Resting snugly against his left side was the gun, strapped into a shoulder holster. The new wig felt a lot lighter on his head, the dark brown hair having been swept into an efficient side parting. He paused at the Miller's door, cleared his throat, and inwardly spurned himself for not brushing his teeth. Too late for that. He pushed open the door and strode confidently to the barman. He held up a badge and spoke in his best English accent.
"Excuse me, I'm Detective Green from the London Metropolitan Police. Do you have a man called William Baxter in here?" The old man's brow furrowed.
"Wully? Aye he comes here often. 's a matter o' fact, there he is noo." He said, pointing to the mark, who had just come from the bathroom.
The killer smiled, nodded his thanks to the barman and accosted his mark. He flashed him his badge, repeated his name and walked him out of the pub before the man had a chance to say anything. Once outside, Baxter shook free.
"What the hell is this? Let me see that ID again!" he said, alarmed.
"Mr Baxter, we have no time for this. Let's get back to my car, my partner is there and he will explain everything to you." He moved in, took hold of Baxter's arm and marched him down the street, ignoring the man's complaints. Further down, they turned into a darkened alley which led to another street. Halfway through, the killer's left arm leapt snakelike and struck Baxter in the neck. He fell backwards and toppled into a brick wall. Confident that he would be out for at least an hour, the killer heaved him onto his shoulders, kicked a door into the building on his left, and walked in.
11:34PM
-------
It was slightly over 90 minutes before Baxter started to move. The killer, Stefan Krüger, sat at the dusty window of the disused upstairs apartment he was using as his HQ. He had changed out of the suit and into his black outfit, and the wig lay a few feet away, where it had been thrown. He was busy calculating the time he had left until his next appointment. Checking his watch, he figured he had roughly two hours left before his flight to New York. If he missed it, his carefully constructed alibi would not stand. Or rather, the alibi constructed by his bosses. He had no idea who they were, nor did he want to find out. All he knew was that when they had a problem, he received another job.
They had either not found out or did not care about his unusual modus operandi: before every killing, he offered the victim a last, small comfort. Once, he gave a car dealer the chance to drive around the block in his fastest BMW. Another time, he had let a housewife phone her husband at work to tell him she loved him. It was not out of a desire for drama, but simply a last understanding of humanity which he could not shrug off, that he had given in to the pleas. Now he did it intentionally, giving each victim a last taste of life before he ended it.
"Where the fuck am I??"
So Baxter had woken up.
"I can't move! I can't fucking move!"
"Calm down, Mr Baxter. I am coming" said Stefan, who bent over Baxter's body and pulled a small, specialised pin out of his spine. Immediately the man's limbs began to shake, then grew restful. He stretched experimentally. Stefan held the pin up for Baxter to see.
"Just a small precaution of mine, Mr Baxter. I'm sure you understand." Indeed the man seemed to, for he did not ask why he was there.
"Look, all I did was-"
"I care not about your deeds, Mr Baxter. I am only here to do a job"
Minutes passed as Baxter thought hard.
"Why am I still alive?" he asked quietly. Stefan eyed him probingly for a moment, conscious of the unease his bottomless eyes roused in people. Finally he answered.
"Because you have still to tell me your last wish," he whispered, "You see, Mr Bax-"
"Yes," interrupted the small man, "I know who you are. Your accent isn't English anymore. It's German, isn't it?"
"Austrian." Krüger smiled, masking his irritation.
"Yes..." replied the man pensively, "I've heard of you. You give people what the want before they die, don't you? I thought so..." he said, when he noticed the blank expression on Krüger's face.
Krüger thought hard. So his jobs had been in the news. This was an uneasy turn for the worst. His service couldn't last any longer if his work was being recognised. He swore inwardly. And they knew of his accent. How could they know?? He ran a hand over the short hairs on his head calmly. Wheels and cogs spun in his head. This would have to be his final contract then. If his employers discovered his indulgences, he would be in danger.
He checked his watch again. It was seven minutes to midnight. He had approximately 90 minutes to finish this.
