Apologia: To Urbane Mischief (1522 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -1.31 on 67 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mister_Devious (View user info) at 2005-07-27 08:10:04 EDT
A few weeks ago Urbane referred to me as an Uberstalker and I got rather pissed off, not realizing that in the Uberworld, this is not a terrible thing. This a.m. I got her on the phone and had one of the funkiest chats I've had in a long time...this chick rocks beyond all rockage!
SO, I'm performing a citizen's annulment on my prior pissoff, proclaiming loudly to the world that YES, I will be an Uberstalker for Urbane, and my fondest hope is that someday I can meet her so I can fling myself to the ground before her and lick her shoes, boots, flip-flops, or whatever kind of footwear she has on that day. Or suck her toes--I've been told I'm rather good at that. Incidentally, I *did* try to convince her to start a cult, so she may be looking for converts soon.
Whip me, beat me, tape me to the floor and drool on me,
MrDVS
PS: This pathetic attempt to gain Urbane's favor/attention/love/orifices in no way emasculates me...I am still master of my domain!
Picture = Google search for "penitent"
User Reviews
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2005-07-28 16:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yechh.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-28 09:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
<cue Vonage commercial song>
Yeah!
Wa hoo
Wa ha hoo
People do stupid things
Wa hoo
Wa ha hoo
Like paying too much for phone service
Wa hooo, wa hoooo
Wa hoo wa ha hoo
Or posting shit like this!
Wa hooo, wa hoooo
Wa hoo wa ha hoo
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-07-28 07:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh for fucks sake
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2005-07-28 06:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-07-28 06:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
<runs away from the GayAids>
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-07-28 02:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG YOU ARE SO SORRY AND A STALKER AND ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME!!!!!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-07-28 02:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Grow some balls for Godsake.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Give me a fucking break.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 15:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:07:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
THOSE ARE MY SOUR PATCH KIDS YOU FILTHY REDNECK!
-----------------------
Nope. They are being held for ransom.
Redneck?
Between the two of us, who carries a pocket knife? Who crushes beer cans on their head? Who drinks Marlboro reds and drinks Jack Daniels?
"Hello pot, this is the kettle calling......"
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-27 14:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:06:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
HOW WERE YOU THE FASTEST SPERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-------------------
Ahahahahahaha
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
who are you again?
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-07-27 13:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
internet grabass auto -2
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet you have 2 vaginas, you're such a pussy.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:21:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
George, I have zero intention of going after you.
Also, people do know i have issues, the ones that take the time to really know me look past it because I do have good qualities.
***
BAHAHAHA
There should've been two more periods followed by, "I just haven't discovered them or shown them to anyone yet."
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
varitek is god compared to A-Rod. You have shit for taste. It's okay though... we understand that you're a hillbilly and can't help yourself
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey guess what, yesterday I spoke with approximately 20 people on the phone.
Cool eh?
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 12:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THOSE ARE MY SOUR PATCH KIDS YOU FILTHY REDNECK!
hand em over
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:14:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Toby, you know me well enough to know the kind of conversation my chatting would involve...
"what the fuck, man!? A-Rod is a fucking little bitch. wait... what? you disagree with me? SCREW YOU AND SCREW YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! awww... rocky is so cute...c'mere rocky, have a tummy rub... mmm sour patch kids... fucking stupid ass hippie bastard"
-------------------
I did not define the structure of the conversation. I know what it would consist of, but the masses would still "risk it" to endulge in such a verbal exchange with you. I, myself would simply wait in the back of the line for all the over eager followers to die off on your front lawn and then simply stroll over.
A-Rod is not a bitch, he merely appears to be one because he stands next to Jeter. Anyone would be less manly in such company. Now, were he next to Varitek, he would look like a Greek god. sour patch kids candy is awful, I have like a five pound bag I bought for some reason or another and I can't eat it.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
>Meh, maybe the Blair Witch will get him...
Based on the movie, I really don't think a true "witch" was involved, but still, there's something scary-ass lurking in the woods and it ain't me. The second movie sucked, and as far as I've heard they're not going to shoot for a third. (Although "Blair Witch vs. The Deadites" has a nice ring to it.)
