21st CENTURY VAMPIRE KILLING KIT (ebay) (857 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maz <Mazellan666.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-27 07:45:05 EDT
While pissing around and enjoying the first week of my holidays I stumbled across the link: 21st CENTURY VAMPIRE KILLING KIT (ebay). Now it just caught my attention (for some strange reason). So i went to have a look at what could be behind this odd link.
What I saw shocked me to my living breathing insides. It was a case full of equipment deemed most useful if you fell foul of a vampire attack. Hmmmmmmmmmm. Now there was still time to salvage my opinion of this item, it could just be a fun little gimmick taken too far, it might just be a collectable item for.................ermmmm................. vampire killing set collectors. But oh no, they have to kill my faith in man kinds ability to possess common sense. The person selling this charming set went on to explain how to use each item in the case to its full capacity. The bible, the crosses the vile of poppy seeds. I have not heard the poppy seed one before:
"THERE ARE 4 GLASS CANISTERS INCLUDED IN THIS KIT WITH EACH ONE CONTAINING A VERY IMPORTANT INGREDIENT. THE FIRST IS FILLED WITH POPPY SEEDS VAMPIRES HAVE A FASCINATION WITH COUNTING AND POPPY SEEDS ARE USED TO SPRINKLE IN OR AROUND THE COFFIN OF A VAMPIRE OR YOUR DOORSTEP OF YOUR HOME. THE VAMPIRE WILL HAVE TO COUNT EACH AND EVERY POPPYSEED BEFORE HE LEAVES AND BY THIS TIME THE SUN WILL BE COMING UP AND HE WILL HAVE TO STAY IN THE COFFIN OR RETURN TO IT BEFORE THE LIGHT"
Argh the cunning vampire hunter that came up with that one. I bet it was that red one from sesame street, he's always into counting.
Harmless fun you might think, for people who believe that buying this case for......... fuck me $150 (and still raising) is well worth the protection they will get for it. However what if the proud new owner of this vampire killing set does exactly what it says on the box. Goes on a vampire killing spree. Now I think if they are willing to buy a vampire killing set for $150 then they may be slightly less than stable. Do we want a slighly less than stable brandishing around a 7" knife and 4 mini bombs.
Now I can see what's going to be in the news in the next few weeks. Some pale geeky teenager from a place no ones ever heard about is going to decide that he has had enough of these terrorising vampires. He will go out into the street and start stabbing anyone with slightly pointy incisors. You have been warned.
So on a goodbye note from the seller of this piece.
GOD BLESS AND HAPPY VAMPIRE HUNTING
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
cool
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But..I'VE got slightly pointy incisors.
Actually, they're more than slightly pointy. I'm some kind of genetic freak, according the dentist. Who, by the way, actually used the phrase 'genetic freak.'
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Link?
The +1 is for DeathJester's reply until I get a link.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You really should have put the eBay link in here.
You lost a mark because "Bitmaps make the baby Jeebus etc etc".
-Dave
Submitted by indigogecko (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok so the idea is a little crass... but the knife in there must be worth at least £50 on its own. It's pretty. :)
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-27 07:56:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
VON! VON LIDDLE POPPY SEED ON DE DOORSTEP!
TWO! TWO LIDDLE POPPY SEEDS ON DE DOORSTEP!
AH AH AH!
------------------
mwahahahha.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-27 07:56:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
VON! VON LIDDLE POPPY SEED ON DE DOORSTEP!
TWO! TWO LIDDLE POPPY SEEDS ON DE DOORSTEP!
AH AH AH!
--------------
That was it mate. That was the funniest thing you've ever said and will ever say again, it was brilliant mate. Brought tears to my eyes.
But that's it. You've peaked and it's all downhill from here.
Submitted by LaganGroup (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Makes you wonder what the 20th Century Vampire Killing Kit looked like.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Big deal.
I already have 3
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
VON! VON LIDDLE POPPY SEED ON DE DOORSTEP!
TWO! TWO LIDDLE POPPY SEEDS ON DE DOORSTEP!
AH AH AH! ]
---------------------------
ROFL!
/Ah! Ah! Ah!
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THERES ANOTHER ONE THAT'S UP TO £1425!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-27 07:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
VON! VON LIDDLE POPPY SEED ON DE DOORSTEP!
TWO! TWO LIDDLE POPPY SEEDS ON DE DOORSTEP!
AH AH AH!