"Mr Baxter I want you to think hard now about what you want before you die. This is a chance to end your life on your terms. But choose fast, for I have little time to spare."
The small man shifted uncomfortably in his dusty corner. Eventually he cleared his throat and spoke.
"I... I met this girl last week. I want to see her before... before it happens."
00:26AM
-------
The details had been painstakingly worked out. Baxter would meet the girl outside a club called "The Toolshed" and walk to Argyle Street, which they would follow all the way to Central Station. Here they would part, and Baxter would wait until Stefan showed up. As they waited, Stefan whispered into Baxter's ear:
"Before I go, you need to know two things. While you were sleeping, I gave you an injection of a very lethal poison. It lays dormant for 3 hours then attacks the lungs and heart. You will choke on your own blood while your heart spasms intensely, and you will die a horrible death. So do not run away from me, for I have the antidote, and a much more peaceful way to die. Secondly, I have attached an electronic bug to your shirt, so if you speak about me or anything that has happened tonight, I will know, and kill you before you finish the sentence. Do not misunderstand me, I am giving you a chance to end your life properly, but if I need to, I will end it in a heartbeat. Mine, as it happens. Enjoy your night." And he disappeared into the night.
Stefan watched a pretty blonde in a thick black coat and wearing a large red bonnet walked past Baxter. He called "Jenny!" and she spun towards him. He walked towards her and kissed her on the cheek. Linking arms, they walked onwards, and Stefan followed in the dark. Truth be told, he had injected nothing, and had attached to listening device either, but in the past, the threat had been enough to keep his targets in check.
As he watched the couple walking along, talking happily, something struck Stefan as deeply wrong. A nagging sensation in the back of his mind screamed that this wasn't right. He watched the attentively, reading in the details, absorbing everything. Yes! That was it. The woman, despite being in a tasteful dress and beautiful jacket, was wearing flat-soled shoes. Such a discrepancy sent warning alarms in his head. The woman looked back casually, and for a moment their eyes met. For a moment, her cold, calculating stare dug hard into his eyes, and then her gaze moved on, nonchalantly taking in the view. This was wrong.
The couple turned into an alley, and Stefan pursued. Now forewarned as to what was going on, he stopped before running blindly into the alley, and ran back to the previous one. He sprinted through and turned right once he was out of it. The other alley ended ten feet away. He walked towards the entrance, and twisted round the corner, looking in.
A flash of movement. He ducked the pipe and was showered in brick dust as it bounced off the wall. Diving to the ground, the rolled on his left shoulder while pulling out his gun with his right. He rolled into a shooting position and struck off a double tap. BAM BAM. The sound ricocheted off the walls and a body slumped to the ground in the darkness of the alley. Baxter. Good. The job was done. At the other end of the alley, someone shouted.
"What's going on??"
Stefan ignored the shout, and suddenly remembered the woman. A split second early, he heard the woosh of air and the pipe struck him in the back of the head. In agony, he turned and shot blindly, stopping only when he heard a scream. He stumbled into a wall and slumped down. His watch beeped. Shit. Time was up.
The alibi was broken.
- VS -
Entry 2
There's one thing I will always remember about Sarah; she had a face that could make you forget any promise you'd ever made.She was sitting on my couch with her leg propped up on a pillow cradling a mug of tea in her palms and trying not to look at me. I fiddled with the TiVo—something wasn't connected right. The bruise on her cheekbone was starting to turn green at the edges—I assumed the same was true of the handprint that encircled her neck but her black turtleneck covered the evidence. It also made her dark eyes look wide and wet and big enough to fall into. The afternoon was stretching itself out to feel like one of those boring Russian plays where every line is a landmine of subtext—as if "Thanks for the tea" meant "You are the only one I've ever loved" and everybody just sits on their asses saying everything except what they really mean and not doing much of anything until three of the main characters kill themselves at the end. Not to say that I minded. I'd have spent weeks that way with Sarah. Just having her in the house made my breathing better, and maybe it was only the hint of the Ukraine left in her inflection that made me think of those plays.
"Doesn't your wife mind that I come here every afternoon?"