-------------------
Obviously you are not a true Urbane stalker or you would understand where this came from. Now, please go away and come back when you feel like putting more effort into it. Thank you....
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
and?
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I'm +2ing myself; why the feck not?
>*looks down* today it's flip flops... but i don't like my feet being touched. How about you light my cigarette for me instead?
DVS flicks his Bic for Urbane
>Do you not have a ball anywhere on your body???? Besides that...SHE'S MINE MOTHERFUCKER!!
DVS flicks his +9 Flamethrower of Donkey Smiting and torches swamp_donkey. Mmmm, crunchy swamp donkey. Unless she sends me a picture of her ass with "Property of swamp_donkey" tattooed on it, I don't give a rat's ass what you claim. And yes, I have FOUR balls on my body: the normal two, and the conjoined fetal twin growing out of my head also has a fully-developed nutsack. Although I'm not sure if those qualify as "mine."
>MrDVS, first cult meeting is tonight in the woods behind my house. you bring the kool aid (preferably tropical punch)... i'll bring Bart-Bart's head on a stick
Good, I know an excellent spot (having been hiding in said woods for a couple of weeks now). I'll stick to Red Bull and coffee, myself, but plenty of non-Jonestown tropical punch will be available. You can't kill off the cult members on the first night; you have to give them time to fork over all their worldly belongings, attract new members, and engage in bizarre sex rituals first.
>Meh, maybe the Blair Witch will get him...
Based on the movie, I really don't think a true "witch" was involved, but still, there's something scary-ass lurking in the woods and it ain't me. The second movie sucked, and as far as I've heard they're not going to shoot for a third. (Although "Blair Witch vs. The Deadites" has a nice ring to it.)
>suck my bloody tampon and have a nice day, cunt
Non-Goth tampon joke:
Q: How to you put out a flaming Kotex?
A: Tampon it!
>Take my advice and head for the unmedicated hills, my ignorant friend. She's a fucking basket case.
As I told Urbane this morning, I LIVE in the medicated hills, along with several fucking MILLION other people. And speaking of ignorance, how the feck do you know how messed up someone is based on their net postings? They're hardly a litmus test for sanity (find me ONE sane user here, I dare you). Even if Urbane is mental, how do you know I'm not worse? Maybe someone should be warning her about me! Hell, maybe someone should be warning her and me about YOU. Or perhaps you can take your advice and shove it up your arse.
>you fuckin pussy. why would you apologise to someone on a fucking website? particularly a girl. they dont know shit, and get all uppity because theres one of them for every 3000 dudes, so they think they can make with the smartmouthing cos theres a line of lonely geeks out there stroking to their blurry camwhoring.
You have a pickup truck with a Confederate flag, gun rack, and those nudie-silhouette mud flaps, don't you? And I was NOT stroking about Urbane at any time today, although when we were chatting, a little pre-come *did* dribble down my leg.
>A little ticklish are we? You turned down that fetish real quick...
Not a fetish, just a talent. I'm also a good armpit-licker.
Chivalric, perverted, and amazed at how fucking touchy people can be,
MrDVS
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:06:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
HOW WERE YOU THE FASTEST SPERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
----------------------
+2 for this
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Toby, you know me well enough to know the kind of conversation my chatting would involve...
"what the fuck, man!? A-Rod is a fucking little bitch. wait... what? you disagree with me? SCREW YOU AND SCREW YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! awww... rocky is so cute...c'mere rocky, have a tummy rub... mmm sour patch kids... fucking stupid ass hippie bastard"
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Val, if you offered the kool-aid with a disclaimer that said.....
"The liquid in these cups contains various types of poison, snake/spider/scorpionvenom, and garlic! It will kill 99.99999 percent of those that come within 30 feet of it and breathe deeply! However, I will smile at and chat for 10 minutes with anyone who is able to drink a full cup and doesn't fall over dead immediately."
......The line would be 7 wide and a hundred deep. Riots would break out in the back of the lines because they couldn't get up there quickly enough to drink it.
How does it feel to be worshipped by the masses?