I almost laughed; the question was that absurd. What was left of my marriage had condensed into a sludge of loathing and regret, like a dried-up pond that leaves behind the stench of rotten algae, dead crawfish, salamanders reduced to slime... I yanked another jack out of the television.
Sarah looked down at her mug. "I mean, I know that it's difficult for you, but I just wouldn't want her to think that there's anything improper, tip the scales irrevocably—you know?"
"Don't worry about it," I said. "If she ever asks, I've got a great alibi who will testify truthfully that nothing improper has occurred."
She stayed quiet.
"That would be you, Sarah."
She squirmed a little on the couch, adjusting the pillow under her leg. Giving up on the TiVo I turned off the television and switched on a CD. Joni Mitchell. Her favorite.
"Ooooh" she cooed, "I love this CD!"
I kicked the wires out of the way and walked over to the couch. She adjusted her propped up leg to make room for me to sit beside her—close enough to touch. Not touching though... Never touching.
"Tell me, Jake...it's ok...What's going on with you and Marina? It'll feel good to get it off your chest."
Women always think that I want to get things off my chest. Maybe it's the brooding appearance I've cultivated over the years or maybe it's one of their subtle ploys to leave me vulnerable to a swift blow, something that would create a chink in the armor. That was Marina's strategy, anyway. She'd pry me open like an oyster and then rub salt on the soft spots and watch me shrivel up.
"Have you ever tried to kill a slug by pouring salt on it?"
Sarah shook her head. I angled my body toward her and tried to explain. "Well, if you've got a problem with slugs eating your garden, you can kill them by rubbing regular table salt on their bodies. At first it doesn't look like it's doing anything but before long the slug's skin starts to disintegrate—it actually looks like it's turning inside out because its skin is literally being eaten up by the salt."
She put her hand on my hand. It was warm, soft, radiating some kind of heat. I locked my body into place so that she wouldn't see how much her hand was changing me.
"Sometimes I felt like that with Marina. Like that slug with my skin being eaten up and like she was standing there watching...That the only way she could protect herself was to pour salt on me and watch me shrivel. I wouldn't have left her though. I tried to be good enough because I believe in that promise I made to her...I believed in her too. I believed in her for a very long time."
"Yes...I understand what you mean by this..." She withdrew her hand and it instinctively found its way to her throat. Then she smiled a little and said, "I've always liked beer traps better. Then at least the slugs die drunk and happy."
For a moment it was silent. I watched Sarah's eyes and heard Joni Mitchell sing that she 'could drink a case of you and still be on her feet.' Sarah broke the silence.
"You still love her though...and where there is love there is hope. She must love you very much to try so hard to hurt you. It's so easy to hurt the people that you love the most...harder to do the right thing and not pour salt on their soft spots or let them get intoxicated and hurt themselves or strike out..."
I felt sick with myself for talking about Marina 'hurting' me. Sarah's beatings were staring me in the face and I was making analogies about slug skin. I told her that I loved Marina when all I wanted was for Sarah to stay, to be there always and let me earn her trust and make it easier for both of us to breathe. I didn't want to be alone. Without Sarah, I knew I would always feel separate.
"I believe in your marriage," she smiled. "I've always been a creature of hope."
"Yeah, well look where all that hope got you." It came out like a reflex. Before I could open my mouth to apologize she just shook her head and put a finger up to her lips.
"You're not completely wrong....After all, the Bible says that of faith, hope, and love—the greatest of these is love...And you're right...love is supposed to feel good...supposed to feel safe..."
I knew then that I loved her. I hoped that her scriptural paraphrase was her way of telling me that she felt the same. But we weren't in a Russian play.
"It's time for me to go, Jake. Don't worry," she said, "I'm safe there now."
I helped her to her feet and dared to kiss her cheek in the doorway. She let her face linger beside mine for a moment before walking to her car.
"See you tomorrow," she called across the yard. "And don't worry—remember you've got a great alibi!"
*
The time between when she left in the early evening and when she was to arrive the next afternoon stretched out like the desert at night—cold, empty, nothing but wind whistling over sand and unlucky bones. I wondered if she was safe, I wondered if I was a coward or a fool or both, I wondered if I would ever be brave enough to tell her how I felt. I wondered if Marina loved me with the same kind of love that had brought about Sarah's bruises.
The next afternoon Sarah was nowhere to be found.
Two days later the phone rang. It was Marina. Her voice had taken on the softness that it had when I first touched her breasts in the back of the school auditorium.
"Do you remember that little girl with the eyes like saucers that we went to high school with? Sarah Andreyvna?"
I couldn't speak.
"She's dead, Jacob."
Silence.
"I read it in the paper this morning, in The Sun. Her boyfriend stabbed her fifty-six times...seven times in the face and neck. Can you imagine?"
I was imagining. I was cursing myself for not having imagined it soon enough to prevent it.
"How could anyone have been that angry at her?" I could hear that Marina had been crying.
I wanted to wail on myself with a hammer. I realized that I wasn't standing up anymore. I had sunk down to the kitchen floor.
"Jacob, can I come over this afternoon? I really don't want to be alone today."
I didn't even hesitate.
"I don't want to be alone either," I told my wife.
Entry 1:
badassmofo
BillsSBChamps
BLITZKREIG_BOB
BobLobla
c1ndy
CaptainThorns
Coyote
DarthFaded
Davros
dodahdave
domenad
DonkeyOnTheEdge
godking
Jack_McCallum
joedaddy
JonnyX
Katastrofadark
kimmy02721
loki
MANICMOTHER
MyNameIsTim
NOWorNEVER
Pentameter
sebcharrot
Slovin
SPECIALk
spedmonkey
thecaes
thorpe
TigerLilly
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
zakalwe
30 eligible votes (32 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
Bellebrown
blank_mind
bob
comicbookguy
Crystle
darko
doctorj24
engine13
ess-arr
Fabit
firefly
i_walk_alone
indoninja
jack11058
jgreening
JMG114
JSPANGLER
krissi
Magicaddict
Method
munkeypants
Natsukau
NotSteve
OnEdge
rad1101
Razor
rurumon
rushtawin
salmonofdoubt
satchel
Saxon
Snark
SpikeGoddess
stevie_says
Teephphah
Viciousriffs
William_Q_Percy
34 eligible votes (39 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-29 11:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah Spike, it would be a beautiful thing, but I'm already happily married. And, not to downplay your achievement as writing as a man but, I'm pretty damned emo when you get right down to it. I'm practically a womyn. So, my "buying" your masculinity might not be the benchmark to strive for. =(
Still, it was great, and as I mentioned in my original review, I voted for yours because it left me with something. Between Sarah's foreshadowy musings on hope to the hints of Russian novel-esque subtext, there were things to think about after having read it. That's just great writing.
But Seb, I want to say again how great your piece was too. I'm in awe.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-29 11:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not surprised at all to see who the authors of these pieces were. I want to say again, to both of you, how much I enjoyed your entries.
Thanks again.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-07-28 13:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seb,
+2 to you!
This was such a serious nail-biter and your post is awesome. Match-ups like this one are the whole point of Madness and I'm so glad that I had the chance to compete against somebody who wrote a creative, well thought-out, kicker of all ass story. I agree, shame on the fucker who spewed racist shit.
Thanks to everybody who complimented me, but especially to Teephah (I'd have your baby...but I might accidentally call you 'itchy' during sex...would that be wrong?) and to the guy who said "you're the man". I've never written as a guy before and (since the world knows how pervasive my feminininity is) the fact that you bought it was one of the best compliments I've ever received.
I am now officially terrified to face either Anansie or Petameter.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-28 12:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, so the voting's over. I wanna congratulate SpikeGoddess on a great post. It was very tense, and it's almost a shame it was so close.
Thanks to everyone who voted, even against me. Thanks for being honest.
Also, thanks JoeDaddy for the spanish tips, hehe. Unfortunately I used Babelfish, so if the translation sucked... that was why.