I mean that in a complimentary way, dear.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-27 11:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HOW WERE YOU THE FASTEST SPERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:25:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:23:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
MrDVS, first cult meeting is tonight in the woods behind my house.
--------------------------------
Ummm, but you're afraid of those woods?
Meh, maybe the Blair Witch will get him and all the other people throwing themselves at you with +2's on all the no content posts and Uber can get back on it's feet again. Good plan!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
goddamnit Toby! now nobody will go and drink the kool-aid while i sit in my bedroom, looking out the window while i point and laugh. Thanks!
and Vulv... this post is really pissing you off, huh?
get your ass on aim
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:43:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't worry, i know you were kidding... you just have one those senses of humor you need to develop a taste for.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK, Bart. Please remove this post from the site. It irritates me that we have to have one of these exact posts everyday under a new title!
Shut up for fucks sake!
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:23:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
MrDVS, first cult meeting is tonight in the woods behind my house.
--------------------------------
Ummm, but you're afraid of those woods?
Meh, maybe the Blair Witch will get him and all the other people throwing themselves at you with +2's on all the no content posts and Uber can get back on it's feet again. Good plan!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wtf?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So much for a fun, light day on Uber...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh my christ you gotta be kidding me.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah urbane, here was me thinking you were one of them 'cool' chicks that can get jokes. come ON, surely you can see i was kidding. of all the things i claim to rule at, subtlety isnt one of them. dont let me add that to the pile also...
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
previous reply is on wrong post. we apologise for this technical problem. regular programming will be back in just a moment.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:47:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah well, everything i said was a cunning ruse to get you to notice me. now you replied im going to masturbate furiously to the surfeit of pictures you have posted in your tenure here, warm and horny in the knowledge that you know i exist.
a girl knows i exist!
just so you know, i have drawn a bullsye target on your face, with the centre on your left eye. if you get a stinging sensation in that eye in 3...2...1... thats me and my voodoo skills fucking with you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
okay, you read into my response WAY too much.
bitter much?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the thing people dont get with this site, badassmofo, is that there really is NO SUCH THING AS A NOOB on ubersite. all you have to do is saying something not idiotic, or if you do, say it in an entertaining way, and you are equally important as everyone else.
i think that your idea for UM selection is a good one. having been a previous #1 seed, and #2 seed and enjoyed the benefits of auto selection etc, i completely agree that EVERYONE should have to submit an anonymous piece of work and have it end up with a decent rating. however, geting that to work might be pretty difficult...
Submitted by chillboy (user info) at 2005-07-27 10:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:12:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for sucking up
*looks down* today it's flip flops... but i don't like my feet being touched. How about you light my cigarette for me instead?
A little ticklish are we? You turned down that fetish real quick....and you owe me a Jack-n-Coke *rain check it*
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah well, everything i said was a cunning ruse to get you to notice me. now you replied im going to masturbate furiously to the surfeit of pictures you have posted in your tenure here, warm and horny in the knowledge that you know i exist.
a girl knows i exist!
just so you know, i have drawn a bullsye target on your face, with the centre on your left eye. if you get a stinging sensation in that eye in 3...2...1... thats me and my voodoo skills fucking with you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry. Don't give a fuck.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fyi - i really don't like the arguing on back and forth. i do have a tendency to not back down and defend myself though. the thing with AJ was actually upset me. I don't like being attacked and i prefer not to attack others. i only air personal laundry when others air mine/attack me when uncalled for
that's it on that topic.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:16:48 (#)
Ranking: -2
Another sucker takes the bait. Shame.
Take my advice and head for the unmedicated hills, my ignorant friend. She's a fucking basket case.
Oh, and Urbane, fuck you, don't turn this into another personal Mystia-style shit talking fest like I know you're dying to.
You don't have to like me, since I clearly don't like you, but you really don't want to butt heads with me. I haven't aired your dirty fucking laundry in public as you love to do with other people's personal info, but if you say one fucking word here, I will.
Trust me. It'll get real fucking ugly. I don't hold punches. Do yourself a favor and keep your fat mouth shut.
---------------------
Look out Ashton Kutcher! Someone just got PUNK'D!