Finally though, and I'm sorry to end on such a note, but:
Fuck you Natsukau, for being such a dumb cunt about your rating. I would gladly have taken a hundred people's votes against me if they believed spike's post was better (which I am happy to accept) but voting for the other post because of something inane like having mexicans in it is the stupidest reason ever.
However, thanks again, everyone. And thanks for the advice. And well done to Spike.
-seb
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-07-28 11:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
number 2 was amazing. Number 1 just didn't grab me. Sorry!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry Author 1, your main character was a retard.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the mistakes in one made it a little annoying but the story itself was cool.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2005-07-28 10:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-07-28 08:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-07-28 02:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2005-07-28 01:33:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rushtawin (user info) at 2005-07-28 00:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-07-28 00:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who came up with these flaming titles?
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2005-07-28 00:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-27 21:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-27 21:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 just seemed a little bare.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-07-27 20:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-07-27 18:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2005-07-27 16:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 was a tough read, but better than 2.
I'd tighten things up, Author #1... aw, maybe it's just me.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i like Kiss of the Dragon too, author 1
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice use of a difficult title by both authors.
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:58:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh. AT least I'm not the only one writing cliches here.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-27 07:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The toughest choice so far.
-Dave
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-07-27 04:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Katastrofadark (user info) at 2005-07-27 02:53:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-07-27 00:16:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-26 23:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm. I thought both of these did a pretty bad job of working the title in there. Entry 1, I don't even understand what kind of alibi an anonymous killer would need. That didn't make any sense...and he went WAY too far out of his way to grant that last wish. And I didn't understand the thing about the flat soled shoes on the woman or anything about that sequence.
Entry 2, it was okay. Again, the alibi thing seemed to have a tenuous connection at best. The writing wasn't as clear or detailed or enthralling as #1. Close call for me, but in the end I found #1 to be more interesting.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by blank_mind (user info) at 2005-07-26 21:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
neither was great
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-07-26 19:58:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both well written but i found entry one a little confusing at times.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-26 18:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 Never use: Usted
It's tu tiene?, para tu, tener, hacer, etc. etc.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2005-07-26 18:30:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-26 18:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-26 18:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Entry 2, you da man. I would give you 4 votes, if only I had alters, and if only my votes counted. Just kidding - that's against the rules. GREAT STORY!
Entry 1, uh, your picture was nice. No joke! But the competition - sorry...
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-07-26 17:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Mexicans = automatic -2 and no vote.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No comment.
Submitted by JSPANGLER (user info) at 2005-07-26 16:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Girl!
I wamma take you to The Toolshed!
Sounds reasonable enough for me.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So it looks like what, 3 forfeits?
I think I counted 29 matchups...
Hopefully, we get to see those three soon.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a little twist on the usual hitman story.
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2005-07-26 14:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Broken Alibi
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:40:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Toolshed sounds like a gay bar.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked #2.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best match-up I've read this round. I want to make savage love to each of these authors. Strictly in the Platonic sense, of course. Meaning: greek. (wink, wink)
Entry #1 had absolutely beautiful use of words. I thought about pasting the entire post into the reply and the pointing out all of the various turns of phrase that made me swoon. But, then I figured that there wouldn't be enough room or time.
After finishing #1 I knew there was no way I could vote for two. But now, here I am, doing it.
I think #1's use of language was better, more beautiful, extraordinary, however, the ending of the story was a little abrupt and also a little disappointing. Maybe I just want the "good guy" to win, or maybe it was a little weak. I'm honestly not sure.
As a STORY, I thought #2 delivered the goods just a smidge better than #1. The pacing was more consistant and the ending was more satisfactory. It left me with something. #2 just ended and then was done. If that makes sense.
I wish I didn't have to vote on this one because both posts were just simply amazing. Thank you both for perservering through all the UberDrama and giving the readers something worthy of this competition.
You rock.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NOWorNEVER (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-07-26 13:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
both were excellent
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SUBTEXT!
I get the subtext.
I prmoise I do.
Submitted by OnEdge (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by i_walk_alone (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this should be a close one
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-07-26 12:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, both really good. Sorry Author 2.