*turns hat around backwards and shit*
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:34:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
you fuckin pussy. why would you apologise to someone on a fucking website? particularly a girl. they dont know shit, and get all uppity because theres one of them for every 3000 dudes, so they think they can make with the smartmouthing cos theres a line of lonely geeks out there stroking to their blurry camwhoring.
stop being hyp-mo-tised by e-vagina, guys. its time this bullshit with the ladies stops. its time we put them back in their goddamn place. unless theyve all got those new 'internet refridgerators', i dont see how they can all be online. i dont know exactly what we can do to stop them, but it starts with you all getting girlfriends or at least blowjobs. we can build from there.
------------------------------------------
this actually made me smile. i may not love his opinion... but i like seeing opinionated people
+2 for that
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:35:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Amen, brotha
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you fuckin pussy. why would you apologise to someone on a fucking website? particularly a girl. they dont know shit, and get all uppity because theres one of them for every 3000 dudes, so they think they can make with the smartmouthing cos theres a line of lonely geeks out there stroking to their blurry camwhoring.
stop being hyp-mo-tised by e-vagina, guys. its time this bullshit with the ladies stops. its time we put them back in their goddamn place. unless theyve all got those new 'internet refridgerators', i dont see how they can all be online. i dont know exactly what we can do to stop them, but it starts with you all getting girlfriends or at least blowjobs. we can build from there.
Submitted by entrophize (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"The penitent man kneels before the word of God"
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
George, I have zero intention of going after you.
Also, people do know i have issues, the ones that take the time to really know me look past it because I do have good qualities.
I don't quite know what I did to you to make you despise me. I'm honestly quite confused by it. Please e-mail me and fill me in urbanemischief.at.gmail.com
I have no intention of making this a bitch-fest.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
Ill let method take over. hes much better at it
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
actually I know why - Ive been giving you shit for the last few weeks.
Ill stop now
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Another sucker takes the bait. Shame.
Take my advice and head for the unmedicated hills, my ignorant friend. She's a fucking basket case.
Oh, and Urbane, fuck you, don't turn this into another personal Mystia-style shit talking fest like I know you're dying to.
You don't have to like me, since I clearly don't like you, but you really don't want to butt heads with me. I haven't aired your dirty fucking laundry in public as you love to do with other people's personal info, but if you say one fucking word here, I will.
Trust me. It'll get real fucking ugly. I don't hold punches. Do yourself a favor and keep your fat mouth shut.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
<clears throat>
Loudly proclaims: "Nice try, but...NO"
-1Passout
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like Urbane.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-27 09:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm glad you are aplogising. the -2 is for the picture it made me feel poorly.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually? i never had a real problem with you before. I didn't care either way... then you started verbally attacking me all over the place... now i find you pathetic
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What is it that annoyed you about me Urbane ?
I can't understand why you don't like me
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:31:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
suck my bloody tampon and have a nice day, cunt
-----------------
Mmmmmmm....goth tea.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hairy_coo... you may notice by all the fights I pick that I don't really give a shit.
you for instance? I wouldn't even wipe my ass with you, you annoy me that much.
suck my bloody tampon and have a nice day, cunt
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
she tries too hard to make people like her
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MrDVS, first cult meeting is tonight in the woods behind my house.
you bring the kool aid (preferably tropical punch)... i'll bring Bart-Bart's head on a stick
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Do you not have a ball anywhere on your body????
Besides that...
SHE'S MINE MOTHERFUCKER!!
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah, your Dad is pretty wild too *wink*
jesus, i need to stop right now
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My Dad says my Mum is wild
Good guess
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:14:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
She is wild, that is for sure
----------------------------------------------------------
wild like YOUR MOM hehe *breaks into a fit of giggles*
mmmm blueberry muffin and coffee coolatta
don't mind me, i smoke rock
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
boo hoo
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She is wild, that is for sure
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i still wake up to prank calls on my voicemail almost daily due to that time i posted my phone number
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-27 08:12:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for sucking up
*looks down* today it's flip flops... but i don't like my feet being touched. How about you light my cigarette for me instead?